


It's Not Always So Easy

by ButITry



Category: Original Work
Genre: BoyxBoy, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Drinking, Drugs, Gay, High School, Love, M/M, Piercings, Punk, Real Life, Romance, Teenager, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2018-12-23 09:42:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 110,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11987214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButITry/pseuds/ButITry
Summary: Liam Kaminski is a 16 year old boy living in a small town in south central Pennsylvania. He has a tight knit group of misfit friends, and everything in his life seems to be moving forward in a steady path. Little does he know he is soon up for a rude awakening. One person becomes an important part of his life, in more ways than he would have ever imagined. This person teaches him that life isn't always so straight forward. Life isn't always as easy as it seems.





	1. September

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if anybody will read this on here, but whatever. I'll give it a shot! I have been writing this new story of mine for a while now, and I actually have an ending in mind. Yay! But anyways... I wanted to begin by saying I don't own any of the bands, alcohol, places, or anything mentioned in my story. I wanted this to be realistic and brutally honest... and honestly- teenagers are assholes! I've been there, I know! 
> 
> There will be mild racial jokes through out the story, seeing as one of the main characters is hispanic. I'm not racist, and they really aren't offensive in my mind.. but with the way things have been going lately, I felt the need to say something. It's all in fun and to keep my characters real. If you are easily offended, you probably shouldn't read any of my stories. There will be swearing, sex, drinking, and drugs in this story. I hope if any of you guys read this you enjoy it, though! I've been going through a lot recently, and it's really helped me out. I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed creating it! :)

I walked down the school hallway, glancing around as I made my way through the different groups of teenagers to find my friends. Thank god it was Friday. I had plans that night... plans that made Friday nights even more easy to look forward to. I didn't share the last class of the day with any of my friends, unfortunately. I knew we were meeting out front of the school, but I figured I would look as I walked anyways.

"Yo, Kaminski!" I suddenly heard my last name being called from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Rhett, my best friend at the time, waving to me from behind a group of preppy looking girls. They were taking up the whole width of the hall; it was pretty obnoxious. He stuck out like a sore thumb next to them. His bleach blonde hair was unkempt, and his skater apparel was far from what the girls were wearing. His hazel eyes darted between the girls as he attempted to squeeze past them. I stopped walking once I noticed that his method wasn't working and waited for them to pass so I could walk with my friend.

"What's up?" I asked with a smile, glancing one last time at the group of girls.

"Nothing, that was fucking boring," He complained as we walked towards the front of the school. "I can't stand my fucking classes."

"Well, you better get used to it. School only started a few weeks ago," I grumbled. I hated school. It was a struggle to wake up every morning and find the motivation to go. Somehow I managed. Rhett was in 11th grade, where I was only in 10th. I was jealous of that. For whatever reason, my mom had started me and my sister in school a year late. If she hadn't done that, I would have one less year to deal with.

"I know.. I don't even wanna think about it," He sighed. "So are you ready for tonight?" He changed the subject abruptly, a smile forming on his face. My stomach warmed with excitement at the thought. We were going to our friend Brody's house to drink, as we so often did. His family situation was odd. His dad was an alcoholic who didn't give a shit if we partied at his house, and would usually buy us alcohol. Hell, he would even drink with us on certain nights! Unlucky for Brody to have to live with him, but lucky for everybody else to have a place to drink.

"Hell yeah!" I replied, smiling as well. "Do you know who's gonna be there?" I had an idea of who might be there, but I wasn't completely sure. He nooded after a second of thought.

"Uuuuh, well, I know Felix is going for sure. Lillian. Is Jay going?" He asked, frowning slightly. Jayla was my sister, who I was extremely close with. If it weren't for her I would have never gotten into the punk scene and I probably wouldn't have as many friends. I would probably be a fucking loser who stayed home every night if it weren't for her.

"Should be. I convinced Olive to come, too." Olive. My sweet Olive. She was my girlfriend. My first serious relationship. She was beautiful, had a great personality, and was smart. I felt like the luckiest guy to be with her. I never understood why she liked me. I always felt average... I wasn't too muscular, I was pale, my eyes were a boring green, and I never had anything interesting to say. Maybe she liked me because of my dyed red hair, or my snake bite piercings, or maybe because I was 6 foot tall...? "That bitch is our ride, anyways. So she better be fucking coming!" I laughed, referring to my sister. We finally made it out the front doors of the school. It was hot out for September. We didn't need sweatshirts. But then again, south central Pennsylvania was always weird like that. Some years, fall would come early and some years it still felt like summer in October.

"Looks like you can ask her," Rhett said casually, pointing up. I looked at where his finger led to to see my sister standing a few paces in front of us. She had her hand resting on her cocked hip, talking to some guy I'd never seen before. There was a sleazy smile on her face and she moved her other hand up to playfully tap him on the arm. I rolled my eyes. Jayla was known around the school to be sort of a slut. I understood why guys would like her, though. She was a really small girl, only 5.2' and one hundred fifteen pounds, but she had a body. Many of my friends and acquaintances liked to remind me of what a 'sweet ass' she had. It was always somewhat disturbing to me, obviously, since we were best friends and siblings. As many of us did, she also had quite a few facial piercings. She had a stud in her nostril, her eye brow, a middle lip ring, and another lip ring to the right side of her mouth. I definitely found that a certain type of guy was into all that shit...

"Jay!" I called as we got closer. She turned her head, her blue eyes focusing on me. She grinned and turned back to the guy standing in front of her.

"Hey, I'll catch you later, alright?" She said and bit her bottom lip on the opposing side of her two lip piercings. God, how did guys eat that shit up? He looked like an intact dog that had caught wind of a bitch in heat. I swear to god his mouth was about to water.

"Okay, sweetheart." He gave her one last longing look before she turned on her heels and walked over to us. Her shoulder length dyed white hair was pulled into a ponytail, some strands framing her face and her bangs, which were dyed black, left down.

"The fuck is that?" I pointed to the guy who had turned and started walking away. Jayla glanced over her shoulder at him.

"Oh... Jackson?" She asked, sounding slightly distant. "He's been pretty much obsessing over me since school started. He's in my sculpture class," She explained, sounding proud, a crooked grin on her face.

"She's a man eater!" Rhett sang, quite poorly I might add, and laughed to himself. "You tryna go for number twenty eight?"

"Shut up," Jayla said inexpressively before turning to me. "You ready?" Of course I was ready to get away from this shithole! Before I could answer she turned and started walking towards the parking lot.

"Yeah, but hey-" I began, jogging quickly to catch up to her. "Are you going to Brody's tonight?"

"Mmmm... Brody." She looked like she was in deep thought for a moment, a small smile on her face. "Yeah, I'll go. " Rhett and I exchanged relieved looks. "What time?" She asked.

"I'm not sure... maybe 7:00 or 8:00? You know, it's pretty much whenever people show up," I told her. That's how it had always been.

"Could you give me a ride, too?" Rhett asked quickly. Jayla rolled her eyes.

"Oh my god, Rhett!" She groaned. "You only live like two fuckin' blocks away from him, why can't you walk?" He gaped at her.

"I do not!" He retorted. He definitely did not. He had lived two blocks from him before he moved out of Lititz. Brody's house was located on the outskirts of Manheim, down a long back road. There were only houses on that road, no companies or stores, so it was the perfect place to party. It was also pretty easy to get to from where we lived, only took ten minutes at most. Rhett and I both lived in the town of Lititz, but on opposite ends from each other.

"Oh, fine, fine..," She waved him off with a playful smile. We finally arrived to her grey Jetta and she leaned against it. "So pick you up at 7:00, 7:30?" She asked, crossing her arms loosely. Rhett nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I guess I'll see you guys-" But he was suddenly cut off by my rude sister.

"Wait, is Felix the Cat going to be there?" She scoffed, crinkling her nose up in disgust. I couldn't help but snicker to myself.

"Yeah, why? Don't you wanna go anymore? 'Cause that's gonna annoy the piss outta me," I growled.

"No! It's just... he's... well, you know," She trailed off, kicking gravel out from under her shoe. Felix met us all through Brody, as they went to the same school. About six months earlier Felix and Jayla became pretty close. They were spending lots of time together, and I also got to know him pretty well. But... Jayla got played, for once. The situation was strange. He suddenly cut things off and started seeing a different girl. I don't think she ever really got over it, not because she was madly in love with him or anything like that. I think it was because Jayla was never the one getting dumped; Jayla was always the one doing the dumping. But not that time.

"So are you picking me up or not?" Rhett sighed, also visibly annoyed by her resentment towards our friend.

"Yeah, whatever. I wanna drink tonight," She said quickly before moving to get into her car. "Bye!" She shut the door behind her. Rhett laughed softly, shaking his head at my slightly outlandish sister.

"Alright, see ya later, Liam." We waved good bye and he headed off towards the street to walk home. He only lived a couple blocks away from the school. I got in the passenger's side and noticed Jayla was pulling out a cigarette.

"Want one?" She asked. I nodded, reaching my hand out to take one from her. It was really shitty having to go all seven hours at school without one. We both lit them, even though you were not technically allowed to smoke on school property. Who fucking cared. With that she started the car and backed out of her parking spot. The Misfits were playing loudly on the stereo. Static Age. It was such a good album.

It didn't take very long to get home, about seven to ten minutes because of traffic, which was crazy since we only lived a couple miles from the school. We had to go through the square and down main street, though, to get home. So that definitely took some time. Lititz was a popular little down, and there was heavy traffic from three o'clock to about six o'clock every day. That was definitely my least favorite thing about it. That and the hipsters... oh the hipsters...

We were soon approaching the familiar church that was directly across the street from our home. The owners of the church allowed everybody who loved across the road to park their cars in the parking lot, which came in very handy. Our street was narrow, and it always seemed like there were more cars parked around than there were people who lived in the houses. Our block consisted of a row of townhouses connected together. We did have a walk way to our back yard from the front, so we weren't connected completely to both our neighbors.

Jayla parked in her usual spot under a small tree that looked on the verge of death. Probably why nobody else parked under it.. The leaves that were left were beginning to turn orange and yellow, which I was more than happy to see. We got out of the car and walked across the road quickly. She entered our townhouse before I did and we were immediately greeted by our three year old Great Dane, Titus. I had wanted to name him after somebody from one of my favorite video game series, Final Fantasy. Everybody seemed to like Titus, so it kind of stuck.

The way our house was set up was you entered the front door into a small room where we kept bookshelves and a spare couch, and there was a wide archway that led to the actual living room where we had our TV and the usual stuff like that. From the living room, you took a step down into the open spaced kitchen. We had a little back room, where we kept our litter boxes and other neglected items, that led to the back yard. The stairs leading to our second floor were just to the right when you entered the kitchen. Directly at the top of the stairs was our only bathroom, and to the right and back was a skinny hallway connecting to our three rooms. My bedroom was at the far end of the hall, towards the back of the house. There was an attic attached to my room as well. We would sometimes go up to the attic to smoke and drink, it was fully carpeted and everything. We also had a creepy, spider filled basement that I tried to avoid.

Titus jumped up, smashing his huge paws into my stomach, sending a ripple of pain through me. "Ow! Down, bud!" I ordered, laughing slightly. Jayla had managed to sneak by while he was obsessing over me. He turned and ran into the living room, grabbing one of his stuffed toys to show me, his tail wagging quickly. I gave his slick, black coat some pets once he stopped jumping up on me before walking into the living room.

Jayla was in the kitchen, staring into the refrigerator. "Fuck I'm hungry!" She complained as she pulled out some lunch meat. I sat down at the small, round table we had sitting in the corner of the kitchen. Our kitchen was very open with plenty of space. I heard footsteps from the hallway upstairs.

"You guys home?" I my mom called from upstairs.

"No, we're robbers!" Jayla called sarcastically at the same time I replied with a 'yeah'. She was soon walking down the steps. She had on a pair of scrubs and I wondered if she had just gotten off of work or if she was just heading in. She worked at a local veterinary emergency clinic as a certified veterinary technician. Her brown hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her green eyes looking tired.

"Heading to work?" I asked. She sighed and shook her head.

"Not yet, thank god." She sat down in the seat beside me. "I go in at six. Working a twelve hour shift tonight. I just live in my scrubs," She laughed. I curled my lip slightly at the thought. I would never want to work the hours she did. Overnight wouldn't be an issue. It's the night to day shifts that would bother me. Some weeks she would go three days in a row working nights and then all of the sudden they would expect her to get off at eight in the morning and be back in by twelve in the afternoon. Luckily we didn't live far. But seriously, how could they expect that from anybody? She would often have conversations with me, saying 'I love working in veterinary medicine. But sometimes I feel like this job is making me lose all of my compassion for my clients and patients.' She was often in a horrible mood, and I couldn't blame her. She did an excellent job of not taking any of her emotions our on Jay and I, though.

"Look, Liam!" Jayla suddenly shoved her turkey sandwich in my face, the smell quickly filling my nose. I grimaced and backed away. I didn't eat meat, and she loved to poke fun at me about it. I ate fish on occasion, but not anything else. It had been that way for several years... not because I thought it was cool, trendy or anything like that. I just didn't like meat and it made me feel disgusting! "Turkey!" She laughed, wiggling the disgusting sandwich right in front of me.

"Knock it off!" I growled, smacking her wrist out of the way which sent some mustard falling to the floor. Titus was quickly on it, licking it off the linoleum.

"Jayla, stop torturing your brother!" My mom scolded halfheartedly, rolling her eyes. Jayla shrugged and took a bite of her sandwich.

"Just sayin', you don't know what you're missing!" She walked into the living room. I shook my head, not missing the taste of turkey at all.

"So what are you guys doing tonight?" Mom asked, rubbing Titus's ears, who now had his big head resting in her lap.

"We're gonna go over to Brody's," I told her, practically waiting for a small lecture. She knew we drank, and she certainly knew what it meant when we were going to Brody's house. She wasn't 100% okay with it, but as long as we were safe about it she was happy. I think she felt the need to lecture us every once in a while for her own sake. Surely if anybody found out that she knew they would be highly judgmental.

"Jay driving?" She asked, glancing over at me. I nodded. "She'd better not be driving home tonight."

"No, we're gonna stay." I looked down at my hands. They were dry and cracking and it wasn't even cold out..

"Good. Be careful, okay?" I nodded in response. "I worry about you guys."

"We'll be fine, Mom," I assured her, smiling over at her. "Really. You don't need to worry." She grinned back and nodded.  


"Okay, Liam.. You should eat something before you go!" She stood up. "I'm going to go take a nap." She yawned.  


"Alright, rest well," I said dismissively.  


"Have fun, Jay!" She called to my sister as she walked up the stairs.  


"I will!" She answered, her mouth sounding full of disgusting food. I really hoped it would be fun. But why wouldn't it?

<<>>  


We were greeted by the oh so familiar scent of cigarettes, weed, and whiskey as we entered Brody's basement. His front door lead into the basement, with the stair case to the remainder of the house directly ahead when you stepped in. "Hey, Brode!" Jayla greeted happily as she ran down the couple steps to the ground floor and hugged her best friend. His short, green mohawk was down that night; which I was finding to be the normal for him. He was around my height, maybe a bit shorter, but had a decent amount more muscle than I did. He lifted her off the ground briefly, both of them laughing. Brody and Jayla had always been close ever since I could remember. When they both entered highschool, he had moved to Manheim Central School district. He had to change schools, obviously. Before Jayla got her license she hardly ever got to see him. She was always very excited when they saw each other.

I glanced around the room to see Lexie, Brody's girlfriend, sitting on the couch casting a terribly resentful look at my sister and her boyfriend. Her black hair was resting down, her bangs clipped to the side out of her face. I'm pretty sure she'd been jealous of Jay ever since the day she met her. I didn't understand why... it wasn't like there was anything going on between the two of them. She noticed me looking at her and quickly averted her cold blue eyes to the floor. Sitting a few seats down from her was Felix. 

His brown eyes were fixed on me and when I noticed him a grin spread over his face. His hand went up in a small wave. I waved back and walked over to him, noticing he had a bottle of something resting between his feet.

Felix's somewhat curly, bright blue hair was peaking out ever so slightly from a dark red beanie on his head; he was wearing a Clutch t-shirt that I was always particularly fond of, and some dark green pants. He always wore similar attire when I saw him. But then again, we all kinda had the same style. No matter what he dyed his hair, it always seemed to pop so well against his beige skin. It made me somewhat jealous. I thought I would forever be stuck with red against my pastey, white tone. "What's up?" He asked, reaching down to grab the bottle. It was old crow. _Oh, god dammit._ I hated old crow, but it was not uncommon for Brody's dad to purchase cheap ass liquor for us.

"Nothing much, how about you?" I asked casually. He bit onto the ring resting in the center of his lip and shrugged after looking to be thinking for a moment.

"I would have to say the same." He put the bottle up to his mouth and took a sip after he was done speaking. He must have noticed the disdain on my face because he laughed and gestured to the bottle. "Don't like this?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No, but beggars can't be choosers, right?" I grinned and he nodded.

"Indeed," He said, wiped his mouth, and handed the bottle to me. I grabbed it and took a seat on the couch next to him. I sighed, trying to prepare myself for the disgusting taste, and took a swig. I grimaced and handed it back to him immediately. God it was disgusting! "Where's your girl?" He asked. I shrugged and glanced around. The only people I saw were Rhett, Jayla, Brody, and Lexie. Brody's dad must have been passed out drunk.

"I guess she's coming with Lillian," I told him, not concerned with when she arrived. I felt somebody sit down to the other side of me and looked to see it was Rhett.

"Hey, man," He greeted Felix. Felix nodded to him and passed over the bottle. His expression pretty much matched mine and I couldn't help but laugh. Felix had a knowing grin on his face and he shrugged a shoulder.

"Hasn't been the group favorite tonight," He laughed.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed with us sitting there, bullshitting with each other, when Lillian and Olive arrived. I looked at the door to meet my girlfriend's deep blue eyes. She was so beautiful. She had bleach blonde, shoulder length hair with pink bangs. Her facial structure was very feminine and her body was pretty petite being that she was only five four. We always looked funny next to each other due to my height... but then again, Jayla looked even more ridiculous with how short she was. She smiled as soon as she saw me, and immediately bounced over to where I was. She sat down fluently in my lap, her arms draped around my neck. I held my arm around her waist, pulling her up to keep her from falling back in Rhett's lap.

"Hey, babe!" She greeted loudly. I widened my eyes, studying her face briefly. It didn't take long at all for me to realize she'd already been drinking.

"What did you have before you got here?" I asked, snickering slightly.

"Your fuckin' girlfriend drank a shit load of vodka!" Lillian called from beside me somewhere. I glanced over to see she had taken a seat next to Rhett, who looked fairly amused.

"Did you now!" I teased. She stifled laughter, letting her hands drop to her sides heavily, smacking Rhett's leg as she did. She laughed, shaking her head.

"Pssshhh, no!" She objected, waving her hand carelessly. Rhett and I exchanged glances, while Lillian was mouthing 'fucking liar' to me. I couldn't help but laugh at this. She drank, but she wasn't the biggest drinker in the bunch. Every now and again she would get pretty fucked up, though. I didn't always enjoy those nights.. She could get emotional rather quickly. My eyes shifted to the other side of me to look at Felix. He had an expression I couldn't quite place on his face- annoyance maybe? That's when I realized Olive had one of her legs draped over his lap. I snorted with laughter.

"Olive! Get off of Felix." I tapped her leg.

"What?" She asked obliviously before noticing how she was splayed out. "OH!" She went into a fit of laughter before sitting up in my lap more. She leaned close to him, seeming very unsteady in her seat. "Sorry- I'm sorry!" Her voice was an exaggerated whisper as she spoke. He shook his head, looking amused once more.

"No, it's no big deal!" He assured her. A huge smile formed on her lips and she nodded.

"Well, good! Whatcha got there?" She slurred, tapping her finger roughly against the bottle of Old Crow. I peered over at Rhett, my eyes wide. I had a feeling I would be babysitting tonight.. maybe I could pass her off to Lillian.

"Some grade A whiskey. Would ya like some?" A devious smile formed on Felix's face before he shoved the bottle in Olive's hands.

"Awwww, yeah!" She drunkenly cheered before untwisting the cap. "Dis dat good shit, yo!" I nearly gaped as she spoke.

"How much vodka did she drink?" I hissed to Lillian. She shrugged her shoulders, her brown eyes wide. I could hear Felix laughing loudly beside me, not even trying to hide his amusement in the slightest.

"Wait!" She suddenly exclaimed, causing my attention to turn back towards her. "Felix. Take a shot with me!" She grabbed onto his wrist before stumbling off my lap. I was surprised when she pulled him up without falling backwards or anything.

"Alright, alright.. anyone else?" He called out. Rhett raised his hand slightly before standing as well. Felix's large, dark brown eyes met mine and he smiled, raising his eyebrows ever so slightly. "Liam...?" He asked slowly. I snickered and shook my head.

"I'll pass on this round," I declined.

"What!" Olive barked. "Come on, babe! Don't be a fucking... Party pooping mother fucker!"

"Yeah!" Rhett chimed in.

"Party pooping mother fucker..?" Lillian repeated.

"What the hell is happening over there?" Jayla suddenly asked, amusement heavy in her voice. I looked her at, hoping she could see the desperation in my eyes. I needed to get away from my drunk girlfriend, and she hadn't even been there for ten minutes.

"Liam is being a big ol' pussy!" Olive yelled. Jayla smiled widely at her and nodded.

"O-oh, is he?" She asked, sounding taken aback by how unreserved she was acting. Olive nodded quickly.

"Get him to take a shot!" She demanded, causing Jay to stifle her laughter loudly. I groaned and stood up.

"Alright, fine!" I caved in to her wishes. She clapped her hands together in glee before turning to Felix again.

"Pour them bitches out!" She squawked. I smacked my palm against my face and shook my head, unable to keep a grin off my face. It was funny, but at the same time, I knew I would need to deal with it later. She was undoubtedly going to vomit before the night was through.

There were a couple shot glasses sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch, and as if on queue, Brody came walking over with more. There was only one less for as many people as were there.

"Gee, Olive... I didn't realize you turned into a little gangster when you drank vodka," Felix snickered as he began pouring the whiskey into the shot glasses. "If I didn't know any better, I woulda _sworn_ you were drinking Hennessy!" God, he loved adding fire to the flames. She waved her hand to him and made a very loud 'psh' sound with her lips.

"You don't know nothin', then!" She barked before going into a fit of laughter.

"Oh my god...," I muttered under my breath. I didn't know whether to cringe or laugh. I suddenly felt an arm around me and looked to see Jayla grinning up at me.

"She is so fucked up...," She said quietly. I nodded, widening my eyes. Before I could say anything, Felix was handing me a shot. I took it, Jayla shifting herself so she wasn't leaning against me anymore.

"Jayla..," Felix said with a small grin as he handed her a shot glass as well. She cocked her head to the side and gave him a fake ass smile.

"Felix," She spat bitterly. He simply laughed and turned back to the shots. The tension between them was so heavy I felt like you could cut it. I got the feeling Jayla was the only bitter one. Felix didn't seem like he had any issue with her.  


Once everyone had a shot of the vile liquid in their hand, minus Felix who had the whole bottle, we raised our glasses. In almost the same rhythm, we all forced our shots down. I grimaced as the warm, disgusting whiskey went down my throat. I closed my eyes for a few moments, letting my stomach settle, before glancing at Felix. To my dismay, he was pouring another shot for my already wasted girlfriend. I took a few steps closer and held my shot glass out for him to fill. If she was going to be like that, I might as well get plastered too.

Felix grinned at me and happily filled mine before tapping the bottle head against it. We all took our shots and Olive let out a loud laugh.

"That shit is disgusting!" She complained, still sounding happy. I snickered, beginning to feel the familiar buzz. It didn't usually take too much for me to get drunk. I got drunk fast, but at the same time I could still drink a lot. There were some nights that I would drink almost a while fifth to myself... of course I would be totally obliterated, but still... I could do it.

I was hoping tonight would turn into one of those nights.

<<>>  


I'm not sure how much time passed, but I was having a good time. The whiskey ran out and all that was left was beer, but I was okay with that. I kept drinking, wanting to get drunk so that I could forget about my annoyingly wasted girlfriend. She was still awake, but I had a feeling she wouldn't remember any of what was happening.

"I love you, Li!" Olive drunkenly sputtered into my ear. I snickered and shook my head.

"I love you, too," I told her back. She was clinging onto me, and I was beginning to feel trapped. She gripped tightly onto my shirt as she swayed. I was holding onto my can of beer, trying to keep myself steady as to not spill it.

"I'm gonna go piss," She mumbled before letting go of me. I peered over as she stumbled towards the stairs to head for the bathroom. I breathed and sigh of relief and took a sip of my beer, shaking my head. It really wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't already been drunk when she'd arrived. I nearly jumped as a hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Come smoke a cigarette with me," Felix's voice rang in my ear. I looked over to see he had an amused look on his face. I nodded, glancing at where Olive had just disappeared.

"Sounds good," I breathed and we walked out the door quickly. We were greeted by comfortably cool air, especially compared to earlier in the day. I pulled out a cigarette and lit it before taking a seat on the porch step. Felix took a seat next to me, a beer held loosely in his hand as well. I took a deep drag of my cigarette, feeling relaxed almost immediately. It was dark, the stars out on full display since it was so clear.

"She's something else," Felix said quietly. I snorted with laughter and nodded.

"Yeah, dude.. She's being insane tonight," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. He nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"You havin' fun still?" He asked lightly. I nodded.

"Yeah, I am... I feel uptight saying this, but I kinda wish Olive weren't so fuckin' shitfaced," I admitted before taking a sip of my drink. Felix laughed and shrugged.

"Nah, man. If she expects you to take care of her, then it's not fair. You deserve to have fun, too..." He looked over at me, a crooked grin on his face. I was glad he understood how I felt. Getting annoyed when Olive got wasted always made me feel like a buzzkill. The door suddenly opened behind us. My stomach dropped immediately, but was relived when the loud voice of Jayla sounded through the quiet, night air.

"There you are!" She laughed. "The fuck you guys doin' out here?" She definitely sounded drunk.

"Oh- you know...," Felix began, an amused look on his face. "Having a romantic cigarette under the stars." I raised an eye brow at him and laughed.

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure," Jayla snorted dismissively. I heard the flick of a lighter and soon she was plopped down next to me, a cigarette between her fingers. "Olive was looking for you." Before I could stop myself, I groaned loudly.

"God dammit, what now!" I complained. Jay looked slightly taken aback.

"What's the matter?" She asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

"She's so fucking _annoying_!" I blurted out, the alcohol definitely adding to my indiscretion. "I can't fucking enjoy myself when she gets like this!" Jayla laughed loudly.

"Damn, Liam! Tell 'em!" She snickered, taking a drag of her cigarette. "She looked like she was beginning to feel nauseous the last time I saw her." _Oh great..._

"Well it's not my fault she drank so much," I muttered, taking another deep drag.

"Yeah, I know." Jayla nodded in acknowledgment. "I am _not_ jealous of you right now, that's for sure..." Felix stifled his laughter and she snapped her head over to scowl at him. "Hey! It's partially your fault for giving her so many fuckin' shots!" She growled. Felix simply shrugged, a smile on his face.

"I just want people to have a good time, what can I say?" He replied, not seeming bothered by her anger in the slightest as he took a swig of his beer. I took a large swig of mine as well, determined to get more drunk than I already was.

"Well...," She sighed, rolling her eyes at him. "Hopefully she'll fall asleep soon. Then you won't have to worry about it."

"Fuck, I hope so," I laughed, peering up at the sky. "Maybe we should just stay out here until it's safe to go back in."

"Don't you wanna go hold her hair back for her?" Felix asked sarcastically, nudging his elbow into my arm.

"Please, Liam is not that much of a gentleman!" Jayla jeered.

"Hey!" I protested, but she only continued.

"You would think since he grew up with his oh-so-lovely sister, he would be! But he's really not.." There was a pause, and Felix and I exchanged amused glances. I knew we were both thinking the same thing.

"Well...," He began, a smirk creeping over his face. "You're not exactly the most lady like... and your ideas of being a gentleman really aren't the most conventional..." Jayla shot him a scowl and rolled her eyes.

"I know that!" She snapped. "I was joking." She stared at him, resentment in her eyes. I couldn't help but snicker to myself. Felix looked content as he took a drag of his cigarette.

It didn't take much longer for us all to finish our cigarettes. We tossed our butts onto the concrete drive way in front of us. I moved to stand, but soon realized how unsteady I was as I fell right back down onto my ass. Felix laughed and held his hand out for me. I took a hold of it and stood up, having to grab onto his arm to steady myself.

"Ooooh, you guys are so cute!" Jayla heckled with a smirk on her face. She loved making gay jokes about the two of us... Felix was a pretty good friend of mine, and due to their history together, I think she was pretty bitter about it. So any caustic joke she could throw our way, she would.

"I know, Olive better watch out!" I played back. "He's gonna be my new boo thang soon." She laughed loudly.

"God, Liam.. you're drunk." She opened the door and we all filed inside. My eyes searched the basement from the doorway, and I was relieved when I didn't see Olive anywhere. Maybe I got off easy. I tilted my bottle of beer back as I took the final mouthful down. The last sip was always the worst... I grimaced and moved to set it in the pile of empty cans and bottles. "Hey!" Jay suddenly called. "Come upstairs and take a shot with Brody and me!" I nodded with a grin, everything becoming fuzzy around me. I stumbled over to the stair way and followed my sister up. I remember thinking that my beer seemed to have taken me over the edge, but after that everything became very blurry. That's how a decent amount of my nights partying would go.

<<>>  


I opened my eyes, immediately aware of the world spinning around me. I squinted against the light and shook my head to try and clear it. I glanced over to see Jayla sleeping on the adjacent part of the sectional, her feet nearly touching my head. She looked pretty comfortable, one of her arms hanging down so that her fingers were touching the floor. That's when I became aware that somebody else was beside me on the couch. I sat up slightly to look towards my feet. To my surprise, Felix was leaning against a pillow on the arm rest, his eyes closed, our legs draping over each other's. His one foot was resting on the floor, and I immediately felt bad that I had taken up so much room on the couch. I let out a deep breath and sat up, carefully sliding the leg that was under his out. I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. I didn't even remember falling asleep.

I glanced around the basement to see that it had only been the three of us sleeping down there. With so many people over, there was limited sleeping space. Upstairs there was Brody's bedroom, an extra bedroom, and then his dad's room. More often than not, a bunch of us would pile in the extra bedroom to sleep. I wasn't sure why the three of us ended up so uncomfortably on the couch. I walked heavily over to the door and stepped outside to the porch. I actually didn't feel nearly as hung over as I thought I would; which made me worried that it would hit me later in the day.

I took a seat before pulling out my cigarettes. I took a long, satisfying drag as soon as it was lit. I didn't even want to think about how Olive would be feeling once she woke up. I almost wanted to wake Jayla so she could drive me home.

I was sitting outside for probably fifteen minutes, just about to light another cigarette, when the door opened behind me. I peered over my shoulder to see Felix walking over to me, dragging his feet as he went. He sat down heavily beside me and sighed. 

"Yo," He greeted lightly before pulling out a cigarette of his own.

"What's up?" I returned the greeting. He shrugged a shoulder and looked out at the landscape in front of us. "How do you feel this morning?" I asked, snickering slightly. He looked really tired, and I couldn't blame him.

"I feel great other than my neck hurting." He grinned over at me. "How bout you?"

"Good... I don't think Olive will feel so great, though." I shook my head. "Not looking forward to her waking up..." Felix let out a loud laugh and began shaking his head as well.

"That might be the most fucked up I've ever seen her," He laughed as he reminisced. "Does she always talk like that when she drinks vodka?" I couldn't help but smile.

"Dude, she hardly ever gets like that," I explained. That's when an idea popped into my head. "Heeey! You drive. Can you take me home before she wakes up?" I asked somewhat desperately, taking a drag of my cigarette. Felix raised an eye brow at me before laughing once more.

"You wanna avoid her that bad, huh?" He asked, amusement on his face. I nodded with a shrug.

"Yeah... I had enough of that last night." I felt kinda mean, but she would get over it.

"I know what you mean... when did you wanna go?" He asked.

"I dunno. Whenever you're ready, I guess," I told him indifferently.

"You wanna go when we're finished with these?" He asked, referring to our smokes.

"Yeah, dude.. Just in case she happens to wake up soon," I laughed.

"Good plan." He stifled a yawn and stretched his arms over his head.

Once we were done with our cigarettes we headed towards his black Mazda parked in the drive way. I got in the passenger's seat and shut the door behind me. I felt stupidly giddy, like I was doing something bad and I knew it. Felix got in beside and I heard him sigh. I had been in his car a few times before. He drove a manual transmission, and he said he had pretty much since he started driving.

"Ready?" He asked as he turned the ignition to start the engine. I nodded with a small sigh. He pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road, accelerating and shifting fluently. I didn't often get to ride in manual cars, and I always thought it was fun. He reached forward and turned his stereo up, Queens of the Stone Age playing through the speakers. "So what're you doing the rest of the weekend?" He asked over the music. I shrugged a shoulder, quite happy it was only saturday.

"I dunno. Nothin' much prolly. Why?" I returned his question, glancing over to see him staring ahead at the road. He shrugged a shoulder, a small grin forming on his lips.

"Just askin', man." He glanced over at me briefly. I cleared my throat before speaking once more.

"Hey, uh- sorry for having my legs like practically wrapped in yours this morning," I laughed awkwardly. Felix stifled his laughter and shook his head.

"We've been friends long enough now dude. Not like we're strangers. It's fine..." His eyes narrowed. "I don't even remember how that shit happened," He pondered.

"Me neither!" I agreed, leaning to pull my cigarettes out of my pocket. "Everybody else must have been upstairs."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know how the fuck I got the shittiest part of the couch, though. One of you guys could have moved so I could squeeze behind you," He joked, laughing after he spoke. I snickered at the thought.

"I'm sure Jayla would have loved that!" I could picture her reaction so perfectly. She would flip the fuck out.

"Woulda been worth it," He said matter of factly as he rubbed his neck briefly. I lit the cigarette I'd pulled out earlier and cracked open my window.

"I had fun last night. I just wish my girlfriend had been a tad bit more in control..." I couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"I'm not used to her being so social." Felix smiled as well. "She was talkin' like she was somebody who grew up on Beaver street in Lancaster!" I laughed loudly at that and shook my head. "I'm just kidding. They would prolly shoot her if she showed up there talkin' like that." Felix cleared his throat before warping his voice into a deeper, much more 'ghetto' accent. "Yo, Shaniqua, da fuck this lil' white bitch doin' up here. Dis bitch makin' fun of us?"

"I don' know, Shauntel, but I'm finna bust this hoe up!" I gave the best woman ghetto voice I could muster. Felix stifled his laughter at this but I burst out laughing. "God, I hate the city..."

"Yeah, dude. Me too." He leaned down in his seat slightly as he drove. "It's so dirty." I nodded in agreement.

"Aren't you Puerto Rican?" I asked, glancing over at him. His eyes widened slightly, a crooked grin stuck on his face.

"Nah, man.. what makes you think that?" He asked. I stared at him, my eyes narrowing.

"Seriously?" He had to be kidding. I would feel like a dick for asking. He cast me a devious smile before laughing.

"I'm fucking with you. I'm a quarter Puerto Rican, a quarter Cuban, and half white.... why?" He asked, his brow furrowing. I couldn't keep a large smile from creeping over my face.

"How the hell did your mom come up with Felix? Why not something for traditional? Like Jose?" I asked, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Oh, my god! Liam!" Felix let out a loud laugh. "You honkys just don't understand."

"Who you callin' a honky?" I retorted playfully. I wasn't sure why I was in such an odd mood, but I was just rolling with it. Maybe the lack of good sleep, and the alcohol still running through my blood?

"The only honky in this car!" He rebutted.

"Well you're half honky! God, if anyone we didn't know was listening in on this conversation, they would think we're filthy racists." I shook my head, grinning at the thought. "You could go to Beaver Street and they wouldn't care, ya know." I couldn't help but keep going.

"A half hispanic punk kid walkin' down Beaver Street?" He snorted with laughter. I took a drag of my cigarette and slowly exhaled the smoke. We were getting closer to my house, but I was enjoying the ride.

"I think Olive is gonna be mad...," I groaned. I would probably get an angry text from her or some shit annoying like that.

"Why?" He asked, sounding slightly astounded.

"I thought you had tons of girlfriends- you know how they are. She's prolly gonna be all offended that I didn't say goodbye to her or something." I rolled my eyes to myself and gazed out the window.

"She doesn't really strike me as the type," He muttered.

"Don't get me wrong, she's a pretty cool girl.. but sometimes she can be pretty insecure. Not sure what happened to her to make it that way, but she's always paranoid I'm cheating on her. You know.. stupid shit like that. Or- in this case, since I didn't say bye to her, she's gonna think I'm mad at her or breaking up with her," I explained, taking one final drag of my cigarette before tossing it out the window. Felix snorted, shaking his head.

"That's why I don't currently have a girlfriend!" He announced proudly. "Too much work- not enough reward." He shook his head slowly once more. "Why put a label on it when you can fuck and run instead?" He cast me a sly smile before letting out a laugh. "Kidding... kinda."

"I don't think I would like that," I murmured with a small sigh.

"Well that makes you a better person than me!" He replied lightheartedly. I knew Felix got around with different girls, but he didn't come across as the sleazy type of person to me. I wasn't sure why, but I always got the impression that he was searching for the right person everytime he was with somebody.

Eventually we pulled up on the curb beside my house. He stopped his car and grinned over at me.

"Alright, man," I said before opening the car door. "Thanks again."

"Not a problem, dude. Hopefully you don't get too much shit from her!" He snickered. I nodded with a smile.

"I hope so too, trust me!" I got out of the car and shut the door after a final good bye. I watched as he pulled away and drove down the street. I let out a deep breath and turned to head for my front door. Another fun weekend party gone. I knew we would do it again next week, though.


	2. September

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, so still in the introductory phase, and I don't really care that it's not getting a lot of hits. I'm still gonna post it for the fuck of it! I like this chapter, though. It makes me feel nostalgic! If you are familiar with the song Youth by Glass Animals, you might have some idea as to why Felix would skip it...

I woke with a start to the obnoxious sound of my alarm. _Is it seriously that time already?_ I groaned and reached over to grab my phone off my night stand. I turned off my alarm and glanced at the time. 6:45 AM. Too early for my comfort. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. The sun was beginning to rise, causing a dim light to fall through my room. After a moment of laying there and willing myself to wake the hell up, I forced myself to sit up. I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my glasses and cigarettes off my nightstand before standing. I groggily left my room and headed for the bathroom, careful not to bump into anything as I went.

My morning routine was always the same. I would piss, brush my teeth, make sure my hair didn't look too dirty or stupid, then head downstairs. I was immediately greeted by the smell of fresh coffee, which was much needed. My mom was standing by the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup, when she glanced over at me.

"Good morning sunshine!" She greeted cheerily, causing a crooked grin to form over my face.

"Hey... didn't you just get off work?" I asked, taking a seat at the table. She nodded.

"Yes, but I have a few errands to run before I go to bed... so I need some caffeine!" She walked over and set down a mug full of coffee and cream in front of me. I smiled at her before taking a small sip of it. I loved coffee. I was definitely a bit addicted to caffeine, which was probably not the best since I was only 16. "Your sister needs to wake up." Mom shook her head before walking towards the stairs.

I stood up from my seat, the familiar longing for a cigarette buzzing in my brain. I took my mug of coffee and headed out the back door. Titus was there to greet me, his whole body wiggling with excitement. I took a seat on one of our benches in the backyard and lit a cigarette. It felt good out- probably in the mid 60s, and it wasn't humid.

Our backyard was small, and directly attached to our neighbors on either side. We all had plants at our fence lines so that there was a little more privacy, but it still could feel like you were right on top of each other when everyone was outside. We had a stone pathway leading from the door and towards the front of the house. Farther in the yard, we had a small fire pit dug out in the grass. There were a couple nights where Jayla and I lit a fire and drank a couple beers together. That was my favorite thing about having it..

I finished my cigarette as quickly as I could, aware that I was on limited time, and headed back inside with Titus at my heel. I drank the last sip of my coffee and set my mug in the sink. Jayla was sitting at the kitchen table, her expression matching mine. Neither of us wanted to go for the day. Every minute that went by made me feel more and more dread. I was so tired and groggy, and not ready to sit in class for seven hours.

I stifled a sigh and headed back upstairs to put my contacts in and get dressed. I was the unlucky one in my family that had to wear contacts and glasses.. but it was probably thanks to my green eyes that everybody loved but me. I wasn't sure how I ended up needing them and Jayla did, with her blue eyes. Sometimes I thought she pretended she could see better than she actually could.. I decided to wear black jeans, unsure of what the weather would be like, and a short sleeved Primus t-shirt. I peered in my mirror. My dyed red hair was messy, but at least it looked clean. It was cut short on the sides, but longer on the top, in choppy layers, so having it messy was never a problem to me. I sat down on my bed, glancing at the time to see it was 7:30. God dammit. I groaned and stood up almost as soon as I sat before heading back downstairs.

"You ready?" I asked Jayla as I walked into the living room. She let out a groan, her head hanging, before replying.

"Yeah, I guess...," She grumbled. I knew how she felt. I was definitely not ready for class. It was only Wednesday, too. We both lazily gathered our school belongings together and headed for the front door. "We're leaving, mom!" Jayla called into the kitchen.

"Alright, guys! Have a nice day!" She called back. With that we left the house. A burst of fresh, dry air met us. I was thankful for the lack of humidity- though that didn't mean it wouldn't be later in the day. We walked across the street until we were standing outside of her Jetta. She unlocked the doors and we got in.

The ride to school always felt much too short, and soon enough we were there. She parked in her usual spot as we finished our cigarettes. Once we were done, we got out and headed for the prison everybody referred to as school.

"Christ, I hate this fuckin' place," Jayla muttered angrily. I nodded in agreement, not sure what to say that hadn't already been said one hundred times. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweatshirt and stared ahead at the building as we got closer and closer.

Soon we entered the building, groups of students standing around the main lobby talking before they would have to go their seperate ways. Jayla and I exchanged glances. Our lockers were in different halls from one another's.

"Alright, well... I'll see you at lunch," She sighed. I nodded.

"Yeah, see ya then." We departed from each other to head for our lockers. I needed to put my sweatshirt away. Even though it had been a bit on the cool side that morning, it always felt annoyingly stuffy in the school building. Once I reached my locker, I grabbed my shit out for my chemistry class and put my sweatshirt away. I took a deep breath before heading towards my classroom.

I hated chemistry. It was boring, my teacher was dry as can be, and it was the first class of the day. The only thing that made it a little tolerable was the fact that I had it with my best friend, Evie. I'd known her since elementary school. Rhett and I were really good friends, too, but we'd only met in middle school. Evie and I had been friends since third grade.

I stepped into the classroom, my eyes immediately focusing on my friend. She was already sitting in her seat, looking bored. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her hazel eyes staring out the window. I sat down next to her, causing her attention to be torn from the scene outside

"Hey!" She greeted happily, shifting to face me more.

"What's up?" I asked, setting my books down on the desk in front of me. She shrugged with a sigh.

"Oh, nothing... Not looking forward to this. But I never am, so.." She shrugged her shoulder.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. I was never very talkative in the morning. It took me a little while to wake up. I felt kind of bad for Evie, since she had to deal with it. I slid down in my seat, sighing with discontent.

"You alright?" Evie asked me suspiciously, narrowing her eyes. I frowned and nodded.

"Yeah.. why?" I asked in return.

"I dunno. You just seem down," She explained, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her desk top.

"No, I'm just tired. And I really don't wanna fuckin' be here." I shook my head as I thought about the next seven hours to come. "I thought you've known me long enough to tell the difference between when I'm in a bad mood and when I'm tired." I attempted a small smile.

"Yeah, well, don't the two go hand in hand?" She snickered. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Touche...," I agreed quietly. I wasn't the most pleasant person in the morning, I knew that. It was definitely something I needed to work on.

Eventually the teacher, Mrs. Nickles, began her lecture. It was monotonous as ever, of course. I glanced over at one point to see Evie was doodling in her notebook, likely not listening to a word of what was being said. I couldn't blame her. I tried my best to listen to lecture, but it was difficult. I was fairly smart. I could retain information easily, and even if I didn't listen during class, I could easily go back in the book to review before a test. I hardly ever had to study.. that's just always how I'd been.

As the class came closer to an end, I began to feel a new wave of dread. I hated chemistry class, but unfortunately for me, the next class on my agenda was even worse... Gym. I loathed gym.. Lucky enough for me, however, I was able to share the disdain with Rhett. I think gym class is every misfit kid's nightmare.

"Liam." My attention immediately snapped back to lecture. My eyes widened and I stared ahead at Mrs. Nickles. She was staring back, an expectant look on her face.

"W-what?" I sputtered, sitting up in my seat. She grinned at me, and I could tell she knew I had been day dreaming.

"An organic compound made of sugar molecules is called...?" She asked slowly. I nearly sighed with relief at how simple the question was.

"A carbohydrate...," I replied once I collected myself a bit. She nodded, her beady eyes narrowing.

"Yes. Pay attention...," She ordered, causing a small ripple of laughter from the class. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my stomach. I glanced at Evie to see she had an amused grin on her face as she continued to doodle. Why couldn't she have picked on her instead?

It wasn't much longer before the bell rang and we were dismissed from class. I wasted no time in standing up and grabbing my books. Evie stretched her arms above her head, exposing her stomach as she did. I was surprised Mrs. Nickles hadn't bitched at her about it.

"I gotta go," I muttered. He frowned.

"Alright, Mister Amicable," She snorted. I rolled my eyes.

"See ya, Eve..." I brushed past her and headed for the class room door. The science wing was on the opposite side of the school from where the gym was, so I always had to hurry. I couldn't help but drag my feet as I walked, every foostep bringing me closer to my hour and a half of horror. The most enjoyable part of gym was how fucking retarded people would act. I guess I was lucky that year. I was in with a bunch of people similar to me. A bunch of misfits and people who didn't give a fuck- not a ton of jocks.  
I opened the door to the boy's locker room, greeted by the familiar sound of chit chatting and laughing. I walked over to my locker and opened it, staring in at the annoyingly ugly black and red gym outfit. I begrudgingly began undressing. Changing in the locker room never bothered me. It's not like I was overweight, or deathly thin. I knew it bothered some people, but I wasn't one of them.

"Hey, sexy," I suddenly heard the familiar voice of Rhett come up beside me. I looked over at him with a snicker.

"Come on, man. You're gonna make everybody suspect something if you say that every time!" I teased, tossing my shirt into my locker after grabbing out my uniform.

"Dude, the coach is gonna get pissed at me... I forgot sneakers...," Rhett sighed. I raised an eye brow and glanced down at his feet. I stifled my laughter when I saw that he was wearing his pair of Dr. Marten's boots. It looked a little ridiculous with the uniform he was wearing.

"Doc Marten's, seriously? Those are too nice to wear to gym class. You're gonna ruin them," I laughed, taking my pants off. "But, I dunno... I don't even have a pair that I keep here. I just keep my Converse on." I shrugged as I put the disgusting gym shorts on.

"Yeah, but that's Converse... not boots. I'm tellin' you, he's gonna give me points or something!" He insisted.

"He probably will," I agreed, shutting my locker once I was done. I took a deep breath and glanced around. Everybody was beginning to file out of the locker room. "I guess we should go..," I grumbled.

Class always started with us doing stupid ass warm ups. We would do some stretches and run for a few minutes. People would pretend to fall, pull their pants up past their bellybuttons and tuck their shirts in, and just a bunch of stupid ass shit like that. It always made me laugh.

We took our normal roll call spots, waiting for the coach to tell us to begin our monotonous run around the gym. Soon enough he gave us the go ahead. We all began lazily walking towards the wall of the gym.

"Hawkins!" Coach Williams called out. I glanced over my should to see Rhett looking expectantly at him. "What is that on your feet?" He asked, sounding annoyed.

"I don't have sneakers!" He replied with a shrug. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"You better get some for next time!" He growled and shook his head. 

"Duly noted," Rhett replied, sounding like a sarcastic asshole, before he began jogging with the rest of us. I didn't miss the dark scuffs he was leaving all over the floor. That made it all the better, though. Sure enough, as we ran, the dramatic falling began. It didn't take long for coach Williams to notice.

"What is this!" He yelled. "Basketball!? Quit your flopping and keep up the pace!" This only caused a ripple of laughter to come from all the students, myself included. Coach Williams was such a dipshit.

I sucked at sports. I sucked so fucking bad. I always felt awful for whoever got me on their team. I was a competitive person when it came down to it, but not with sports. I didn't see the point. That day we were going outside and playing flag football. I was good at one thing in flag football. Penalties.

I collided roughly with a short, blonde haired kid on the opposing team named Kevin. I lead with my shoulder, catching him off guard. He ended up falling roughly to his ass. I burst out in laughter.

"Yo, fuck you, Liam!" He snapped bitterly, slowly making his way to his feet.

"No, fuck _you_ , Kevin!" I laughed.

"Kaminski!" I heard Coach William's angry yell from behind me. I turned to see him motioning with his thumb for me to get off the field. "Knock off your bullshit!" He yelled and I snickered to myself. My plan had worked. I grabbed the stupid ass flags off my waist band and tossed them to the side as I walked off the field. I sat down heavily and watched as everybody continued to play. I didn't care if I got in trouble...

I was relieved when class came to an end and we all headed back towards the gym. Rhett fell in step beside me and let out a deep sigh. I couldn't help but look down at his shoes and laugh again. It was so ridiculous that he'd gone the whole class with them on.  
We filed into the locker room where we all began changing back into our normal clothing. I never worked myself enough to build much of a sweat, but I still kept deodorant and shit in my locker. I never understood the kids who would go around smelling like a fuckin' onion all day after gym. It was fucking disgusting!

"Thank god," I breathed to myself as I shut the locker door. I turned to see Rhett was waiting for me. "Ready?" I asked. He nodded and we headed out to the hall together. We didn't have any other classes together, especially since he was a grade ahead of me, but we did have lunch together. We had last lunch, so it wasn't until the end of our next class. I preferred it to first lunch- that way we only had one last class to deal with after we ate. "I need a fuckin' cigarette," I grumbled.

"Yeah, dude. Me too," Rhett sighed in agreement. "Let's sneak out at lunch for one," He suggested quietly. That didn't sound like a bad idea... we tried not to get into the habit of sneaking out, but it was somewhat easy to. Right by the lunch room, there were back doors to the school. We could easily sneak out the back, run across the street, and smoke off of school property. We'd done it quite a few times in the past. But there was always a chance the school cop would catch us, then we'd be in some big shit.

"Sounds good to me, man. I'll see you then." I gave him a half assed wave and he nodded to me.

"Later, dude." We headed down separate hallways to go to our next class. English. As boring as it was, it was probably my favorite class. It was easy, I enjoyed writing essays and reading, and it was taught by one of my favorite teachers. I had my English class with Olive, but unfortunately, we had assigned seats in alphabetical order. So since her last name was Pearce, we didn't get to sit next to each other.

Remember that party earlier in the month? Well, Olive had gotten pretty upset with me for leaving without telling her. I'd gotten an array of texts as I was sleeping off what little hangover I had acquired. I was right- she thought I was mad and that I wanted to break up. I'd assured her that wasn't the case, and in a few days she was back to her normal self. Being with her was great, but it could be so exhausting at the same time.

I entered the classroom and took my seat. I glanced over to see Olive already in her seat, looking in my direction. She waved, a warm smile on her face. I waved back with a grin before setting down my book and notebook in front of me for class. After about a minute, I felt someone sit down next to me. I looked over expectantly to see a blonde girl with green eyes taking her seat. She was wearing stretch pants, a Rancid t-shirt, and a lightweight sweatshirt. Her name was Holly Kurtz, which is why we ended up seated next to each other. I glanced over at Olive to see her happy look diminish. She sat forward, and I wondered what the hell prompted the shift in her attitude.

"Hey, Liam!" Holly greeted with a smile. I said hi in return and glanced at the clock. Class would be starting soon. "How are you today?" She continued to chat.

"Oh, alright. How about you?" I asked in return. I'd known Holly since middle school. She and I got along. We often got seated next to each other since our last names were close in the alphabet.

"Fine. I'll be better when this shit is over," She muttered and I couldn't help but snicker. I suddenly felt my phone buzz in my pocket. My brow furrowed and I and pulled it out, keeping it under my desk so nobody could see it but me. I was surprised to see the text was from Felix. Wasn't he in class today? 'Hey. What are you doing after school?' He asked. I replied quickly, 'Nothing. What's up?'

I glanced up to see the teacher entering the room. My phone buzzed shortly after he walked in luckily. 'Wanna hang out? It's supposed to be cooler tonight. We could go smoke some weed at the park or something.' I had to refrain from laughing at that.   
'Sure, dude. I'll hit you up when I'm out.' I replied before shoving my phone into my pocket. I liked hanging out with Felix. I'd only known him for a little under a year, but when we first met he was pretty distant from the group. Brody and him went to school together, which is how we were all introduced.

Felix was an interesting guy. He had always been nice to me, and I'd never really seen him get mad. We'd become pretty good friends over the past months. Our personalities seemed to go hand in hand with one another's. He was definitely a private person, and I didn't know much about how he grew up or anything like that. The only thing I knew was that his mom died a few years earlier, and he lived with his dad. I had only heard that from Brody, though. Felix never mentioned his mom, or his dad for that matter. He never talked about his home life, or anything personal. I wasn't one to prod, no matter how curious I was.

I listened to the teacher as he spoke, having a more difficult time paying attention than usual. I didn't have anything in particular on my mind, except maybe needing a cigarette, but I just wasn't in the mood. Eventually class came to an end and we were dismissed to lunch. I gathered up my shit and walked into the hallway, waiting for Olive to come meet me. She left the classroom and was soon standing beside me. I leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before we began walking towards the lunch room.

"How are you today?" I asked lightly as we walked.

"Good!" She replied cheerily. "How about you?" She asked. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I'm alright." I grinned over at her. That was probably one of my least favorite questions to answer. Most of the time nobody wanted to know how you really were, so we all made up a bullshit answer.

"That class is so boring," She sighed. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I don't mind it, honestly," I said, not thinking much of it until she gave me a hard look. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing... I just wish we sat next to each other." She looked forward again, her eye brows furrowing lightly. I narrowed my eyes.

"Well, yeah, so do I." She was acting weird. "What's the matter?" I asked. Her sudden shift in attitude was clear to me. She shook her head.

"Nothing. Wish you didn't sit next to Holly, that's all..," She grumbled. Holly? Jesus Christ!

"What do you have against her?" I asked. This hadn't been the first time she'd brought her up to me. As mentioned previously, we often sat next to each other because of our names.

"She totally has a crush on you!" Olive growled, scowling up at me. My eyes widened at her sudden hostility.

"So what?" I snorted, unable to deny the growing annoyance in my gut. "Just because _she_ likes me doesn't mean _I_ like her!" Sure, Holly was a very pretty girl, and I did find her attractive. I would never admit that to Olive, though, because I didn't want to be with Holly. I was with the girl I wanted to be with.

"I just feel like if you were more respectful of me and our relationship- you would limit your time talking to her," She hissed.

"Olive!" I snapped. "I fucking sit next to her! We're acquaintances!" I shook my head. "You have nothing to worry about," I grumbled. My need to smoke a cigarette was growing with every word that came out of her mouth. She let out a heavy breath, shaking her head.

"Whatever!" She snapped before walking quickly ahead of me. I scowled in her direction as she got farther and farther away. Why was she being so weird? I rolled my eyes and tried to calm down. It was so unnecessary.

"Hey, Liam!" I heard Jayla's voice call from down the hall beside me. I stopped walking and looked down to see her jogging towards me. "Where's Olive going?" She asked, nodding towards my raging girlfriend. I shook my head with a snort.

"She's mad at me because I sit next to Holly in English," I explained as we began walking. Jayla laughed loudly at that and shook her head as well.

"God damn, dude. How much secret baggage does she have?" She asked, prodding her elbow into my side. I gave an exaggerated shrug.

"Dude, I don't fuckin' know... She's been extra crazy lately," I groaned.

"Well you don't have a thing for Holly, do you?" She asked. I gave her an incredulous glance.

"No!" I retorted. "She's my class friend. So what? Not like we're doing anything wrong."

"You're not. I was just asking... I always wondered what Olive's issue was with shit like that since the day you guys started going out," Jayla explained. We entered the lunch room and got in line. I always got the same thing for lunch. A plain, every now and again blueberry, bagel. I hated school lunch. It was vile and looked like you could catch an unknown disease from it.

"I don't know. I feel like it's getting worse, though. You'd think the longer we're together, the more she would trust me," I pondered.

"Well, she probably cares more about you now than she did in the beginning...," Jayla suggested. "Olive's a pretty girl with an ugly interior."

"That's not necessarily true!" I disputed. "She has a nice personality... she just needs to chill the fuck out." I walked away from Jay to go grab my bagel and pay for it. Once I was done with that, I headed over to our usual table. Rhett was already sitting in his seat, eating taco salad, when I arrived. I wasn't surprised that Olive had chosen to sit with a different group. I took a seat with a heavy sigh.

"Hey, man. Where's Olive?" He immediately asked.

"Oh, she's mad at me, of course," I told him, peeling the plastic wrap from around my bagel. He laughed slightly.

"What'd you do this time?" He asked, a smile creeping on his face. A food tray suddenly crashed loudly down on the table next to me, causing me to jump in my seat.

"Liam's bein' a man slut!" Jayla laughed, taking a seat swiftly next to me.

"Hey! Am not!" I growled. "She's pissed off because Holly Kurtz sits next to me in English, and apparently she has a fuckin' crush on me or something dumb like that," I explained. Rhett laughed, shaking his head.

"Well- shame on you, Liam," He teased before scooping a mouthful of the revolting taco mix into his mouth. I glanced over to see Jayla had gotten the same thing. "She is pretty fuckin' hot, though."

"That's besides the point... hey, is that shit even good?" I asked, crinkling my nose slightly in disgust at their food. They both shrugged their shoulders in unison.

"Ehhh," Jayla snorted. Didn't sound too convincing.. I ripped a piece of my bagel off and shoved it into my mouth. It was dry, but not too bad.

"You still wanna go out for a cigarette, then?" Rhett asked between bites.

"Fuck. _Yes_." A wide smile formed on Jayla's face. "I have my pack in my bag." She patted the purse sitting in her lap.

"Good.. because I left mine in my sweatshirt, which is in my locker," I said. I'd forgotten to get them out. I always kept them in my locker. You would get in big trouble if you were ever found with them in your pocket or anything like that. Jay didn't care so much, though.

Once we were all done scarfing down our food, we nonchalantly stood and headed towards the cafeteria doors. We threw away our trash and left the room. Lucky for us, the bathrooms were right outside the cafeteria, and the back doors just past them. So it didn't seem too suspicious that we were headed in that direction. We walked calmly yet swiftly out the doors. The uncomfortable, humid heat nearly smacked me in the face once the doors were shut behind us.

"Oh, god!" Jayla complained, obviously having the same thoughts about the weather as me. We walked swiftly down the sidewalk and across the street. She pulled out her pack of cigarettes from her bag and handed one to each of us. "You guys are gonna give me one when school's over!"

"No shit," Rhett snickered as he lit his. Jayla handed me her lighter and I quickly lit my cigarette as well. I took a deep drag, the familiar feeling of smoke filling my lungs calming me almost immediately. We were all on the look out as we smoked, aware that a stupid cop could come by at any moment.

I smoked my cigarette quickly, to the point that I felt a bit of a tobacco buzz. I took one final drag and threw my butt to the ground, stomping it out as I slowly blew out the last of the smoke from my lungs. The other two were soon to follow. "Ready?" I asked. They exchanged glances with each other.

"Not really... but I guess we have no choice," Jayla complained dramatically. I rolled my eyes half heartedly with a small smile.

"I know...," I whined in agreement. "Come on.." We made our way back across the street and through the doors we had left earlier. By the time we made it back in, it was almost time for the last class to begin. We said our good byes and started heading towards our destinations. I had math for my last class, which I absolutely hated. It was boring, and always felt like it dragged on and on. Plus, none of my close friends were in it.

As I sat in my seat, I was left to think about earlier events. I hadn't seen Olive after lunch, and I most likely wouldn't see her until the next day. I was still puzzled as to why she'd gotten so upset... but she often confused me in that way. It undoubtedly left me feeling grumpy. My stomach flickered with excitement when I reminded myself that I had plans after school. That would help me feel better and get my mind off of shit..

Eventually, after repeatedly staring at the clock, class ended and the bell rang. Every student rushed for the door, myself included, and began walking down the hall. I came to my locker, where I put my books away and grabbed my sweatshirt. I turned and began walking once more, relieved that class was done for the day. Same old routine, done yet again.

I didn't run into any of my friends, so I made it outside rather quickly. I walked across the grass, towards Jayla's car, glancing around for anybody I knew. I was slightly surprised when I made it to her gray Jetta before she did. I sighed and leaned against it, taking out my pack of cigarettes, and watched towards the school. Soon I spotted her walking across the grass towards me.

"Hey!" I called, grinning. "You done flirting for today?" Jayla laughed and shook her head.

"I wasn't doing any flirting today!" She called back. Soon she was standing outside the driver's side door. She unlocked it and we both got in. She turned on the engine and wasted no time in driving out of her parking spot. "Finally!" She laughed. "Give me the cigarette you owe me." I nodded before pulling out two cigarette. I handed one to her before lighting mine. School traffic was absolutely atrocious, so we always tried to get out as fast as we could. If you weren't early enough to make it out, it was almost like you needed to leave a half an hour late to miss the awful traffic. "So what're you doing tonight?" She casually asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Actually, Felix hit me up. He wants to hang out... smoke some weed or someshit," I told her, taking a drag of my dwindling cigarette. I heard her scoff, so I turned my head to scowl at her. "What's your problem?" I asked.  
"Why the fuck are you hanging out with him all the time?" Jayla growled, casting me an annoyed look. I raised an eye brow.

"I'm sorry... I was unaware that I wasn't allowed to hang out with someone who has a bunch of shit in common with me." I shook my head, immediately feeling defensive. Just because she and him had some stupid quarrel in the past didn't make me like him any less. She sighed, clearly agitated.

"You're allowed, dude. But why him?" She whined. I couldn't help but snort with laughter.

"Why do you hate him so much, Jay?" I asked, glancing at her as I spoke. "Because he wasn't into you? That was a while ago." I took another drag of my cigarette before continuing. "If you gave him a second chance I think you would really get along with him... as a friend this time." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well... You know he used to be a junkie, right?" She continued as if trying to make a point. "I don't want you getting into that shit!" I laughed slightly, but my interest was definitely piqued. I had no idea he used to be into that.

"I don't really care- and I wouldn't... and isn't the key phrase there _used to be_?" I pointed out. "Besides, how long has he been clean now?"

"I don't know... like six months maybe? He was like, just clean when we started fucking around or whatever," She grumbled, seeming purely irritated. "You never noticed the scars on his arms from old track marks?" She asked. I thought back but shook my head. Not sure how I never noticed that..

"No, I didn't," I muttered. "I don't think doing heroin defines who you are, though," I continued to defend my friend.

"Dunno, man... kinda think it does!" She retorted. "You have to be some kind of shitty person to do that shit... clearly." I shook my head and took one last small drag before throwing the butt of my cigarette out the window. I had to disagree with her.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. You're butthurt that he left you and now you're jealous that he's hanging out with me. It's fine," I teased. She shot me a hostile look and I burst out laughing. He worked her up like nobody I had ever known before...

<<>>

I stood up from my front step as I watched the familiar black Mazda pull up to the curb beside my house. I took the couple steps between me and the car and got in the passenger's seat. "Hey!" Felix greeted me happily. He had a cigarette between his fingers.

"What's up?" I greeted in return. I immediately took notice that Glass Animal's newest album was playing. He shrugged a shoulder and put his car in first gear before pulling away from the curb and driving down the street. "Where are we gonna go?" I asked.

"Not sure. Maybe just to my yard or something...," He muttered before taking a drag of his cigarette. Jayla and my conversation from earlier in the day was still stuck in my head, so I couldn't help but look at his arms. I didn't really see anything... but it was getting kind of dark, being as it was seven already. I wanted so badly to ask him, but I resisted the urge.

"Did you go to school today?" I asked nonchalantly. He glanced at me with a smirk before shaking his head.

"Nope. I fucking hate school... and I think being a senior just makes it worse, honestly." He let out an exaggerated sigh. "You're a sophomore, right?" He asked. I nodded, taking out a cigarette of my own.

"Yeah... I fucking hate it, too," I grumbled before lighting it.

"Brody always tells me that Warwick is better than Manheim Central, at least!" He snickered. "I believe it. Manheim sucks dick." I laughed when I felt a sudden buzz in my pocket. I groaned inwardly before pulling my phone out.

"Shit...," I hissed under my breath once I saw it was Olive.

"Hm? What's up?" Felix asked. I shook my head.

"Nothin'. Olive got mad at me today, and she just texted me," I explained, debating whether to open the text or not.

"Ahhh," He breathed in understanding. "Another reason why I have no girlfriend..." I smiled at him before opening the text conversation. 'If you don't like Holly, I don't see why you can't just not talk to her. I saw you talking to her today. You looked pretty happy.' Jesus Christ! I stared at it momentarily before replying. 'I sit next to her! Am I just supposed to blatantly ignore her!' I was so irritated. I stuck my phone in the passenger's door drink holder. I didn't want to talk to her while I was hanging out with my friend.

"Dude, she thinks I have a fuckin' crush on this girl that sits next to me, just because that girl supposedly has a crush on me!" I huffed. Felix burst out in laughter and shook his head.

"That's kind of funny, gotta admit. Not for you. But for me." He grinned at me. What an ass.

"Sometimes I wonder if I should just leave her," I admitted. "Things would definitely be easier..."

"Yeah, they prolly would be," Felix agreed. We'd made it out of town and on our way to Manheim. It didn't take too long to get there from my house.. I honestly didn't know where Felix lived, though. I wasn't sure if that's even where we were going.

"She's just different than she used to be, you know..," I trailed off.

"That's usually how things go, sadly," He snorted.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry, not sure why I'm telling you all this shit... I'm just pissed!" I laughed. She shook his head with a crooked grin.

"I don't mind, dude. That's what friends are for..," He trailed off slightly. By then the CD had started over, and 'Youth' began playing. Just as it began, Felix reached forward and skipped it.

"You don't like that song?" I asked. I really liked the song, so I was kind of taken aback at how abruptly he'd skipped it.. but I guess not everyone had to like the same stuff.

"Hm? No... not really," He replied with a shrug.

"Why not?" I asked. He smirked.

"Because it's sad...," He snickered. I raised an eye brow, a crooked smile on my face.

"Seriously?" It was kind of sad, but I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Nah, I just don't like it." He took a final drag of his cigarette before tossing it out the window. That was fair enough.

Soon we were driving through Manheim. We came to a red light beside a Twin Kiss, where we sat for a couple minutes before it turned green. I was only slightly familiar with Manheim, since Brody had moved there- but he didn't even live in town.. Before that, I'd never really had any reason to visit.

We went down a few streets, past an elementary school, and eventually we were pulling up to the curb in front of a house right on the corner of an alley. The house looked quiet, all the windows dark. It had a shabby front porch with overgrown bushes by the steps. It was directly attached to a home beside it, but that wasn't uncommon in towns.

Felix parked his car with a sigh, sitting in his seat for a moment before pulling the keys out of the ignition. He glanced past me to look at the house.

"Is this where you live?" I asked, pointing over at the gloomy home beside us. He nodded, looking the least happy I'd seen him in a long time, if ever.

"It sure is!" He opened his car door and got out. I followed suit shortly after. "Let's go around back," He suggested. I nodded and began following him down the small alleyway. The side of the brick house was covered in ivy, and I could tell nobody had taken care of the plants for quite a while. In the back there was a small yard attached to a back porch, a small driveway leading to the back of the home next to theirs, and then a longer yard on the opposite side of the driveway. We continued walking past the house and through the yard until we came to a garage.

Felix sat down in the grass on the edge of the property. I hesitantly took a heavy seat next to him, staring out in front of us. There was a lumber yard or something directly across from the garage. I peered down the adjacent alley to see it went pretty much the whole stretch down.

"I don't think I've ever really been in Manheim... well, in town at least," I told him, pulling at the grass beneath me.

"Oh, yeah?" He asked. I heard the flick of a lighter and glanced over to see he was lighting what appeared to be a joint. "Well you're not missing much." He smiled at me before taking a toke. We were sitting under a street light, but there was another overgrown bush hiding us from the alleys. He held the joint out in my direction, and I found myself looking at his arms once more. This time, under the light of the street post, I did notice his scars. He had quite a few, some less noticeable than others. I graciously took the joint from him, and I didn't miss another scar on his hand. I wondered how I'd never noticed before... I guess I hadn't really been looking.

I took a drag in and held it in for as long as I could handle before slowly breathing out. The familiar burning hit my chest, and I willed myself not to cough. I handed it back to him and let out a small laugh.

"Thanks for this, man... especially after the shitty day I had," I snorted. He cast me a sly smile and nodded.

"Not a problem. I didn't have the best day, either... so it's always nice to sit outside and smoke a joint. Plus it isn't hot as shit anymore." He looked up towards the sky, which in turn caused me to look. You could see stars, but not that great since we were in a town. I fought the urge to ask him what went wrong with his day, not wanting to over step any boundaries. To put it nicely, I was a curious person.. But really i was pretty damn nosey.

I wanted to ask him why he started heroin in the first place, and how his mom died. I wanted to know when his life tragedy first began. But Felix was a very private person.. and I could respect that. So instead, I smoked the joint with him and we talked around random, stupid shit. I didn't think about Olive. I didn't think about school.

All of that could be dealt with in the morning.


	3. October 2016

October 31st. One of my favorite holidays out of any. After a hot and sticky September and beginning of October, crisp and cool weather was more than welcome to me. I loved everything about fall. I loved the colors of the trees; the fresh, crisp air; and being able to wear long sleeved shirts. But most of all, I loved the sentiment of it all. Almost every year, we celebrated Halloween with a get together at Brody's. That night was no different from the previous years.

I stood up from lounging on my bed, deciding to go see what Jayla was up to. I stepped into the hallway and glanced to see her bedroom door was open, so I continued walking. I leaned against the door frame and peered over to see she was sitting on her bed, putting on some shitty make up. She had her hair up in messy pig tails, she was wearing a plaid skirt with a dirty white tank top. Her blue eyes peered up at me.

"What?" she questioned, raising an eye brow.

"The hell are you wearing?" I asked, refraining from laughing.

"Uuuuh, I'm a slutty hillbilly, dumbass- duh!" She rolled her eyes and then gave me a wide smile to show her teeth. She'd managed to blacken out a few incisors, giving the effect that they'd fallen out. I burst into laughter as soon as I saw. "See!"

"Jesus Christ that's awesome.. so what time are you heading over?" I asked. I was beginning to get bored, and I was ready to go.

"As soon as I'm done we can go," she told me before going back to her make up. "So what're you being? A douche?" she asked. I looked down at my attire. I was wearing my Clutch sweatshirt and some black pants... nothing douchey.

"Ha ha, very funny... I wasn't gonna be anything, honestly," I admitted.

"Boo, that's boring! You could wear your glasses and say you're a hipster!" she suggested. My glasses were rather large and hipster like.. but I didn't like people to see me with them on.

"No, I don't wanna take my contacts out," I told her, making up some bullshit excuse.

"You could clip a fuckin' hair pin to your head... come on, Liam!" Jayla protested. "Don't be a party pooper!" I smirked and shook my head.

"I don't have enough time to think of something anymore," I insisted. I really didn't feel like dressing up.. Sure it was fun sometimes, but this year I just didn't want to.

"Fiine, whatever," she sighed. "I'll be ready soon.."

<<>>

I stepped into the oh so familiar basement, immediately greeted by smoke, Middle Class Rut playing loudly on the stereo. From the smell emanating around the room I could tell it was a mixture of cigarette and weed smoke. A chorus of voices immediately rung out, greeting Jayla and I. I peered around the room to see that pretty much everybody was there. I stepped farther into the room, glancing around until I saw Felix and Rhett standing by the washer and dryer in the corner of the room, shot glasses in their hands. I walked over and greeted them cheerily.

"Hey, dude!" Felix said happily, a wide smile on his face. I immediately noticed how pale he looked... He was wearing his normal attire, a beanie on his head, but he was pale.

"Hey. What are you dressed up as? A vampire?" I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. His brow furrowed playfully and he shook his head.

"Nah, man... I'm white!" he explained, Rhett bursting out in laughter. I couldn't help but laugh as well. "Look," He continued as he slid his hat off his head and ruffled his hair. "Lillian straightened my hair and everything!"

"You look weird as shit, dude...," Rhett snickered. Felix pretended to be offended as he gasped.

"What? Dude, I'm really not that dark! I get this pale in the winter!" he insisted playfully. Rhett and I both shook our heads in disagreement. True, Felix wasn't very dark.. he had the complexion of most Hispanics, but he didn't get pale at all in the winter months. "Psh. Whatever." He took the shot of whatever clear liquid had been in the glass. He grimaced, which I was amazed to see him do, and put his hat back on his head.

"What is that?" I asked, gesturing to the shot Rhett was holding.

"Oh... fuckin' Bankers Club gin...," he told me glumly. Oh, god, no!

"Down the hatch, eh?" Felix snickered, patting Rhett on the back roughly. He raised an eye brow at him before taking the shot. His face left me feeling like _I_ could have gagged. I hated gin as it was, and Banker's Club was shit gin.

"Is there anything else?" I asked, not in the mood to torture myself so immensely. I was going to be disappointed if that's all Brody's dad had managed to get us.

"Oh, yeah!" Felix answered quickly.

"What!" Rhett gasped, causing our friend to burst into a fit of laughter. "Dude, you're a dick!" He playfully punched Felix's arm. "I don't like white Felix!"

"Did you tell him that was everything there was?" I asked. Felix nodded, collecting himself as best he could. "And you believed him instead of just going to look?" I directed my question towards Rhett.

"Well.. yeah.. I guess I see your point," he huffed with a shrug. I could tell both of them had been smoking. "Well, fuck, dude.. let's go see what else there is!" I followed him as we began walking towards the staircase. Everything was usually kept upstairs unless people were actively drinking it.

We made our way upstairs and entered the kitchen. I was surprised to see Brody and Jayla in the kitchen, standing relatively close to each other. "Hey, guys!" Brody greeted happily. We both said hi back and began looking through the alcohol. Brody's dad, Dan, was standing by the counter, a beer in his hand.

"Hey!" He greeted us cheerily.

"What's up?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh, you know... same old," he snorted, taking a sip of his beer. "Haven't seen you for a while."

"I've been around. Pretty sure you've slept through all my appearances lately," I told him and he let out a laugh.

"Yup, probably... That's what I'm about to do soon here.." He sounded drunk. Dan had an early morning work schedule, so he was often fast asleep by the time we came over. I was surprised we didn't wake him more often than we did. It was probably because he drank himself into a small coma every night.

"Nice hick costume, Jay!" Rhett suddenly laughed.

"Thanks!" She sounded quite pleased with herself. "See, Liam! Everybody but you knew what I was!" I rolled my eyes and waved her off dismissively.

"Sexiest hillbilly in all of Lancaster.." I didn't miss Brody say under his breath to my sister. My eyes widened and a small smile crept over my lips. He needed to dump his bitchy girlfriend and go out with her already... I knew that's what both of them wanted, so I was always stumped as to why it never happened.

"Well, damn, that's a real compliment because there sure are a shit ton of them!" Jayla laughed. I spotted a bottle of rum and decided to make that my drink of the night. I grabbed a solo cup for myself and poured it about half full. That would be plenty for the night.. hopefully.

"I'm goin' back down, Rhett," I told him. He'd started chatting with the two in-denial-lovers. He nodded to me in acknowledgment so I proceeded towards the steps. Once downstairs, I glanced over to see Olive and Evie had just arrived. I smiled at my girlfriend as she looked over at me. Once I was on the same level as her, I wrapped an arm around her in greeting. She hadn't dressed up as anything, either. The only ones who had were Felix, Jayla, Lillian and Evie.

I couldn't help but glance over at Lexie. She was sitting on the couch next to Felix, talking, looking oblivious to the fact that her boyfriend was hitting on my sister upstairs. I didn't necessarily feel bad, though... Lexie had never been a particularly pleasant person, though she did have her moments. As she chatted with Felix, I did notice her smiling... so maybe she was having one of her good moments. I was never sure what Brody saw in her or what made him stick around.. But I tried not to judge. My girlfriend could be a fucking psycho sometimes, after all.

"You want a drink?" I asked Olive. She smiled up at me and stood on her tip toes for a moment to give me a kiss.

"Yes, that would be amazing!" she said happily. I grinned and gave her one last squeeze before letting my arm fall back to my side.

"The drinks are upstairs. There's a bunch to choose from!" I told her. She looked slightly taken aback, and I wasn't sure why.

"O-oh... okay!" She shook her head slightly before moving past me to head for the steps. Evie was suddenly standing beside me then. She was dressed up as, what I guessed to be, a zombie. She made her skin pale with slight yellow and green areas, with fake blood on her arms and face, and her clothing all torn and tattered with dirt stains. It looked pretty good.

"Well, aren't you the gentleman!" she snickered, smacking me in the arm lightly. I frowned at her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, taking a small sip of my drink. It was a little harsh, but nothing compared to the gin. Evie rolled her eyes, a smile still on her face.

"Nothing. I'm gonna go get a drink." She still sounded amused as she spoke, laughing slightly as she walked up the stairs. I was left feeling pretty damn confused. So I just made my way over to the couch and sat down beside Lillian. I immediately noticed that the side of her head was freshly shaven. She'd gotten a tattoo on the side of her skull a few months earlier, and since then she'd been shaving one side of her head. I thought it looked pretty good, though not all girls could pull it off. She was a lucky exception.

"Hey, Li!" she greeted happily, smiling over at me. Her eyes were half closed and bloodshot, and I'd guessed she'd smoked as well. She was probably the biggest pothead out of us all.

"Hey, Lil!" I greeted in return with the same tone she'd given me. She laughed and shook her head.

"Pshh..." She took a sip of her drink. "What's my man doin' up there?" She asked.

"Talkin' to Jay and Brody. At least that's what he was doing when I left him up there," I told her.

"Ahh..." She nodded to my drink. "Whatcha got there?"

"Some of that rum." I glanced down at my cup before taking another, larger sip. I was ready to get drunk. She nodded and reached forward to grad her pipe off the coffee table.

"Do you want a hit?" she asked, pulling out her lighter.

"Nah, not tonight. Thanks," I declined. She shrugged with a smile.

"Suit yourself!" She put the pipe up to her lips and lit it, inhaling deeply. Watching her smoke left me feeling in need of a cigarette. I pulled my pack out of my pocket and took one out. I lit it and took a deep drag in. "Oh, I see! So you'll smoke the shit that's gonna kill ya, but not this!" Lillian snapped playfully. I laughed and nodded, taking another sip of my drink.

"Hey, dude!" I suddenly heard Rhett's voice from beside me. I glanced over to see him walking towards us. "Move over," he ordered. Without protesting, I stood up and moved to the other side of the couch. I sat down beside Felix and noticed that Olive and Evie had never returned. Rhett sat down and put his arm around his girlfriend.

"Where's Olive?" I asked him before taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Oh, they're all in the backyard looking at the stars or some shit," he told me with a shrug. I noticed he had a beer in his hand. Much better choice than the shit Felix was drinking... He had a small cup of it in his hand, and even from where I was sitting, I could smell it. Lexie let out a loud sigh and rolled her eyes.

"No offense, Liam, but why the hell is he outside with Jayla?" she whined. My eye brows furrowed and I leaned over so that she could hear me better as I spoke. Felix sat back in his seat more so that I wasn't rudely over top of him.

"You know they've been best friends since like elementary school, right?" I asked. She stared at me, not looking any more convinced, so I continued. "They're like brother and sister... you don't have anything to worry about." _Liar._ I would always stick up for Jayla, even if it meant lying to Lexie. I knew the two of them had some sort of connection, whether they denied it or not.. but I would never tell Lexie that.

"Alright," she sighed, giving up surprisingly easy. "I guess you're right... I don't know why I get so jealous." I sat back once more, apologizing to Felix quickly, before continuing to speak.

"Dude, I don't know why any of you guys get jealous!" I laughed, taking a sip of my drink. "Olive gets jealous over stupid shit, too!" Felix laughed when I said that, and even Lexie smiled. I leaned forward and ashed my cigarette.

"Yeah, well... you're perfect, so it _really_ must be stupid shit," she muttered loud enough that I could hear it. I exchanged glances with Felix, who had a stupid grin on his face. I shook my head.

"I'm not perfect!" I snorted, taking another deep drag of my dwindling cigarette.

"You're a better boyfriend than Brody!" Lexie objected.

"Lexie, if I were perfect, why would Olive get mad at me all the fucking time?" I asked. "Half the time I don't even know what I did!"

"That's because bitches be crazy, Liam!" She laughed before taking a sip of the drink she was holding.

"It's true!" Felix added, looking genuinely amused by our conversation. "Sounds to me like _Brody_ should be the one that's worried," he snickered. Lexie scowled at him and smacked his arm.

"Shut up! He does not!" she laughed. "I wasn't hitting on Liam... I'm just saying... he's a good guy! And there aren't many of them out there." I was honestly surprised. I'd never known Lexie thought that highly of me. If only she knew how impatient I was with Olive at times. It made me feel kind of guilty for my previous thoughts.

"Hey, what about me!" Felix gasped. Lexie laughed loudly and pinched his side.

"Of course you're a good guy, douche! You know you're my favorite!" They laughed with each other and I shook my head with a small grin. Felix and Brody were very close, so it only made sense that Lexie would be close with him as well. I took a final drag of my cigarette before smashing the cherry into the ashtray.

Felix put his cup up to his lips and took a large sip of the disgusting gin, the scent wafting over in my direction. I grimaced and took a sip of my own drink.

"How can you drink that?" I asked. He glanced over at me, his eyes bloodshot, and he shrugged.

"Iunno." He then proceeded to take the last mouthful of it down his throat.

"Ew!" I sunk away from him slightly as I watched. Once he swallowed it, he began laughing. "Dude, you smell like a pine tree... and not in a good way!" I heard Lexie laugh from the other side of him.

"It's gross, but I don't care." He placed his cup on the ground by his feet before leaning to pull his cigarettes out of his pocket.

"So badass," Lexie snorted sarcastically. I shook my head.

"No, I know you're kidding Lexie, but he seriously is," I laughed. "You know how bad that shit tastes?"

"What can I say?" Felix lit his cigarette and took a deep drag in. I took a large sip of my rum, the familiar burn running all the way from my throat to my stomach. It was hitting me fast, as it so often did. "How do you ladies wear make up all the fucking time?" Felix suddenly complained. "This shit is so annoying!" This caused Lexie and I to both laugh.

"Still think he's badass, Liam?" she snickered. I gave an exaggerated shrug and smiled. I could tell it was going to be a fun night ahead of us.

<<>>

There I laid, on my back on the couch, Olive straddling me at the hips. Our mouths clashed together as we kissed intensely. I moved my hand up to the back of her head, running my hand through her soft hair. She pulled back enough to bite onto my bottom lip before moving her tongue into my mouth fluently. She was drunk. She was probably more drunk than me. I could tell by how carefree she was being with our kisses. I probably would be getting turned on if it weren't for the alcohol in my system.

"Liam," she breathed, gripping onto the hair on the back of my head. "I want you to fuck me." My stomach jumped in surprise when she said that. I pulled back to look at her face, my eye brows furrowed.

"W-what...?" I stammered out stupidly. We were both virgins. The most we'd done with each other was a little touching. She'd never given me head, never jerked me off, none of that.

"You heard me." She smiled slyly before going back to kissing me. She ran her hands down my chest, gripping tightly onto my shirt. "I want you to fuck me," she breathed once more. I kissed her back. Even though she was telling me to fuck her, and being pretty damn sexy about it, nothing was happening down there... I didn't want our first time to be in Brody's basement with both of us wasted.

"Olive," I began, pulling away from her kiss so I could speak. She simply moved her mouth down to my neck. "I can't... not tonight."

"Why not?" she asked, sitting up once again to look at me. The disappointment was apparent on her pretty face.

"Because..." I gave her a hard look. She scowled down at me.

"Please, Liam!" she begged, sounding fairly drunk. I snickered and shook my head.

"No, Olive..," I insisted. "I don't want our first time to be when we're both fucked up." She shook her head.

"But why does that matter?" she asked, leaning down to kiss my neck once again. "I really want to..." I sighed, closing my eyes momentarily. "I think we've been together long enough now. I'm ready.."

"Why don't we do it tomorrow when we're both sober if you're so ready?" I asked, losing my patience with her rather quickly.

"Because I want to now!" she giggled. I wasn't feeling so amused.

"Okay, okay," I sat up, sliding her off of me as I went. "I have to go take a piss," I grumbled, standing before she had a chance to grab me.

"Liam!" she whined, but I ignored her. I walked towards the stairs as quickly as I could. I was feeling a bit unsteady on my feet, since I had been laying down for a bit. My world was spinning slightly.

I walked straight into the bathroom and took my piss. I wasn't in any rush to go back downstairs... I was hoping that if I took long enough upstairs, she would fall asleep. Maybe I could smoke a cigarette. I finished my piss and walked back into the hall. I could hear faint voices coming from the back porch attached to the kitchen. I stopped moving and listened.

"You know you can always stay here if you need to..," Brody said. My eyes narrowed as I then heard the voice of Felix sound through the air.

"Yeah, I know. I don't think I'll need to though. I don't wanna be a bother, anyways," He sighed, sounding slightly dejected.

"No, man! It wouldn't be a problem at all, really!" Brody insisted. I debated going out onto the porch.. but I didn't want to interrupt their private conversation. I turned to go back downstairs- fuck, no! I paused. I definitely didn't wanna go down there yet. I sighed and turned to go back into the bathroom. I sat with my back against the wall and smoked a cigarette by myself, ashing into the toilet.

Why did it seem impossible to have a night of drinking where I could totally relax? Maybe I would be better off alone...


	4. November 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, warning, there is sex in this chapter... mild descriptions. This chapter made me realize why I write gay fiction! This is the first heterosexual sex scene I've written probably ever, and it felt wrong! hahaha. Liam goes about it, of course, in his usual awkward fashion, which made it easier to write.

It was a chilly Saturday night in the middle of November. I laid in my bed with Olive next to me, a movie playing on my small TV. She wasn't into video games like me, or else I would probably be playing something instead.. She was more of a movie person, whereas I was not. We were watching Spun- though I don't think she was enjoying it.. and my suspicions were quickly confirmed.

"Don't you have anything else?" Olive groaned as she turned to face me. I laughed and shrugged a shoulder.

"I mean... I have Gummo, but if you don't like this, I really don't think you'd like that...," I snickered.

"What's that about?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbow. I shook my head.

"You wouldn't like it. Trust me." I sighed, sitting up as well. "What about The Last Airbender? Do you like that?" I asked. She shrugged.

"It would be better than this!" She gave me a small smile. I reluctantly got out of bed and switched the movie out for a DVD of the the Last Airbender. Once it was in, I moved back to my bed and laid down. I was definitely bored.. I would much rather be spending my Saturday night playing Okami, or Catherine, or... anything really.

We settled in next to each other. We only made it through one episode when I could tell she was getting bored again. She kept sighing, shifting her position, and glancing back at me. It was kind of annoying, honestly.. That's when she suddenly turned to face me again. She leaned forward until our lips connected. She gently began kissing me, and I kissed her back. If making out a bit was enough to keep her entertained, that was fine with me!

Olive reached her hand up to grip onto the hair at the base of my skull, sliding her tongue into my mouth slickly. I couldn't help but smile, moving my hand down to grip onto her ass cheek. She pushed her hips into mine, and I couldn't deny the feeling of arousal growing within me. She moved down to kiss my neck, her teeth grazing over my skin. She was putting a little more effort into it than she usually did...

"Liam," she whispered, moving back up to kiss my lips. "Will you fuck me now?" she asked. My eyes widened, but I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"Seriously?" I asked. She grinned and nodded.

"I'm ready..." She moved her hand down until she grasped my dick through my pants the best she could. I was taken aback by this, but in a good way. I nodded, leaning forward to kiss her fervently once more. I bit onto her bottom lip lightly, sliding my tongue gently into her mouth. I could feel her smiling as she began undoing my pants. I couldn't believe what was happening; I would finally be able to say I wasn't a virgin! My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt nervous.

Olive sat up momentarily to pull her shirt over her head, tossing it to my floor. I grinned as I looked over her body. She was so beautiful. She didn't hesitate before taking her bra off. I'd seen her topless before, but this time there was a new found feeling to it. After gawking over her beautiful upper half for a moment, I followed suit in taking my shirt off.

Olive moved over top of me, straddling me at the hips, and pressed her lips onto mine. She ran her hands up my chest, lightly grazing her nails over my skin. My mind was racing. We still had our pants on, but I was sure they would soon be off as well. She began grinding her hips into mine, and I was feeling quite uncomfortable. I wanted to fuck her..

"Do you have a condom?" she murmured. I'd had a box in my dresser since Olive and I had reached the six month mark of our relationship in the hopes that we would use them. I knew she wasn't on birth control; why would she have needed to be?

"Uh, y-yeah... hold on.." I sat up and she laid down once more. I stood up and walked to my dresser. I searched around briefly in my underwear drawer before finding the box of condoms. I picked one out and returned to my bed. I noticed that she'd slipped her pants and underwear off, so I decided to do the same thing. She wrapped her arms around me, pressing her bare body against mine. I ran my hand down to rest on her ass once again, giving her a smile. "Should... I- touch you or something?" I asked awkwardly, nearly cringing as I spoke. She laughed lightly and shook her head.

"I don't think that's necessary..," she whispered, kissing me gently.

"Are you ready?" I asked softly. She nodded, staring into my eyes briefly before laying on her back. I'd never put a condom on before, but I knew how. I tried not to fumble with it too much. I didn't wanna look like an idiot, but it was a bit unnerving being there between her legs. I wasn't the most self conscious person out there, but I could feel her eyes burning into me. After what felt like forever, but was probably only a couple seconds, I had the condom on. I swallowed roughly and moved myself into position. I tried to be gentle as I pushed my dick inside her, but I noticed that she still grimaced. "You okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine... just hurts a little. I'll get used to it though," she insisted, running her hands down to my lower back. She pulled me forward, forcing my dick to go deeper inside her. I gave her a quick kiss and began thrusting. It felt different than I thought it would... I'm not sure if it's because I was so nervous or what- but it felt kind of awkward. She didn't look like she was enjoying herself, and I was finding it difficult to keep a full hard on at times.

As the minutes ticked by I was beginning to feel more and more embarrassed. Why wasn't my body cooperating with my mind? I'm sure my overthinking of the situation wasn't helping in the least, but I couldn't help myself. I'd wanted her for so long... and it wasn't anywhere near as good as I'd imagined.

After what was probably a half an hour, I finally came. I was surprised and disappointed to find that my orgasms from jerking myself off were more pleasurable. I pulled out of her and stood up, feeling uncomfortable with the cum filled condom sticking to my dick. I peeled it off, crinkling my nose in disgust, and tossed it into my trashcan. I wiped myself off with a dirty shirt, feeling rather mortified. I could tell she wasn't happy with that... if I wasn't happy with it, how could she be? I took a deep breath and turned to go back to the bed. Olive was laying with the covers pulled up past her chest. She glanced at me as I sat down.

"So...," I began. "You didn't...?"

"What? No," she replied, shaking her head. "No I didn't... but I don't think anybody does their first time, honestly..." She shrugged. "It's okay, Li."

"I'm sorry if it was awful," I sighed, looking forward once more.

"No, it wasn't!" she protested. "I was close... I just think it takes time to get used to..." She reached over and put her hand on my back. "It's fine, really. We'll have plenty for times to practice!" I looked back with a smile and nodded.

"Yeah, that's true.. I need a cigarette." I stood up and began getting dressed. I looked at my TV to see it was still in the middle of an episode... I felt bad that the Avatar crew had to see the horror that had just ensued. I grabbed my pack of cigarettes and headed out my bedroom door.

I sat on one of the chairs around the dark fire pit and took a drag of my cigarette. It was refreshing to be outside and by myself... I peered up at my glowing bedroom window and shook my head, annoyed with how the night had taken a turn. I would have to do something nice for her since I was such a failure at fucking.. I took my time smoking my cigarette, not in any rush to get back upstairs to my girlfriend.

Later in the night, I tried to do other things for Olive to get her off... None of them were successful. I was left feeling quite frustrated with myself, though she told me it was no big deal. I didn't quite believe that... We ended up going to sleep after a couple failed attempts of fooling around. Olive was definitely a little more distant than normal as we laid next to each other. She wasn't as cuddly as I was used to.. I simply shrugged it off and went to sleep.

<<>>

"Hey, Jayla!" I called from behind her door. I heard a groggy, incoherent reply. "Get up! I wanna talk to you..."

"Fine, fine!" she finally called. "I'm getting up." It was around noon, and Olive had gone home. I was honestly happy to see her go after the terribly awkward events that had taken place the night before. The only good thing about it was that I could no longer say I was a virgin. Other than that I felt weird. I'd practically forced myself to come, and she was left very dissatisfied. Was that normal? Who better to talk to about it than my big sister, the town slut.

Jayla opened her door, her eyes half closed, her hair a mess, her pajamas on. "What's up?" she asked, her voice raspy from sleep.

"Put on your jacket and come outside for a cigarette with me," I requested. She sighed and stretched her arms over her head, stifling a yawn.

"Fine..." She walked back into her room, returning a few seconds later with a jacket over her shoulders. She pulled out her pack of cigarettes. "Let's go." I lead the way down the stairs, through the kitchen, and out the back door. We sat next to each other on the bench, each lighting our own cigarette. "So," she began once we'd each taken a drag. "What's up?"

"Well...," I began hesitantly. "Olive and I did something last night.." The sleep was sudden wiped from Jayla's face and replaced with intrigue and shock.

"Shut the fuck up!" she gasped, a wide smile on her lips. "You guys finally fucked?" I sighed and nodded.

"Yeaah...," I groaned as she started laughing. I shook my head and took a drag of my much needed cigarette.

"So?" she urged on. "You can't just leave it at that! How was it?" She stared at me intently, the smile not faltering. I couldn't help but grin at the situation.

"I mean...," I began, looking down at my feet. "It honestly wasn't that great..." I shrugged my shoulder.

"What?" she snorted. "Really? You guys waited that _long_ and it still wasn't great? I thought the sexual tension between you two would have been enough to make it awesome!" She snickered. I shook my head, wishing that were the truth.

"Nope, not really. It took me a long time to get off, and she didn't at all..." I thought back to it, half wishing I could forget. "I felt like I had to _force_ it," I admitted.

"So you didn't like it either?" she asked, her eye brows furrowing. I shook my head.

"Is that not normal?" I asked, feeling desperate for answers. She gave an exaggerated shrug.

"It's normal for girls first times to be nothing glorious... I don't know about dudes. It's way easier for you guys to bust a nut and call it a day," Jayla explained, taking a quick puff of her cigarette before continuing. "I'm sure it'll get better, though."

"It was seriously so awkward, Jay," I huffed. "I'm half _scared_ to fuckin' do it again!"

"Oh, come on!" She lightly punched my arm. "You gotta get up on that horse again." She shook her head, looking lost in thought momentarily. "Are you two okay?" she asked, sounding more serious. I was taken aback by the sudden question.

"Why wouldn't we be?" I asked, frowning over at her.

"I dunno... you've been arguing a lot.. and now this. Just making sure, dude." She smiled at me but I was left feeling slightly bothered. Maybe something _was_ wrong. "Don't let this bug you, though. If you do that, there'll be too much pressure on you." I nodded, taking a drag of my cigarette. "Wait, did you use a condom?" she questioned.

"Well, yeah. She's not on birth control," I explained. A knowing smile crept over her face.

"Well there's your issue! Condoms suck ass!" she snorted with laughter.

"How am I supposed to fuck her without a condom?" I growled, my frustration growing as I continued to think about it.

"Get her on birth control... or you could always pull out or something," she suggested.

"Yeah, 'cause that sounds like a great idea!" I snorted, rolling my eyes. "We'll just have to keep trying, I guess.." I had been hoping that talking to Jay would help me feel better, put my mind as ease... but it did just the opposite. What happened the night before didn't seem normal. Not that I had much to go off of- but my sister made it seem weird. Maybe it was just the condom.. All I knew was that I didn't want anybody else finding out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate Olive, bah! Can you tell?


	5. December 2016

I pulled the collar of my flannel tighter against my neck and suppressed a shiver. "Can you turn the heat on?" I asked, my teeth chattering together briefly. It was the middle of December, snow flakes just beginning to lightly fall from the sky, so of course I was cold! Felix smiled and nodded before reaching forward to turn the heat in his car on.

"Better?" he asked as we pulled into the parking lot of a small cemetery on the side of the road. It was an odd location... on one of the back roads of Manheim, on a hill. I didn't think cops would drive by us, even though it was around nine at night. He cranked up his brake and put the car in neutral, leaving it running for the heat. "Don't you have a jacket?" he asked, sounding amused. Stupidly, I didn't. I shook my head, putting my hands up to the vents to soak up as much warmth as I could. He shrugged the green military type jacket he was wearing off and draped it over my shoulders. My stomach jumped slightly and I grinned sheepishly. I hadn't been expecting him to do that.

"I don't need this, man," I told him awkwardly. He smiled and laughed slightly.

"No, it's fine. I'm not freezing my ass off like you." Felix was wearing his usual red beanie, a black thermal shirt and jeans, so that was probably true. He pulled out a cigarette from his pack and lit it before cracking his window ever so slightly. I hesitantly slipped my arms into the jacket and sighed. It felt nice and warm from his body heat, and I noticed that it smelled like him. It wasn't long before I couldn't resist following suit in smoking a cigarette. 

Felix suddenly reached back behind my seat, fumbling with something for a moment before pulling out a brown paper bag. I knew immediately that it was some kind of liquor. He folded the bag down just enough to expose part of the neck of the bottle. "Got some Jim Beam today!" he said cheerily before taking a sip. I grinned as he handed the bottle over to me. Wasn't my favorite, but I wasn't about to complain. I took a rather large sip, suppressing a grimace, and handed it back to him.

"How are you gonna drive me home?" I asked. He snickered and shrugged.

"I'll manage..." He gave me a sly smile and my eyes widened. "Kidding, dude... kidding. I'm not gonna get shit faced. I promise."

"Yeah, well, even if you did.. isn't your house pretty close?" I asked. He nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette. "Couldn't we just crash there?"

"We _could_... but I don't think we _should_." A distant expression overcame his face for a brief moment. "My dad's kinda an ass," he explained sheepishly, a crooked grin returning once more. "I don't think you'd wanna meet him."

"Ah," I said in understanding. "Say no more... my dad's an ass, too." I snorted. I hadn't seen my dad for about two years, so I really had no idea what he was up to. Felix nodded and held the bottle up as if making a toast.

"To assy dads." He took a sip, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Want more?" he asked, wiping his mouth. I nodded and reached to take it from him. He took one last drag of his cigarette and tossed it out the window. "The snow looks pretty.. I don't think it's supposed to last, unfortunately." It did look really nice. There was a street light by the road, and you could see it falling vividly underneath the glow.

"Yeah. I love the snow," I told him before taking a swig of the bourbon.

"Me too, dude. I feel like so many people around here fucking hate it... dumb shits," he snorted and I nodded my head in agreement. I peered out the windshield at the view in front of us. The cemetery was kind of creepy, but it was also calming to be somewhere so quiet. There weren't many places like that in Lititz... it was such a busy town.

"I didn't know there was a cemetery here," I said absentmindedly. I took another swig of the Jim Beam before handing it back over to him.

"Yup, there sure is." He let out a deep sigh before changing the subject. "When does your Christmas break start?" he asked.

"Next week," I replied, my stomach welling with joy at the thought. "I'm fucking excited!" Felix laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, me too," he agreed, putting the bottle up to his lips to take a quick sip. "You got lots of plans for Christmas?"

"Not really.. Going to my grandparents, that's about it. How about you?" I returned the question. He shook his head.

"Nah. We never do anything..." He shrugged his shoulder. "We haven't really done much since...," he trailed off, his brow furrowing. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "Holidays just aren't the same, ya know?" he murmured, his voice sounding tense. I was genuinely taken aback by this. I knew what he was talking about, though he'd never told me himself. Did he just assume I knew?

"Y-yeah, I can imagine so...," I replied awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck. There was an awkward minute or so of silence, besides Grouplove playing on the stereo, before Felix spoke again.

"I'm gonna try to get an apartment when I graduate. Brody and I have kinda been talking about it." His tone was back to normal. Calm and content. I wasn't quite sure how to take what had just happened... part of me wanted to ask him about it. I felt the urge to help him in any way I could. I wanted to be there for him. I was always protective over my friends; I always wanted to help them. But I couldn't comfort him if I had no idea what the problem was. But then again, it was none of my business. I always seemed to go back to that.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "That would be fucking awesome." I smiled at him, trying to shake his previous words from my head. He nodded, looking lost in thought as he took another swig. "Can I have some more?" I asked, breaking him from his trance.

"Of course you may!" He cast me a wide smile and handed the bottle to me. I gladly took it and forced another shots worth down my throat. I was beginning to feel a little drunk. I suddenly heard him stifle a laugh, and when I looked over he had a devious smile on his face. I raised my eyebrows in question. "I heard you couldn't tear dat pussy up," Felix jeered. That was the last thing I'd expected to come out of his mouth.

" _What_?" I snapped, my face immediately getting hot. He went into a small fit of laughter. _Fuck!_ "Did Olive tell you...?"

"She sure fucking did!" he laughed. "Well, let me rephrase that.. I overheard her telling Evie. She wasn't exactly being quiet about it, though. I mean I was sitting right there! So I don't think she gave a shit that I heard everything." Oh my god, how embarrassing! "She wants Eve to talk to you about it, since you guys are so close and all," he explained, laughter still heavy in his voice. At least that seemed to cheer him back up.

"That bitch!" I hissed under my breath. Olive and I had sex multiple times since our first time, and I wasn't sure if I could say it was getting any better. It still felt awkward and sloppy. She even tried to give me head, but I didn't enjoy that either. It was to the point where I questioned if I even liked getting head, or if she was just bad at it. Not only was it unenjoyable for me, but I could never get her off. No matter what I did to her. Was I really that awful? I would have to explain my side to Evie next time I talked to her.

"I know, I would be pissed too, believe me." Felix shook his head, his smile finally faltering to a grin. "I wasn't always the best... all gotta start somewhere, I guess." I groaned, shaking my head.

"I know, but still! I wish she hadn't talked about it in front of people, ya know?" I grumbled.

"Who are you calling people?" he joked. "It was just in front of me." I nodded, feeling a little bit better. But out of all of my friends, Felix was probably the one I wanted to know about that the least. I wasn't sure why- maybe because he had so much experience with girls.

"I don't know what's wrong, dude," I began glumly. "I don't feel like it's getting any better..."

"Yeah? I would just give it some time." Felix suppressed a burp. "I'm sure you'll figure shit out with each other..." I nodded before taking another sip. "Or! Maybe you never will and you'll both realize that you aren't compatible with each other!" he added quickly. I cast him a scowl and he began laughing again.

"Dick," I snorted before handing the bottle back to him. He raised an eye brow and shrugged a shoulder.

"Just speaking from experience, Liam." He took another sip before he continued speaking. "Not everyone is meant for each other. Sometimes you don't notice until you have sex." A rush of panic shot through me. What if he was right? I loved Olive... She was great. I didn't want to leave her.. Even if that's what ended up happening, I wasn't ready to give up just then.

"I'll give it some time," I mumbled, namely to myself. As if having the same thoughts, we both pulled out cigarettes and lit them. I took a deep drag, the familiar rush of tobacco hitting me as I slowly released the smoke from my lungs. I must have been more drunk than I thought. "Dude, that shit is fuckin' me up a little," I snickered.

"Yeah... me too, to be honest. I should probably take you home after we smoke these." He took a drag of his cigarette. I nodded, peering over at him as he smoked. He was leaning against his door, his eyes fixed on the graveyard in front of us. He had a somewhat vacant expression on his face again. Something was off with him...

"You okay?" I asked before I could stop myself. His eyes snapped to look at me and he nodded, raising his eye brows in question. I shook my head dismissively and averted my gaze.

"I'm fine... just tipsy," he snickered. We both sat in silence for the remainder of our smoke, lost in our own fucked up thoughts. Once we were done, he put the bottle on the floor by my feet and backed out of the small parking lot. We headed in the direction of Lititz. From where we were it only took about seven minutes to get to my house, especially at the time of day it was. The snow had ceased, much to our disappointment. But that made for better driving conditions.

As we got closer to my house, I realized I wasn't ready for the night to be over. I didn't particularly want Felix driving all the way back home, either. "Hey," I began.

"What's up?" he asked, glancing at me briefly.

"Did you wanna stay at my house tonight?" I asked, hopeful he would say yes.

"For real?" he asked happily. "Yeah, dude, that sounds good to me. That way I don't have to drive back to Manheim tonight... plus we can drink more of that bottle."

"Exactly my thought!" I was glad we were in agreement. Eventually we pulled into the church parking lot across from my house. He parked and turned the engine off. We exchanged glances before he reached down and grabbed the bottle. We both got out of the car and headed for my front door.

I opened it and we were, as expected, immediately greeted by the bounding Titus. His body wiggled furiously, his excitement to see Felix almost uncontainable. "Hey, buddy!" he greeted, sounding just as happy as Titus looked. He bent over and scratched up and down my dog's back. I couldn't help but laugh at how excited they both were. I looked up into the living room to see Jayla sitting on the couch, looking in our direction.

"Hey," she greeted as I walked into the living room. "Nice jacket... Your boyfriend let you borrow that?" she jeered. I looked down at the jacket I was wearing. I'd nearly forgotten... I was about to make a retort when Felix walked up beside me, Titus still all over him.

"Hey, Jayla," he greeted happily, sounding kind of drunk.

"Hey...," she said a bit more dully than she had to me.

"We're drinking a little. You wanna have some?" I offered. She snorted with laughter and grinned before shaking her head.

"No, that's alright. I'm gonna go to bed soon or something," she sighed, looking back at the TV.

"Alright, suit yourself." I shrugged it off and led the way upstairs. We entered my room and shut the door behind us so that our voices wouldn't bother my grumpy sister. "Did you wanna do anything in particular?" I asked. He shook his head, pulling the bottle out of the bag. We'd already had a good bit of it, I was surprised to see.

"Nope." He twisted the top off and took a larger swig of it than he had before. I decided to play one of my Primus CDs. That was enough entertainment for me. I loved listening to music. I shrugged his jacket off my shoulders and hung it on my doorknob. It was a lot warmer in my house than it had been in the car. I then sat down on the floor across from Felix, resting my back against my bed. He handed me the bottle and I gladly took a sip. My world was undoubtedly spinning around me. It wasn't out of control, though, so I knew I was good to drink more. "So this is where the magic happened...?" he asked slowly, a wide smile creeping on his face as he went. I stared at him, eyes wide, but I was unable to keep from laughing.

"Yeah, some magic, huh?" I snorted, smacking my hand to my cheek. I shook my head and closed my eyes, trying to forget about it all. "Haven't you been in my room before?" I asked.

"Not really. I've seen it, but I don't think we've ever hung out in here before...," he told me, peering around as he spoke. His eyes soon rested on the Okami poster hanging on my wall and he smiled once more. "That game is awesome!"

"Seriously?" I asked, surprised he knew what it was.

"Hell yeah, dude. I've never met anybody else who played it." He sounded just as excited as I felt.

"Me neither. I feel like it's really underrated. Most people probably read the description and think it sounds super gay or something," I laughed. He nodded in agreement.

"Very true... what else you got?" he asked. I scooted over to my bookshelf where I kept all my games, and he followed.

"Take a look." I glanced over my many titles before taking a sip of the bourbon. Felix looked slightly entranced with my games, his eyes bright.

"Damn.. You like Persona?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Well, obviously," I snorted with laughter.

"I've never played Catherine but I heard good things about it." He pulled the game out from it's spot and peered over the case.

"You can borrow it if you want. You like puzzle games?" I asked. He nodded. "Yeah, man. Take it." I handed the bottle to him. He took a swig before going back to looking through my collection.

"Are you good at Smash Brothers?" He asked, a sly smile on his face. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I mean... I guess. Not like I used to be." I hadn't been playing it as much as I used to. It took a couple rounds before I could get back into the flow of things. "Who do you play as?" I asked.

"Well, in melee I was usually Roy... but I'm surprisingly good with yoshi, as stupid as that is. In the new one I really like playing as Ike," he told me happily. It was refreshing to talk to somebody who seemed to be just as into video games as me. I wasn't sure how the subject had never been brought up before. "What about you?"

"Me? Usually Marth," I said.

"Oh, really?" He raised an eye brow. "You play Fire Emblem?" I snorted.

"Of course, dude! Who do you think I am?" We both laughed. "I even played some of the old ones."

"Yeah, me too." He sighed and stood up. He walked over to his jacket and put my game in the pocket the best he could. It didn't fit the best, but I think it was just so he wouldn't forget it. I moved back to my spot against the bed, and he sat down across from me again.

We spent some time passing the bottle back and forth, both of us laughing like drunk idiots at nothing in particular. My eyelids were beginning to feel heavy, and I knew I was soon going to crash. "Dude, I'm getting tired." I stifled a yawn.

"Yeah, me too..." He sighed and looked at the bottle. We drank a lot of it... "Can I have a pillow at least?" he asked. I couldn't help but laugh and I shook my head.

"No pillow!" I tried to sound as angry as I could. We both went into a fit of laughter. "No, but seriously... You don't have to sleep on the floor. I don't give a shit if you sleep on my bed... If you don't mind sharing it with me." I stood on unsteady legs and sat on my bed.

"Really?" He asked, raising an eye brow.

"As long as you don't try anything funny!" I stifled my laughter.

"But it's where the magic happens, I might not be able to resist," he joked, standing as well.

"Hey, don't make it weird right before we're gonna get into bed with each other!" I snapped with mock anger. "Do you want some pants to wear or somethin'?" I asked, standing to walk over to my dresser.

"Sure, if you don't mind," he happily accepted the offer. I pulled out two pairs of pajama pants and tossed one to him. Without much thought or caring, I changed my pants in front of him. Once I was done, I staggered over to my bed. I cracked open my window, which was at the foot of my bed, before grabbing a cigarette from my pack. My room had low windows, so my bed was actually a little higher than the bottom of it. "I'm glad you let me stay over. I had a good time. Shit ton better than I would have at home!" He had also pulled out a cigarette. "Are we smoking in here?"

"Yeah, as long as we blow it out the window we'll be fine," I told him before lighting mine and taking a deep drag in. My eyes were beginning to feel itchy, but there was no way I was gonna take my contacts out. I often slept in them and I'd yet to have a bad experience.

Once we were done smoking our cigarette, I moved to my TV to put on something for mild light. The last DVD that had been in was Avatar the Last Airbender, so I just left it on. I turned out my light and got into my bed next to Felix. It felt bizarre laying next to him but I was trying not to think about it too much. I was too drunk to care, anyways. He was my friend... not like anything weird was going on. "Hope you don't mind the TV being on...," I muttered.

"No, it's fine," he assured me. I looked up at the TV and I couldn't help but think about the last time I'd been watching it. I stifled my laughter and buried my face in my hands, a wide smile stuck on my face. "The hell you laughing at?" Felix asked, sounding amused.

"Nothing.. Just thinking about the last person I had in my bed. Now here you are." I shook my head, still laughing. "It's just so sad, it's funny!" Felix joined me in my laughter.

"You would probably be happier with me, just sayin'!" he snickered.

"You know, you're probably right about that!" I laughed. "You and I have a lot in common, and you wouldn't think I was fucking everything with legs!" I couldn't refrain myself. I seemed to be letting all my frustrations come out. "She's so jealous, she probably thinks I'm fuckin' _you_ right now!" I burst out. He widened his brown eyes.

"Is she really that jealous?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah! And it just got worse since we fucked!" I was being a bit dramatic, but at the time I didn't care. "Maybe I should just dump her ass..."

"Maybe," Felix sighed with a shrug. "But I wouldn't do it while you're drunk, man. If you still want to in the morning, by all means, go for it!"

"Yeah, I guess you're right..," I mumbled. "I tend to act before I think.." I heard him laugh quietly, but I turned so my back was facing him. I closed my eyes, my world spinning when I did so. There was something strangely comforting about being next to him. I felt relaxed. I soon fell into a deep sleep.

<<>>

I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the light. I could tell immediately that my head was pounding. I was faintly aware that I felt somebody pressed up against my back. When had Olive gotten here...? I jumped at the realization that Felix was laying next to me, not Olive. I glanced over my shoulder to see that he was laying with his back pressed up against mine. I sighed and let my head fall back against my pillow. I didn't care enough, nor have the strength, to move away from him. I was concerned that nausea would hit me if I shifted at all. Why did we have to drink so much?

I fell in and out of sleep for a while. At one point, Felix rolled over so he was on his back. He stretched his leg over so that it was resting on me, though I don't think he was conscious enough to know what he was doing. _Is this weird?_ No! Why would it be weird? Two straight dudes sleeping in a bed together hungover? Well then why did my stomach feel so twisted...? _Because you're hungover, dispshit._ Yes, that had to be it. I shook the thought out of my mind and decided I would get up to take a piss. I sat up slowly, careful not to rock my stomach too much. I looked at Felix, wondering how I was going to get out of bed without disturbing him... I didn't have quite enough room at the foot of my bed to get out that way. I groaned inwardly as I realized I would have to crawl over him to get out of bed.

After thinking for a bit on how to take action, I decided to just go for it. Slowly I moved one of my legs over him, careful not to touch him. I then moved my upper body over him successfully, holding onto my bed to steady myself. Now all that was left was my other leg. I went to make the leap to get to the floor. Of course, magically, just my fucking luck, I lost balance and ended up right in his lap, practically straddling him. Felix gasped at the sudden impact and sat up quickly, his eyes wide. I could feel my face turning beet red as we stared at each other. After a few seconds of staring, I scrambled off of him. "S-sorry, dude!" I stammered. "I was trying to get out of bed without waking you.. and I-I, well there isn't enough room to get out at the foot of the bed." He took a deep breath, holding his hand to his chest, and finally began laughing.

"You scared the shit out of me...," he breathed. "Holy shit, Li." He shook his head, smiling over at me. I was still quite embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you," I told him sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck. I should have known that would never happen like I wanted it to, as dizzy as I felt. Why hadn't I just asked him to move? _God, I'm so stupid!_

"It's fine, really," he snickered and laid back down, rubbing his temples. "Fuck, my head...," he groaned. I knew the feeling. I continued my trek to the bathroom. Hopefully I could regain my composure as I pissed. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I let out a deep breath and proceeded to piss into the toilet. How stupid could I be? Once I was done with that, I splashed water on my face, and left.

When I entered my room, I looked to see Felix was laying down again, his back facing me. I walked over to my bed and peered cautiously down at him. His eyes were closed, but I didn't think he was asleep. I was still really fucking tired... I glanced at my clock to see it was only ten. No way in hell was I going to get up when we hadn't even gone to bed until after four in the morning. "Can I get back in bed?" I asked.

"Yeah, man.. just crawl over me again," he teased, laughing. He scooted over to the spot that I'd had previously, and I laid down closer to the edge of the bed. I yawned and stretched my arms over my head. "I can sleep on the floor now if you want."

"No, that's fine. I don't mind," I assured him.

"Are you as hungover as me?" he asked.

"I think so... at least neither of us puked," I said brightly.

"Yeah, that's true," he agreed. "Not yet, anyways."

"Prolly will now that we said something about it..," I groaned. After a couple seconds of silence I heard Felix laughing to himself.

"You're really funny, man..." He shook his head. I didn't even ask why. I knew why. I was an awkward mess. I simply grinned to myself and closed my eyes, trying to relax again. It didn't take long before I was asleep.


	6. February 2017

February 14th. Valentine's Day. The stupidest holiday ever. It fell on a Tuesday, but I really didn't care. Olive had been a little upset when she realized, though I didn't try to hide my indifference.

I walked through the dull hallway absentmindedly, dragging my feet slightly as I went. I only had one more class to go, thank god. I was almost to my locker when I heard my name being called from behind me.

"Liam!" I turned to see Olive walking swiftly over to meet me. I slapped a grin on my face as soon as I saw it was her.

"Hey," I greeted her warmly. She wrapped her arms around my waist, squeezing for a quick moment. I knew she would want to do something after school. I was never big on celebrating Valentine's Day, but this was our second one together, and I knew she was going to want it to be _special_.

"So what's the plan for after class?" she asked as if on queue. "Did you want me to come over?" I grinned and nodded. Why not? Sounded better than going to see a fucking movie.

"Yeah, that sounds good," I agreed. What would we do at my house that was so different from any other day? She probably wanted to have sex... As awful as it sounded, I could have groaned at the thought. It was beginning to feel like a chore. I wasn't even sure if I'd ever gotten her off.

"Great!" She sounded like she was in a good mood. "I need to go home after school for a little, but then I can head over."

"Sure. Just let me know when you're heading over, okay?" I smiled and leaned down to kiss the top of her head quickly. "I gotta go." She nodded.

"Yeah, me too. See ya later!" she said happily before turning and walking back in the direction she came from. I let out a deep breath, shaking my head slightly, before turning and continuing to my locker.

<<>>

I slipped my coat over my shoulders and shut my locker for the day, the familiar feeling of relief washing over me. _Done for the day..._ I turned and began walking towards the front of the school. I was nearly at the entrance when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. My brow furrowed slightly before I pulled it out to see who had texted me. I couldn't help but grin to myself once I saw it was Felix. 'Hey. What're you doing today?' he asked. Was he joking?

'You know it's Valentine's Day, right?' I replied, slipping my phone back in my pocket once it was sent. I walked out the front doors, a rush of cool air hitting me. It was refreshing compared to being in the stuffy school all day. I pulled the collar of my coat closer against my neck and began walking across the parking lot, towards Jayla's car.

"Hey!" I suddenly heard Jay's voice from right behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see she was only a few feet behind me.

"'Sup?" I asked stupidly. She raised an eyebrow.

"Nothin'. You doing something with Olive later?" she asked with a grin as we began walking step in step with each other.

"How ever did you know?" I asked sarcastically. She looked slightly confused by my response.

"Well don't you want to?" she asked. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Not particularly. She's making a big deal out of nothing. It's just some dumb made up holiday," I sighed. I knew I was probably being a little bit dramatic.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." As soon as we were in her car, we each pulled out a cigarette per usual. I lit mine and then checked my phone again. Felix had texted me back. 'Well, yeah... I was gonna ask if you wanted to chill, but from your response I'm guessing you're tied up for the night.' 

'I am, unfortunately... Don't want to royally piss Olive off.' I texted back, taking a drag of my cigarette. I probably would have rather hung out with him than spend my night awkwardly fucking my girlfriend. _What am I saying?_ Maybe I did seriously need to reevaluate my situation with her...

'Haha, I get that dude. If anything changes, let me know,' he replied shortly after I'd sent my text. I sighed and slipped my phone into my pocket, peering out the window as we drove. When did I become so conflicted? I'd never been the touchy feely type.. I'd always been kind of cold in relationships.. But this felt different.. The fact that I would have rather spent time with my male friend than my girlfriend was a little weird. But he was a good friend to me. I liked spending time with him. My stomach twisted slightly as I thought about it. I shook the thoughts from my head and turned my attention back to my dwindling cigarette. I took a deep drag, trying to relax my mind. Everything would be okay. I would play it by ear.

Soon we pulled up into the church parking lot. We both got out of Jayla's car and walked up to the house. "You know," she began as we slowly crossed the street. "You're lucky you have somebody to spend tonight with." I rolled my eyes, casting her a playful scowl.

"You could spend the night with somebody, too... if you just asked," I hinted. She laughed and shook her head, shoving her hands into her jacket pockets.

"No, Li, I really couldn't," she sighed, her breath visible in the frigid air. "Besides... he's with _his_ overly jealous girlfriend."

"Is her jealousy really unwarranted, though..?" I asked slowly. We paused outside our door on the sidewalk. She grinned at me, a dully sad glint in her eyes.

"Yes, it is." She shrugged her shoulders. "He doesn't like me in that way." I stared at her incredulously.

"Are you kidding me? Jay, he's crazy about you!" I snorted. "I can tell just by the way you guys look at each other."

"No," she protested. "You're wrong." She turned and walked up our front steps and to the door. I sighed and followed suit. Why did she have to be so stubborn about it? We walked inside, Titus there to greet us, and took our jackets off. It felt quite warm inside.

Jayla definitely seemed to be in a funk. She walked into the kitchen and immediately searched through the cupboards for something to snack on. The look on her face made me feel bad... She didn't look outright sad, but I could tell something was off.  
I decided to head up to my room, since Jay was in a dismal mood, and play some video games before Olive would come over. I laid on my bed and played Fire Emblem on my DS. That would be relaxing and fun before she showed up...

I was playing for maybe ten minutes when my phone went off. I sighed and checked it to see it was Olive telling me she was headed over. 'Okay, just come in.' I replied. I set my phone down on my nightstand and went back to playing my game. She only lived about ten minutes away, so I didn't have much time left.

I knew she was going to want to fuck. I was mentally preparing myself for it. I wouldn't care so much if there weren't so much pressure to perform- shit, I would probably enjoy it then. But every time we did it, she looked disappointed. She would never tell me she was, but I knew she was. I was disappointed, too. All she did was lay there. She never seemed to get into it. Maybe that was the problem?

I heard footsteps leading upstairs and I knew my time alone was up. I sighed and quick saved my game before setting it on my nightstand. I sat up just in time for Olive to walk through my door. She smiled happily at me, shutting the door behind her, before walking over to my bed and sitting down next to me. She wrapped her arms around me and I did the same in return.

"God, I'm so glad school is over for the day," she breathed, burying her face into my chest. "I wish we didn't have to go tomorrow, though."

"Yeah, I know... me neither." I could have groaned at the thought. We stayed like that in silence for a few seconds before I spoke. "So, what did you wanna do?" I asked. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I dunno.. I wouldn't mind laying down and cuddling with you," she admitted with a small smile.

"I think that could be arranged," I told her softly with a grin. I stood up and walked over to my stereo to put some music on. I settled with Glass Animals before walking back over to my bed and laying down next to my girlfriend. She immediately laid in the crook of my arm, cuddling up against my chest. I let out a deep breath and stared at my ceiling, trying to relax. I knew it was just a matter of time.

"How are your classes doing since they switched?" she asked me nonchalantly, lightly running her fingers over my chest.

"Oh, fine. Glad gym is over.. but I have less classes with my friends, so that kinda sucks," I replied with a shrug. School was school to me. Different classes never made much of a difference with how much I enjoyed it. "What about yours?" I asked in return.

"They're fine," she sighed. "I wish I had a class with you, though..." A crooked grin spread across my face and I held onto her tighter for a moment.

"I'm sure we'll have more together soon enough." I didn't care if I had a class with her or not. I saw her plenty out of school, and I wasn't the type of person who needed that to feel secure. I knew she was, though.

"I love you," Olive suddenly said happily.

"I love you too," I replied, moving to kiss the top of her head.

After a while of laying with each other talking, we both went silence. I couldn't help but think about if I'd chosen to hang out with Felix instead... I would be having a better time. Olive would have been furious, though, so I probably picked the safer bet. I felt her shift and soon her lips were on my neck, kissing gently. Christ, I knew what was coming...

I decided to go with it. I ran my hand down her body until it came to rest on her ass, where I gave a slight squeeze. I could feel her smiling against my skin. She sat up, her deep blue eyes meeting mine, before she leaned forward once more to kiss my lips. I kissed her back, our mouths moving fluently with each other. I was trying to get into it... but I didn't really feel... _anything_.

"Will you fuck me, Liam?" she breathed through kisses. _Get it together, Liam!_ I nodded, biting onto her bottom lip.

"Of course I will." Real smooth... I was beginning to feel panicked. My dick was only semi hard, if that. Olive didn't seem to notice as she moved to straddle me at the hips. She pulled her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side, before moving down to kiss me once more.

I sat up just enough to slip my shirt off as well before laying back down. She sat up, peering down at me, a smirk on her face. "You're so sexy," she snickered. I couldn't help but smile at that. I wouldn't call myself sexy..

"So are you," I uttered. She unhooked her bra, tossing it to the ground along with her shirt, and ran her hands over my bare chest. She began kissing my neck, grinding her hips into mine. There was no way she couldn't tell how limp I was... Why the fuck wasn't it getting hard?

After about another minute or two of making out, she moved to take her pants off. I hesitated before doing the same. She looked slightly surprised, but didn't say anything. Instead she moved down and began sucking me off. I knew it wasn't going to work... that was probably my least favorite thing she did to me. It didn't take long for her to stop and let out a frustrated sigh.

"What's going on Liam?" she asked, looking up at me. I swallowed, unsure of how to answer her.

"Nothing..." I shrugged. "Just.. keep doing that. It feels good," I lied, staring back up at my ceiling. She did as I asked, this time using her hand in unison with her mouth. It did end up working a little. Once it was hard enough to go in, she moved back up to me.

"Ready?" she asked, grinning.

"I need to grab a-"

"Forget the condom," she cut me off. "Just fuck me already." She gave me a devious look as she laid down in position. I scrambled up and moved between her legs. It felt totally different without a condom. My dick could actually feel shit.. That didn't stop her from not seeming into it, though. She wrapped her arms around me and laid there.

I was trying to get into it the best I could, but I could feel my half assed boner going down as the seconds went by. I couldn't deny it any longer... our sex was awkward... it was awkward and it felt totally fucking _wrong_. That couldn't have been normal for a teenage couple.

Olive let out a loud sigh and pushed me off of her. I didn't even bother asking what the problem was. I knew.. It had gone down while I was inside of her. She pulled her knees up to her chest and stared across the bedroom. I grabbed a blanket and covered my lower half, feeling humiliated. After what felt like five minutes of silence, I murmured, "I'm sorry.." She shook her head, closing her eyes momentarily.

"You don't have to apologize..." She took a deep breath. That's when her head suddenly snapped to look at me, a glare on her face. "What's the fucking problem?" she growled. I was taken aback by her sudden hostility.

"What? Nothing!" I protested, feeling defensive immediately.

"Oh, no?" Her eyes widened. "What sixteen year old guy can't keep their dick hard!" she snarled bitterly. I could feel my patience dwindling. I never had the best temper, but I always tried to control it with her. "What the hell is going on? Is it me!?"

"No!" I yelled, returning her scowl. _But maybe..._

"Don't give me that shit!" she laughed. "It has to be me! What else could it be?" She stared at me, waiting for an answer. I didn't know what to say. I stuttered inaudibly for a couple seconds before she interrupted. "Liam!" she yelled desperately.

"I don't know what to say, Olive!" I snapped. "If I could magically make my dick hard, I would! But I couldn't today, I don't know why!" I crossed my arms, averting my eyes from hers.

 

"You shouldn't need fucking _magic_ to do that!" she hissed. "I should be enough!" There was silence for a few more seconds before she spoke again. "Is there someone else?" she asked quietly. I glared at her and shook my head. "Are you fucking cheating on me!"

"NO!" I yelled, louder than I had intended. She looked taken aback, but it didn't take long for her to glare at me once more. "I'm not fucking cheating on you, Olive! God damn! Why can't I be allowed to have a bad day!" I growled. "I don't always wanna fuck you!" I added before I could stop myself. She snorted with bitter laughter and shook her head.

"Wow," she hissed, standing from my bed. She began dressing herself, and I knew what that meant. "You're such a fucking dick!" she snapped. 

"You're not always sunshine and rainbows, either, honey!" I retorted. She cast me a look of disgust and rolled her eyes.

"I'm leaving! Happy fucking Valentine's Day!" she yelled, pulling her pants up as she did.

"I'm not the one who wanted to celebrate this stupid ass holiday, dude! _You_ did!" I reminded her. "Putting all sorts of stupid ass pressure on it and shit!"

"Yeah, whatever! See ya." Olive didn't give a second look back as she burst through my door and stomped down the stairs. She could be such a little brat... I stared at my door, trying to get a hold of my thoughts. I had mixed emotions. Of course I was pissed that we'd gotten into an argument like that, but I was also relieved that I was by myself.

I let out a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. After a couple more seconds I stood up and began to get dressed. I sat back down on the edge of my bed. I looked over at my DS and phone sitting on my nightstand, debating what to do next. I could hang out with Felix... I could play my game... Hanging out with Felix sounded great, but I honestly didn't want him to know what had just happened. It was slightly humiliating, after all. I grabbed my phone just to check and noticed I had recieved a text. It was from Felix.. I opened it and read, 'I played through Catherine a couple times... I just got the best bad ending.. Does that make me a loser? Locked in my room playing video games by myself on Valentine's Day?' I couldn't help but laugh.  
'Not at all. Valentine's Day is a fake holiday.' Send.

I groaned and laid down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Something was sticking in my mind from earlier that was bothering me. Our sex felt _wrong_... What did that even mean? Why did it feel wrong? We weren't compatible, I guess... The thought of being without Olive made my chest hurt a little. I didn't want to lose her.

I was a bit surprised when I realized I was left with a bit of sexual build up. But what did I expect after all that? I decided to jerk off to help get my mind off of the bullshit that had just ensued. I tried to think of things that would get me off quick. I didn't want to look at porn, I wasn't in the mood for that... but I also didn't want to think about Olive.

It didn't take me long to come, and I was left feeling a little bewildered and slightly disturbed. I sat up, my heart beating quickly. One person in particular popped into my head just before I came... someone I never would have expected. That person was Felix.

I pulled my knees up to my chest, feeling slightly dazed. Why the hell would I think of him right before I jizzed? My brow furrowed as I rubbed my temples. He was my friend. He was a guy. A straight guy. I wasn't attracted to him... I was just thinking about him because of him texting me earlier. Yeah, that was it. He was on my mind because I was trying to decide if I should chill with him or not.

I laid down, pulling the covers over me. Something was nagging in the back of my mind. Something that told me I was just making excuses for myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Liam is a dick, but I love him! And I don't like Olive, so...


	7. March 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added 2 chapters since the last one was short. Inspired by the awesome snow storm we had earlier in the year. Also, anybody who has ever been young and poor and unable to choose what they drink understands the pain of drinking Vladimir...

It was still cold out, even though it was the middle of March. It had hardly snowed at all over the winter, but lucky for us, there was a snow storm expected to arrive. We'd all made plans to meet up at Brody's and have a 'snow party' if you will. My mom took a little convincing, but she said she was fine with it as long as we went to school if it didn't snow. I was pretty doubtful that it wouldn't snow. We were supposed to get eighteen inches, and I was hoping we actually did.

"Do you know who's gonna be there?" I asked Jayla as we ate our dinner. I stuck to a veggie and cheese sub. I wanted something with bread so that I didn't feel too sick from drinking. I always found that bread and shit made it easier on my stomach. She shrugged.

"I think only me, you, Rhett, maybe Lillian, and Felix... of course." She rolled her eyes, taking a bite of her sandwich. Felix. I'd been trying to keep my mind off of him ever since Valentine's Day. Not going to lie, I was failing at my attempts. I thought about him frequently. Not in any way in particular, though.

"Nobody else could convince their parents?" I asked glumly. She shrugged a shoulder.

"Can you blame them?" she asked in return, her mouth full of food. God, what a lady... "Is Olive going?" I hadn't talked much to my sister about our total failed sex attempt. She got the idea, but I never went into much detail.

"Nope. Not tonight." I was slightly relieved. There was a good chance we would be snowed in for a day after, and I didn't want to be stuck with her. I glanced at the clock to see it was going on seven. It was supposed to start snowing at any time. "We should get going soon." I was antsy.

"Yeah, dude. We'll go after we're done eating." She took another large mouthful of her sandwich. I grinned and did the same. My mom was in the living room watching TV. She had the night off luckily. I didn't want her to be stuck at work.

"You guys better be careful!" she called.

"Mom, we're not gonna be driving in it!" Jayla replied. "Don't worry!"

"Alright." She sounded slightly skeptical. "I'll take a video of Titus playing in it for you." Titus had never seen a lot of snow before.. but the snow we did get, he loved playing in.

"God, I hope a lot lays on the ground!" I loved the winter and snow. When I was young, I always wanted to move to Alaska. But then I grew up and realized that was never going to happen...

We finished our meals quickly and we both stood up. Jayla stretched her arms above her head, letting out a groan. "You ready?" she asked. I nodded eagerly and we headed for the front door. "See ya, Mom!"

"Bye guys. Be careful!" she called one last time before we left. It was definitely cold out. I suppressed a shiver as we walked across the road. Nobody was out... it was so bizarre. We got into Jay's frigid car and she turned on the engine.

As we drove, small snow flakes began to fall from the sky. It made my stomach warm with joy. I was so ready to get drunk and play in the snow...

<<>>

I cracked my cup against Jayla's before taking a large sip of it. The harsh liquid warmed a path from my mouth all the way down to my stomach. I suppressed a cough onto the back of my hand and shook my head. "Fuck!" I complained, causing Jayla to laugh.

"Awwww, little Li Li! Being a little pussy bitch!" she jeered before taking another sip of her drink.

"You gonna take that dude?" Rhett asked from beside me, sounding highly amused.

"I hate vodka!" I exclaimed. "Especially fucking _Vladimir_!" I crinkled my nose in disgust and looked down at the sickening clear drink.

"Tastes like rubbing alcohol.." Felix nodded in understanding. "But it's cheap!" he added brightly.

"Fuck yeah, it's cheap!" Jayla spat cheerily. "It's cheap and it's fuckin' easy to choke down!" She grabbed the bottle and poured a shot into the glass that was sitting on the table in front of Felix. "Take a shot with me!" Damn, she must have been drunk. Brody and I exchanged amused glances.

"Is this some kind of trick...?" Felix teased, a smirk forming on his face. Jayla narrowed her eyes.

"Oh, just shut up and take the shot..." She held her plastic cup towards him. He picked up his shot glass and tapped it against the cup before they both took down their drinks. Felix grimaced, but didn't cough or complain like me. "Jesus Christ, Liam! Are we Russian or something?" she laughed.

"No- I think we're Polish..." I gave an exaggerated shrug.

"Yeah, Kaminski is definitely Polish," Brody agreed.

"I know, I was just kidding!" Jayla laughed before taking a seat. We were all huddled around the kitchen table. Brody's dad was asleep in his room, but as usual we didn't have to worry about waking him.

Lillian ended up not being able to make it, either. So the only ones who were able to go to Brody's were me, Jay, Felix, and Rhett. It was kind of nice, though. We were all having a good time, drinking quite a bit. The snow had begun to fall pretty heavily, and there was a decent amount on the ground. It was only around twelve in the morning, and it was supposed to go on until late morning.

"Oh!" Jayla suddenly exclaimed, smacking her hands down on the table top. "We should play never have I ever!"

"Ugh, I hate that fucking game...," Felix grumbled.

"Why? Because you always lose?" she jeered, her eye brows furrowing. He shook his head.

"Noooo," he replied, but was quickly cut off by my drunk sister.

"Well then let's play, come on!" she whined. He laughed slightly and gestured to her.

"Start us off then." He watched her intently as she thought for a moment.

"Alright! Never have I ever eaten a pussy!" she barked. Oh, Jesus... those were moments I wanted to forget. All of us except for Jayla took a sip of our drink. I grimaced at the disgusting vodka. I was gonna get drunk really fast if that's how things were gonna go.

"My turn!" Felix snickered. "Never have I ever sucked a dick!" He stared directly at her as he spoke. She laughed and shook her head.

"Come on!" She took a swig from her cup.

"You sure you still wanna play?" Rhett chimed in, sounding amused. "'Cause I'm pretty sure we could all get you more drunk than you already are pretty damn fast." We all laughed, knowing it was true. To my knowledge, Jayla had only gone so far as to make out with a girl. So with four guys against one girl, it wouldn't be very hard.

"Fine! You guys are such buzzkills." She sighed. As we sat together, I couldn't help but look over at Felix from time to time. He was wearing a flannel shirt, his normal dark red beanie, and some black stretch pants. He looked more tired than normal, and I couldn't keep myself from wondering why. He had rather dark circles under his eyes, darker than normal, and he wasn't acting quite like his usual self.

"Pour me another, Jay," he requested, pushing his shot glass closer to her. She cast him a smirk and poured more vodka into his glass, spilling some over onto the table.

"Party foul!" Brody suddenly burst out.

"What!" she gasped. "Oh, come on!" she snickered, smacking him in the arm. When I glanced back over at Felix, he looked just in time to meet my eyes. He gave me a crooked grin before taking his shot. My stomach twisted. Why did I have to feel so weird about him all of the sudden? I sighed quietly and took another sip of my drink. I needed to forget about my twisted thoughts.

"Are we gonna go outside tonight?" Rhett asked suddenly.

"Yeah, I want to!" I chimed in, glancing out the window at the falling snow.

"We will, but I wanted it to get a little deeper first," Brody explained. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Felix was standing up from his seat. I glanced over in time to see him heading for the stairs. My curiosity was piqued.

After about a minute more of listening to everybody chat about the snow, I decided to get up and follow him. I didn't want to make it too obvious... I walked downstairs and glanced over to see him sitting on the couch, one leg stretched out in front of him with his foot resting on the coffee table. He looked over and smiled when he saw it was me. He had a lit cigarette between his fingers. "Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"Nothin' much. Just wanted to smoke this shit down here," he explained before taking a drag. "Your sister is fucked up," he snickered. "You know she's fucked up when she's talking to me." I laughed.

"That's sad, but true," I agreed lightly. I took a seat next to him and sighed, pulling out a cigarette of my own. I lit it and took a drag in. There wasn't any music playing on the stereo, so I was guessing the CDs we had in earlier had all ended. It was strangely silent. I took a large sip of my drink, feeling nervous suddenly. He made my heart pound, my palms sweat. I glanced over at him as smoke slowly rolled out of his nostrils, his eyes staring blankly ahead. My brow furrowed lightly. _Do I have a crush on him....?_ I snapped my eyes forward, swallowing roughly.

Felix was becoming someone I could call a good friend... I felt at ease when I was around him. He made me laugh. I could joke with him, talk about video games and stupid shit like that. He was just a friend... but then why hadn't I been able to keep my mind off of him the past month? I peered over at him once more and was surprised to see he had an amused expression on his face.

"What's wrong, dude?" he asked with a hint of laughter in his voice. Jesus Christ, did I have all my emotions on my face? I shook my head quickly, frowning. I could feel my face getting slightly hot, so I really hoped I wasn't turning red. I usually became flushed from drinking, so hopefully that's what he thought it was from.

"N-nothing. I was gonna ask you the same thing, actually," I muttered.

"I'm fine," he snickered. I cast him a quick grin before taking another sip of my vile drink.

"Ugh..." I grimaced. "I keep thinking it's gonna get better the more I drink, but I think it's getting worse..." I shook my head.

"Can I have a sip?" Felix asked. I nodded and handed my cup over. I watched as he took a swig and passed it back to me. He didn't look like he was enjoying it either, though I knew he wouldn't complain like me.

I tried not to look at him too much as we smoked our cigarettes. I didn't like the feeling I got when I did... My chest and stomach felt warm and full of butterflies, but at the same time my mind was telling me it was wrong. I shouldn't feel like that when I looked at him. I took a deep drag of my cigarette and glanced over at him one last time. I was drunk... but he looked good. He looked good as he sat there, smoking his cigarette. I liked the outfit he was wearing, I liked how his faded blue hair was peaking out from under his hat, I liked how his brown eyes looked staring ahead at nothing in particular... the realization hit me like a truck and I could have gasped. Luckily, I resisted. Instead, I took a large sip of my drink. _Is it because I'm drunk?_ No.. I had a feeling I'd been feeling like that longer than I could comprehend.

If Felix knew the disgusting thoughts that were running through my mind, he probably would have punched me. What was wrong with me...? Was that what was so wrong with Olive and I's sex life? Was I not attracted to women? I looked over at him, hoping that every time I looked at him I would feel something different. My stomach twisted and warmed as if I'd just taken a shot. He turned his head to meet my gaze, his eyes narrowing.

"You're being weird...," he said skeptically. Shit!

"I-I'm just- pretty drunk!" I sputtered out with an awkward laugh. He raised his eyebrows, a smile creeping onto his face.

"I'm not drunk enough." He shook his head, still smiling, before smashing the end of his smoldering cigarette into the ashtray. "I think I'm gonna go find something better to drink." He stretched his arms over his head before standing up. He walked past me, his leg lightly bumping into my knee as he did, and headed back upstairs. I let out a deep breath and took one final, small puff of my cigarette before putting it out as well.

I hesitated before standing and walking over to the stairs. I looked up the staircase briefly before heading up. I turned to see everybody was still seated around the table in the kitchen. I walked over to lean against the counter across from the table and took a sip of my drink.

"There you are!" Jayla blurted out. "What the hell were you guys doing down there? Suckin' each other off?" She laughed loudly. Jesus Christ. I exchanged glances with Felix, who looked much more amused than I felt.

"Yup," he simply replied. Jayla stifled laughter, shaking her head.

"Shit! I knew it... hey! I guess that means you lied at never have I ever!" She pointed her finger in accusation.

"No, I didn't. That was my first time.. I dunno about Liam, but..." he trailed off, a smirk appearing on his face.

"Oh, god. You homos!" She went into a fit of laughter.

"Jesus, Jay, how much have you had to drink?" I asked, trying to force a laugh as well. It didn't work too well, unfortunately.

"I'm just having a good time, shit!" she snorted. "Here, have more!" She lifted the bottle up towards me. The amount of liquor was slowly lessening.

"Do you have anything else, dude?" Felix asked, directing his question to Brody. He nodded before standing up and opening the freezer door beside me. To our sweet relief, he pulled out a fifth of Jameson. "You've had that this whole time?" Felix laughed. Brody nodded, smirking.

"Oh, fuck you guys! Rhett!" Jayla yelled, causing his head to snap towards her in surprise.

"W-what?" he asked nervously.

"You'll drink the vodka with me, right?" she asked, grinning. He shrugged a shoulder.

"Yeah, I don't care. I'm not that into whiskey," he admitted.

"Yes!" Jay cheered while the three whisky drinkers gave him a taunt.

"You pussy!" Brody snickered. I handed Rhett my cup, which only had about a shot left in it, and walked over to the counter to grab a new plastic cup. Brody poured some for himself, then gave me a couple shots worth. Felix had a shot glass in front of him once more that he filled last.

"Liam, can you grab me a cup?" he asked. I nodded and did as asked. I figured he would get tired of refilling his shot glass. He took the shot and then grabbed the bottle, pouring some into his cup. "That tastes so much better," he laughed. I took a quick sip of my drink and nodded in agreement.

"You guys are fuckin' crazy for preferring vodka," Brody snorted. I was much more of an amber liquor guy. Every now and again I would drink some vlad mixed with an energy drink, which definitely fucked you up and tasted tolerable. But if I could choose, I preferred dark rum or whiskey.

"It's cheap!" Jayla protested, with Rhett agreeing. "And it doesn't give me a hangover!"

"God, vodka gives me a way worse hangover than whiskey," Brody said in disgust.

"Ah, whatever!" Jayla waved him off before standing. "I'm going outside!" she announced before turning and exiting the door leading to the back porch. We all exchanged glances and began standing. It did sound fun to me, so why not?

We all stepped out onto the screened in porch. Everything was glistening beautifully around us in the night. I couldn't keep a smile from forming on my face as I stared. It was so deep! I opened the porch door and stepped out into it. It was a little past my knee, which was insane for snow in Pennsylvania. Jayla was a few feet in front of me, throwing handfuls of it into the air over her head, laughing. I watched her, laughing as well, when I was suddenly shoved to the ground. It was a soft landing, since I was cushioned by snow.

"Hey!" I growled playfully, looking up to see Felix laughing at me. I grabbed a handful of snow and threw it at him, though it only blew back into my face.

"Oh, nice one!" he teased and began walking away. I sighed and stood up, feeling a bit unsteady. The snow was still coming down rather heavily. I loved it. It was great to see so much. We definitely wouldn't have school.

We all played in the snow like children, but we didn't care. As I rolled through it, laughing like an idiot, I realized that I was glad Olive wasn't there... I was happy that I could fully enjoy myself without having to worry about keeping her entertained, or making me mad. It was a refreshing feeling. Something I could get used to..

<<>>

So there we sat. On the couch, in our boxers as our clothing dried in the dryer. None of us had really taken into account how wet our clothing would get. The only ones wearing clothes were Brody and Jayla. He'd given her something to wear so nobody could check her out in her bra... I sat awkwardly between Rhett and Felix. I was a little too close to Felix for my comfort, so I found myself leaning slightly closer towards Rhett.

Felix didn't look like he gave a shit to be in his boxers in front of everyone. He was fairly drunk, though, I could tell. I peered over as he took a final sip from his cup. His hair was wet, and he'd taken off his beanie to let it dry. "Well, that was fun!" he suddenly said cheerily, sounding quite drunk.

"Dude, have you always had your nipples pierced?" Jayla suddenly asked, directing her question to Felix. His eyes narrowed and he smirked.

"Yup, ever since I popped out of the womb!" he said sarcastically. Jayla scowled at him, but it caused the rest of us to laugh. "No... obviously... I got them done like three months ago," He snorted. I tried not to look, but since it was brought up, I couldn't keep my eyes from wandering. They looked annoyingly good. "Sexy, aren't they?" he teased. Jayla laughed loudly.

"Yeah, they would be if they were on anybody but you!" she retorted. Felix gasped, holding his hand to his chest.

"How could you!" He tried to sound as upset as he could.

"Hey!" Brody cut in. "Felix, _I_ think they're sexy!" We all burst into laughter.

"Oh, whatever," Jayla snickered. "I'm fuckin' tired now.." She sighed before taking a drag of her cigarette. I didn't miss Brody grinning at her.

"You can go to bed whenever you want, you know?" he told her. She nodded and smiled back at him. It was around three in the morning, and we were all fairly intoxicated.

"Dude, I'm fuckin' beat! I think I'm gonna go to bed, too," Rhett yawned.

"Do you guys want me to pull out the futon from the couch?" Brody asked. "That way only one of you has to sleep on the couch." I shrugged with a nod.

"Yeah, that sounds good," I accepted the offer.

"I call the bed upstairs!" Rhett said quickly before standing. I watched as he rushed towards the stairs. Nobody was fighting him for it, so I thought it was kind of amusing. Brody noticed as well, laughing and shaking his head as our stupid friend went up the steps.

"Alright... Move over, guys." We did as asked and scooted over so that he could get the bed out. Once he was done, he stood up straight and stretched his arms over his head. "I think your clothes are dry." He nodded to the dryer.  
"Thank god!" I breathed and stood up, walking over to the dryer to retrieve my clothes. I sorted out Felix and my clothing, getting dressed quickly. I threw him his clothes and he slowly did the same.

"God, these are hot!" he complained.

"Well, yeah, they just came out of the dryer!" I snickered. I was so much more comfortable without my body exposed.

"We're gonna go to bed, guys," Jayla suddenly said before standing up.

"Oh, alright," I said with a shrug, my brow furrowing. "Good night, I guess." I watched as she walked up the stairs without a second look back.

"Night!" Brody said with a smile and he followed suit. I sighed, glancing over at Felix to see he was pulling a cigarette out. I slowly walked back over to the couch and sat down beside him.

"Well, that was abrupt," I muttered. Felix snorted with laughter and nodded.

"Sure was... they're sick of us," he snickered, slurring slightly. He took a drag of his cigarette before he peered over at me, a smirk on his face. "Somebody's gonna be fuckin' tonight." My heart jumped.

"Who?" I asked, realizing quickly that he wasn't talking about us. He snorted, his bloodshot eyes narrowing.

"Jay and Brode... who else?" he asked slowly. I shook my head, laughing quietly. I buried my face in my hands briefly, trying to get a grip on myself.

"Yeaaaah, that was stupid of me..," I muttered. Felix began laughing into the back of his hand, looking genuinely amused.

"God damn, Liam. You're being more awkward than usual tonight," he snickered, taking another drag of his cigarette. I shook my head slowly, trying to collect myself.

"What did you wanna do now?" I asked, deciding it would be best if I changed the subject.

"I dunno.. I'm fucking drunk!" He laughed with an exaggerated shrug. "You can have the futon if you want... I can sleep on the couch."

"I don't give a shit, dude. We could share it for all I care." I took a shaky breath in. Why had I just offered that?

"Yeah... wouldn't be the first time, right?" he reminded me. "Just don't fall on me this time." He went into a small fit of laughter. I grinned, trying to not look as awkward as I felt. God, he was so drunk... If only he knew the pull I was feeling to reach over and put my hand on his leg. I shook the thought out of my head and cleared my throat.

About a half an hour passed and Felix and I were still sitting next to each other, our knees lightly touching. I peered over at him. His head was falling forward, his eyes closed. He looked like he didn't feel so well... If I'd had as much to drink as he did, I wouldn't feel good either. I couldn't keep my stomach from warming as I looked over at him, fully aware of the areas we were touching. I couldn't fucking believe it...

"You good, Felix?" I asked. He nodded, his eyes fluttering open briefly.

"Yeah... Gonna puke.. not yet, though," he slurred, shaking his head slowly. I snorted with laughter, a smile stuck on my face. It was very rare for Felix to drink to the point of vomiting. I'd probably only seen it once in all the time we drank together. He could definitely drink the most out of all of us without feeling the repercussions.

"You had a good time, at least... so it's worth it, right?" I asked with a shrug. He let out a single laugh and nodded.

"Yeah, that's true..." He turned his head to look at me. "I'm seeing quite a few of you right now... I'll be right back." He grabbed onto my knee tightly and used it as leverage to push himself up. He swayed for a second before stumbling to the stairs. I was slightly worried he wouldn't make it to the bathroom.

I sighed and leaned down in my seat slightly, closing my eyes. It had been a weird night for me... I still felt conflicted about everything with Felix. It would make sense for me to have a _thing_ for him... He made me feel all fucked up when I looked at him. Plus, I felt wrong doing anything sexual with Olive. We hadn't even tried to do anything since Valentine's Day, and I wasn't complaining. Sure, that was great for me; but that wasn't normal for a sixteen year old guy. I didn't want to be attracted to Felix... but sadly... that's how it was seeming. Maybe once I sobered up, things would be different.

After about five minutes or so, Felix came walking down the stairs once more. He must have misstepped on the last couple stairs, because he fell to his ass and kind of slid down them. This caused him to burst out in laughter as he sat at the bottom of the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"Ow!" he groaned, unsteadily making his way to his feet. He was smiling as he turned and began walking back towards me. "Did you see that?" he asked. I nodded, a crooked grin planted on my face.

"Obviously," I snickered. He sighed and sat down heavily on the futon. He reached forward and grabbed one of the couch pillows. He then laid down, his back facing me. "You going to sleep?" I asked.

"Yup. Wanna go to sleep while my stomach still feels easy," he explained. That made sense... It was so difficult to sleep while you felt nauseous from alcohol.

"Alright, man," I sighed. After a minute, I stood up and turned off the lights. There was still light coming from the TV, so we could still see if we needed to. I smoked one final cigarette before I figured I would go to bed as well. It was probably four in the morning by then. I debated if I should lay on the futon with him or if I should lay on the couch for a moment.. _Fuck it._

I laid down next to Felix, careful not to move too much. I let out a deep breath and shut my eyes. I wasn't sure if it was from the alcohol or from him being so close to me, but my head was spinning. I was aware, the longer I laid, of how cold I was becoming. We didn't have a blanket, and it _was_ snowing out.

I rolled over so that I was facing him, slightly surprised by how close he actually was to me. I took another deep breath and scooted even closer, leaning forward so my forehead was resting between his shoulder blades. I didn't dare scoot my body any closer. I didn't want to be touching that much... but I was drunk, tired, chilly, and I wanted to get closer to him. I swallowed roughly, aware that he could wake up at any moment. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I felt his shoulders tense briefly and he sighed before relaxing. Was he awake...? If he was, he wasn't moving away from me.

I wasn't sure how long I was laying there, enjoying the connection, when Felix suddenly sat up. I glanced up at him to see him running his fingers through his hair. "Fuck...," he grumbled before standing up, unsteady on his feet, and walking as quickly as he could to the stairway. I snickered to myself and simply shut my eyes again.

Eventually he came back and laid back down. "I'm never drinking vodka and whiskey together again. _Ever_!" he stated. "This is the worst I've felt in God knows how long." He shook his head, rolling over away from me again. Dare I moved forward once more? After a couple minutes, once I was sure he was asleep, I did. I scooted forward again and buried my face in between his shoulder blades. I took a deep breath in, taking comfort in how good he smelled to me, and let my tense body relax.

As I laid there, aware of the conflicted happiness welling in my chest, I couldn't help but think about how fucked I was...


	8. April 2017

April fourth. My birthday. I was turning seventeen, and I was pretty happy about it. Only one more year before I could buy cigarettes for myself. Sure, Brody and Felix could buy them for us, but still. I wanted to be able to on my own.

I sat outside, listening to the birds sing, as I smoked a cigarette. It was in the upper 50s outside, and it felt nice. Mom was letting me stay home from school, since it was Tuesday. I wasn't even sure what I was doing up so early. Maybe because she woke me to tell me I didn't have to go... so I decided to smoke a cigarette before I went back to bed.

"Hey, Liam!" Jayla greeted happily as she walked through the back door. "Welcome to the couple months of the year where we share the same age," she snickered. We were born only about nine months apart. My mom got pregnant with me right after Jayla was born, poor her, and then she had me a little early. She took a seat next to me and lit her cigarette.

"Yeah," I laughed, taking a drag. "Mom's letting me stay home today," I told her.

"Huh, lucky you! How was I the unfortunate one that popped out of Mom's snatch in July?" she huffed. I crinkled my nose in disgust with her word choice. "God, I can't wait for this school year to be over..."

"Yeah, me neither. Soon. Kinda," I sighed, thinking fondly ahead. It would be so nice to have summer break, as it was every year. Summer was usually full of us drinking and fucking around. I, of course, played video games for many of those days.

"Not soon enough," she grumbled, taking a drag of her cigarette. Once I was finished with my cigarette, I decided to go back inside.

"I'm going back to bed," I told Jay. "Hopefully your day goes fast." I grinned at my sister as she rolled her eyes.

"You know it won't!" she whined. "I'm so jealous of you." She gave me a smile and I headed inside. I walked upstairs and laid down in my bed. I checked my phone to see nobody had messaged me before taking my glasses off and closing my eyes.

<<>>

I slept until about noon. I sat up in my bed, still feeling groggy, and put my glasses back on. Everything came into view, my room rather bright. I stretched my arms over my head and grabbed my phone. I looked to see I had a message from Olive. 'Hey, you're not in class today.. so I just wanted to say happy birthday! I love you!' The message read. I sighed, feeling slightly guilty. I'd been kind of avoiding her the best I could without making her suspicious ever since I realized my feelings for Felix.

'Thanks! I love you too!' I texted back. I could fake my happiness through a text, at least. I peered out my open window to see the sun was shining. It looked very nice out, and judging by how my room felt, I would say the temperature was perfect. I stood up and grabbed myself a cigarette out of my pack. I headed downstairs, careful to stay quiet since my mom was sleeping. I headed out the backdoor and took my usual spot on the bench.

I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag in. I checked my phone again after a few minutes and was surprised to see a text from Felix. I stared down at the message in front of me, 'Happy birthday, dude!' It said. I was honestly surprised he'd even remembered it was my birthday.

'You at school?' I sent, my brow furrowing as I waited for the reply.

'Nah, not today.' He replied quickly. I took a drag of my cigarette, staring down at my phone.

'Me neither.' I hesitated before sending the text. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to suggest we chill or not. I would have loved to hang out with him, but at the same time, I so badly wanted to forget about my terribly wrong feelings for him.

'Can I come return your game? I've had it for so long I feel kinda bad.' He texted after a couple minutes. Christ... It was so difficult to say no to him.

'Sure. But I really don't care how long you have it, dude.' I replied, half hoping that I could make him change his mind about bringing it. I guess it would be nice to see him, though...

'That's alright. I'll bring it. What time works for you?' He asked. I let out a small sigh and tapped my foot against the ground, taking a drag of my dwindling cigarette.

'Leave in like 20 minutes at least. My lazy ass just woke up.' I admitted. It didn't take long for him to reply.

'Haha, sounds good.' I stared at my phone briefly, my heart beating quicker than usual, before setting it in my lap. I took a final drag of my cigarette before tossing it into the fire pit. I pulled my glasses off my face to rub my eyes, wondering why I insisted on torturing myself.

I stood up after a few seconds and peered around the back yard briefly before heading back inside. Titus was right there to meet me, jumping up as I walked across the kitchen. Sometimes it amazed me how excited he was to see me when he'd seen me minutes earlier... Eventually, after almost falling quite a few times because of him, I made it into the bathroom. I took a piss, brushed my teeth, and put my contacts in. I then headed to my room to get dressed. I pondered over what to wear far longer than I should have. _He doesn't give a fuck what I wear... stop being an idiot._ I sighed to myself, feeling aggravated, and settled with some dark red pants and a Pantera t-shirt. It wasn't cold enough outside for a hoodie.

I looked at myself in my mirror for a moment before exiting my room and heading back downstairs. I prepared myself a cup of coffee as I usually did, Titus right up against me. I leaned down and kissed him on the top of the head, petting up and down his neck. It made me feel better to have him by my side as I tried to settle the war going on inside my mind. He didn't give a shit who I liked.. and he didn't judge me.

Once my coffee was done and in a mug, I headed back outside, this time with my dog in tow. I sat down in one of the chairs around our fire pit and pulled out my cigarettes again. I took a sip of my coffee and peered up at the sky. Clouds were beginning to over take the sky, shielding me from the sun that had been shining earlier.

It was quiet out, which was fine with me. I was guessing everybody was at work or in school. I glanced over my shoulder at my large, black Great Dane to see he was in the back of the yard repeatedly picking up large sticks that had fallen from the tree overhead. I grinned at him, wishing I could be so easily entertained, and turned forward in my seat once more. I took another sip of my coffee and pulled out my phone. A half an hour had already passed since our conversation. 'Come out back when you get here.' I texted before slipping my phone back into my pocket.

I felt groggy, despite how much sleep I'd gotten. Maybe that was the problem... But, then again, I'd felt so run down over the past few months. Maybe I had too much conflict going on inside me. I groaned out loud at the thought and rubbed my eyes. Maybe I should have been more straightforward in telling him not to come over.. _But will avoiding him really change anything?_ No. It won't.

I took the last sip of my coffee and set the mug down on the ground by my feet. I then pulled out a cigarette from the pack in my lap and lit it. Just as I took my first drag, I heard footsteps coming from the walkway leading from the front of the house. I looked up to see Felix by the gate, pulling it open. He put his hand up in greeting.

"Hey," I called, causing Titus to realize somebody had arrived. He let out a loud, single bark, and bounded over, practically hopping the whole way. Felix stopped walking as soon as he realized Titus was coming full force towards him, and braced himself. I couldn't help but laugh as he was nearly knocked over by my jumping dog. "Jesus Christ, Titus!" I laughed. "You'd think after four years we could have taught you not to do that!" I watched as Felix fussed over the Great Dane, a smile on his face. He made his way over to me, Titus's excitement yet to cease, and handed me the game that was in his hand. "Thanks, glad you liked it."

"Yeah, man, it was really fun." He grinned and took a seat in the chair next to me, Titus placing his head in his lap the best he could. I grinned as he soon turned so that he was sitting between his legs, back facing him. Felix exchanged an amused glance with me.

"He really likes you. Maybe I should be jealous," I snickered and took a drag of my cigarette.

"Well, they say animals are very intuitive to awesome people," he said matter of factly. "What can I say?" I laughed at his cocky behavior and shook my head.

"Yeah, yeah...," I snorted with a grin.

"Looks like it might rain soon," Felix said after a moment of silence. I looked up at the sky once more and nodded. It was definitely getting darker around us.

"I hope it does," I sighed. I loved the rain. I much preferred a gloomy day to one filled with hot sunshine. Felix nodded in agreement, reaching forward to pet Titus. I took another drag of my cigarette, releasing the smoke from my lungs slowly.

"You get anything for your birthday?" he asked, pulling out a smoke of his own.

"Some money. That's it," I replied before smirking in his direction. "What'd you get me? Cough it up."

"I gave you your game back, that's what I got you!" he laughed, taking a drag of his cigarette. I watched as he blew the smoke slowly out of his nose, ending with it partially escaping from his mouth. I averted my eyes, finding it annoyingly attractive when he smoked. I cleared my throat, knowing he couldn't hear what I was thinking. I still found it awkward, though.

"Alright, fair enough." I grinned and leaned back in my seat, trying to shake off my unease. "I'm waiting for the new Persona to come out. Once it does, you prolly won't be hearing much from me." He laughed.

"Yeah, I can't say I blame you... I'm gonna try and get it too." Felix ashed his cigarette to the side of him, trying to keep the smoke from blowing towards Titus. "It looks fun as shit!" I nodded in agreement, taking a final drag of my cigarette before tossing it into the fire pit. I looked up at the sky once more, the clouds slowly rolling in.

We sat in awkward silence for a bit.. Well, it was awkward to me.. not so sure if it was to Felix or not. He finished his cigarette before speaking. "One more year and you can start buyin' your own cigarettes," He snickered. Titus's tail began thumping against the ground as soon as Felix spoke, which made me smile slightly. "Then Brody and I can stop getting them for everybody."

"Yeah, I know. It makes me feel kinda bad," I sighed. "But at least Jayla can buy them for me in a few months."

"Ah, yeah. I almost forgot," Felix snorted, reaching forward to pet Titus's head.

"I can't wait to be 21, though." It felt so far off. I couldn't fucking wait..

"Me neither, dude. I just wanna be able to go pick out my own shit," he laughed. "No more Old Crow or fuckin' Bankers Club gin..." I shuddered at the thought of the horrid liquor. "There's cheap shit out there that doesn't always make you wanna puke!"

"Yeah, well, Brody's dad doesn't have the most sophisticated tastes, clearly," I said. As I finished speaking, I felt a rain drop fall on my shoulder. I looked up once more and it was indeed beginning to rain. "You feel that?" I asked.

"What?" Felix asked, and just as he spoke, the sky released its torrential downpour right on top of us. "Jesus Christ!" Felix laughed and all three of us jumped up from our seats. We rushed to the back door and I opened it, stepping inside quickly. I slid into the kitchen, having to grab onto the wall for support, which caused both of us to laugh. I'd been barefoot, stupidly enough, and the kitchen floor was very easy to slip on when wet...

"Gotta love that great PA weather, huh?" I snickered, gathering myself up.

"How did we get so fuckin' wet in the few seconds we were out there?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair to get rid of some of the moisture. I shook my head, slightly astounded, and looked over to see Titus shaking his whole body, sending drops of water flying. Luckily he didn't have much hair to collect water.. I peered out the window briefly to see it was still coming down heavily. I shrugged.

"Well, shit... did you wanna watch a show or something?" I suggested, unsure of how to entertain him. 

"Yeah, sure," he replied brightly, wiping off the remaining water on his arms. I led the way into the living room and took a seat on the couch. I watched as Felix hesitated before taking a seat on the opposite side of the couch from me.

"What'd you wanna watch?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I dunno.. you tell me. It's _your_ birthday," he snickered, smirking over at me. My stomach twisted and I averted my eyes. I sighed, irritated with myself, and decided to put on Attack on Titan.

We sat in silence, watching the TV show. Felix seemed quite content, and Titus came to lay between, or rather on top, of us soon after it began. I couldn't help but peer over at him periodically as we watched. I don't think he noticed, but he looked so relaxed and comfortable. It made me glad that he could be like that around me.. If only he knew how badly I wanted to scoot right next to him.


	9. May 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) Naughty naughty Liam

'What are you doing tonight?' I looked away from my game to read the message. Felix... It was Friday night, and as far as I knew, nothing was happening with the whole group tonight.

'Nothing. Why?' I sent back, my stomach jumping with excitement.

'Did you wanna hang out? I have a bottle.' He replied quickly. I couldn't keep a smile off my face at that.

'That sounds awesome. Where did you wanna hang out?' I asked.

'Would your house work?' He asked in return. I thought for a moment. We'd hung out at my place before, and it wasn't a problem.

'Yeah, dude. That would work.' I replied.

'Cool. I'll be over soon, if that's alright.' It was running on eight thirty in the evening, so I was fine with that. I texted him to let him know that was fine and saved my game. I sighed and stood up, glancing in my mirror briefly to make sure I looked at least somewhat presentable. I decided I would ask Jayla if she cared to join us, though I had a feeling what her answer would be. I walked down the hall until I came to her closed door.

"Hey, Jay!" I knocked on her door. It wasn't too often she had her door shut unless she was sleeping.

"What's up, come in!" she called. I opened the door to see her sitting on her bed, a sketchbook in front of her. She was looking up at me expectantly.

"So, Felix is coming over later." Her eyes narrowed at the sound of his name. "Did you wanna hang out for a little?" I asked.

"Er.. No." She set her pencil down and straightened herself up a bit. "I think I'm actually gonna go over to Brody's soon. I won't be there all night, but hanging out with just the two of you- gotta be honest..." She switched to an exaggerated whisper. "Doesn't sound very fun." She gave me a smile and I laughed.

"Understandably." I shrugged. "More liquor for us!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She waved me off and went back to her drawing. "We can do something tomorrow if you want."

"Sure!" I called over my shoulder as I shut the door. I was stupidly excited for Felix to arrive. My stomach kept twisting, and I was constantly looking in the mirror at myself to make sure I didn't look retarded, or a pimple didn't suddenly pop up. _Stop being fucking stupid, Liam. You're just friends with him..._ But still, I enjoyed hanging out with the guy.

I was hanging out downstairs as I waited for my friend's arrival, lightly tossing a tennis ball for Titus from the couch to the front room. He bounded over to the ball in two or three leaps every time due to his large size, and would bring it back quickly. I would have taken him outside to play, but Felix would be arriving any moment. After about ten more minutes of that, there was a knock at the door. Titus let out a loud, deep bark and ran over to the front door. His body was tense and he looked at me unsurely as I walked after him. "It's okay, Titus." I opened the door and as soon as he saw that it was Felix, his whole body started wiggling like an extension of his tail wag. He walked in and my dog started jumping up at him. "Titus!" I growled, grabbing onto his collar. I didn't want him to knock him over for fuck's sake!

"Hey, man," he greeted me with a smile, a backpack draped over his shoulder. He reached over and pet Titus. I let him go and he began furiously licking his hand. "It's been a little bit, huh?" he laughed. I grinned and shook my head at my crazy dog.

"So, what did you wanna do?" I asked once the dog had calmed down a bit. It was just past nine. He shrugged, a crooked smile on his face.

"Whatever. We could hang out down here or go upstairs and shit." He glanced around. "Jayla's not here? I didn't see her car." I shook my head.

"Nope, she's at Brody's," I told him, running my fingers through my hair. He snorted with laughter.

"She hates me that much?" he asked playfully, causing me to laugh.

"I don't think she hates you. She's just... weird." I didn't know how to explain how she felt about him without it sounding mean. He nodded.

"So it's just you and me tonight?" he asked, his brown eyes meeting mine. I swallowed and nodded, my palms suddenly feeling sweaty. Did he mean something by that...? _Stop it!_ I snapped myself back to reality. If anything he had probably been hoping Jay would be home so he could hit on her or something...

"Yeah, just me. Sorry!" I laughed, though my voice cracked a little.

"No man, that's not a problem at all," he assured me with a smile. "I like spending time with you. I don't always need to be in the group." I agreed with that.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," I replied. I suddenly heard somebody walking down the stairs and looked over to see my mom entering the kitchen. She was wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. No scrubs for once! "Hey, Mom," I called and walked into the living room, Felix and Titus following behind me. Titus seemed to be stuck to his side. It was cute how much he liked him. She looked over as she got water out of the fridge and grinned.

"Hey, guys!" she greeted. "Haven't seen you for a while, Felix. How are you?"

"I'm pretty good, you?" he returned the friendly gesture.

"Oh, you know. Hangin' in there." She took a sip of her water. "What are you guys up to?" she asked me. I shrugged.

"We're just gonna go upstairs and hang out for a while. Play video games, same old shit." I decided not to mention the drinking. She probably assumed it, anyways. She nodded. "You have off tonight?" I asked.

"I sure as shit do!" she said happily. "And tomorrow night, can you believe it." I laughed.

"Good shit, Mom." I glanced back at Felix. "Wanna go up?" I asked. He nodded. "Alright, we'll talk to you later."

"Have fun, boys," Mom told us before we walked up the steps. Titus stayed downstairs with her, and I was kind of surprised he didn't follow. We shut the door behind us and I sat down on my bed. He took a seat on the floor a couple feet in front of me.

"So what did you wanna do?" I asked. "Play some shit?" He shrugged and unzipped his backpack.

"I don't really care," he said. "I'm just happy to be out of my house. Anything we do is more entertaining than being cooped up in my room, trust me." He smirked and I watched as he began pulling out a bottle of Kraken rum. That was some good shit!

"Nice!" He looked up at me with a smile. "We have coke, too, if you want some of that," I said.

"Maybe. I like this shit by itself, too," he told me as he twisted the cap off. He took a small sip before setting it down on the floor. "Want some?" he asked. I nodded and he handed me the bottle. I tried to hold my breath as I put the bottle up to my lips. I hated the smell of liquor; it always made the shit taste so much worse. I took a large shot and handed it back to Felix. I coughed lightly and shook my head.

"I haven't had Kraken in a long time," I laughed. That familiar feeling of warmth spread through my chest and stomach as it went down. "I love it." Felix grinned and nodded before taking a swig for himself once more. I stood up, clearing my throat, and moved to my stereo. I settled with Middle Class Rut, knowing we both enjoyed them. Felix and I had a lot of the same music tastes, actually.

"One more month and I'm done with school," Felix snickered, handing the bottle up to me as I walked by. I rolled my eyes.

"You're so fucking lucky," I growled. "One more month and I only have two years of school left... woohoo." I waved my finger in the air before twisting the cap off.

"Don't be like that, Negative Nancy," Felix teased. "Soon enough you'll be in my shoes."

"Trust me, it can never come soon enough." I took a swig of the rum, aware that I was already beginning to feel the slight affects.

"Yeah, dude... I only have a few _weeks_ left and I can hardly stand it." He leaned back on his palms, his legs stretched out in front of him. I set the rum down and took a seat on my bed once more. He looked lost in thought briefly before he suddenly spoke. "You don't think your mom hates me, do you?" he asked. I snorted with laughter.

"No... why would she?" I asked, my eyes narrowing. He shrugged a shoulder.

"Because of Jayla," he explained.

"No, I don't think so," I began. "She's really reasonable... Plus you're _my_ friend." He nodded slowly.

"Alright, good," he sighed, reaching forward to grab the bottle once more. We made small talk for a little while, both of us enjoying the company, slowly becoming more intoxicated as the moments ticked by.

"So," Felix began after taking a swig. "How are you and Olive doing?" he asked. I was kind of taken aback by his question, but I guess that's what guy friends did. "Haven't heard you bitching about her for a while," he snickered. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Yeah, we're fine. Trying to work out some of our, you know... _issues_.." I grimaced at the thought. He laughed and I playfully scowled at him. "It's not funny, Felix!" I tried to sound angry but I didn't think it worked too well.

"What's the problem, exactly?" he asked, looking at me intently. I opened my mouth to speak but didn't know what to say. I knew what the problem was, but I couldn't tell him. I frowned, staring down at my hands.

"I don't know," I replied with a sigh. "I guess I just suck ass at fucking," I admitted sheepishly, grinning as I spoke. That wasn't a lie. Sure, we had other problems other than the obvious, but I truly didn't think I brought her any pleasure. I looked back at Felix and he shook his head.

"Do _you_ enjoy it?" he asked. Why was he asking that? I shrugged a shoulder with a slight laugh.

"It could be better." That was an understatement. "I feel like she's gonna leave me because of it. But honestly, I don't even like it when she sucks me off. We've been trying to do more shit or whatever, but nothing is working." I sighed and slid down to the floor, my back resting against my bed. I reached forward and grabbed the bottle.

"Maybe you guys should focus on one thing at a time," he suggested. I shrugged again. What good would that do? "But then again," he continued, a hint of something in his voice. "You can't force something if it's not there." What was that supposed to mean? I did love Olive. I was attracted to her. That's what was so frustrating. _Maybe it's because you're more attracted to the person right in front of you._ I clenched my jaw together and shook the thought from my head.

"Yeah, so what about you, Mr. Flirt. You got somebody?" I asked after taking a swig. It had been a while since I'd seen him with a girl. He shook his head.

"Nope," he replied with a crooked grin. I felt slightly relieved by his answer. Why should I care, though? "I got my eye one someone," he said somewhat hesitantly. "Pretty sure it won't be too much longer..." My relief was immediately replaced with bitter disappointment. What the fuck was wrong with me? I was jealous over somebody that was never going to be mine and shouldn't be. Still, with the alcohol taking affect I couldn't help but feel swept over by his gorgeous eyes. I was also beginning to not give a shit about my inappropriate thoughts.

"Oh," I replied, crossing my arms loosely over my stomach. Felix moved so that he was sitting down directly beside me. I looked over to see he was watching me, a smile on his face. His eyes were slightly red, and I knew he was feeling intoxicated as well. I looked forward once more, my stomach twisting as I realized how close he was to me.

"What the matter, Liam?" he asked, amusement in his voice. I shook my head and mumbled 'nothing'. God, I was drunk. How did that happen? "I think I know what your problem with your girlfriend is."

"Oh yeah?" I snorted, grabbing the bottle. "And what's that?" I opened it and took a sip. _Last sip. I'm getting too drunk._ I was too anxious to not drink, though!

"I think you're not in love with her anymore, if you ever really were to begin with... and if I had to give it my best guess, I'd say you're invested in somebody else now, not her." My stomach jumped and my eyes widened. It was like he was reading my fucking mind! I didn't look at him, I didn't want him to see my shock.

"Oh really?" I asked, trying to keep myself from reaching for the rum again. "W-what makes you think that?"

"Because I know what it feels like. I'm pretty sure everyone has gone through it before... and if they haven't, they will," he sighed. I frowned and looked over at him.

"What did you do to fix it?" I asked, desperate for a good answer. He looked me in the eyes as he spoke.

"If you really wanna be happy, go for what you want," he told me bluntly. I nodded, staring back at him. _Go for what I want._

"I can't have who I want," I breathed, my face twisting in exasperation. Why the fuck did I say that? Damn the alcohol! He frowned slightly.

"Why?" he snorted. "I'm sure you could have any girl you wanted." I shook my head.

"Yeah fucking right," I laughed and reached forward to grab the Kraken. I took another swig and handed it over to Felix. "I'm fucked up!" I announced. He laughed and took a large sip.

"Me too, man." He set the bottle down and ran his fingers through his blue hair. I watched him, his words replaying in my mind. I wanted him. I wanted him so fucking bad. I didn't want Olive. God dammit why did I have to feel this way? I moved my leg over quite indiscreetly so that our knees were touching. He glanced over, a small smile tugging at his lips. "I like hanging out with you," he told me. I nodded, letting my head fall back against my bed, and grinned.

"Me too, Felix." I tried not to slur. "We should do it more often." I shut my eyes and heard him mutter 'I agree.' We sat in silence for a little when I decided I needed to change the CD. It had already replayed a couple times. I settled for Pure Rock Fury by Clutch this time around. "What time is it?" I muttered to myself and searched for my phone. Eventually I found it and noticed I had a text from Olive.

'Hey, babe. What are you up to?' She asked. It was twelve in the morning, and she'd texted me at ten.

'Sorry. I'm hanging out with Felix. We're drinking a bit, so I didn't have my phone on me.' I texted quickly.

"Speak of the devil?" Felix asked with amusement in his voice. I nodded, rolling my eyes slightly.

"Yeah... keeping my ass from getting slain," I explained. I walked over to my bed and took a seat, only for my phone to buzz shortly after.

'Okay! Have fun!' She texted.

'I will. Good night.' I replied, not in the mood to be lovey. I tossed my phone to my nightstand and peered back at Felix to see he was taking another sip of the rum. I sighed, not being very heedful of my wandering eyes. He set the bottle down, his deep brown eyes locking with mine. His lips slowly formed into a smile.

"Did you tell that bitch what's what?" he joked, causing me to crack a smile as well.

"I dunno.. what should I have told her?" I asked.

"That you're with the most amazing, wonderful, entertaining friend in the world, duh," he replied quickly. I slid back down to the floor beside him as he pushed the bottle towards me.

"I dunno if I should drink more, man," I laughed.

"What could it hurt?" he urged on. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Good question..." It didn't take me very much convincing before I put the bottle up to my lips.

A half an hour or so probably passed and my eye lids were beginning to feel quite heavy. "Dude, are you tired?" I asked. We were still sitting next to each other, our shoulders touching. I wasn't sure why we were sitting so close, but I wasn't complaining. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, kinda," he admitted. I noticed how bloodshot his eyes were, and I imagined mine were too. I nodded, glancing at the bottle sitting in front of us. I had definitely had enough to drink. My world was spinning around me.

"You wanna go to bed?" I asked, trying not to slur. He immediately smiled and began laughing slightly. "What's so funny?" I snorted.

"Nothing.. you look fucked up," he snickered.

"Yeah, so do you!" I retorted playfully, punching his arm lightly.

"Wanna smoke a cigarette first?" he suggested. I nodded slowly before standing. I moved to grab my pack, deciding against going outside. We both lit our cigarettes and blew the smoke out my open window. I laid down so that I was on my stomach, with my head by the window, while Felix sat next to me. I sighed, staring out at the yard. It felt good outside, something I was going to cherish while it lasted. We smoked in silence, enjoying the music still sounding through the room.

Once we were finished, I moved to turn the music down. There were still a few songs left to play, and I would let the CD finish as we fell asleep. I turned off my main light and moved to my bed. I slipped my socks off, finding it unbearable to sleep with anything on my feet, and flicked my lamp off. Felix was already laying down, his back facing me. I hesitated before laying down beside him. We both remained silence for a couple seconds before he suddenly began laughing quietly.

"What?" I asked, amusement heavy in my voice.

"Oh, nothin'... here we are again," he snickered. I laughed as well, staring up at the ceiling. There was light coming into my room from the open window. It was close to full moon, and my neighbors had solar lights in their back yard.

"I know, dude... how does this always happen?" I asked lightly. He let out a small, content sigh, and huddled closer to the wall.

"Good night, man," he said quietly.

"Night..." I swallowed roughly, peering over at him. I couldn't stop thinking about our previous conversation. I wanted Felix. As much as I had been trying to deny it to myself over the past few months, I couldn't keep doing it to myself. It had to be unhealthy...

After a song or two, Felix's breathing became slow. I glanced over to watch his side slowly rise and fall. He was definitely sleeping... I felt that familiar pull to scoot closer to him. I swallowed and turned so I was facing his back. I stared at him, feeling extremely hesitant to move. _Just do it, Liam..._ I let out a deep breath and forced myself to scoot forward. I was so close to him, I could practically feel his body heat radiating onto me. His breathing remained slow, and I was relieved I hadn't woken him.

I lifted my hand, holding it frozen in the air by his side. I clenched my hand into a fist and pulled it back to my side. I wanted to touch him... I wanted to touch him so bad. I held my eyes closed for a moment before blinking them open once more. I let out a shaky breath and scooted forward, closing the gap between us.

Before I could change my mind, I ran my hand over his chest, my face buried in the nape of his neck, and held onto him. I felt him lift his head and clear his throat.

"Liam?" he asked, sounding groggy and dumb founded. "What're you doing?"

"I don't know..," I breathed, realizing it was too late to go back. He twisted so that he could get a better look at me. I pulled back, leaving my hand resting on his waist. His brown eyes were filled with confusion. "You're right, you know...," I said quietly.

"About what?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

"About needing to go for what I want," I admitted. He frowned and rolled over so he was facing me completely. I was waiting for it. I was waiting for the fist to connect with my face. I was surprised when he leaned in close to me, our foreheads resting against one anothers.

"What do you want?" he breathed, his mouth so close to mine I could practically taste the rum and cigarettes. My heart was just about beating out of my chest from our connection. I specifically remember Drink for the Dead playing on my stereo. It was probably my favorite song on the whole album. I'll never forget the twisting in my gut as I thought about what to say.

"I-...I think I want you," I breathed back after a few seconds. I reached forward and gripped onto his shirt, pulling his body closer to mine. I couldn't believe I'd actually said it. There was a pause, neither of us moving.

"You only _think_?" he whispered playfully after the torturous moments of silence. Relief washed over me, and my heart was pounding so hard I swear he could hear it. Shortly after that, he closed the gap between our mouths. I let my eyes close and I kissed him back, my mind buzzing with everything that was happening. It was almost overwhelming. I could taste the rum and stale cigarettes on his mouth as our kiss deepened. I slid my tongue into his mouth, aware that his hands were running up my back. I pressed my hips into his, wanting nothing more than to feel close to him. It was everything I wanted for what felt like much too long. I bit down onto his bottom lip, his metal lip ring clanking against my teeth. We were both drunk. I knew that, and I didn't give a shit.

Felix pulled back just enough to speak. "I want to show you how good head can actually feel," he said softly before moving to kiss my neck. I swallowed, sliding my hand up to the run my fingers through the hair at the base of his skull. I felt his teeth graze over my skin, causing me to suppress a shudder.

"I want that too," I breathed without second thought. He suddenly pushed me so that I was on my back. As he moved down towards my crotch, my heart began beating even faster, my world spinning around me slightly. Felix undid my pants and pulled them down the best he could. Was this seriously happening? I felt powerless to it, not that I was objecting in the slightest. I was surprised that my dick was hard at all for how drunk I was. Somehow it was up, maybe not the hardest ever, but it was up... I didn't know what he was doing so differently with his mouth than Olive, but it felt amazing. I gripped onto the bed sheets tightly, letting the blissful feeling sweep over me.

It didn't take long for me to come, and I was surprised when he didn't pull away. Olive never let me jiz in her mouth. I laid there for a couple moments after he was finished and took a deep breath in. I sat up to see he was sitting beside me, a satisfied grin on his face. "Did I succeed?" he asked, smiling. I nodded and pulled my pants up.

"Yeah," I breathed, sitting up. "I honestly thought I just didn't like head," I mumbled before scooting to the edge of my bed. I ran my fingers through my hair before standing on unsteady legs. "I need a cigarette, dunno about you." He nodded and stood up as well. We both stumbled out of my bedroom and down the stairs. I looked over to the living room as we came down the steps to see my mom sitting on the couch. She raised her eyebrows at me and shook her head with a smile as we passed. God, did she know what we just did? I hoped not. Titus trotted over when he saw us going towards the back door. I opened it and he bounded out before us.

Once we were outside, we both lit our cigarettes. He looked at me and smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. He leaned into me briefly, letting his forehead rest against mine. It made me nervous. I didn't want anybody to see us, but I enjoyed him being so close to me at the same time. I gripped onto his hip lightly for a moment before moving away.

I looked up at the stars, letting the smoke flow slowly from my lungs. I couldn't believe what had just happened moments earlier... it felt surreal. I was so drunk; I know I wouldn't have been so unreserved otherwise. Although, I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome. I took a deep drag of my cigarette and smiled to myself. "Hey, you lied, by the way..."

"Oh, yeah? About what?" he asked skeptically, a smirk on his face.

"You lied at never have I ever... you said you never sucked a dick before." I laughed, peering over at him.

"How do you know this wasn't my first time?" he asked, sounding as offended as he could before he smiled.

"I just have a feeling." I shrugged a shoulder, a crooked grin stuck on my face as I thought about the events that had taken place only minutes earlier.

We soon finished our cigarettes and headed back inside. We both got some water and headed back upstairs, saying good night to my mom. I shut the door behind us and put my glass of water down on my nightstand before laying down in my bed. I was even more tired after all that. "You actually ready for bed now?" I asked.

"Yeah. Hopefully you can rest pretty easily after that." He laughed and so did I.

"Yeah..." I stifled a yawn and looked up at the ceiling. "You still gonna sleep in bed with me?" I asked cautiously, looking back over at him. He shrugged.

"I can sleep on the floor, that's fine." He grinned at me. My brow furrowed and I shook my head.

"No, that's not where I was going with that. I really don't mind if you sleep up here with me...," I snickered, causing him to smile.

"Oh, really?" He raised an eye brow and I laughed. I nodded and watched as he took a deep breath before laying down next to me, closer to the wall. He turned towards me and grinned. "Did you think this was how our night would turn out?" he asked. I snorted, thinking back to the moment he'd asked me to hang out. I thought it would be just like any other night drinking with him.

"Fuck no," I said softly. It all felt like a dream; I could hardly believe it. "I'm glad it did, though." I felt his hand entwine with mine and I grinned to myself, allowing my eyes to close. I was drunk and exhausted. I'm not sure when exactly, but it didn't take long for me to drift off to sleep.

<<>>

My eyes fluttered open, my room annoyingly bright. I sighed and rolled over, slightly surprised to see that Felix was indeed laying in my bed next to me, shirtless. When had he taken his shirt off...? It had felt like a dream, but it hadn't been. _What the fuck._ My heart nearly skipped a beat as I remembered I had never locked my door the night before. Jayla was known to burst into my room uninvited at times. I scrambled up and clumsily made it to my door. I switched the lock and when I turned back towards my bed, I was surprised to see Felix sitting up, frowning at me. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"I was... locking my door," I explained awkwardly.

"Oh." A smirk spread across his face. "What, did you want me to keep my voice down so nobody knows you're a faggot?" he asked quietly, his eyes piercing into me. I wasn't sure if he was joking or actually trying to be an asshole, but my heart fluttered slightly. I swallowed harshly, my defenses raising as he spoke.

"No... I'm not a fa-"

"I was kidding," He cut me off. "Just come back here... I promise I'll be quiet, Liam." I sighed and walked back over to my bed. I laid down next to him, extremely hesitant to even touch him. Now that I was sober and my mind was much more clear, I was shocked at how freely I had allowed everything to happen last night. "If Jayla were to hear us, don't you think she would have last night?" he asked. I frowned and shook my head.

"Well, she knew you were coming over... She probably just assumes you slept on the floor or left. Plus I don't even know what time she got home. But she comes in and wakes me a lot... so I didn't want her to find..." I stopped talking, not even able to say it. My stomach dropped as I reminded myself that I'd cheated on Olive. A smirk spread over his annoyingly handsome face.

"I don't think I'm the worst thing she could find in your bed with you. At least I look good," he laughed and I couldn't help but laugh as well. I was just in so much disbelief about the previous night, it was hard to wrap my head around.

"No, she would probably be jealous," I told him. He snorted with laughter.

"Really?" he asked. "Why?"

"Well- because of how you were like the first guy to ever say no to her," I explained and he went back to smiling, looking lost in thought. "Why was that?" I asked, curious if he knew he was into guys all this time. Neither of us had really explained anything to each other the night before.

"Because I didn't want her. I wanted someone else...," he sighed.

"Who? That girl you left her for?" I asked, genuinely curious. He shook his head before quickly shifting his gaze to me.

"No," he answered and then paused, a sly smile tugging on his lips. "I wanted _you_." I couldn't help but frown from confusion and bewilderment.

" _Me_?" I repeated, my mind feeling blown. That was over a year ago! He nodded.

"I know what I am and I've known for a long time now. I just wanted to hide it from the cruel and unforgiving high school kids." He reached forward and grabbed onto my sweaty hand. "That's why I got with all those bitches." We sat there in silence for a few moments as I gathered my thoughts. Taking in all the things he had just told me was pretty difficult.

"I-I've wanted to do this for a while, Felix...," I admitted. "But I don't know how to tell people..."

"So don't." He let go of my hand and reached up to run his fingers through my hair. "Nobody needs to know." I couldn't help but wonder if that meant what we did the night earlier was a one time thing. As much as I didn't want to admit it, the thought made me sad.

"So...," I said after moments of silence. "What do we do now?"

"Whatever we want," he replied vaguely. I shook my head, not happy with that answer.

"So you actually like me?" I asked, paying close attention to his facial expression. He wasn't giving much away, however.

"I've liked you for a long time, Liam. I just told you that," he said. I nodded in acknowledgment. "How about you? You like me or were you just experimenting?" He laughed.

"No, I do like you...," I replied quietly. It was difficult to say out loud. It was so wrong. He grinned and leaned forward to kiss me. I tensed, but kissed him back.

"You're so fucking cute," he snickered as he pulled away. "So... what about Olive?" Fuck. That was a good question.

"I...," I began, feeling lost for words. I opened my mouth to continue speaking but no words could come out. What _was_ I going to do about Olive? Felix was watching me expectantly, waiting for my response. I couldn't stay with her after I did that... but the thought of her being out of my life made my stomach ache. I loved her. She wasn't just my girlfriend; she was my friend. I would miss her if she weren't around.

"You....?" Felix's voice snapped me back to reality, my eyes focusing on him. I sighed, averting my eyes from his.

"I'm gonna have to leave her," I finally said. I had to leave her...

"Well, from what you told me it sounds like you really aren't that into her... not to mention what we just did last night..," he snickered, a smile forming on his face that made me feel like melting into my bed. _God dammit... Why does he have to be so attractive?_

"Yeah...," I said, shaking my head. "You're probably right."

"What time is it, anyways?" he asked. I twisted to reach over and grab my phone, checking the time to see it was only nine thirty in the morning. My heart jumped as I saw a message notification from Olive. I decided to leave it be and set my phone back down. She didn't suspect that Felix and I hung out and ended up fucking around together... I had nothing to worry about.

"It's nine thirty," I replied quietly, trying to hide the unease I was feeling from him.

"Did you wanna go back to sleep? Oooor..." He hesitated before continuing. "Did you want me to leave?" Leave..? He probably should have left, but my chest tightened in a way that told me I didn't want him to go.. not at that moment. I didn't want it to be over.

"No," I said lightly. "I don't want you to go." I tried to grin, but I could feel the muscles in my mouth quivering slightly, so I gave up. "Let's go back to sleep." I nestled down under my blankets more. I noticed Felix sigh as he looked at me and he did the same thing, turning so that his back was facing me.

"I'm fucking tired," he mumbled. I was too, though my heart was beating so fast I was unsure if I'd be able to fall asleep for a while.

As we laid there, I couldn't deny the pull I was feeling to reach over and touch him. I wanted our bodies to touch. I wanted to get close... I wanted to know him in more ways than I already did. I stared at his back, moving my eyes up to the back of his head. His wavy hair looked soft, and it was resting perfectly despite our drunken sleep. I took a deep breath and reached forward to run my fingers through it briefly.

"What're you doing?" I was slightly startled when Felix spoke, amusement heavy in his voice.

"Your hair looked soft...," I admitted sheepishly. He let out a small laugh and nodded before turning around to face me.

"That's one good thing I got from my dad, I guess," he said quietly, a warm grin on his face as he looked at me. "The softness, I mean..." He let out a deep breath. I smiled and nodded, unsure of what to say. So instead I gave into temptation. I scooted forward and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. I closed my eyes and gripped onto him tightly, not even caring that he didn't have a shirt on. He did the same in return to me.

" _Fuck_...," I breathed shakily. I felt his fingers lightly brushing over my back, and it felt as relaxing as it could considering the circumstances. "This all feels so wrong.."

"Wrong?" he echoed. I nodded.

"Yes... but I don't know if I really care," I admitted, kissing the skin on his neck lightly. I heard him snort with laughter.

"I know what you mean." He gripped onto me tighter for a moment before letting go of me. I moved back so that I could look at him. "I want to see you again," he told me quietly. "After this." I nodded, staring into his dark brown eyes.

"I do too," I agreed without a second thought, before I could change my mind and say something safe but untrue. I wanted to see Felix again. I wanted us to remain friends, and maybe grow into something more.

"Let's go to sleep, dude. I'm fuckin' tired." He stifled a yawn and closed his eyes. I nodded, watching him for a moment before I sat up just enough to slip my shirt over my head. It was getting warm in my room. I scooted close to him so that our skin was touching and shut my eyes. Everything would be okay. It would all work itself out. I just needed to keep telling myself that..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them together so much! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you did, let me know! :)


	10. June 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liam is a dense ass mother fucker and it drives me crazy, but I made him that way so can I really be mad? ;p

It was the middle of June, and school was out of session. The last month of school had gone painfully slow, and I was relieved for it to be over. What I wasn't happy about was the terrible summer heat that had already begun.

I'd made attempts to stop talking to Felix as much as I usually did- but it always ended up failing. As much as I tried, I just couldn't resist him. He hadn't stayed over since the night we'd gotten _intimate_ or whatever you wanna call it... But that didn't stop us from drinking or getting high together and enjoying each other's company.

But since that night our friendship wasn't without a bit of complications... I hadn't ever gotten around to breaking up with Olive. He wasn't happy with it. I think I gave him the impression that I was going to leave her as soon as he left that day or something, which I _should_ have done. I wasn't entirely sure why I was afraid to lose her.. appearances? The fact that I loved her and didn't want to hurt her? But I didn't want to lose Felix over it, either. I wasn't entirely sure who I wanted to be with, I guess.. Or maybe I was too much of a pussy to admit to myself that I wanted to be with a dude.

Olive hadn't been too suspicious of anything. There was only one time that she questioned if I was actually with Felix when I told her I was... of course I was, but little did she know she actually had a right to be suspicious. Since that night I had actually been able to fuck my girlfriend. I was pent up with so much sexual frustration from Felix, and I attempted to use her as an outlet. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as I wanted it to be, but at least she seemed happy. At the end of the day it made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit, though.

It was the first Thursday after school let out, and we all had plans to go to Brody's to celebrate his, Felix and Lexie's graduation. I was looking forward to it. I'd been kind of avoiding parties since that whole thing with Felix and I, but I decided I needed to get back into the groove of things.

I sat in the front room, waiting patiently for Evie to arrive to pick me up. She had gone to get Olive, and then they were going to swing by and pick me up. Jayla had decided to go over earlier, which was fine, but I wasn't quite ready when she had been.  
I watched out the window as Evie's familiar green Honda pulled up to the curb. I stood up and walked out the door, immediately greeted by humidity despite it being eight at night. I hated summer... Luckily, I'd decided to wear shorts. I got into the back seat and greeted my girlfriend and friend.

I couldn't pay attention to the boring conversation the two girls were having. I had too much on my mind. So instead of listening, I pulled out a cigarette and smoked silently in the back seat. "What's wrong?" Olive asked at one point, turning in her seat to look back at me. I shook my head with a smile.

"Nothing's wrong," I lied. She grinned and turned forward again, believing me without a second thought. Truth is- I was nervous... I was showing up to a party with Olive. A party that Felix was going to be at. I knew he would be annoyed with me- but I also knew he would never call me out. As much as he wanted me to leave her, he didn't want people to know the truth about him.

After what felt like much too long, we pulled into Brody's steep driveway. Jay, Lillian, and Felix's cars were all there, so I was guessing we were last to show up. I took a deep breath before getting out of the car. I was slightly taken aback when Olive wrapped her arms around me tightly, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. She seemed to be in a good mood. I cast her a crooked grin and lead the way inside.

I stepped through the door leading into the basement, my eyes subconsciously searching the room until they fell onto Felix. There was a grin on his handsome face as his eyes met mine and I gave a sheepish grin back. I watched as his expression fell and he averted my gaze, annoyance tugging on his lips ever so slightly. He must have seen Olive walk in behind me, her hand lightly gripping onto the back of my shirt. I sighed inwardly and decided to avoid sitting too close to him. Instead, as Olive greeted Lillian, I wandered over towards Jayla and Brody. They were sitting across the room from the couch, both on ottomans.

"Hey, little Liam," Jayla greeted with a smile, a Miller High Life in her hand. I put my hand up to both of them and sat down on the floor heavily in front of where they were seated. "Hard day?" she asked, looking slightly sympathetic. Should I try to play it off? No... Jay always knew when I was lying. I nodded, tugging on a loose strand of fabric from my pants.

"Lemme get you a drink, Li," Brody offered before standing up and heading upstairs to the kitchen. I felt like somebody was watching me, and somebody probably was...

"What's wrong?" Jayla asked in a lower tone. I shrugged.

"Nothing really, just... I don't know," I sighed. This was the most difficult lie I'd ever had to hide from my sister. How long could I keep it up? She was about to say something else when Brody came back. Her eyes snapped up to him and a soft smile appeared on her face. I didn't miss the look of affection heavy in her eyes when she saw him. Was I as obvious as that when I looked at Felix? The thought made me feel slightly panicked.

"Here you go." He handed the beer down to me and took his seat.

"Thanks man... I feel bad; it's supposed to be a party for you, after all," I laughed before cracking open the can.

"Nah, man. Don't worry about it," he insisted. I nodded and took a large sip of my drink. Before I could say another word, Olive was sitting down beside me, resting on her knees and shins.

"Hey, Olive," Jayla greeted with a smile. "How're you?" she asked. I hadn't really been having Olive over at the house much, so Jay hadn't seen her for a bit.

"I'm good!" she replied happily. I noticed some sort of drink was already in her hand.

"What's that?" I asked, gesturing to her cup.

"Evie made it for me! It's orange vodka and red bull." She smiled at me and kissed my cheek again. I grinned back at her and nodded before taking a sip of my beer. It probably tasted better than Miller High Life...

We were all sitting around bullshitting with each other as the night went on, and I found myself unable to keep from drinking at a fast pace. I glanced over at Felix to see he was chatting with Evie and Rhett on the opposite side of the room, his back towards me. What a relief that he wasn't staring at me...

"Did you guys break up or something?" Jayla suddenly snickered. I looked back at my sister, an eye brow raised.

"W-what?" I stuttered, my eyes narrowing.

"You and Felix... It was a joke," she replied awkwardly. "Man, what is with you tonight!"

"I'm fine, seriously!" I laughed. I guess it _was_ odd for me to ignore Felix... but I hadn't really said much to Rhett or Lillian, either. I just wasn't in the mood to socialize. I took a final sip of my beer and stood up. "I'll be right back." I turned and looked in his direction again, only for our eyes to meet for a split second. I cursed to myself silently and headed upstairs. I turned into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I searched for a moment before settling on a Guinness.

"Liam," I heard a cold voice from behind me. My stomach dropped as I turned to see Felix standing a few feet away from me. I cracked open my drink and cast him a sheepish grin.

"Uuuuh, hey," I greeted awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck. I knew I should probably congratulate him on his graduation, since I'd yet to do so.

"Don't feel like talkin' to me today?" he asked, a crooked smile on his face. I shook my head, my brow furrowing.

"No, that's not it-"

"I know, I'm just fucking with you. I know why you don't want to talk," he cut me off before snorting with laughter. "You should be happy I'm so jealous." He shook his head before grabbing a beer from the fridge for himself. I took a sip of mine, feeling torn. There was no question, with the alcohol flowing through my veins, I would rather be hanging out with him than Olive. I sighed quietly, averting my eyes from his. Instead I stared at the floor in awkward silence. "Well, maybe I'll get to chat with you sometime tonight," he spat bitterly before brushing past me. I closed my eyes briefly, feeling like such an ass. I reopened them and took a large sip of my beer.

"Congratulations on not dropping out," I grumbled. "God, why am I such a dick?" I shook my head before returning back to the basement. I was dismayed to find that Olive was standing with Evie, who was by Felix, talking loudly and happily. He glanced over at me, expressionless, and then looked back at my girlfriend as she spoke. I made my way over to Brody and my sister, stumbling slightly as I went.

"Whoa there, Liam," Jayla laughed. "You aren't playing games tonight, huh?" I laughed back, a bit too obnoxiously. I was trying to pretend to be more happy than I was, hoping it would actually make me feel better. It wasn't working thus far... She gave me a wary look and then continued to laugh. I noticed the two of them had inched closer in my time away. That's when something hit me.

"Is Lexie staying home tonight? I thought it was supposed to be a party for all three of you!" I asked Brody. He and Jay exchanged glances.

"Yeah, I'm not sure why she decided to stay home. Why?" he asked back , looking slightly confused.

"I dunno, just wondered. She's kinda a bitch anyways," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Liam!" Jayla growled, but Brody let out a loud laugh.

"No, it's fine... She can be pretty bitchy. Especially lately. I don't know what's been going on." He shook his head, looking annoyed even at the thought of her. Oh how I knew that feeling. "Things haven't been going the greatest. You're lucky you have somebody like Olive." That sent a pang of guilt running through me. I looked over my shoulder at her. The whole group was laughing with each other, even Felix. I faced forward again and sighed.

"Yeah...," I muttered. I didn't want somebody like Olive. I wanted somebody like _Felix_. The thought sickened me, but it was true. I finished my drink and stood up, trying to be as steady as possible. I wasn't sure why but the alcohol I'd been drinking was suddenly kicking my ass. My whole world was beginning to spin. I stumbled up the stairs and made my way into the bathroom. I took a much needed piss before walking to the kitchen. I grabbed myself another beer and peered out the window into the dark back yard. Just as I was hoping, Felix entered the kitchen.

"Do you wanna go out and have a cigarette with me?" he asked and I noticed a pack in his hand. I nodded and followed him silently to the side door. He led the way onto the porch. It was quite dark since there were no outside lights in the back of the house, but I was fine with that. It didn't take too long for our eyes to adjust. We sat down on the bottom step of the porch and I made a point to sit close to him. I watched as he put two cigarettes in his mouth and lit them. He took one out and handed it over to me with a sly smile. I snorted with laughter and took it between my fingers from him. Somehow it ended up on the ground in front of me.

"God dammit!" I hissed and leaned down to grab it. Luckily I had set my beer down somewhere... not sure where.. because I fell forward and had to steady myself with my other hand. I grabbed my cigarette and sat back up.

"You good?" Felix asked, amusement in his voice. I nodded before taking a drag. "You seem pretty drunk." I laughed and leaned over closer to him.

"That's because I _am_ drunk," I told him in an exaggerated whisper. He shook his head, still smiling.

"You're making it quite difficult for me to resist taking advantage of you," he whispered suggestively. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I would like it too much for it to be taking advantage." I took another drag of my cigarette. I glanced over once more to see he was smiling, clearly amused. God he was so fucking good looking. Why did it have to be like that? "What?" I asked, unable to keep from smiling either. He shrugged.

"You're just funny... you're so difficult sometimes," he explained before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Psh! So are you," I retorted, patting my hand on the deck beside me to feel for my beer. I found it quickly and picked it up to take a sip.

"Me?" Felix sounded astounded I would say such a thing. "No, I'm not. I'm pretty simple. I wanna be with you... I thought I made that pretty clear." He was still smiling as he spoke, clearly trying to keep the conversation light. His words made my stomach burn. "You, on the other hand, pretend not to like me unless you're shitfaced." That wasn't true... "Then you can't seem to keep your fucking feelings to yourself.. and on top of that, you have a fuckin' girlfriend." His voice got harsh and bitter quickly as he spoke. I sighed, trying not to get defensive. I wasn't sure if it was the best idea, but I put my beer down between my feet and reached over to entwine our fingers together.

"I don't wanna argue with you, Felix," I told him quietly. "We're alone right now. I wanna make the best of it." I heard him sigh loudly, but his grip on my hand tightened. We sat in silence for a few moments as we smoked. I let my leg lean against his, enjoying the feeling. The crickets were sounding all around us, and I found it extremely relaxing.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Felix suddenly asked, his voice sounding much less tense than earlier. I shrugged before shaking my head. Unfortunately I didn't really remember.

"Not really... I mean, I remember meeting you. I just don't remember specifics," I explained. "Why?"

"Just wondering," he told me with another small sigh. He took a deep drag of his cigarette. "You had white hair... kinda like Jay does. I thought it looked so cool." I laughed and nodded.

"Ah.. It was a fucking bitch to keep bright," I muttered. "But I liked it too... I think I'll stick with red for a while. I think it looks good on me." He smiled over at me and nodded.

"Yeah, it looks great," he agreed. He let go of my hand to run his fingers through his hair. He let out a long sigh that ended in a laugh. "You don't know how fucking bad I wanna kiss you right now." He shook his head, taking a drag of his cigarette. I smiled at his words and leaned my head to rest on his shoulder.

"What's stopping you?" I asked. He snorted.

"You kidding? Anyone could walk out here and see that shit." He took a final small drag before flicking the butt into the yard. I took a drag of my cigarette as well and did the same.

"I guess you're right," I sighed. I sat up and grabbed my beer. "You ready to go back in?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess." He stared ahead for a moment before standing up. I followed suit, having to grab onto his arm for support once I was up. We walked inside, and just as I expected, there was nobody in the kitchen. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed onto Felix's arm. He turned to look, his eye brows furrowed. As he did, I not-so-gracefully pressed my lips against his. I closed my eyes and slid my tongue into his mouth, moving my hand up to grip onto the hair on the back of his head. He kissed me back just as fervently as I had, his teeth grazing over my bottom lip. That's when he suddenly pulled away. "I can't do that," he breathed. "I'm gonna get too horny," he whispered. My face felt flushed with his comment. He reached his hand up to run his thumb briefly over my bottom lip. "It's a little red... but I don't think anyone will think anything of it. Let's go," he sighed, turning to walk down the stairs. I hesitated, taking a sip of my beer, before following him.

I felt dirty as I entered the basement. Nobody looked like they suspected anything, but I felt guilty. I felt like you could read it on my face. I stumbled over to my normal spot for the night and sat down heavily. "Hey!" I greeted the group drunkenly. Jayla and Brody stared at me, both smiling. "What?" I asked, eyes narrowing.

"How much have you had to drink?" Jayla asked.

"Shit, I don't know... not _that_ much!" I waved my hand dismissively. She shook her head, laughing.

"I'm pretty sure this is the seventh beer I've seen you with," she insisted.

"How do you know this isn't the same one I went upstairs with?" I challenged.

"Because you went upstairs with a Guinness and you came downstairs with a Lionshead...," she stated matter of factly. I looked down at the bottle I was holding... yup, it was indeed Lionshead- and it was indeed a bottle and not a can. I simply nodded and took a sip of my dwindling drink. Had I really had seven? I glanced over to see Olive making her way to me. Oh, god, I had to avoid her. I had only moved into a better position to stand when she was suddenly sitting beside me again. She was about to say something when I kissed her forehead and interrupted.

"Hold that thought! I have to piss!" I staggered to my feet and walked as quickly as I could to the stairs. God, going up and down all night really got old! I walked into the bathroom and began pissing into the toilet. I had exaggerated a little so that I could get away from her, but I did actually have to pee. Once I was done, I didn't feel like going back downstairs. So I sunk down to ground, my back against the wall, and stared ahead blankly. God, I was drunk.

As the night went on, things became a bit fuzzy. I continued drinking to the point of feeling nauseous. I ended up laying down in the spare bed, without letting anybody know, and falling asleep.

At one point, I woke up, aware that there was somebody beside me. I rolled over and scooted closer, still in a sleepy daze. Disappointment struck me as I realized it was Olive. I shook my head to clear my thoughts before slowly getting out of bed. I didn't have my pants on for whatever reason. I stumbled out of the room, nearly stomping on Lillian and Rhett, who were asleep on the floor, and entered the bathroom. I took a piss, nausea mildly tugging at my stomach, and then went into the kitchen to get some water. Once I drank some, I quietly headed downstairs.

I looked over in the direction of the couch to see Felix laying on the opened up futon, a cigarette between his fingers. Queens of the Stone Age were quietly playing on the stereo. I walked the remainder of the way down the stairs and took a seat on the edge of the futon.

"What's up?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Uh... nothing," I replied, my voice raspy. I tried to clear it, but I didn't feel like it was working. "Honestly, I woke up and thought you were in bed with me.. but you weren't," I admitted sheepishly. A small smile spread across his face and he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Well, I could be," he told me suggestively. I snorted with laughter.

"Oh yeah, when?" I asked, scooting so that I was sitting directly beside him, my knee touching his thigh. I was still drunk, but definitely less than earlier.

"Whenever the hell you want, dude," he retorted playfully. "Seriously... I could come over and stay in your bed with you _whenever_ you want." He grinned softly at me, making me feel like I could melt. He took a final drag of his cigarette before leaning over and smashing it into the ashtray laying on the floor. He let the smoke slowly out of his lungs.

"I would like that..," I said quietly. Every fiber of my being was screaming at me to lay with him, to press my body against his. Since I was still fairly intoxicated, I listened to my being. I repositioned myself so that I was laying down next to him in the crook of his arm. I draped one of my arms over his chest, taking a deep breath in. "Fuck," I breathed.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I've just wanted to do this all night," I admitted, burying my face in his neck. After a few seconds I began to lightly kiss his skin. I felt his hand grip around my waist. I grinned and grazed my teeth over his skin before biting down gently. It didn't take long before I repositioned myself so that I our lips connected and we began fervently kissing. I didn't want to waste any time being gentle.

"You don't know how hard it is seeing you with her," Felix breathed before going back to kissing me, his fingers gripping onto my hair. I bit his bottom lip, feeling the clang of his metal lip ring on my teeth. I wanted to make him forget about that. I traced a hand down his body until it came to his crotch. I wasn't surprised to feel that he was already hard. I'd never really touched him before, but I felt compelled to that night. I slid my hand down his pants and gripped onto his bare dick, causing his breath to catch in his throat slightly.

"Right now-I'm yours..," I breathed before beginning to move my hand up and down his dick. "I'm always yours." I wasn't sure what made me say it.. it kind of just came out. Felix undid his pants and slid them down just enough so that his dick was exposed, making it easier for me to continue. It didn't take very long for him to come, and I was left feeling pretty happy with myself. I had never jerked anyone off but myself, obviously...

Once that was done, he pulled his pants up and rolled to wrap his arms around me. He let out a deep breath and snorted with laughter. "I wasn't expecting that.."

"Me neither," I told him honestly. I buried my face in his chest and closed my eyes. My happy feeling was slowly fading as I reminded myself that I would need to go back upstairs eventually. I couldn't sleep downstairs with him.. What would Olive think then? Or what would happen if somebody found us cuddling in the middle of the night? I was drunk and tired, my mind drifting the longer I laid there. "I have to go back upstairs," I mumbled, sitting up.

"Yeah... I guess," Felix grumbled, a disappointed look on his face. I sighed and stared at him, a longing feeling pulling me to stay. But I couldn't.

"Will you stay over tomorrow night?" I drunkenly asked, though I knew it was against my best interest.

"Maybe," he replied coldly. "Might not be good for fucking appearances, though." He turned his back to me, blatantly dismissing the conversation. I scowled, namely at myself, and scooted off the futon. I reluctantly began walking towards the stairs, dragging my feet as I went. I was still unsteady on my feet, and I was beginning to feel sicker as the time went by. I couldn't tell if it was the situation or the alcohol doing it.

I headed into the spare room and laid heavily down on the bed, staying as far away from my girlfriend as I could. The last thing I wanted after dealing with Felix's cold shoulder was to associate with her. To my dismay she turned and scooted closer. I probably should have laid down a bit softer.. "You okay?" she asked, sounding groggy.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine," I replied quietly, my body tensing as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Good... I thought maybe you were getting sick or something," she sighed, cuddling up against my back. _Oh, god..._

"No. I was smoking a cigarette," I lied, though I was feeling like I could actually use one.

"Okay. I love you," she said happily, kissing my back where her face was.

"I love you, too," I replied, trying to keep my mind blank as I said it. I didn't want to sound too miserable. I shut my eyes tightly and forced my body to relax. I was beginning to realize that I was the worst kind of person in the world.


	11. July 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I went through high school in Manheim, heroin was pretty popular, as unfortunate as that is. I knew kids who died from it, I had friends who began doing it and I also had friends who overcame their stuggle as well. It's a shitty drug, and teenagers do indeed get a hold of it and become addicted. I wanted to show that in this story.

Felix had always been known as a smart ass, laid back guy. He was really easy to get along with, but at the same time he was extremely sarcastic, which some people were really put off by. I always loved it, being as I was the same way. He was friendly and easy going most of the time... but damn, when he was mad, he was mad.. It was like he was a totally different person.

I was beginning to realize, as our relationship became stronger, he was extremely possessive and jealous. And he sure as shit wasn't worried about hiding it from me. I wasn't quite sure how to take it.. I wasn't sure if I liked it or if I was extremely turned off by it. Sure, Olive had been jealous, but this was different..

My phone buzzed on my nightstand and I lazily reached over to grab it. I had been dozing off, listening to Grouplove on my stereo. I blinked a few times, trying to get the text to look clear. It was Felix. 'Hey. What are you up to?' he asked. I sighed through my nose and debated whether I wanted to answer or not. My stomach twisted into an almost nauseous nervous feeling.

'I was napping. What's up?' I replied and set my phone down on my bed beside me. After a few more moments of laying there, I glanced at the time on my phone. Eleven at night... Felix replied as I was looking at the time.

'Sorry if I woke you. Are you with her?' What the fuck? I scowled at the screen before angrily typing back.

'No. Did you want something?' I set my phone down heavily and rolled over to face my wall before rubbing my eyes. I wanted him to get the point. This time it didn't take long at all to get a response. I waited a few moments before reaching back to grab my phone.

'I was hoping I could see you tonight.' he replied. Finally. Why couldn't he have just said that from the start? 'What do you say?' quickly followed with a stupid little winky face. I couldn't help but snicker to myself. I always found it hard to turn down an opportunity to see him, especially the more we saw each other.

'Come over.' I replied simply. I was hoping to put some wonder in his mind and make it seem like I wasn't too excited about it.

'Be there sooner than you would expect.' What the fuck did that mean? I frowned and sat up immediately. I grabbed my glasses from my nightstand and put them on, my world coming into focus. I couldn't see shit without them or my contacts. I stretched my arms above my head and stood up, feeling wide awake from our exchange. My heart was pounding, and it was making me feel silly. I was always so giddy at the very thought of him.

I headed downstairs quietly, aware that Jayla was in her room. I didn't want her to come out and see that he was coming over. I was relieved to see Titus wasn't downstairs. He was most likely sleeping in my mom's room, who was at work. She had to be there at eleven as opposed to midnight on Thursdays. I walked into our front room and sat down on the couch, watching out the window for his arrival. Sure enough, it only took a couple minutes and his familiar Mazda pulled into the parking lot. I wondered what he had been doing so close to my house.

I opened the door as quietly as I could before he had the chance to knock. That would have been terrible... Titus would have made so much noise coming down the steps. He smiled as soon as he saw me and waved. I grinned and shook my head at his gesture. He was wearing jeans and a NOFX t-shirt. It was sticky out that night, but at least it was in the 70s. Some summer nights in Pennsylvania it stayed in the 80s. He stepped inside and I shut and locked the door behind us. "Hey," he greeted quietly, smiling widely at me. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

"Hey... what's up?" I asked slowly.

"Nothin'. I don't remember ever seeing you with your glasses on before," he noted, his smile faltering to a grin. I'd nearly forgotten I was wearing them. He didn't hesitate to throw an arm around my shoulders and pull me close.

"Oh?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. I never let anybody see me with them on. "Yeah, they make me feel like a loser." He shook his head, moving his arm back to his side and taking a step back.

"No, they look good on you!" he assured me. I snorted with laughter before leading the way through the living room and up the steps without another word. When we were in my room I breathed a sigh of relief that nobody had woken up. I sat down on my bed and Felix did the same.

"So why did you wanna come over?" I asked.

"Why wouldn't I have wanted to?" he asked with a small laugh. "I wanted to see your face." He grinned crookedly at me and I felt myself beginning to flush.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked dumbly, averting my gaze. "It's already eleven at night, though... what were you doing out here?" I asked, looking at him once more.

"I was just drivin' around," he stated dismissively. "Do you want me to leave or something?" he asked, frowning slightly. No.. I hesitated before shaking my head.

"Did you want to stay the night...?" I asked quietly. He laughed and shrugged.

"I mean, since you're offering...," he trailed off with a wide smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed as well. "This might be the first time I'm staying over with both of us sober. I must say- I'm surprised."

"Why?" I asked, scooting over so that our legs were touching. He grinned and let his hand rest on my knee.

"Because... you usually don't want much to do with me unless you're drunk," he explained, his eyes not leaving mine as he spoke. I shook my head with a small sigh.

"That's not true," I grumbled, feeling ashamed of myself. "It's just... a lot easier to hide my feeling when I'm sober... obviously." I knew what I was doing wasn't fair. I'd thought a lot since everything began about how unfair it was to Olive. I'd never really stopped to think about how unfair it was to Felix, though. The realization made my chest hurt. I wasn't being very good to him. He nodded, his happy expression falling.

"I don't wanna talk about it," he muttered. I nodded and sighed again, turning in my seat to wrap my arms around him. I felt genuinely bad. I tried to think about how I would feel if Felix had a girlfriend.. I would be furious; I would be jealous. So could I really blame him for acting like he did whenever Olive was around or brought up? No, I couldn't. He wrapped his arms around me as well after a couple seconds.

"Well then let's not." I pulled back, grinning at him, before giving him a gentle kiss. I was so tired of running from everything. So what if I liked a dude? The only thing holding me back from being accepting of the situation was the fact that I didn't want everybody to think less of me. "I need a cigarette." I reached over and grabbed my pack, pulling one out. I then moved to open my window. I laid down on my stomach so that my head was closer to the window before lighting my cigarette. I grinned to myself as Felix followed suit, our bodies right next to each other's. I didn't want to risk going outside, since it could wake Titus up.

"How was your day?" Felix asked casually, taking a drag of his cigarette. I shrugged a shoulder.

"Pretty boring... but that's fine with me. Played some video games as I usually do. What about you?" I asked.

"Good.. I've been looking for a job. Brody has been too, so that we can move out together or something," he told me, though his tone left me doubting it had actually been a 'good' day.

"I bet Jayla will be thrilled when that happens," I said sarcastically. That caused a smile to form on his face again. He nodded, reaching down to ash into my ashtray. I watched him as his expression fell once more soon after. My brow furrowed slightly. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly. His eyes snapped back to meet mine and he nodded.

"Yeah. Why?" he asked. I didn't miss the rise in his voice as though he were lying, though. I shrugged.

"You just seem a little down." I wasn't going to push it. He grinned and kissed my cheek.

"I'm fine," he assured me. As we finished our cigarettes in silence, I was beginning to feel tired again. I took one final small puff and smashed the cherry in my ashtray, Felix soon following suit. I closed the window, my room feeling sticky from having it open the short amount of time it took us to smoke. I turned back to see Felix sitting on the edge of my bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Do you wanna lay down?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied with a small grin. I watched as he scooted onto my bed and laid on his back, letting out a deep breath. What would make him happier...? I didn't care what he said, something was off. I hesitated before pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it to the side. That definitely piqued his interest. I then slipped my pants off, leaving only my boxers on. I laid down next to him after I was undressed and grinned.

"It's hot in here now," I explained. Felix laughed and nodded.

"I'm not judging. I always sleep in my boxers or naked," he admitted.

"Well, then why are you still dressed?" I asked playfully, tugging at his shirt. He smiled before sitting up.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled, but I knew he was only pretending to be difficult. He slipped his shirt over his head, his pants soon following. He had a very nice body, I couldn't even deny it. He had muscle, but not too much, and he was lean but not deathly so. I'd also realized, in our time together, that I really liked his stomach hair. It sounded so weird, but it looked so sexy.. I guess it was so clear to me since Olive had never, obviously, had any body hair. She would usually complain about mine, but I wasn't about to shave... "Better?" he asked, raising an eye brow. I nodded, leaning over until our lips met once more. I ran my hand over his stomach, tracing down until I gripped lightly onto his hip. It was the first time we were laying together in only our boxers, and I could feel my heart beating quickly. I pulled back and let my head rest on his chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

I'm not sure how long we were laying together in comfortable silence, but I was enjoying the feeling of him being beside me. I reached over and ran my fingers gently over his arm. His palm was facing up, exposing all of the imperfections he'd left on himself. I ran my fingers down until I came across a particularly dark and raised track scar. I let out a small sigh and continued down his arm until I came to his hand. He had them all down his arm, to his wrist, on the back of his hand, and even one or two between his fingers. He had many of them.. some which had faded since I'd first taken notice, but they were definitely still there. The one that stuck out the most to me was the one on the back of his left hand. I always looked at it... It made me wonder how I'd been so blind to them before I knew he'd done heroin. Everybody has their scars, I guess.. but his were a bit extreme.

"Looking at my scars?" Felix suddenly asked. I was somewhat startled by his voice. I thought he'd been drifting off to sleep, but I guess I was incorrect.

"Uuuhh," I began awkwardly, shifting back so I could look at him. "Y-yeah, kinda... I mean, I've noticed them before obviously..." He smirked, his eyes still closed and nodded.

"I don't mind you looking, really. Doesn't bother me." He let out a deep breath. "Honestly I'm surprised you've never asked about it before."

"I didn't want to invade your privacy," I admitted quietly, running my thumb over the darkest scar once more.

"I admire that about you, Liam.." His dark eyes opened and looked in my direction. "I used to shoot a lot of dope," he stated bluntly. "That one you're touching right now got infected pretty badly. I had to go to the hospital... got on IV antibiotics and shit.. I became mildly septic. Shittiest I've ever felt in my life." He looked forward, his eyes blank. I'm sure it wasn't easy to think about. "But if it weren't for that, I'd prolly still be shooting honestly."

"Why's that?" I asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.

"Because... If I hadn't stayed in that hospital for all those days, I would have never gotten the jump start on my rehabilitation. I pretty much spent the worst of my withdraw period in the hospital, which was good for me... but as soon as I was discharged, I went straight to a rehab facility," he explained.

"You didn't need to tell me that, Felix...," I said quietly, feeling kind of bad. I'd never heard a word of his heroin addiction come from his mouth in the time I'd known him. I felt like me looking at his scars made him feel like he had to say something. His lips curled into a small grin and he turned his head to look at me.

"If we're going to continue to do this, whatever _this_ is... I think you need to get to know me." His voice had a dismal tinge to it as he spoke. He was being completely serious. I narrowed my eyes.

"I do know you, though...," I said, my voice trailing off. He sighed and shook his head.

"There's so much you don't know about me, Liam. There's so much nobody knows about me... you definitely have the lead, though. You know I'm gay," he laughed, turning so he was facing me completely. He ran his fingers through my hair briefly. "And now you know I was a junkie- and why I stopped being a junkie." I was left to my thoughts after that. There were so many questions I wanted to ask.

"Why did you start?" I asked. He shrugged a shoulder.

"Why does anybody start?" he asked back vaguely.

"Yeah, but you're not just _anybody_ , man...," I objected. "You're smart enough that you wouldn't just succumb to peer pressure or some bullshit like that." He smirked, keeping his brown eyes locked with mine.

"Another story for another time.. Let's just say- my life fucking sucked back then," He said softly. I knew then that he wasn't ready to open up more about his past. Maybe some day he would, maybe he wouldn't. I simply nodded and tried my hardest to grin.  
"Do you ever get the craving to do it again?" I asked, deciding to change the subject away from why he started. I was genuinely curious.

"Sometimes," he admitted quickly. "Not always, but there are definitely times I wish I had a needle and a spoon." He smiled at me before shaking his head. "I'm never going to fuckin' do it again. I can't stand the person I was back then.." I couldn't help but reach forward and press my hand against his cheek, gently rubbing my thumb over his skin. As much as he tried to hide it, I could see the pain in his eyes. I knew he had secrets, we all did, but I didn't care. I wanted to help him feel better, if that was possible. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, burying my face in his neck.

"I'm here for you now," I whispered. He held onto me in return.

"I know you are... You're part of the reason my life isn't so shitty anymore," he snickered, trying to keep the conversation light. I wasn't trying to get all sappy, either, but I wanted him to know that. Even if I was technically with Olive- I knew, deep down, that wasn't where my heart was... I just needed to grow some balls and admit it.

<<>>

As July was nearing an end, I was beginning to feel more and more guilt. It was driving me insane... I wanted advice. I had to tell somebody. Felix was getting more pissed off the longer I stayed with Olive. I wish he understood it wasn't so cut and dry like he seemed to think.. I felt guilty, though. I felt guilty for being with Olive, for having sex with her from time to time even though I was thinking about him each of those times. I also, probably to a lesser extent, felt guilty for being with Felix. I found myself still trying to avoid him some days, though it was difficult. We talked every day, and I was beginning to realize that he wasn't just a fling... I had real feelings for him. That was the worst part.

So there I sat on my bed, twirling a piece of fabric from my sheets between my fingers, while Evie sat on the floor looking through my video game concept art books. I was replaying what I was about to say to her over and over in my head, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I noticed her glance up at me from her seat on the floor.

"Sooo... What the fuck is wrong with you?" she asked, frowning slightly. I turned my head towards her.

"What do you mean?" I asked, scowling. I knew what she meant; I was definitely acting off.

"You wanted me to come over and the whole time you're being a weirdo and not saying anything, just staring off into space. I have to go soon, ya know.. What's up?" she asked, flipping a page. She was looking at my Okami book. One of my favorites.

"Umm... well...," I began awkwardly. It wouldn't be so fucking hard if she weren't friends with Olive, god dammit! But she was _my_ best friend before she even knew Olive... I took a deep breath.

"What, Liam?" she asked, raising her voice slightly with an impatient smile. "God, you're being so weird it's starting to worry me!" she laughed.

"Okay, I wanna tell you something but you have to promise not to be mad, okay?" I practically pleaded. I sunk down to the floor against my bed so I was closer to her. She nodded.

"Yeah, man, you know I could never be mad at you!" She smiled, turning more towards me as well. I wasn't so sure about that. "What is it?" she asked quietly. I swallowed nervously and started fiddling my hands together.

"Well...," I tried to begin again. "I know it's going to sound insane... but." I looked at her briefly before looking at the floor again. "What would you think if I said I might be gay?" There was silence. I could feel my face turning red.

"Wait, for real?" she asked intently after the awkward moment of silence. I looked at her again to see her eyes were wide. I nodded, a sheepish grin spreading over my face. "Oh, shit! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She smacked my arm. I shrugged.

"Well, I wasn't sure... I mean- I'm still not _sure_." I sighed, my hands uncomfortably sweaty. I had yet to tell her the biggest part of my news.

"Well, what about Olive? Was that all just a show to keep it a secret?" she asked, sounding genuinely curious. That was a relief. I thought she would be mad immediately.

"No, no!" I answered quickly. "I didn't even know I felt this way when we got together. Things just... our sex life... were weird... and I thought it was just always like that... but... not anymore," I explained slowly and choppily. I was forcing every word to come out, and it was painfully difficult. She nodded.

"Yeah, I know. How would you have known, ya know? Olive being your first and all." She sighed and shut the book in front of her. "So what made you realize?" she asked innocently. I could immediately feel my face turning red again as I thought of Felix. "Oh, shit, Liam!" She obviously noticed. "Do you _like_ someone?" She was smiling, but I doubted she would be after I told her the truth.

"I don't know if I should tell you...," I trailed off and looked away from her. This was so fucking hard!

"Come on, Li! How long have I known you?" she tried to convince we otherwise. I took a deep breath.

"Please don't get pissed," I pleaded once more, my eyes meeting hers. She nodded.

"Why would I?" she asked. I laughed slightly, shaking my head.

"Alright... so, the other night...," I began, trying to work up the courage to spit it out. I would lie a little. She didn't need to know how long our secret relationship thing had been going on. "Well, actually. I've been trying to hide it from myself for a while now. I wouldn't even try to think about it. But I couldn't hide how I felt when I would think about him or see him..." I trailed off again, getting lost in thought.

"Who?" she whispered, sounding on the edge of her seat. I swallowed, my face becoming hot again.

"The other week I invited... Felix over.."

"Felix!?" she exclaimed, cutting me off. I looked at her, eyes wide, in annoyance that she had practically screamed him name. "Seriously?" she continued.

"Shh!" I growled. She covered her mouth with her hand. "Yes, Felix, god dammit. I don't know why I even fucking told you!" I snapped, shaking my head.

"No, no, no," she spat out quickly. "It's okay, Liam! I was just surprised," she assured me. "So what happened?" I sighed.

"I feel so bad, Evie. But I've seriously liked him for a long time..." I couldn't believe I was telling her everything. "I kept trying to lie to myself. It feels so wrong still.. So the night that he stayed over.."

"What? That's when you realized you liked him?" she asked when I paused. I shook my head, laughing slightly.

"No, that's when I fucking admitted to myself that I liked him. I thought if he ever found out he would fuck me up... but...," I practically whimpered, biting onto my bottom lip.

"Holy shit, did you guys do something?" she asked, her eyes wide. I didn't respond. "For god's sake Liam, tell me! You can't just leave me with only half the information!" She smiled. I knew it was driving her crazy. She was the type of person who wanted to know everything. She was also quite the gossiper, which was why I was so hesitant to tell her in the first place.

"I don't even know how it all came to it, but we were both really fucking drunk. We were drinking fucking Kraken." I began picking at a loose piece of carpet.

"Yeah that shit'll fuck you up," Evie chimed in.

"So we were talking about Olive and I's atrocious sex life, and he fucking hit the nail on the head. He told me that I was into somebody else and that's why I couldn't enjoy anything we did together, pretty much. And I knew at that moment that I couldn't hide from it anymore, and he was right. No matter how much I tried to shove it in the back of my mind and bury it... Even when I wasn't thinking about it, it was still affecting me." I took another deep breath. I looked at her to see she had genuine concern on her face. She nodded. _And then he gave me the best head of my life... say it! Say it!_

"I can't even imagine how that feels, Li...," she said. "So he still doesn't know how you feel? That wouldn't be an easy thing to bring up.." I snickered quietly, keeping my eyes to the floor again.

"Oh, no... he knows alright..," I said quietly. I was surprised when she didn't say anything. "I don't know how it exactly happened, as I said... but... we were laying in bed together... and.. well, he gave me head," I blurted out before I had the chance to change my mind.

"What!?" Evie burst out once more. She didn't sound mad, she sounded amused and shocked, which was a relief to me. I smiled when I saw her expression. "Jesus Christ, I wouldn't have even guessed in a million years he was into dude! What about all the bitches he fucked?" she gasped. "Jayla!?" I shrugged.

"I guess they were all just a ploy...," I said quietly.

"Holy shit, man. This is insane." She sat back on her hands and shook her head, looking lost in thought. "Wait, are you guys still seeing each other?" she asked quickly.

"Well, not really... I've been trying to avoid him." I lied. I didn't want her to know about us sneaking away at parties. She would get pissed that I was still with Olive.

"What about Olive? You guys are still together..." Evie's eyes narrowed. I nodded, letting my shoulders slouch.

"I've felt so guilty... I don't know what to do," I sighed.

"Well, fuck! Break up with her! Neither of you are gonna be happy together. Plus that's not fair to her!" she told me harshly. "You gotta be with who makes you happy." She was right.

"Yeah, but it's not that simple!" I argued, annoyance pricking at me. "It was hard enough telling you and you're my best friend. How do you think everybody else would react?" I asked.

"Who gives a shit! If they don't like it, fuck 'em!" She shook her head.

"I can't just say fuck 'em to Jayla...," I growled. Evie cast me a look of exasperation.

"Don't be a dumb ass, Liam. You could go tell Jay right now and she would have your back," she assured me. "You and her are tight, and nothing is ever gonna change that." That did give me some hope, but I was still terrified to tell her. I was so worried she would be mad since it was _him_. If it were anyone else I wouldn't care so much.

"What about their past?" I reminded her.

"Past, shmast!" she snorted with a wave of her hand. "She's your sister. If she doesn't support you, that's fucked." I nodded in agreement... but I was still worried. "Still, man, you gotta do something about Olive. You _can't_ stay with her. For your sake and hers."

"I know," I sighed, scowling ahead.

"I'm just saying, if you don't break up with her, I will tell her." My heart sank. I turned my scowl to her as she stood up.

"Please don't fucking tell her!" I snapped. "I promise I'll do something about it. I don't wanna stay with her like this, trust me." She nodded.

"Well, good. That would be fucked up." She sighed. "But I'm glad you told me, Liam." I nodded, not so sure if I was glad _I_ told _her_. "I don't want to, but I gotta go." She stretched her arms above her head and mumbled 'fucking crazy'. I smirked and nodded.

"Alright... I'll see you later," I muttered.

"See ya! Don't be too sad, okay?" She cast me a smile. "Text me if you need anything." We said our goodbyes and with that she left. I was left feeling empty and regretting my decision to tell her. I let out a loud groan and laid back down on my bed, burying my face in my pillow. After a few moments of that, I grabbed my phone and checked it. I had two texts from Felix. My stomach fluttered as I opened them. The first one was from an hour earlier. 'What are you up to?' it said. The next one was sent just ten minutes earlier. 'You with Olive?' Jesus Christ! I scowled at my phone and texted him back.

'No, I was with Evie believe it or not. What's up?' I threw my phone on the bed beside me and shut my eyes. He was so jealous of Olive... but then again, could I really blame him? After about two minutes I heard my cell phone vibrate. I grabbed it and read the text. 'Well that's good to hear.. Nothing, I'm bored, so I figured I would talk to you.' Jesus Christ he liked to play it cool.

I laid on my back and set my phone on my chest. Should I even reply? I felt sick just thinking about him. 'I want to see you.' I typed in the message bar. Dare I hit send? I stared at my phone for five minutes before I finally hit send. I set it down beside me, feeling nervous for the answer. It didn't take long before I heard the familiar buzz.

'Oh, do you now? ;)' Mother fucker! 'You miss me?' soon followed. _Yes, I miss you..._ We hadn't seen each other in about a week. Instead of replying, I set my phone down and turned towards the wall.

I was determined not to answer. I had been hoping for a 'You want me to come over?' or 'We can hang out tonight if you want.' But no! He could never be that straight forward. Instead he sent me something that wasn't a shut down and wasn't an invitation. I hated being rejected so much. I was sure he would text me again eventually.

<<>>

Well, I was wrong... four hours passed and still no reply. It was running on eight at night. I was trying to bide my time, but it was difficult. I was even playing Final Fantasy VII remastered over to try and keep myself preoccupied. But all that was doing was keeping me from enjoying one of my favorite games! I groaned to myself and put my PS4 controller down. I grabbed my phone and checked it again. Still no text. 'Yes, I miss you.' Before I could rethink it, I hit send. I looked up at the TV screen. Cloud was standing in the middle of Wutai. Probably one of my least favorite parts in the game.. Yuffie steals all of your materia, making you weak as fuck. Stupid bitch. I ran over to a save point and saved my game. My phone buzzed as soon as I turned off my system. I grabbed it only to see Evie texted me. I was disappointed, to the honest.

'I'm not mad at you, but I'm disappointed that you let that happen while you're still with Olive. It doesn't matter if it's with a girl or a guy. Cheating is cheating!' I rolled my eyes and threw my phone to the side. Yeah, thanks for that. "Since when have you become a fuckin' saint?" I grumbled to myself before plopping down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling, a common theme as of late. I heard footsteps coming from the hallway and soon a knock on my door. "Yeah?" I called and my door opened. Jayla stood in the doorway, a concerned look on her face.

"You alright?" she asked. "You haven't been downstairs for a couple hours." I nodded, appreciating her concern.

"Yeah. I'm just in a bad mood. I'll get over it, " I attempted a laugh but it was quite feeble.

"Oh, okay. You wanna do anything? Cheer yourself up?" She smiled and leaned against the door frame. I shook my head and noticed my phone screen light up in the middle of my floor.

"No, I'm just gonna relax tonight I think. Play some games, you know...," I told her, not wanting to rush her out. I wanted to check my phone, though. She nodded.

"Alright. Let's do something tomorrow, okay?" she suggested. I nodded with a grin. She left and shut the door behind her. I waited a few seconds before getting up and grabbing my phone. I sat back down and looked to see Felix texted me back, thank god. 'Do you want me to help you with that?' God, he was so weird...

'What do you mean?' I texted back. I couldn't help but smile to myself as butterflies filled my stomach. This time I didn't have to wait long for an answer.

'I'm coming over.' Jesus Christ. I'd just told Jayla that I wasn't doing anything tonight!

'I don't think tonight works for me.' I replied. I tapped my foot anxiously, awaiting a reply. Ten minutes passed and nothing. I groaned to myself. That's when I heard footsteps going from Jay's room and down the stairs. I stood up and walked into the bathroom to investigate. You could see the church parking lot from the window in our bathroom. I looked out just in time to see her getting into her car and pulling away. Thank god! Shit was on my side for once! I walked swiftly back to my room and glanced at myself in my body mirror. I looked like shit... I sniffed my armpits. Good enough. I played with my hair a little until it was sitting in a better way. Once I was finished with that I looked back at my phone. Nothing. Now I was slightly worried he wasn't going to come after all.

After about five more minutes, I was about to text him to come over when I received a text from him instead. 'Too late. Oops!' I smiled to myself and headed downstairs swiftly. My mom was at work, so it would be just the two of us.. until Jayla came back. I hoped she would be gone for a while. I opened the front door just in time to see him walking up. God damn he looked so good. He was wearing red stretch pants that weren't too tight on him, with a Primus t-shirt. His blue hair was falling perfectly, and for the first time since all this shit began, I felt genuinely happy as I watched him walk. He saw me and his handsome smile took over his face with a shrug of his shoulders. I shook my head and opened the storm door for him to come in He entered and Titus was immediately jumping up at him as he always did. I shut the door behind him. "Hey!" he greeted me happily.

Once Titus calmed down we headed upstairs to my room. I shut the door behind us and locked it just in case Jayla came home. "So what's up, Liam? How was your day?" he asked cheerily as he plopped down on my bed, letting his hands rest in his lap. I shrugged a shoulder.

"It was okay," I said before sitting down next to him with my legs crisscrossed. "How about you?" I asked.

"Better now that I'm with you." He cast me a sly smile and my stomach twisted. I looked down at my hands. Every inch of me wanted to reach out and grab onto him, but I refrained.

"Oh yeah?" I asked awkwardly, trying not to let my joy show too much. He nodded and turned so he was facing me more, one leg resting on the bed, another one off the side.

"You alright?" he asked. "I was pretty surprised that you texted me so bluntly like you did." He laughed lightly. I grinned and nodded. "I liked seeing that," he added softly. I turned my gaze up so that our eyes connected. God dammit...

Before I could stop myself, I leaned forward, grabbing onto his wrists, and let my lips fall on his. I went right into a deep kiss, allowing my tongue to slide into his mouth. I wanted him so badly. I couldn't deny it. Part of me wanted to blurt out all my feelings to him, and part of me wanted to keep everything to myself. I felt so conflicted. I bit onto his bottom lip, a bite harder than I had intended due to my frustration. He pulled back and put his fingers to his lip.

"Wow," he muttered, removing his fingers to reveal a small spot of blood. I sat back a bit.

"Sorry...," I whispered, feeling embarrassed. I needed to control myself. He laughed before he spoke.

"It's alright. My lips are dry, so they're cracking easily." He licked the fresh blood that had formed away and smiled again. "What's gotten into you?" he asked playfully, jabbing at my side. I wiggled away from his hand before it tickled too much.

"Nothing, I'm just... I don't know... I'm tired of hiding shit, I guess," I admitted quietly.

"And yet you're whispering when there's nobody in the house," he said matter of factly. I cast him a crooked grin. I still wasn't completely comfortable admitting this shit to myself... let alone letting other people know. Evie just put more fear in me. I thought it would make me feel better, but it didn't. "If you're tired of hiding it, Liam, then let it happen." He leaned closer to me, scooting his body forward so that our knees were touching. "Now, where were we?" He smirked. "Unless you don't want to kiss me anymore because of my bloody lip." I smiled and shook my head before leaning in to kiss him once more.

Somehow he ended up on top of me, his hand tracing up my shirt and across my chest. I could feel goosebumps rising over my skin from his touch. I pushed my hips into his forcefully and pulled him down onto me more. I wanted to feel him against me. I could feel his lips curl into a smile as we kissed, clearly pleased with how forward I was being. His hand moved from my chest up to the base of my skull where he gripped tightly onto my hair. Pain shot through the back of my head as he pulled roughly and began kissing my neck. I liked it. I was so sick of pretending to be into my intimacy with Olive. Being with Felix was so refreshing and so needed. His kisses began to go lower, down to my collar bone. I felt his teeth graze over my skin and it made me squirm beneath him. I reached my hand down to my crotch, beginning to undo my pants, when he grabbed my wrist and forced it to my side. Before I could reach with my other hand, he grabbed onto that too.

"Uh-uh..," he teased sadistically, a slick smile on his face. Jesus Christ... My dick was so hard it was hurting me. I groaned and tried to move my hands but he wouldn't let me. He ground his hips into mine, causing more goosebumps to ripple over my skin. He then went back to kissing my lips, at the same time rubbing his hips against mine. I could hardly stand it.

After a couple more minutes of him torturing me, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I came in my pants. I grit my teeth together, feeling pretty embarrassed, yet the pleasure was intense. I was so horny for him, it was insane. I gripped onto the sheets and shut my eyes, and it didn't take long for him to catch on to what had happened because I heard him quietly laugh. "You couldn't wait two minutes?" he asked into my ear. I laughed as well and shook my head, lost for words. I could feel my warm cum settling on my skin, and it felt disgusting. I needed to get my pants off. He didn't let me up, however. He continued to kiss me and began touching himself. I was more than happy for him to be doing so.

It didn't take long for him to finish, and he moved from over top of me. I immediately stood up and began taking my pants off. I threw them into my laundry bin before grabbing a dirty shirt off the floor. I wiped myself off before tossing it to Felix so he could do the same. I got a new pair of boxers and quickly switched them before he had much of a chance to look at me. I know it sounds silly, since we had been romantic with each other, but I still wasn't completely comfortable with him seeing me exposed.

I glanced over to see his pants were buttoned up again and he was grinning at me. I gave him a crooked grin in return before walking over and sitting next to him. "Do you feel better?" he asked, letting his hand rest on my back. I nodded, slightly speechless. I needed a cigarette. "I don't think I've ever had that happen before...," he snickered as I leaned over to grab my pack from my nightstand.

"What?" I asked, moving to open my window.

"I've never had anybody jizz in their pants while dry humping me," he said bluntly, causing my face to flush immediately.

"Well..." I wasn't sure what to say. I handed him a cigarette before lighting mine. I blew my first drag out in the direction of the window. "That's never happened to me before, either.."

"It was _really_ sexy...," he whispered, taking a drag of his cigarette. He sure knew how to embarrass me. I cleared my throat, trying to ignore what he'd just said. I was left with nothing to say as we smoked our cigarettes, and I began thinking about the day's events. I didn't want to tell him that I had told Evie shit about us. I really wasn't sure how he would react. So I decided to keep silent about it for the time being. "I missed you too, by the way," Felix suddenly spoke, a grin tugging on his lips. My stomach warmed at his words. It felt so good to be sitting next to him. I took a drag of my cigarette and reached over to run my fingers through his messy hair briefly.

"I..," I began to say, but stopped myself. He looked at me and raised his eye brows in question. I shook my head with a small sigh.

"What is it?" he pressed before taking a deep drag of his cigarette.

"I think I wanna be with you...," I told him hesitantly and quietly. I knew he wanted to be with me... But I wasn't one hundred percent sure if that's actually what _I_ wanted. But he was all I could think about when he wasn't by my side. Shouldn't that be enough to give me my answer?

"There's just one small problem with that, Liam," Felix spoke after a moment. I didn't say anything and waited for him to continue. "You're still with Olive," he spat bitterly. I was taken aback by his sudden anger, though I shouldn't have been.

"I'm going to leave her," I said quickly. If I didn't there might be big consequences in my future. He looked at me, frowning slightly.

" _Really_?" he asked. "'Cause I thought you were gonna do that three fuckin' months ago." He sighed and ashed his cigarette into the ashtray resting between us.

"No, I really have to. I'm just... not happy with her.. I'm happy when I'm with you," I admitted. He turned so he was sitting completely facing me.

"You sure? What about what Jay would think? Or Rhett? Or any of our friends for that matter?" he asked skeptically.

"I don't give a fuck what anybody thinks." I looked into his eyes as I spoke. Did I really mean that though? He smiled at me, his eyes lighting up, and took another drag.

"I don't think you know how fucking happy that would make me," he said once the smoke was clear from his lungs. I couldn't help but smile either.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, putting my cigarette out. He nodded and the same with his after one more tiny puff.

"I told you, dude. I've had my eye on you for a long time." He reached his hand forward to grab onto mine. "I never thought you would ever feel the same..." He looked lost in thought momentarily. "But you'd been acting weird towards me ever since March.. So I had a feeling. Then that night you invited me over, I knew. I could tell.." I was surprised when he said that. I thought I'd kept it pretty well hidden. Not that it mattered in the end. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly. I let my forehead rest against his once our lips parted.

"We're gonna be together," I whispered before snickering. "Shit.. We _are_ together... but we'll be together officially soon. I promise you that." I took a deep breath and sat up.

"So I'm your mistress?" Felix teased. I laughed and shook my head.

"Nah, you my main bitch," I joked playfully. He laughed loudly at that and shook his head. "But seriously.. I think everyone is going to have more of a problem with the fact that we're interracial than gay... My grandparents especially." I smirked at him. Of course I was only joking, but it was fun to kid with him.

"Oh, come on! I'm half white!" he laughed.

"Welllll... You don't look white..." I gave an exaggerated shrug.

"What? I couldn't pass off as a tan white?" he protested. I shook my head.

"With your dark ass facial hair and eyes? No. You don't look _tan_. You're not orange. You look Hispanic," I snickered. Felix scowled playfully at me.

"Tan people aren't all orange, man," he sighed. I laughed and leaned forward to kiss his cheek.

"I like your skin tone," I complimented. He gave me a devious smile.

"Oh, please. _Do_ go on..," he snickered and looked out my window for a moment. "You know my mom never taught me spanish, right? Dunno if that's the kinda thing you're into and were hoping for..." We both laughed and I shook my head.

"Nope!" I scooted to my usual spot on the bed and laid down. I wasn't surprised when he shortly followed suit. I turned my back towards him and scooted back so that we were pressed against each other. He wrapped his arm around me and held onto my hand. I felt him kiss the back of my head before burying his face in the nape of my neck.

"Thanks for letting me come over," he whispered. There was something behind his voice that I couldn't quite pin point. I was reminded of our conversation the last time he'd stayed over... the sadness in his eyes... I didn't know anything about his past. But I was determined to learn.


	12. August 2017

School would be starting up again in about a week, and I wasn't happy about it. It was Sunday, and since we wouldn't be able to soon, we planned on going over to Brody's for the night. As far as I knew everybody would be there, kind of as a goodbye to summer vacation. The only ones not feeling that way were Felix and Brody... I was so jealous. I was also jealous of my sister and Rhett for going into twelveth grade.

I was nervous for how the night would go. I still hadn't broken up with Olive- and it was going to be the first party I'd been to with Evie and Felix at. I knew she would be on the look out for us talking to each other.. She was getting more pissed as the days went on. I'd told her we weren't seeing each other anymore, but she still insisted on me breaking up with Olive. I was going to... but I admit it, I was being a pussy. I didn't know how to let her go. I'd been friends with her since sixth grade- I wasn't ready to say goodbye..

I stared ahead at the light strings hung around my neighbor's deck railings. They were outside drinking, so I guessed they didn't have work the next day. I took a drag of my cigarette, glad it was cloudy out to shield me from the sun. Every day that passed I found myself getting more antsy for fall.. I only hoped it would come quicker than the year before.

Tatia, my neighbor's daughter who was about the same age as Brody, walked out into the yard. She had a cigarette between her fingers, her long hair up in a pony tail. She turned and spotted me, a smile spreading over her face as she waved. I waved back and took a final drag of my cigarette before flicking it into the fire pit. I didn't want them to think I was staring at them when I was just lost in space. I stood up and walked back inside. It was around six in the evening, and I wasn't sure what time we were leaving. My mom sat at our bar table, a salad made up on a plate in front of her.

"You off work tonight?" I asked her before opening the fridge to look for something quick to eat.

"Yup.. I go in tomorrow morning at eight. Gonna be hard falling asleep, but oh well," she sighed. "I have off the following day... don't have to back until Wednesday night!" I cast her a grin and pulled out some fruit smoothie type drink. "You guys going to Brody's tonight?" she asked, always seeming to overhear our conversations.

"Uh, yeah. Since school starts soon..," I explained with a shrug. She nodded, grinning back at me.

"Yes, it does! God, I can't believe Jay is gonna graduate...," she sighed, shaking her head. "Makes me feel old as fuck!" she laughed.

"You're not old, Mom!" I protested.

"Just wait til you reach my age, Li... you won't be saying that then!" She grinned, taking a bite of her salad.

"Maybe so.. but- not gonna get to that age for, what? Ten years?" I smirked at her. She rolled her eyes.

"Heey, now," she snorted. "You're not getting any points from me sayin' that bullshit!" I couldn't help but laugh before heading up the stairs. I glanced over to see the door to Jay's bedroom was open.

"Hey!" I heard her hiss. I narrowed my eyes and leaned against the door frame. She was sitting in an armchair she had in her room, staring in my direction.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Come in and shut the door, please," she ordered. My brow furrowed but I did as asked before taking a seat on the edge of her bed.

"What?" I repeated, twisting my drink open. She sighed and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling. She was being weird.

"I...," she began, dragging the word out. "Did something... _stupid_.. at the graduation party," she admitted. _Well, you're not the only one._ I snorted with laughter.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "Like what?" I took a sip of my drink. I was immediately intrigued.

"I slept with Brody...," she spat quickly. I widened my eyes, staring at her.

"I take it you don't mean the sleep where you close your eyes and dream?" I mused. She snorted, a sheepish smile falling on her face.

"No! Not that kind!" she laughed. "Like, the naughty kind of sleep."

"How did that happen?" I asked. "Hey, and didn't I fucking tell you he liked you!" I growled.

"Yes, you did." She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. "But anyways.... Lexie is gonna be there tonight," she groaned.

"So he's still with Lexie?" I asked, a bit surprised. I couldn't really judge, due to some considerable circumstances...

"Yeah, unfortunately," she sighed. "Things have been rough between the two of them.. I don't even really know why. He won't tell me. He just keeps saying she's not herself lately. So I'm kinda surprised she's gonna be there tonight, but whatever." She looked at me, sadness in her eyes.

"Shit, man," I breathed. "Do you want him to leave her?" I asked.

"Well, duh, dude!" she snorted, staring at me incredulously. "I've wanted to fuckin' be with him for so long, you know that!" She shook her head. "It's just... I dunno.." She fiddled her hands together, and I noticed her biting onto the bar of her lip labret stud. "He says that he likes me _so_ much or whatever.. yet he doesn't wanna leave her for me... I don't get it," she grumbled. "When we're alone- talkin' and shit. He always makes me feel like maybe he will leave her. Call her after I leave or some shit and just do it... He makes me feel special... like I'm something worth having... but then." She shook her head, her eye brows furrowing. "He's still with her." Listening to her speak, I was hit with the bitter realization that how Jayla felt was probably how Felix was feeling because of me. It caused my chest to ache, and guilt to flow through me.

"I'm sure things are complicated," I said carefully, trying not to let my unease show. "I-I mean, that doesn't make it okay for him to be with her... but, give it some time. I'm sure he'll decide to do it soon."

"Yeah, but what if he doesn't?" she snapped. "What if he makes his decision- but it's to stay with her?" she asked, scowling at me. I shrugged my shoulders. "God, that would make me feel just fuckin' great." She snorted with laughter. "If he chose to be with that fucking cunt over me...," she trailed off, shaking her head again.

"Yeah.. that would definitely suck. I don't know, Jay.. Something tells me he's gonna leave her. I think it's just a matter of time," I tried to say brightly, but who was I to know that? She simply nodded and stood up.

"You ready to go?" she asked. "I need a drink." I laughed and nodded, taking another sip of my drink.

"Yeah, I just need to put pants on," I told her before standing as well. I was wearing some shitty old shorts I only wore around the house. I made my way into my room and searched through my clothing on the floor. Eventually I found a pair of black pants that I changed into. I decided that was fine and walked back to meet Jayla. We then swiftly made our exit and headed off to get drunk and forget about our problems.

<<>>

I was correct with my assumption that everybody was there. Even Lexie was there. She looked like she was in a relatively good mood, which made it hard for me to feel angry with her. It wasn't her fault Brody wouldn't leave her..

"Liam, let's go get a drink!" Jayla instructed happily once we both had said hi to everyone downstairs. I nodded and followed my sister upstairs to the kitchen. We were greeted by Rhett and Lillian sitting at the kitchen table, smoking a cigarette. "Hey!" Jay greeted them happily.

"What's up guys?" Rhett asked, immediately smiling. Lillian had a pipe sitting in front of her, which she was packing fresh shit in.

"Lookin' for some shit to drink," I replied as I made my way over to the counter to see what liquor was available. I immediately spotted Kraken and couldn't help but smile to myself. I grabbed a cup and began pouring myself some.

"Can you believe we're gonna be seniors soon?" Lillian suddenly asked happily. I cast her a scowl and she shrugged. "Sorry, Liam!" she laughed.

"I'm so fuckin' glad!" Jayla breathed. She had settled with some vodka, of course. I took a sip of my drink and debated going back downstairs. Olive and Evie were down there... and I knew Evie's eyes would be on me like a fucking hawk. "Can I get a hit of that?" Jayla asked as Lil took a hit from her pipe. She nodded, holding the smoke in her lungs for a while before blowing it out. She passed the pipe over to my sister, who set her cup down on the table. I glanced at the time to see it was seven thirty at night already. I wasn't sure where the time had gone.

I hesitantly began venturing back downstairs, fully aware of what was to greet me. I walked downstairs, feeling kind of tense, and turned the corner to make my way to the couch. Brody, Lexie, and Felix were all sitting together. I decided, though probably against my best interest, to sit next to Felix. He turned his head and smiled at me quickly before going back to attentively listening to Brody talk. They were talking about their plan to move out together again.

"I don't think a job at McDonalds is gonna be enough to move into your own apartment," Lexie said glumly. Brody shrugged his shoulder.

"Yeah, I know.. That's why we were gonna move out together, though," he reminded her. She nodded, taking a small sip of her drink. She seemed more subdued than usual- almost like she was on some kind of sedative. As long as she was content and not being a bitch, I didn't care.

"Where did you guys wanna move?" I asked, taking a sip of my rum. I'd never really asked before.

"Oh, you know.. Ann Street," Felix snickered like the smart ass he was. Brody burst out laughing and I shook my head.

"That where you grew up?" I retorted. "With your people?"

" _My_ people?" he snorted. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know...," I mocked.

"Liam is offending me!" he whined, though there was a small smirk on his face.

"Come on, Liam, stop upsetting our token friend!" Brody chimed in.

"Oh my god, you guys are awful," Lexie laughed, shaking her head. I smiled over at Felix, fully aware of the fluttering feeling I got in my stomach. His wavy hair was falling forward in his face slightly, and he'd recently dyed it green. I thought the green complimented his skin tone, as strange as that sounded. I could have never pulled it off. Red was definitely my color. I wanted to tell him I liked it, but I didn't want to risk the chance of sounding a bit too cozy with him.

"I know, aren't they so mean to me?" he continued to play with it. I glanced down as I felt his knee touch mine, my heart nearly skipping a beat. I cleared my throat and fluently, as to not make it look obvious, I scooted a little farther away. He didn't act like he took notice, but I'm sure he did.

After a little while of sitting there, chatting, the couple decided to go up for a refill of their drinks. Once they were gone, Felix glanced over at Olive and Evie. They were still sitting in the corner, playing some sort of card game with each other. His eyes then focused back on me and he leaned closer.

"Lexie is on something...," he murmured under his breath. My eyes narrowed, recollecting what I'd thought earlier.

"Really? How do you know?" I asked.

"Um, hello!" He held his arms out, exposing his scars. "I know how people look when they're shooting smack. Not to say she's high on it _now_ , but she definitely has been doing it.. Not to mention, she's wearing a long sleeved shirt in the middle of August...," he explained, taking a sip of his drink. I nodded, feeling lost in thought. He was right. "I dunno, maybe she's in recovery or something.." He shrugged a shoulder.

"Yeah... Jayla said they've been having some trouble lately that Brody won't tell her about," I muttered. He nodded.

"Yeah, won't tell me either." A vacant look went over his eyes as he shook his head slowly. "Sucks. But what can you do?" He took another sip of his drink.

"Nothing..," I sighed.

"Exactly!" He stood up. "Gonna go get more to drink. You need any?" He asked. I glanced down at my cup, hesitating, before nodding and handing it up to him. "Be right back." He cast me a sly smile before walking towards the stairs. I watched him go and sighed, realizing my wandering eyes were becoming worse the more I drank.

I suddenly felt weight beside me and looked to see Evie sitting there, Olive heading for the stairs as well. What the hell was everybody doing up there, anyways? She stared at me, her hazel eyes cold.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, her voice just as cold as her eyes. I shook my head, my brow furrowing.

"Nothing," I retorted defensively. "What does that even mean?"

"I thought you weren't seeing him anymore," she hissed.

"I'm _not_ ," I growled quietly. "I'm fucking friends with him!" I rolled my eyes, annoyed with the situation. But then again, it was all my fault.

"Something tells me, by the way you keep looking at him, that you're not telling me the truth," she spat before standing. "You better watch yourself."

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, mom," I snorted bitterly, watching as she walked upstairs. I groaned to myself before pulling out a cigarette from my pack. I didn't understand why she had to be such a bitch. I regretted ever telling her the truth. I heard footsteps coming from the stairway, and when I looked, Jayla was rushing down them, a cup in her hand.

"Hey!" She smiled and plopped down next to me. "What's up?" I raised an eye brow.

"Nothing, what do you mean?" I questioned, hoping my emotions weren't so open on my face. She shook her head, smiling, before taking a large sip of her drink. "You trying to get fucked up?" I snickered. She nodded quickly.

"Hell, yeah, dude! This shit is almost too much," she complained. I lit my cigarette and nodded, completely understanding how she felt. It didn't take long for Felix to return with drinks for both of us. He'd gotten himself a beer and refilled my cup a bit.

"Awww!" Jayla cooed as he handed me my cup and took a seat on the other side of me. "How cute!" she snorted before laughing.

"I know, right?" he snickered and I was thankful Evie hadn't been around for the joke. I took a large sip of my rum, feeling on the same page as Jayla about getting fucked up. The sooner the better. Unfortunately it didn't take long for Evie and Olive to return. They made their way back to the table in the corner to play their game.

"Hey, guys!" Jayla barked. "Aren't we good enough for you?" she laughed, though they didn't look amused. I scowled in their direction, unsure of what the issue was. I took a sip of my drink, peering over at Felix briefly to see he was staring at the floor, an amused grin on his face. "Why is Evie being such a bitch?" she asked me quietly.

"I can hear you, Jayla!" she snapped. The three of us exchanged glances, confused by her annoyance.

"You know what, Evie!" Jayla growled, and my heart sunk. "I don't give a shit that you can hear me! Quit being a fucking cunt!" she snapped over her shoulder.

"I'm fine, Jayla!" Evie growled back. "We're just playing a fucking game over here!" I was unsure if anything had been said upstairs or not to start the quarrel, but I was taken aback. Of course I knew why Evie was annoyed... but Olive was giving me the cold shoulder as well, which was making me suspicious.

"Yeah, anti-social dickheads!" Jayla huffed. Felix stifled laughter on the back of his hand.

"Hey!" Olive spoke up. "I didn't do anything to you! What's your problem?" she asked. With that, Jayla turned in her seat to face them. I found myself practically chugging my drink, beginning to feel fucked up already. "Liam, can you tell your sister to leave me alone?" My eyes widened at that.

"What's my problem?" she echoed. "Hm, jee, well when you come upstairs and immediately start talking shit on my brother for some dumb ass reason, that doesn't really sit well with me! Are you really surprised, though?" she snarled. I was taken aback by the hostility. Felix and I exchanged glances, though he looked totally amused.

"Talking shit?" I interrupted before anybody could speak. "Wait, what?" I glanced over at Olive, whose eyes shifted to the floor.

"We weren't talking shit!" Evie laughed. "We were telling the truth! Liam's been fucking weird lately!" she snapped, her eyes darting to glance at Felix for a split second as she spoke. I glared at both of them, shaking my head.

"Can everybody just shut the fuck up?" Felix suddenly rose his voice, turning his head to scowl at Olive and Evie as well. Evie's cold eyes fell on him once more, and I was taken aback by the fury behind them.

"No!" Jayla snapped. "I'll shut up when they stop being fuckin' petty bitches! The fuck outta here!" She turned in her seat. I faced forward as well, though I could hear them muttering stuff to each other.

"It's fine, Jay...," I said quietly.

"Li, I thought she was your best friend..." She stared at me, annoyance clear on her face. I nodded with a sigh. "As much as I hate to admit it.." She nodded to Felix. "He's been a better friend to you lately than that cunt." If only she knew...

Since I'd told Evie the truth, her attitude towards me had definitely gotten bad. It's like she forgot about how we'd been friends since second grade, and decided to take sides with somebody she's only really known since high school. It irritated me, but I couldn't say much about it since I didn't want her to tell everybody my secret. I was beginning to wonder if she was hinting towards something to Olive, though.

I looked over to see everybody else filing down the stairs and relief washed over me. Brody glanced around, and I immediately knew he could feel the tension. Lillian took a seat next to my raging sister, passing her pipe to her, while the others sat on the remainder of the sectional. I took a sip of my drink, wondering why my girlfriend and supposed best friend were even there...

"Take a shot with me!" Jayla demanded, her voice sounding ten times happier than a minute earlier. I raised an eyebrow, grinning over at her, and nodding. We tapped our cups together and took large swigs. My stomach warmed from the alcohol, and my world was already spinning. I could already tell I was heading towards being wrecked.

<<>>

I opened my eyes and blinked against the light of day. I could immediately recognize the feeling of my head pounding with my pulse and I groaned, running my hands over my sweaty face. I felt terrible, and I hadn't even sat up yet. As I continued to get a grip on my surroundings, I realized I wasn't asleep in Brody's extra bedroom... I was at home in my own bed. When had that happened?

"You were a fucking mess last night." I jumped slightly at Felix's voice. He was here? I lifted my head, a rush of dizziness hitting me, to look over at him. He was laying beside me on his back, an arm resting behind his head. It didn't take me much longer to realize neither of us were dressed.

"Felix?" I croaked, my voice extremely hoarse. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"You really don't remember?" He smirked and let out a small laugh. I shook my head, immediately regretting my decision as it made my world spin even worse. Nausea soon followed. I let my heavy head rest back down and took a deep breath in. "Liam, you were shitfaced. So I drove you home."

"Why didn't Jayla drive me?" I asked.

"She stayed at Brody's," he explained. "She wasn't comfortable driving, but I was only a little buzzed, so I took you." There was a smile seemingly stuck on his face, and I was beginning to feel embarrassed. I paused and thought about what to say next. Before I had a chance to say anything, a wave of nausea hit me like a truck. I shakily got out of bed and made my way to the door. I was going to vomit; I didn't have time to put clothes on. I fell into my door as I opened it and stumbled into the hallway. I held my hand over my dick in case somebody was home, and rushed into the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and vomited violently into it. Not much came out, so I was guessing I had been sick the night before as well.

After a few heaves and some vile, brown liquid coming up, I flushed the toilet. I rinsed my mouth out and walked quickly back to my room, realizing I'd left my door wide open. I shut it behind me and stumbled back to bed. I laid down, covering my junk despite the sweat forming on my skin and sighed. "Fuck," I breathed. Felix looked quite amused by all of it. "Um.. so... did weeee..."

"What?" he asked, raising his eye brows.

"You know..." I didn't want to say it, but it looked like he was going to make me.

"Did we what? Knit?" he asked, cocking his head to the side before continuing. "Bake a cake? Put a puzzle together? Play tag?" He had a sly smile on his face, and if I weren't feeling so sick I would have been amused.

"Did we fuck...?" I whispered reluctantly. He began snickering and shook his head.

"No," he replied. Relief immediately washed over me.

"Oh," I breathed. "Why are we both naked, then?" I pressed on, suspicious.

"Oh, trust me, dude. You wanted me to fuck you. But- I have morals. And the first time we do it isn't going to be when you're blacked out." There was a glint in his eye that I couldn't quite put my finger on. "You sure were insistent, though." He grinned. "It would have been cute if you had been coherent." Jesus Christ...

"I'm so sorry." I turned my head, placing a hand over my flushing cheek. How humiliating! I hardly ever got fucked up to the point of blacking out!

"It's fine. I'm just happy I'm the one who ended up with you at the end of the night." he snickered again and rolled over so he was facing me. I looked to see he was still grinning, clearly quite pleased with himself. "It's pretty obvious who you prefer to spend your time with," he whispered, and I knew he was referring to himself over Olive. It was true, though, especially last night. I couldn't deny it. I rolled my eyes slightly.

"You should have known you would end up with me from the moment she started being a fucking bitch," I muttered. "so... did I do anything stupid last night?" I dared to ask. He shrugged and then shook his head.

"No, not really. Other than you begging me for my quote unquote 'big ol dick inside your tiny little ass.' You were saying all sorts of interesting things." I stifled a gasp as he continued. "'Oh, Felix, please fuck me. I want you so bad! I want to know what it feels like to have you inside of me.'"

"Did I really say that?" I asked, mortified. He laughed loudly and nodded.

"Yeah, well.. you did, but it was a little less audible. You were slurring a lot. But no, really. You just said stupid shit. You didn't _do_ anything. We didn't fuck or fool around. We kissed a little, and you took off your clothes. You wanted me to do the same, very insistent let me tell you... so who was I to crush your little wishes?" He pinched my cheek playfully as he spoke and laughed.

I shook my head and sighed deeply once more. He suddenly scooted a little closer and let his cool hand rest on my back. His fingers lightly traced over my skin. How did things get so out of hand last night? I couldn't remember a thing past having a shot with Jayla and Brody...

"Oh!" he suddenly exclaimed. "That's right... your neighbor, the one our age, was out last night when we got back. She saw us together, but it's no big deal." He waved his hand dismissively. My eyes widened.

" _What_?" I groaned. "God dammit..." I rubbed my eyes. 

"She really didn't care... She's a pretty cool girl, though." He shrugged with a smile. Now I was going to feel awkward every time I saw her. It was bad enough being that drunk, but being caught with my secret lover was even worse! "So...," Felix suddenly began. My eyes flickered to rest on his handsome face. My stomach twisted and I wasn't sure it it was from being nervous or from the sickening hangover I had. "My offer from last night still stands...," he whispered somewhat seductively. My eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"God, you don't remember _anything_?" he groaned. "What a bummer."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I grumbled, giving into temptation enough to allow my forehead to rest on his bare chest. "You're gonna stay here for a while, right?" I asked.

"Yeah... especially if you want me to," he replied softly. I nodded slowly, trying not to move my head too much. I swallowed and let out a small burp that left me feeling like I could have vomited again. I moved away from him and laid on my back.

"God dammit, I feel so fucking terrible...," I murmured, rubbing my eyes.

"Did you want me to go get you some water?" he asked. "Jay isn't back yet. It's only ten, so I doubt she'll be back anytime soon."

"Would you?" I asked. My mouth was so dry, and the thought of water sounded great. He nodded before carefully moving over me to get out of bed. I tried not to look at his exposed lower end as he got dressed into his boxers and a shirt, but my eyes couldn't help but wander a bit. Once he was gone, I attempted to sit up. My stomach felt ridiculously uneasy, especially with sitting up. I swallowed, aware of the feeling of nausea quickly returning. I rolled my eyes to myself and slowly stood, putting my boxers on this time, and heading to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it. I then went and took a seat on the floor in front of the toilet. It was so hot... fuck summer for being so hot!

I was in there for what felt like forever before I finally vomited what I was hoping were the last contents in my stomach. I stood up and took a step over to the sink to rinse my mouth out again. My stomach felt empty and tight, but the nausea had ceased for the time being. I knew there was a thin window of time that you had to go back to sleep before it came again. I slowly walked back towards my room. When I entered, Felix was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring out my window. His head turned to look in my direction and he cast me a sympathetic smile.

I sat down beside him and grabbed the glass of water he'd placed on my nightstand. I tried not to drink too much at once, but I was so thirsty. I settled for half the cup before setting it back down.

"I think I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette," he told me. I nodded, forcing a small grin.

"Alright. I'm gonna lay down some more." I sighed. He snickered, scooting over to kiss the top of my head. It caused my stomach to warm. "Are you not tired anymore?" I asked.

"No, I am..," he said. "I just need to smoke."

"Alright.. I was gonna say, if you can't sleep, you can play one of my games or something.. or go home." I shrugged.

"I don't wanna go home yet," he sighed before standing. "So maybe I will take you up on the offer to play if I don't fall back to sleep." He moved to put his pants on. I nodded before laying down, this time closer to the wall. Once he was out of the room I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I couldn't deny I was glad he was there with me. He seemed to care about me.. and the way Olive had been acting the night before, I wondered why the hell I was even holding on anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have part of Liam's black out written in Felix's POV. If anybody is interested, I can post it as a little extra


	13. Extra- Chapter 12 Felix POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Felix. I have a couple more extras in his point of view that I will surely share with you when the times comes!

"I'm fucking drunk!" I heard that oh so familiar voice from across the room. I glanced over my shoulder, almost unable to hide my smirk. When I looked back Rhett had a slightly concerned look on his face. He shook his head and muttered 'oh man' under his breath.

"Liam is fucked up," he laughed. I nodded in return to what he said. Evie, who decided to come join us only when Rhett came down, rolled her eyes but laughed as well.

"What's gotten into him?" she asked. "He isn't usually so sloppy." I knew what his problem was. I simply shrugged my shoulder. "I know Olive hates when he gets like this," she sighed. What a bunch of wet blankets! He was just having fun... or trying to drown his emotions in alcohol.

"He's fine," I snorted, waving them off. Rhett laughed quite loudly at my reaction but Evie didn't look so amused. She walked away in a bit of a huff. "What's her problem?" I asked, casually sipping on my beer. He shrugged.

"I don't know. I think it's funny." His brow furrowed and I glanced over my shoulder to see Evie was talking to the group now, her hands on her hips. Olive looked pretty unhappy. _Cunt._

"We're teenagers. Aren't we supposed to get shit faced on Friday nights?" I asked Rhett and he laughed again.

"That's what I always thought. But apparently Evie is too busy being our mom." He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink. I couldn't help but watch the scene unfolding across the room. Liam was laughing, enjoying himself, even though he was extremely fucked up. Jayla and Brody also seemed amused. The only two with the issues were Olive and Evie.

"Liam, come on! Get yourself together!" Evie growled, and I immediately noticed Jayla's eyes narrow. She was already annoyed with Evie, plus she was so protective of her brother... it made me nervous for if she ever found out about us. She would hate me even more. That wouldn't stop me from my pursuit, though. Never.

"Eve, he's fine!" Jayla tried to laugh it off, but I could hear annoyance in her voice from my seat. Rhett and I exchanged glances, both knowing what a hot head she could be, especially with alcohol involved.

"Jay!" she said sharply, glancing at Olive, as if suggesting something to her. Jayla rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"He's fine!" she repeated insistently.

"What're you guys yellin' about!?" Liam chimed in loudly, his joy not faltering.

"Do you wanna go home?" Evie snapped.

"Yes!" Liam laughed. "To my nice, cozy bed..."

"Li, we have beds here, man," Brody told him.

"Didn't you hear him? He wants to go to his own bed!" Eve growled.

"Dude, what is her problem?" I murmured, anger running through me as well. I stood up with a sigh and decided to intervene. Jayla was beginning to raise her voice even more, and I knew it would turn ugly soon. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Evie's being a bitch again!" Jayla immediately spat, glaring up at me. My eyes widened and I nodded in response.

"I'm being a bitch!?" Evie yelled.

"Yeah! You are!" she snapped back matter of factly.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Brody interrupted. "Stop it!" He put a hand on Jayla's shoulder and she immediately let them fall, glancing over at him.

"I'm just saying, if he wants to go home, I can take him," I offered.

"Yes!" Liam spat, laughing afterwards. "I wanna go home and go to...," he trailed off, slurring. I glanced over to see Olive and Evie were leaving the room. I truly didn't understand where all of the rage suddenly came from...

"You good to drive?" Jayla asked, her voice cold. I nodded.

"Yeah, I've only had a few." I was only buzzed, and the drive wasn't very far.

"Fine... I would, but I don't think I'm good to drive..." She sighed and exchanged glances with Brody. "You okay, Liam?" she asked. He was laying on the floor, his eyes closed. He smiled as soon as he heard his name and nodded.

"Come on, buddy," I said cheerily, grabbing onto his arm. He sat up unsteadily and I helped him the rest of his way to his feet. "Ready?" I asked. He muttered something that I couldn't quite understand. "Hey, good luck with those two," I laughed and pointed towards the direction the girls had gone. Brody laughed. "The fuck was that about anyways?"

"I have no idea..." Jayla said, her eyes wide in disbelief.

We, or more I, said our goodbyes and headed out the door. Liam had to lean pretty heavily on me, and I was a bit surprised he was so drunk. I opened my passenger door for him and made sure he was inside before shutting the door. I got into the drivers side and looked over at him, unable to keep myself from smiling. I knew I would end up with him at the end of the night... I was surprised when he turned towards me and practically threw himself onto me. I grabbed onto his shoulders to steady him as he began kissing my neck. "Hey, there." I snickered before gently pushing him back into his seat.

"Don't you want me?" he asked, sounding as offended as he could in the moment.

"Of course I do. But we are in Brody's driveway still," I explained before starting my car.

"Oh... Really?" he asked, sounding astounded. I stifled my laughter and put my car in reverse, backing out onto the road. I then put in first gear and started off towards his house. He was babbling on the whole way there, not making much sense. I didn't mind. I was hoping to keep his mind busy so that he wouldn't vomit in my car.

It didn't take long before we were at Liam's house. His mom's car wasn't there, and I was guessing she was doing an overnight shift again. I got out and went to the passenger's side to help him out. He gripped onto my shirt tightly as he stood. I shut the door behind him and he grabbed onto the collar of my flannel shirt. He pulled me forward so that our lips connected. He tasted heavily of alcohol and cigarettes as he slipped his tongue into my mouth. I smirked, gripping onto his sides. I surely didn't care that we were in a church parking lot, out in the open for his neighbors to see... but I doubted he would be too happy about that if he were in the right state of mind. "Why don't we go inside?" I whispered into his ear. He nodded, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"My house key is in my pocket," he slurred. "Can you get it?" I laughed quietly and did as asked. I slipped my hand into his front pocket and pulled out the key. I held onto him as we walked across the street. He was dragging his feet terribly, and I was worried he was going to fall. I made sure to keep that from happening, however, as he swayed. 

As we walked across the street, I realized that his neighbor was sitting out on the front step of their house. It was the girl who was our age that I'd seen a few times before. She was watching us, a wide smile on her face, a cigarette between her fingers.  
"Hey, Liam!" she greeted him. I wasn't sure how long she'd been there. Maybe she hadn't seen us kissing..

"What? Oh, shit!" he hissed, seeming quite surprised by her presence, before going into a small fit of laughter. "You see us right now!"

"Yeeeah...," she said hesitantly, her eyes moving to look at me. Liam made no attempt to let go of me.

"Well, fuck! There goes being discreet!" He stifled more laughter, burying his face in my chest. I couldn't help but smirk.

"He's really drunk," I explained, though I didn't think I had to. She nodded and laughed.

"No, it's cool. Whatever you guys are into," she snickered. "I'm sure as shit not gonna judge."

"Nobody was supposed to see us!" he slurred, gripping onto my shirt tightly. I raised my eye brows at his neighbor and shook my head.

"Well then let's go inside...," I reminded him softly.

"Oh! Good idea!" He stood up as straight as he could. "Have a good night, Tatia! Forget we were ever here!" I moved to unlock the front door.

"Did I see you tonight? 'Cause I don't think I remember that!" She played along with my intoxicated love interest.  
We both entered the house, and Titus came up to greet us. "Hiiiiiiii, buddy!" Liam sounded overjoyed to see his dog. I pet him, still keeping a hold of Li. I knew the Great Dane would knock him over in a second if I let him go.

Eventually he calmed down and we headed upstairs. Liam fell once going up the stairs and went into a little laughing fit, but I helped him the rest of the way. I shut his bedroom door behind us and turned to see he was sitting on the floor, staring at me. "I want you," he suddenly said, a smile forming on his face.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked, raising an eye brow. No way in hell was I gonna take advantage of the situation. Maybe if I were more drunk... but I wasn't, unfortunately.

"Yeah!" he spat matter of factly. I smiled and walked over to sit down next to him. He turned in his seat more to face me. "I want to know what it feels like." He paused, blinking slowly. "To have you inside of me." He was still slurring, and I was having slight trouble understanding him.. I think I got most of it, though. "I want you to jiz all up in me!" he practically yelled in some sort of weird accent. I stifled my laughter, but then I couldn't hold back and began laughing loudly. "Wha's so funny?" he asked.

"You!" I told him, composing myself. "Believe me, Liam. I want to jiz all up in you... but not tonight." I reached my hand over and gently brushed his hair out of his face.

"Why?" he asked, frowning slightly.

"Because, you're too drunk," I said softly. "I don't want you to do something you regret."

"Psssh! I'm not drunk!" he laughed, shaking his head. "I know what I want, silly Felix..." he murmured, leaning over into my chest. I smiled, not able to resist putting and arm around him. I held him against me for a few moments before pulling back.  
"Let's lay in bed. What do you think?" I asked. He nodded and began standing, gripping onto his bed for support. I laid down against the wall and he got the front. We were both facing each other when he reached forward and smacked my ass roughly.

"Look at dat booty!" He laughed, and so did I. "Felix!" he continued.

"Yes?" I asked, feeling very amused by everything he was saying.

"Put 'ur big ol' dick into my tiny little ass!" he whispered, raising his voice as he spoke. I smiled widely, trying not to laugh at everything he said. It was fairly difficult, though. "Pleeeeeease!"

"Liam." I reached forward and grabbed his hand. "If you still want to when you're sober, I gladly will." He shook his head.

"I want you _now_ , though." He leaned forward and began kissing me gently. Even though he was shitfaced, he was still a good kisser. He reached up and grabbed onto my hair, pushing his body into mine. I had been trying to keep my distance. I wanted him so bad, but not this way. It wouldn't be right. I wanted him to remember our first time. If there was ever going to be a first time... He began kissing me rougher, biting onto my bottom lip. It was turning me on, there was no doubt about that.

It didn't take long before his hand was on the crotch of my pants. "Felix, I want you so bad. Please fuck me," he breathed. It sent shivers down my spine, but I tried to refrain from allowing myself to get totally into it.

"You can have me in 12 or so hours...," I whispered back to him. Oh, god I hoped he still wanted to... He sighed and moved apart from me a little. There was a pause in movement when he began to pull my shirt up. Apparently he was trying in vain to undress me. "Whatcha doin?" I asked, grinning to myself.

"I don't want 'ur clothes to be on...," he explained. I could do that much. I had been wanting to sleep undressed with him ever since we started fucking around. I sat up and took my shirt off, soon followed by my pants and boxers. Liam was struggling to take his own clothing off so I happily helped him with that.

"Is that better?" I whispered once we were both naked. He nodded, a small grin on his handsome face. "How're you feeling?" He shrugged.

"Fine!" he blurted out after a few seconds. He scooted forward so that our bodies were touching. It felt so surreal to me. I'd been wanting to touch him like that for so long, and I was able to. Even after three months of seeing him, I still couldn't believe it. I grinned and ran my hand down his back, enjoying the feeling of his skin underneath my fingers. "Felix," he whispered.

"Hm?" I looked up to lock my eyes with his.

"I wanna know wha' it feels like t'have you inside me," he murmured to the best of his ability. His words nearly sent a shudder down my spine. I sighed and shook my head, smiling.

"You will know what that feels like someday," I whispered back. _Probably hurts like a bitch._ His brow furrowed, but his eyes closed. I continued to trace my fingers along his back, sometimes wandering a little bit lower. I could tell he was going to fall asleep soon.

I was dozing off when Liam suddenly sat up. It startled me slightly and I sat up as well. I watched groggily as he made his way across the room to the door, bumping into his dresser as he went. He opened the door and headed down the hall, and I didn't miss the loud thuds as he hit the wall. I shook my head, knowing exactly what he was going to go do. I decided to be nice and get him some water. I put on my boxers and headed out the open door. I heard him retching in the bathroom and glanced into the dark room as I walked by. He didn't need my help with that...

I grabbed a cup of water downstairs, Titus excited to see me all over again, and headed back upstairs. He was still in the bathroom when I entered the bedroom. I set the cup down on the nightstand and took my boxers off once more. I laid down in bed and waited for his return. After a minute or two, Liam came stumbling back into his room. He shut the door behind him and sat down heavily on the bed.

"I got you water," I told him. "It's on your nightstand."

"Thanks," he said before grabbing the water. He drank the whole cup quickly before laying back down. I wondered if the water was just going to make him puke again... He rolled over so his back was facing me and I took the opportunity to lay up against him. His back was sweaty, but I didn't mind. I kissed the back of his head and wrapped my arm gently around him.

"You ready for bed, drunky?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah," he muttered, taking a hold of my hand in his. I grinned and let out a deep, content sigh. It didn't take long for his breathing to slow, and I knew he was asleep. Even with him sick and drunk, I was extremely happy to be by his side. He meant a lot more to me than I'd hoped he would at that point in our relationship. But still, as I laid there, I felt the familiar pang of sadness in my chest. He had a girlfriend... she was a shitty girlfriend, and yeah maybe he was going to leave her... but she was still his girlfriend. I sighed once more and closed my eyes, burying my face in the back of his neck. I wanted him to be mine.

At least he ended up beside me at the end of the night... right?


	14. September 2017

The worst thing of the year had begun. School. God, how I hated it. I was a Junior, and I was beginning to realize that all that bullshit people told you about freshman year being your worst was a lie. Every year was just as bad. It was Friday, the second week of school. We had a three day weekend, too, thanks to Labor day. I always thought that was so stupid.. why not start school after Labor day?

Olive had been weird ever since the beginning of school. Well, shit, she'd been weird before that too but it seemed to come and go. Ever since classes started, she wasn't talking to me very much. She would hardly text me... and when she was talking to me, she seemed irritable. I needed to do something about it. I had plans to confront her about it, but I hardly saw her with my new class schedule. It was like she was avoiding me in the halls, too.

As I walked around the school that Friday morning, I couldn't help but feel like everybody was watching me. It was a little more extreme than normal... People usually looked at me and my group of friends with disdain, but this was different. I would walk past a group of people talking, and they would suddenly hush their voices. They were talking about me. I knew they were.

As the day went on I beginning to become more and more suspicious. I could hear the whispers. I rolled my eyes as I walked to lunch by myself, scowling at the floor as I went. If this is how the year was gonna go, I wasn't very pleased. Luckily, this term, I had lunch with Jayla. Only my sister this time around... but at least it was with somebody. I sat down at the usual table and waited for her to come from her class on the other side of the school. I wasn't in the mood to eat a bagel- my appetite was diminished from my agitation. I glanced over my shoulder to see a group of girls from my class with their eyes on me. They immediately looked away when they saw me turn. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I couldn't deny that I was beginning to feel nervous.

I heard loud, fast footsteps come up from behind me, causing my shoulders to tense, and soon Jayla was swiftly taking a seat in the chair in front of me. "Liam!" she hissed, leaning in close, her ice blue eyes wide and intense. _What have people been saying about me...?_ I had a sinking feeling in my gut. "What the fuck is all this shit going around school?" Her eyes were filled with worry. I frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean? I haven't heard anything." Of course I knew people were talking, but I hadn't actually heard what they were saying. It seemed like everybody but me knew what was going on.

"Are you gay?" she asked bluntly. I felt all the color on my face drain, probably looking like a deer in headlights as I stared ahead at her. Evie! How could she have done that to me!? She scowled at me. "Jesus Christ, and you couldn't tell me?" she asked, sounding hurt.

"I didn't say yes, did I?" I growled through grit teeth, trying to keep my voice low. She shook her head.

"No, but your face did!" she hissed back. "I know my brother, dammit!" I sighed, averting my eyes away from hers. "So is the other part true too, then?" she asked. _Oh, shit..._

"W-what other part?" I dared to ask, looking back at her. I could feel panic rising in my chest. She leaned in a bit closer, her eyes intense.

"That you're fucking Felix?" she asked frankly.

"What? No!" I objected. That was the truth... we hadn't fucked. She gave me a doubtful look and shook her head.

"Little brother, be honest with me," she ordered, sounding dully annoyed. I rolled my eyes, wanting nothing more than to escape the situation. I could feel my face beginning to burn.

"Jay, I'm sorry... We aren't _fucking_ but we've been... kinda... seeing each other. I wanted to tell you but I was scared of what you would think," I spat very quickly and quietly. She nodded and sat back in her chair with a heavy sigh. After a couple moments of looking lost in her own thoughts her eyes snapped back to me. She reached over and punched my arm decently hard. It made my muscle sting.

"I'm sad you would think I would be mad at you for that!" She snapped, crossing her arms. I was extremely relieved she didn't seem to be pissed off. I smiled weakly and shook my head. "I wanna talk more- but I feel like it should probably wait until we get home... away from wandering ears. Everybody is talking about it!" I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

"God fucking dammit!" I growled. This is not how I wanted to come out.

"How did anybody even find out?" Jayla asked quietly. I looked up at her, unable to hide the misery on my face. It was so foolish of me to think I could trust my best friend...

"I told Evie," I snapped bitterly. She shook her head, her expression matching my feeling on the matter. She was always protective over me.

"That fucking _bitch_. Wait... aren't you still with Olive?" she asked, looking perplexed. I nodded, feeling disgusted and ashamed with myself. I hadn't broken up with her fast enough... but how could I have ever thought four months would be fast enough? Fuck me. "Oh, shit, Liam." She shook her head again. "This is gonna be a damn mess."

"God fucking dammit," I breathed, rubbing my temples. My head pulsed painfully and I knew a stress headache was on it's way.

"Seriously, I wanna beat the fuck out of these people. They're being assholes!" She began to rant, and it went on for a while, about how everyone was making fun of me for being a 'faggot', or for her having a 'faggot brother'. I sat there, unsure of what to say, and tried to comprehend the situation better. I was shocked. Shocked and worried about what was going to happen. Half way through her rant, I decided to text Evie.

'You know you pretty much ruined the rest of my high school life, right?' I asked, rolling my eyes to myself. I was surprised when I got a rather quick response.

'I didn't tell everybody.. I only told Olive. But quite frankly, all of this could have been avoided. It's your own fault.' I read the text and could have screamed in aggravation. That was true, but I still didn't think that made it any better.  
'I thought you were my best fucking friend.' I sent.

'I am your friend, Liam...' she replied. I snorted with laughter.

'Not anymore. I don't think a true friend could ever do what you did.' I hesitated before sending. It was never easy to let go of people... but Evie had deeply betrayed my trust. I shoved my phone into my pocket and continued to listen to Jay blab. Soon enough, lunch was over, and we were heading to our last classes.

I came to my history class and took my assigned seat. I decided to stare at the wall, unable to bare any more of dirty looks. At least the wall wouldn't give me any sneers...

"Hey!" I soon heard Holly's voice from beside me. I forced myself to look over with a small grin.

"What's up?" I asked, though I think I sounded more glum than intended. She shrugged.

"Nothing much... feel like I gotta bring up the elephant in the room, though... are the rumors true?" she bluntly asked, tapping her fingers against her desk top. I rolled my eyes and looked over at her.

"What do you think?" I asked. She smiled and shrugged.

"That's pretty fucked up of people to be spreading shit like that around that isn't true...," she said, not sounding very convinced. I was fucked.. if Olive, my girlfriend, and Evie, my best friend, were the ones spreading the rumor- who wouldn't believe them?

"Yeah, I know... This day has been an absolute shit fest," I sighed, rolling my eyes again at the thought.

"Sooo... are you and Olive still together?" she whispered. I snorted with laughter.

"We haven't officially broken up, but no, I don't think we are...," I muttered. "Why would I wanna be with somebody spreading fucking lies around the school about me?" She nodded, a crooked grin on her face.  
"Well, if it makes you feel better, the rumors aren't all bad... Word is he's pretty hot! You gotchurself a good one!" she laughed. I stared at her incredulously, willing myself not to flush. He _was_ hot, but that was beside the point.

"What? Ew, dude!" I snapped, though that had taken me aback. "He's my friend..." I shook my head.

"I'm just saying, Liam...," she began quietly. "It's okay to be who you are..." She shrugged a shoulder. I stared at her, my brow furrowed lightly. I was about to protest, but the teacher began speaking. Maybe she was right. Everyone heard about it, so what was the point of hiding it? God, what would Rhett think?

Class went painstakingly slow, and I felt like ripping my hair out. I'd gotten the usual 'I'm bored, so I'm gonna talk to you' text from Felix, but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I wanted was Holly peeking over to see me texting him. Eventually, the bell rang and everybody rushed out. I hurried to get away from Holly, not in the mood for more questions. I rushed through the halls until I came to my locker to put my shit away. This year my locker was closer to the main entrance, which I was thankful for. I walked towards my destination, keeping my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to talk to anyone..

I was soon standing by Jayla's car, impatiently waiting for her. I decided, as much as I didn't want to, I needed to text Olive. 'We have to talk.' I sent. Boy, did we need to talk...

It didn't take long before I saw Jay walking across the grass to get to her usual parking spot. She unlocked the doors and we both got in. My shoulders were so tense I was pretty sure it was visible. I knew she was going to ask questions She let out a long sigh before starting the engine. We both pulled out cigarettes for ourselves, as per usual, and lit them.

"So...," she began as we backed out of the parking spot. I hesitantly looked over, raising my eye brows in question. "I wanted to ask you this at lunch, but I thought it would be better not to. How long have you two been dating?"

" _Dating_?" I echoed, my brow furrowing. "I don't think I would call it dating if it's a secret."

"Alright, whatever. _Seeing_ each other, then. How long?" she repeated. I took a drag of my cigarette.

"Since May," I admitted quietly, slowly blowing the smoke out of my nostrils.

"Damn!" Jayla gasped, eyes wide. "How the hell did you keep that a secret from me for so long?" she snorted. I shrugged.

"I have no idea... I honestly feel like if everybody had been paying attention, it would have been kinda easy to figure out..." I sunk down in my seat, taking another drag.

"So has he been into dudes this whole time?" she asked.

"Apparently. He said he didn't want people to know, so he started having flings with girls," I explained.

"Wow... that's bizarre," she said softly. "So you like him?" She glanced at me, taking a deep drag of her cigarette. I nodded, a sheepish grin forming on my face.

"Yeah- unfortunately, I really do," I murmured. "I didn't mean for things to go on for so long with Olive.. well, at first I didn't think Felix and I were gonna keep seeing each other. But when I realized... I should have left her," I groaned. "I just didn't wanna lose her friendship... and I didn't want to have to lie to everybody about why we broke up." I shook my head. "I wasn't ready to come out."

"Well, at least you don't have to anymore, right?" Jayla snickered. I laughed.

"Yeah, I guess that's one way to look at it," I snorted. "You don't know how hard it was to not tell you, dude. I tell you fuckin' everything.. I thought you would be pissed, though."

"Seriously, why would I be mad?" she hissed, sounding offended.

"Because it's him!" I explained. "Obviously!" She shook her head.

"I don't give a shit who you're with, as long as you're happy... and you clearly weren't happy with Olive, just saying." She ashed her cigarette out the window. "It makes sense now that I think about it..."

"What does?" I asked.

"Felix being gay or whatever. Shit was weird when we had our thing...," she told me. "I guess I really can't hate him for that," she grumbled. Jayla hated admitting when she was wrong.. about anything. So I was surprised she was saying that. "When are you gonna talk to Olive?" she asked.

"I don't know. I texted her, but she didn't answer," I growled.

"You gonna tell mom?" She glanced at me, grinning.

"Of course I will," I sighed, not even thinking about her. We didn't have much more of a drive until we would reach home.

"So... did you guys... fuck or anything?" Jayla snickered. I scowled over at her.

"No, we didn't fuck!" I snapped. "We did other things... but I don't wanna go into details," I laughed.

"I didn't ask for details, you sicko!" she protested, her smile widening. I pulled out my phone to look at Felix's text from earlier once more.

'What are you doing?' I asked, though I was unsure why. Every part of me wanted to see him after my awful day, but I knew I had to do other shit first. We soon pulled into the church parking lot, and I was relieved to be home. We entered the house, greeted by Titus, and took seats on the couch.

"Still no answer?" Jayla asked. I shook my head, checking once more.

"Nope.. I really wish she would. I at least wanna fucking break up- not just leave it unsaid." I shook my head and put my phone back into my pocket. I glanced over towards the stairs as I heard the sound of footsteps. Soon my mom was at the bottom of the steps.

"Hey, guys," she greeted us happily as she took a seat in an arm chair. "Why the long faces?" she asked, which immediately caused Jayla to smile.

"Welll.... Liam?" she pretty much threw me under the bus. I scowled over at her.

"What the matter?" Mom laughed.

"Nothing," I groaned, rubbing the back of my neck. "It's just- a stupid fucking rumor is going around school about me...," I hesitantly admitted. She raised an eye brow.

"A rumor? About what?" she asked.

"That him and Felix are gay together," Jayla blurted out. Oh god... Sometimes I couldn't tell if she was trying to be a bitch or help me. A smile immediately spread across my mom's face.

"Oh?" she questioned, her eyes flickering over to look at me. "Are these rumors true?" My stomach dropped. I stared at her, feeling once again like a deer in headlights.

"W-well... maybe...," I muttered, fiddling my hands together.

"Sweetie, I know," Mom said bluntly, warmth in her voice. My brow furrowed and Jayla and I exchanged shocked glances.

"Huh?" I asked dumbly. "What do you mean?" I cocked my head to the side slightly.

"You're my son... and I've been home a few of those nights you had him over. You really think I couldn't figure it out?" she smiled, but I felt embarrassed. "I see the way you two look at each other.."

"Oh...," I breathed, my face feeling hot.

"You don't have to be embarrassed," she snickered. "I was just waiting for you to come to me and tell me. I wasn't going to ask." I certainly did appreciate that.

"Am I the only one who didn't know?" Jay whined, crossing her arms loosely over her stomach.

"No!" I snapped. "Evie was the only one I told," I growled, sinking down in my seat.

"Uh-oh...," my mom sighed. "So Evie started it?" she asked. I nodded.

"Evie and Olive," I laughed bitterly. At that moment my phone buzzed.

" _Oooooh_...," she whispered. "So you never told Olive?"

"No, and I don't wanna hear about how horrible it is. I already know," I snapped, feeling defensive on the matter.

"I wasn't going to, sweetie. You learn things in your own way." She shrugged. "Lord knows I've done some shitty things," she laughed. I gave a small grin to her and nodded before pulling my phone out. I was expecting the message to be from Felix, but to my surprise, it was Olive.

'About what?' she asked, which made me wanna rip my hair out.

'You know about what. I want to talk to you in person.' I sent quickly. I didn't want to waste any time, so I sent, 'come over.'

"We're gonna talk about shit today," I explained. "As much as I don't want to, I think it needs to be done..." I swallowed nervously at the thought.

'Fine. I'll come over now.' Olive messaged back. Now? I wasn't sure if I was ready.

"She's coming over now, actually...," I said quietly as I stared at my phone.

"It'll be fine, Liam. Think about how relieved you'll feel once it's done, right?" Jayla tried to help me feel better. I gave her a weak smile and nodded.

"Yeah... I hope so." I sighed and stood up to walk into our front room. I took a seat on an arm chair close to the window so I could keep an eye out for her. My phone buzzed again in my pocket and I pulled it out. Felix...

'I'm not doing anything interesting. Why?' he replied.

'Just wondering. I was in class earlier when you texted me.' I sent. I took a deep breath and looked back out the window, waiting for her car to pull up into the parking lot. My phone buzzed shortly after I sent my text.

'Yeah I know. Wanna do something later?' he asked. I couldn't help but grin. The thought of seeing him after my awful day made my stomach warm.

'Yeah, probably.' I replied. I wanted to see how things went with Olive first.

'Just probably?' he texted just as I saw Olive's car pulling up. I shoved my phone back in my pocket. I knew he would suspect I was with her.. and I was, but not in the way he was worried of. I didn't care if he would get mad- because I knew that would all go away once I told him the truth. I took a deep breath and stood up from my seat, feeling very reluctant to meet her. I didn't want to bring her inside.

I opened the front door and began walking towards her car, shoving my hands deep into my sweatshirt pocket. I watched as she got out and leaned against her car, her cold eyes watching me with every step. My heart was pounding, but I didn't want to show her how nervous I was. "Liam," she spat bitterly once I was standing in front of her. I groaned inwardly as I looked at her. She looked so fucking pissed off... and rightfully so. "When were you gonna tell me your big news?" she growled, wasting no time with small talk. I rubbed my eyes quickly and shook my head. I didn't know what to say. "Can't even say anything to me?"

"What do you want me to say?" I snapped. That seemed to set her off a little.

"Do you have any idea how fucking _stupid_ I look right now!?" She yelled. Yes.. I did. "Do you know how many fucking times I was called a beard today?" My eyes widened and I put my hand over my mouth to cover my forming smile. "Liam!" she snarled incredulously.

"What!?" I snapped defensively, stifling my laughter. "I'm sorry, but that's funny!" I snickered, trying to collect myself.

"It's not fucking funny!" she shrieked. "You made me look like an absolute fool!"

"I'm sorry!" I yelled back, irritation already brewing in my chest. She was the bitch who went around with my supposed best friend and told everybody in the school I was a fag.

"Sorry?" she snorted. "Three months, Liam? Three months!" She stared at me, eyes wide. Little did she know, it was actually longer.. I could see the hurt behind the anger in her eyes, and it made me feel guilty. "Like, what the fuck? I thought something was going on for a while now, but _Felix_...?" I peered around quickly to make sure nobody was outside. "I would have never guessed that... and now I look like the fucking dumb ass who's been dating a fucking closet gay for the past three months- maybe even longer!"

"Trust me, Olive, if I could change it I would," I growled through grit teeth. I took a deep breath, shaking my head. "Do you really think I can help it, though?" I snapped.

"No, I don't Liam.. but you could have at least fucking left me," she sighed, exasperation clear in her voice. I nodded. I knew that was my biggest mistake with the whole situation.

"I know... and I really am sorry," I attempted to convince her. "But come on... you and I both knew something wasn't right from the first time we fucked. At least I knew." I shrugged a shoulder. She nodded, the hurt and pain becoming more evident in her eyes the longer we spoke.

"I'm not mad that you're gay, Liam... or even that you're with Felix," she sighed. "I'm fucking mad that you led me on like that for so long." She shook her head.

"I was scared Olive.. I don't want to be gay," I admitted. She snorted with laughter.

"Yeah, well, you are... clearly..." She bit her bottom lip, and I noticed moisture developing in her eyes. "I love you.. I just wish you could feel the same," she said softly, shaking her head slowly. That caused a whole new ripple of sadness and guilt to run through me.

"I do love you," I attempted to assure her. "But it was never going to work." That's when the tears began flowing down her face. "Come here.." I gently grabbed onto her shoulder and pulled her into me. I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around me instead of pushing me away. I brought my hand up to the back of her head and held onto her tightly as she sobbed into my chest. I honestly did feel bad. She didn't deserve any of it. "I'm sorry," I murmured again. "We can still be friends." She shook her head.

"No, we can't," she whimpered between sobs. "I don't ever want to be around you again." It stung to hear her say that, but I understood. It would be easier for her to let go of me if we didn't have any contact. "I'm sorry for telling everyone at school," she apologized quietly. I didn't know what to say to that.. So I decided not to say anything.

Olive soon let go of me and wiped her eyes. "I have to go," she said quietly, sniffling. I nodded. "Good luck, Liam." She turned and opened her car door.

"Olive," I called before she had a chance to sit. She turned her head to look at me expectantly. "I do care about you... I'm so sorry..," I reassured quietly. She nodded, her eyes not leaving mine for a couple long seconds.

"Take care, Liam." With that she got in her car and backed out of her spot. I watched her drive through the parking lot until she turned down Front Street. I let out a deep breath and pulled out a cigarette for myself. I definitely needed one after all that. I lit it and took a deep drag in, staring up at the cloudy sky. As awful as things seemed, I knew they would get better. I no longer had to feel guilty every time Felix and I were together, and I no longer had to feel guilty for being with Olive since she was going to be out of the picture.

I finished my cigarette quickly before crossing the street back to my house. I shut the door behind me to see Jayla and my mom sitting oh so indiscreetly on arm chairs in the front room, both staring at me as I entered. I knew they had been watching me from the front window.

"So!" my mom breathed. "How did it go?" She smiled over at me. I gave a crooked grin with a shrug.

"Fine... I guess a little better than I expected." Relief washed over me as I realized it was over.

"I'm proud of you, honey." She stood up and gave me a tight hug. I laughed lightly and hugged her back.

"For what?" I questioned.

"For not being afraid to be your own person.." She let go of me and looked me in the eyes. "Especially at your age." I nodded. I _was_ afraid, though. I had just been forced to let everybody know the truth.  
"Thanks, Mom," I muttered. She smiled and nodded. Jayla stood up and ruffled my hair roughly.

"Good job, Liam! Not being a pussy for once!" she laughed. I cast her a playful scowl as I moved my hair back into its usual position.

"I'm not a pussy!" I growled, though admittedly I was a pussy in that whole situation. I had no idea how I let it get so far. 

"Sure you are! I need a cigarette," she announced as she headed towards the back of the house. Mom cast me a small smile and shook her head at my vulgar sister.

"If you ever need to talk about it, I'm always here," she reminded me with a shrug.

"Yeah, I know you are.." I gave her a crooked grin as she nodded and walked into the living room. I let out a heavy sigh and took a seat in the armchair by the window. What a fucking day... I pulled out my phone, remembering I'd never answered Felix. He was probably getting antsy. I was surprised when I looked and he hadn't sent me an impatient text like he so often did.

'Wanna come over now?' I texted Felix. It didn't take long for him to answer.

'Yeah. I'll be over soon.' I grinned down at my phone briefly before putting it away. It was going to be weird having him over knowing everyone in the house understood what we were to each other..

After about ten minutes of waiting, I decided to sit outside on the front step and smoke another cigarette. Just as I was finishing, his familiar car pulled into the parking lot. I flicked the butt out onto the street and released the last of the smoke from my lungs. I stood up as he began walking towards the house.

"Hey!" he called as he crossed the street. I put my hand up in a lazy wave. Soon he was standing on the front step area with me. He raised an eye brow. "What's up?" he asked. I smiled at him, and before I could resist, I wrapped my arms tightly around him, burying my face in his neck. It took a moment before he hesitantly let his hands rest on my back. "What are you doing..?" he asked quietly.

"Everyone knows," I whispered.

"Wait, what do you mean?" he asked, sounding bewildered. I pulled back and grinned at him.

"About us..," I said quietly. His brow furrowed, still looking confused. Without another word, I led us inside. Titus jumped up from his lounge on the floor and ran over to us immediately. Jayla and my mom were sitting on the couch, looking in our direction. I awkwardly walked into the living room, peering back at Felix to see he had the most unsure expression on his face I'd ever seen him have before.

"Hey there...," Jayla said deviously, a smile forming on her lips.

"Hi...?" Felix greeted back, glancing at me, his shoulders visibly tense. I had to admit, it was pretty funny to see him so uncomfortable.

"So- you're going from sister to brother, huh?" my mom added, amusement in her voice. I couldn't help but cringe at her words.

"Mom!" I hissed and she and Jayla began laughing. Felix cleared his throat and I felt his hand pat my shoulder.

"Well, what can I say...?" he said playfully yet awkwardly. My mom cracked up.

"Ah-ha! I like him, Liam!" she snickered. I could have smacked my palm against my face at their behavior.

"Alright, let's go," I grumbled before they had a chance to keep embarrassing me. As we walked up the stairs, my mom continued with the inappropriate jokes.

"Hey, don't get too crazy up there! At least I don't have to worry about either of you getting pregnant!" she called. Felix burst out in genuine laughter at that. Once we were in my bedroom with the door shut, he turned to me, a small frown on his face.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Well...," I began with a sigh before sitting down on my bed. "A couple months ago I told Evie about us...," I admitted sheepishly.

"Really?" he asked, tentatively sitting next to me. "You never told me that."

"I know. I didn't want to tell you... She kinda pissed me off... but I guess that's why she's been so bitchy towards us lately," I explained. "So today, at school.. A fucking rumor was spread about me that you and I are fucking." I shrugged. "So, basically.. I was forced to come out to Jayla, my mom, and everybody else at school." His eyes widened as I spoke.

"Fuck, man... I'm glad I'm not you!" he snickered, a smile forming on his lips. "So Evie told Olive?" he guessed. I nodded.

"She sure did... and then they told a bunch of people at school, who then told more people, and so forth." I rolled my eyes at the thought.

"So you and Olive aren't together anymore...?" he asked hopefully, his smile widening.

"Obviously," I snorted. "I don't think I wanna talk to Evie anymore, either.."

"I'm sorry it had to happen that way, but not gonna lie.. I'm pretty happy you're done with her," he snickered. I knew he would be.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I am too, actually.." I felt much better than I thought I would. I looked over at him, my feeling of affection a bit overwhelming. He was so perfect... He was my idea of perfection. Even with his flaws, his scars and his vices. They all fit him so well. He was truly a unique person, and I should have been thankful all that time that he chose _me_. I couldn't stop myself from leaning over until our lips connected. I could finally kiss him without feeling any guilt. And it felt amazing.

Somehow I ended up on top of him, straddling his hips, kissing him. "So do you wanna be with me now?" he breathed. I smiled, biting onto his bottom lip.

"Of course I do..," I whispered. As much conflict as I felt about being gay, I couldn't deny how blissful he made me feel. Why would I want to fight that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter. It's a shame things had to turn out the way they did, but it's probably for the best for everybody. High school girls are so catty, and high school boys are so dense...


	15. October 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, not very exciting

It had been about a month since Olive and I broke up. Since then, Felix and I became exclusive. He was my boyfriend, as bizarre as it felt to say out loud. We still hadn't come out to everybody in the group... and by everybody, I mean Brody and Lexie. Everyone else pretty much knew since they went to the same school as me. I was happy that it hadn't really affected my friendships, except for Evie obviously, and they respected us enough not to blab their mouths about it. I'd asked them to be quiet about it just to make sure. I didn't think Felix was quite ready to let his good friend know, which I totally understood. I will never forget the awkward text I received from _my_ best male friend shortly after the rumor was spread.

'Hey, man.' It was the day after Olive and I broke up, and I was sitting on the couch watching cartoons. I stared down at the text from Rhett momentarily before replying.

'Hey. What's up?' I asked and placed my phone in my lap. My heart was already beating out of my chest. He'd yet to bring it up, and I knew it was only a matter of time.

'Dude, I didn't wanna ask you this 'cause I didn't wanna be rude... but you're my best friend, right?' he texted. I snorted with laughter at that.

'Yeah, I hope... but before you even ask, yeah it's true.' I sighed and sent the text. What was the use in hiding it? It took him a long time to reply, and I was beginning to feel nervous.

When he did answer, all he said was, 'Damn!' My stomach dropped.

'Damn? What the hell does that mean?' I asked, my palms feeling slightly sweaty. I really didn't want to lose my friendship with Rhett, but his text made me realize it was a very real possibility.

'Nothin. It's just crazy. Can't believe I couldn't figure it out!' he replied. 'I didn't mean damn like eeew damn.. I just meant it's weird. Hahaha. I don't care who you're with,' he texted as I was typing a reply. My dismay was immediately replaced with relief.

'Sorry, Rhett. You don't know how nervous I was to actually tell you.' I texted. His reaction left me wondering why I'd even stressed so heavily over it to begin with. It seemed so stupid in hindsight. But, then again, I would have never guessed I would lose Evie over everything. In the end it was a good way to weed friends who weren't actually my friends...

<<>>

It was a Saturday night in October and Felix and I were laying lazily on my bed. I had my head resting on his chest, The Toadies playing on my stereo, as he ran his fingers through my hair. I loved laying with him. He was the most comfortable person ever to sleep and cuddle with. As we laid there, I found myself pondering a few things.

"How were you able to fuck girls all this time?" I asked. "I could hardly fuck Olive even before I realized I was fucking gay..." Felix nonchalantly shrugged a shoulder.

"Well.. Straight dudes suck dick for meth, don't they? They fuck each other in prison to stay alive... I was just doin' it to survive the harsh, cruel world known as high school." He smirked at me. He had a point, I guess.

"Sooo... have you ever fucked a dude before?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as I could. I was genuinely curious. I could hear his heart begin to beat faster and it caused a small grin to creep on my face.

"Why? Are you asking so you can get jealous if you're not going to be the first one?" he asked slowly and suspiciously. I laughed a bit, namely at the fact that he'd given me my answer indirectly.

"No, I just wanna know," I reassured him. He let out a small sigh.

"Yeah, I have. I was with one guy in my life, well, besides you obviously. That's it. After that I was determined to make everybody sure I was straight," he told me. I believed him of course. I moved my hand down to rest across his stomach and I gripped onto him tightly. I found it pretty sad that it had to be that way for him. Nobody should have to hide their attractions towards somebody from people... but I had been doing the same thing for the past months, so I understood.

"I figured... or else I don't think you would be so good at sucking me off." I smiled and leaned up to kiss his chin. He laughed quietly at this.

"You got me there..." He let out a deep breath and continued to play with my hair. I was nervous at the thought of taking it up the ass, honestly... everything that we had done thus far had been amazing.. but nothing required penetration of my anus..

"Does it hurt?" I asked, tracing my fingers over his chest. He was wearing a Sex Pistols stamped shirt, and I liked how it felt to the touch.

"Does what hurt...?" he asked slowly.

"You know," I began, hoping he wouldn't make me say it out loud. When he didn't answer, I continued. "Fucking up the ass..."

"I couldn't tell you. I've never taken it," he said bluntly. "But, I mean, I would imagine so. Sorry," he laughed. I kind of figured when we got together that I wouldn't be the one doing the fucking. Felix had never struck me as a bottom. That was okay with me, though. I liked him being the dominant one. There was something sexy about it.

"I guess I'll be able to tell you soon enough." I allowed my eyes to close as we talked.

"Yeah... We don't need to rush into it or anything. I don't want you to ever think that," he said quickly. I smiled at his consideration.

"I know. I've just been thinking about it. Since everything else we've done together has felt so amazing, I'm hoping that when you fuck me, it will be the same." I felt him shift slightly, so I opened my eyes. I hadn't noticed before, but I happened to glance down at his crotch, and his dick was beginning to become a bit hard. Every time I turned him on to that point, I always felt somewhat accomplished. His hand moved from my hair to my cheek, his thumb lightly rubbing against my skin.

"I look forward to it," he said softly. I snickered.

"Yeah, I can tell," I teased. A smirk formed over his face and he shook his head.

"I'm so attracted to you, you don't even know," he murmured. "The struggle to not rape you every time I see you is real." I laughed loudly at that and rolled off of his chest. I sat up and reached over to my nightstand to grab a cigarette.

"It will happen," I said after I lit it. "I promise." I opened my window and blew my drag out into the cool, evening air. He continued to lay in his spot, his eyes remaining on me as I smoked. I did have full intentions of going all the way, if you will, with him some day.. as long as we didn't break up first, but I really didn't see that happening. I suddenly heard footsteps outside my door, and my heart jumped. It was probably my mom coming to yell at me for smoking inside. I was just about to smash the end of my cigarette out when Jayla's voice sounded from behind the door.

"Ya'll queers better not be givin' each other AIDS in there now!" she gave the best hick man accent she could muster and then began laughing.

"Now, Cleatus, go on and get back to fuckin' 'ur sister!" Felix called back in an equally hick southern accent. I laughed at their stupidity and shook my head. With that Jayla burst into my room.

"Ya'll better be decent!" she laughed and then went back to talking in her normal voice. "No, but really. What are you guys doing tonight?" she asked, shutting the door behind her to keep the smoke in my room. Felix and I exchanged glances before shrugging.

"Why?" he asked, sitting up.

"Well, Brody is having everyone over... So I just thought maybe you guys would wanna come, since... you know. That's what we usually do." She was smiling, glancing between the two of us as she talked.

"Do you wanna go?" he asked me. I shrugged a shoulder. I honestly didn't really feel like it.

"Not really. I didn't even know anything was going on tonight." I personally didn't feel like drinking, which was a rarity.

"Dammit, Liam!" Jayla whined. "Will you go next week at least? I'll convince that motherfucker to have people over again!" I laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, that would be good. I just don't feel like it tonight. I'm lazy," I explained, ashing my cigarette. She nodded.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Fuckin' losers!" she called over her shoulder as she left. Felix smiled at me when she was gone.

"I'm so glad she does hate me anymore. I always liked her," he said happily. I nodded.

"Yeah, I think she feels better now that she knows why things went so poorly with you guys." I laughed at the thought. "It's funny because I feel like most girls would still be mad, or even more mad. Shit, I thought she was going to be. I thought, in a weird way, she was kinda obsessed with you... but now I don't think she actually was. I think she was perplexed as to why you didn't want to fuck her." We both laughed.

"Did you ever think, last year at this time, that we would be here now?" he pondered, a grin sticking to his face. I shook my head and took one last drag before putting my cigarette out.

" _Fuck_ no... Did you?" I asked. He shook his head as well.

"Of course not," he snickered, laying back down. I moved back to my previous spot on his chest, my body in the crook of his arm.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I asked. Brody and Felix had gotten jobs together at the Manheim McDonalds, much to their dismay. I got to hear about how they hated it from both of them. Felix had to get a job. Since he was out of school, his dad transferred the car insurance into his name, and refused to pay for anything for him. I was a bit surprised when he told me that. I didn't know much about his dad- or anybody in his family for that matter.. He never talked about them. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. Apparently's he'd had a few small jobs in the past, so he was kinda used to working.

"No." His happy tone immediately faltered at the mention of his job. I couldn't help but snicker.

"Well, that's a good thing... right?" I asked, grinning up at him.

"Yeah, it is... but shit, man. I really need to find something that pays more. I _need_ to move out. I feel like that's a long while off, though," he said glumly with a sigh.

"Well, maybe when Brody and Jayla finally decide to stop being fucking stubborn and finally get together, we could all move out together," I said playfully. We both laughed at that. I knew Jay and Brody were still seeing each other- even though he and Lexie hadn't broken up. I felt for both of them, obviously, having been in the same situation only weeks earlier. I understood how it felt.

"I know you were kidding, but that would actually be the shit..," he snickered, running his fingers through my hair. "Dude, it's so fucking _stupid_ there!" he whined. "I mean, I knew it would be... they make you take out all your piercings, even my god damn plugs." I laughed at that. His ears were stretched to 7/8th of an inch. They weren't huge, but they weren't small enough that people wouldn't notice.

"I'm sure a floppy ear lobe is what every person coming to McDonalds wants to see," I teased.

"Yeah, well, my floppy ear lobes are more attractive than half the customers coming in, so...." He shrugged a shoulder and then snorted with laughter. "At least I take care of mine, so they don't look like a wrinkled butthole."

"Yeah, I know. I take care of mine, too." I leaned up to kiss his neck lightly.

"I'll look for a different job eventually.. probably sooner than later." He ran his fingers through my hair my once before sitting up. He rubbed his eyes briefly before reaching over to grab his cigarettes. "Wanna go smoke outside with me?" he asked, peering over at me. I'd just had one, but I couldn't resist temptation. I nodded and stood up without hesitation. I slipped my pair of low top Vans on. When I turned, Felix was finishing up putting his shoes on as well.

We headed downstairs together and immediately headed out the back door. Titus followed, as he usually did, and jumped up at us as he went. We were greeted by a burst of refreshingly cool air.

I walked out into the yard and glanced over at the neighbor's yard. They were all sitting out on their porch, beers in their hands. Tatia looked over at us and waved. I waved sheepishly back before lighting my cigarette. I looked at Felix to see he was smiling at her as well, not looking like he cared in the least to be seen with me. That was good, though... we were together now... I didn't have any reason to feel embarrassed now that I was no longer with Olive.

We took seats around the fire pit. Titus suddenly ran over to the fence line, his body wiggling with excitement. I looked up to see Tatia standing at the fence.

"Hey!" she greeted us happily. "Mind if I come over?"

"Nope," I called back with a grin.

"Sweet." She placed a hand on Titus's back to steady herself as she climbed the small fence.

"What's up?" Felix asked as she walked over to us and took a seat next to him. She shrugged, taking a sip of her beer.

"Nothin'. Drinkin." She leaned down in her seat and moved her hand over to pet Titus, who was still fussing over her. He took a drag of his cigarette and nodded, casting me a small smile. "What're you guys up to tonight?" she asked.

"Nothing. Just hanging out," I replied with a small shrug. I couldn't deny how awkward I felt. I'd been blacked out the last time we'd really spoken... and she'd seen Felix and I together. Since that night we'd seen each other in passing, but I tried to avoid her. Real mature, I know. But I was pretty damn humiliated.

We were chatting for a little while, our cigarettes done, when Felix leaned down in his seat and let his foot rest against mine. Tatia undoubtedly noticed it.

"So," she began with amusement in her voice. "You guys a known thing now?" she snickered, taking a sip of her beer. I immediately shifted in my seat and pulled another cigarette out.

"Yeah," Felix replied happily. "Took him long enough, but he finally came around..."

"Guys are way better, anyways, Liam," she laughed.

"Yeah, I'm coming to find that very true," I murmured and took a drag of my cigarette, undoubtedly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was turning. I looked over at Felix to see he had a wide, slightly sadistic smile on his face.

It was interesting to me how Felix chose to hide the fact that he was gay from certain people, while others he didn't seem to care at all. He still hadn't told Brody; yet he had no problem being open about it with my neighbor that he hardly knew. Maybe it was because she'd already seen us together. I wasn't sure.

"God, I still can't believe I caught you two! So scandalous!" she giggled, placing a hand over her mouth as she laughed. _Jesus!_ Felix laughed loudly, his eye brows raising. Of course, he would think it's the best thing in the world to bring up.

"Liam was fucking shitfaced," he snickered, adding fire to the flames.

"Yes, indeed I was. I like to not think about those awful times," I said stiffly, taking a drag of my cigarette.

"Aw! But it was sweet!" Tatia protested. "You're really funny when you're drunk, too." I stifled my laughter and shook my head. "What! You are!" she snorted, taking a sip of her beer shortly after.

"You _are_ pretty fun, dude," Felix agreed.

We all sat outside talking for a little while. It was nice. It was relaxing. It left me wishing that more of my days could be that simple and care free. But I was a damn teenager with hormones and shit; so those days seemed far and few between at times.


	16. December 2017

It was Christmas Eve. Another year almost gone. I couldn't believe it.. I stared out the kitchen window as snow lightly fell from the sky. It was going to be a white Christmas, something which I hadn't seen for a few years. I let out a content sigh and turned to see Titus standing expectantly behind me. "What's up, dude?" I asked, causing his tail to wag gently. I pet his head briefly before walking into the living room.

Mom and Jayla were sitting on the couch, a beer in my mom's hand. She had managed to get off that night and all of Christmas day. It was rare that she was off holidays, so we were fairly excited. I took a seat on the floor and Titus followed, nearly knocking me over as he laid down right against me. I let my arm rest over his back and glanced up at the TV. Old cartoons were playing, which made me smile.

"When's your man getting here?" Jayla suddenly asked, stretching her arms over her head. "I'm getting tired, and I'm assuming he's bringing us somethin' good to drink.." I laughed and shrugged, leaning to get my phone out of my pocket. He'd told me he was heading over ten minutes earlier.

"Oh, is he?" Mom asked with playful suspicions. I smirked at her.

"Probably...," I snickered. "He should be here soon, Jay." I tossed my phone to our coffee table and ran my hand over Titus's slick fur.

"Thank God; I'm so bored!" she complained dramatically.

"Isn't spending time with me good enough?" Mom snorted.

"Yeah, it's plenty, Mom." Jayla cast me a devious smile before continuing, "but I wanna spend time with my new brother-in-law, too..."

"Ew, Jay!" I whined. "Could you not make it _weird_ all the time?"

"What! How am I making it weird?" she protested. My mom shook her head, a grin on her face, and took a sip of her beer.

"Well, for one we've only been together like seven months. And two, we aren't fucking married!" I retorted. She laughed and shook her head.

"I can't help it, Liam. You guys are so fucking cute!" she snickered. I could feel my face flushing, so I looked out towards the entrance way. "Aww, don't be embarrassed, little Liam!"

"Jayla!" my mom laughed. "Stop torturing your brother!" Even though she was speaking in my defense, she couldn't mask the amusement in her voice.

"Yeah, _Jayla_ , stop torturing me!" I rebutted. She stuck her tongue out at me in quite the immature fashion, causing both of us to laugh. Just at that moment, the front door opened. I turned my head to see Felix walking in, a backpack draped over his shoulder. Titus immediately jumped up, grabbed his nearest toy, and bounded over to him.

"Ah, speak a' the devil!" Jayla snickered, causing Felix to give her a wary look. He set his backpack down and walked into the living room.

"I hope that's a good thing," he snorted before sitting down next to me.

"Hey! Take off your filthy shoes!" she teased. I looked down at them to see they were indeed muddy and wet.

"Oh, shit," he murmured before pulling them off. "My bad." My mom simply laughed.

"I don't care.. Have you seen all the shit Titus drags through here? I need to clean, anyways." She waved her hand dismissively. He set them on the wooden floor behind us, off the rug, and cast me a small grin.

"So, what'd you bring us?" Jayla asked, sliding to the floor.

"You'll see in due time," he replied cryptically. I laughed when Jayla's expression fell. "I'm kidding... I brought some Bird Dog apple whiskey. I know it sounds gay as shit, but it's really fucking good." I couldn't help but tense at his unfortunate word choice. Jayla smirked at us, and I immediately knew she was going to make a smart ass remark.

"Don't even say anything!" I snapped as she opened her mouth. Felix looked taken aback by my outburst.

"I wasn't gonna! Shit!" she snickered. "You sure are being defensive."

"What..?" Felix asked slowly.

"She's in rare form tonight," I explained. "She's trying to make our night hanging out as awkward as she can, since it's just us..."

"Oh, no I wasn't! Can we drink some of that whiskey?" she asked. Felix glanced at my mom.

"Is that alright, Lola?" he asked. She looked surprised, her eye brows raised.

"Why, yes... it is. Thanks for asking," she snickered. He nodded and stood up to get his backpack. "You'd better keep him, Liam!" she added. I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply.

"I intend to..," I said through grit teeth. He came back into the living room with the bottle in his hands. He handed it to Jayla, who happily took it.

"Awww!" she exclaimed. "Look at the Golden Retriever!" She turned the bottle so I could see. There was indeed a Golden Retriever on the front of it... I nodded, and glanced over as Felix sat down beside me once more. I shifted so I was leaning against him more. That, in turn, prompted him to shift and put his arm around me. I tensed immediately. That wasn't what I had intended to happen...

Jayla opened the bottle, her eyes shifting to us briefly, before she took a sip. Her eyes widened and she smiled once more. "Hey, that _is_ good!"

"You think I was lying?" Felix laughed. She shrugged and put the cap back on. "You wanna try some?" he asked me. I nodded and grabbed the bottle from my sister. I took a sip, immediately hit by the taste of apple. The familiar, slightly sweet taste of whiskey soon followed. I was impressed.

"This is still 80 proof?" I asked, looking over the bottle.

"Yeah, dude. It's good." I took another small sip before passing it back to him.

"Wanna try some, Mom?" I asked, deciding it would be rude to not at least offer. She smirked over at me and shrugged.

"Sure, I'll try a little.. Why not?" she snorted. Once Felix had a sip, he moved forward to pass it to my mom. We all watched in anticipation as she took a sip from the bottle. "God, this makes me feel like I'm 20 years old again," she laughed, putting the cap back on. "Yeah, that's good!" She nodded, handing it back to Jayla.

"I'm gonna get us some cups!" she announced and hopped up, walking cheerily to the kitchen. Felix and I exchanged glances, his arms to his side once more.

"How are you?" he asked quietly, giving my knee a brief squeeze. It was clear to me that he wanted to be affectionate.. I got the feeling he was waiting for me to give him permission.

"I'm great!" I said happily. "How about you?" I asked just as Jayla returned to the living room. 

"I'm alright," he replied dully. My sister passed up each a cup before sitting down heavily on the couch. I waited patiently as she poured some whiskey into her cup. Once she was done, she passed it to me. I filled my small cup about half full before passing it over to my boyfriend.

I took a sip of my drink, peering over at Jayla to see she had her eyes back on the TV. It was comfortable sitting in the living room, the tree lights on, everybody relaxing. It also felt so surreal, sitting there next to Felix. I glanced over at him to see his eyes were on the TV as well. I sighed and leaned into him once more, feeling a bit guilty that I was acting so reserved. He glanced over briefly with a small grin. He put his hand on my back and kissed my temple.

"Awwww!" Jayla suddenly exclaimed. I grit my teeth together in annoyance and shot her a glare. "What? You guys are fucking adorable!" Felix burst out in laughter at that. "All those times I made gay jokes about you guys, I never thought it would come _true_!"

"Jesus Christ...," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

"Isn't it kinda weird for you guys?" Mom suddenly asked. "You know... since you and Jay were together, too?"

"Mom, we didn't even really _do_ anything together!" she snapped. I couldn't help but grin to myself at the thought.

"Okay, okay... My daughter's sex life isn't really at the top of my list of things to talk about," she retorted.

"Well, if it makes you feel better- even what we did do, I didn't enjoy it...," Felix snorted with a shrug. This caused my mom and sister to both laugh. _Oh, god..._ I scowled at him. "What..?" he asked quietly. I shook my head, a small smirk creeping over my lips, and took a sip of my drink.

"That was a while ago, anyways," Jayla said dismissively. Mom peered over at me, her eye brows raised slightly, before taking a sip of her drink. It honestly didn't bother me as much as it probably should have... I'm sure it would if he hadn't been crushing on me back when he and Jayla were together.

I took another swallow of my drink, feeling the need to from the awkward conversation, and realized I was already feeling it. I glanced over at Felix as he took a large sip of his drink as well. I couldn't help but grin to myself. When he set his cup down I didn't hesitate to reach over and entwine our fingers. He seemed slightly taken aback, but he squeezed onto my hand in return. Sure, it was weird being open about everything with my mom and Jayla... but if I couldn't be comfortable being myself in front of _them_ , then who could I be?

"So is your well mannered boyfriend going to be joining us tomorrow?" my mom suddenly asked, grinning warmly at us. We exchanged glances.

"Ooooh, that would be fun!" Jayla said, her voice full of excitement.

"I mean... I don't really want anybody to know yet...," I murmured, feeling guilty to even be saying it.

"Liam, you know Grandma would love him...," Mom said matter of factly. "Out of everybody in your family, my side is definitely the one that won't give a shit who you're with. Hell, you could marry a fucking shoe and they wouldn't care," she snorted. "Just look at what they let _me_ marry!" she laughed.

"It's fine," Felix said quietly. "I completely understand, believe me.."

"Don't you have stuff to do with your family?" I asked under my breath. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I remembered our conversation the year earlier. I could have slapped my hand over my forehead. "Er-..," I began once I saw his expression fall. "Never mind... Did- you wanna come?" I asked awkwardly.

"Can we talk about it later?" he asked softly. I nodded, letting go of his hand to grab my cup. God damn my nervous drinking...

"Well, Felix, you're always welcome," my mom assured him. He smiled at her with a small nod.

"Thanks, really.. I appreciate it." He took a sip of his whiskey, his eyes falling to the ground once more.

"I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette," Jayla announced. "You guys wanna come?"

"Yeah," I agreed, standing swiftly. A cigarette definitely sounded wonderful at that moment. We all put our coats on, preparing for the brisk temperature outside. Once we had our shoes on, we all filed out the backdoor.

My boyfriend and I took our usual spot on the bench, huddled next to each other to keep warm. Snow was still falling, and it was very relaxing. "Were the roads shitty on your way over?" I asked, releasing the smoke of my freshly lit cigarette from my lungs.

"Nah." He shook his head.

"This is fun!" Jayla announced happily, taking a drag of her smoke. "Mom hardly ever lets us drink in front of her!" I snickered and nodded in agreement.

"She's in a good mood because she has off all day tomorrow," I explained when Felix gave a questioning look. He nodded and took a drag of his cigarette.

"You stayin' over tonight?" Jay asked him. He looked over at me.

"Yeah... Right?" he asked, a slightly concerned glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, obviously." I nodded. I didn't even think that was a question.

"You're real subdued tonight, dude," she continued. "I'm not used to it." Felix smirked and draped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me closer.

"That's because I'm content," he snickered. She grinned and shook her head. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, aware of how cold his exposed skin was already. It was really cold out, so I wasn't surprised.

"Okay, so honestly- you're really good at hiding your gayness!" she blurted out. My eyes widened and Felix began laughing. "Like, shit! Three months later and I'm still shocked!" she laughed.

"Yeah, I know. I've been hiding it a long time," he sighed. "I don't like being gay." He shrugged.

"Yeah, but if you weren't gay you wouldn't have that sweet piece of ass sitting next to you," she said brightly. I laughed at that and shook my head.

"That is true!" He smiled over at me and took a drag of his cigarette.

"I don't know if I would even consider myself gay if it weren't for you," I admitted. His eyes narrowed skeptically.

"Yeah, you would... Might not know it, but you would be," he stated matter of factly. I guess he was right... Jayla laughed at us and shook her head.

"I should have known you would grow up to be a little queer boy." She raised her eye brows at me as she took a drag of her cigarette in.

"Hey!" I growled playfully. She gave me an exaggerated wink before blowing me a quick kiss. I rolled my eyes and Felix laughed at her dramatic gesture.

"I think Jay's feelin' the whiskey," he snickered.

"Nah, motherfucker, I'm feeling the god damn holiday cheer!" she spat, her breath clear in the cold air. I stifled my laughter and buried my face in my hands briefly. I definitely felt giddy, but I don't think it was holiday cheer. I looked up once more, aware that Felix's hand was lightly rubbing my arm. I cast him a sheepish smile before taking a drag of my cigarette. I probably would have been more cold, but I was feeling the liquor in my system.

We all finished our cigarettes and smashed our cherries out. Jayla walked inside ahead of the two of us, Felix behind me. I stepped towards the door, suddenly feeling his hand smack against my ass cheek. I scowled playfully over my shoulder at him. He snickered and shook his head, gesturing for me to go inside. I let out a content sigh and led the way.

<<>>

The more drunk I got, the less I was able to hide my bubbling emotions. I sat on the floor next to Felix, my knees lightly touching his thigh. I peered over at my boyfriend as he talked to my mom and sister. My stomach twisted, and I began to feel the familiar pressure building in my pants. _Fuck..._ I bit my bottom lip and looked away, willing myself to not pop a boner in front of my family.

I wanted to take him upstairs. I wanted to be alone with him, and do dirty things to him. I wanted that so bad.. and I could have it. I leaned over and said softly, "do you wanna go upstairs?"

"What?" His brow furrowed. "You okay?"

"What? Yeah!" I waved my hand. "I'm just- tired...," I lied.

"Alright.. sure." He shrugged before glancing at Jayla.

"If we don't go to bed soon, Santa is gonna skip our house!" she burst out, followed by a fit of laughter.

"Oh, holy hell!" my mom laughed incredulously at my sister's awful joke. I grinned and stood to my feet, trying to keep myself as steady as I could. Felix was soon standing as well. He placed his hand on the small of my back to help me keep my balance.

"Alright, good night, I guess," he snorted.

"Night!" I said cheerily, excited to get to my bedroom. Without waiting for him to follow, I headed towards the stairs.

"Night, guys!" Mom said back happily. I walked up the steps, aware of Felix's footsteps following slowly behind me. I turned the corner and headed into my bedroom. I turned on the Christmas lights hanging around my window frame, along with the lamp on my nightstand.

"That was fun," Felix snickered, shrugging his sweatshirt off his shoulders. I nodded with a grin before I let myself fall heavily onto my bed. My body felt so tingly... I let out a deep breath and looked over at Felix as he slipped his shirt over his head. I couldn't keep a shitty grin from forming on my face. He turned and cast me a crooked smile.

"What?" he asked suspiciously. I shook my head and rolled over so I wasn't taking up the whole bed.

"You're sexy...," I said quietly. He snorted, shaking his head, before walking over and sitting on the edge of my bed. For as arrogant as he could be, he sure couldn't take a compliment... I reached forward and hooked my fingers in the waist of his pants, tugging slightly. He snickered and laid down next to me, turning to run his fingers through my hair. "I'm drunk...," I told him.

"I know you are," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. My stomach warmed and I smiled widely. I felt so good it was ridiculous.

"I'm so happy," I babbled. "I'm so glad I'm with you."

"I'm happy too, sweetheart," he snickered.

" _Awww_ ," I cooed, running my hands down his back until they rested on his ass. "Is that what you say to _all_ the ladies?" I teased.

"Nope... just to- you." He poked my nose quickly, causing me to laugh. I felt so bubbly, blissful, and _heavy_.

"What did you wanna do now?" I asked, somewhat suggestively. I pulled his hips into mine, and he immediately smirked.

"I thought you wanted to go to bed," he said, amusement in his voice. I shook my head.

"I just wanted to be alone with you," I whispered, leaning forward to kiss his lips softly.

"Did you now?" he whispered playfully before sliding his tongue fluently into my mouth. I tightened my grip of his ass and smiled as we kissed. I was turned on... I'd been turned on since before we even came upstairs. All I had to do was fucking think about him and I got horny.

I slid my hands back to my crotch, unbuttoning my pants. I wanted to get them off before my dick got too hard. It was usually fairly painful with stretch pants on... _Maybe I should just stop wearing stretch pants when I see him?_ I pulled back from him to slide my pants off, tossing them to my floor. I sat up briefly to slip my shirt over my head. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

Before I had much of a chance to do anything, Felix's hand was wrapped around my dick through my underwear. I smirked and began unbuttoning his pants. He didn't object as I pulled them down to the best of my ability.

"I wanna suck your dick," I told him quietly. He raised an eye brow, a devious smile on his face. I'd only sucked it two times previously, and it had definitely taken some coaxing to get me to actually follow through. I _wanted_ to be able to give him that pleasure- but it was quite unnerving. I wasn't very good at it, definitely not as good as Felix was.

"I won't say no to that," he snickered, pulling his pants down the remainder of the way. We continued to kiss for a little bit, touching each other as we went. At one point, I said fuck it and moved myself under the covers.

I pulled down his boxers and began sucking his dick, immediately aware of how different it felt since I was drunk. I'd been sober the other two times. I was finding it much easier- my pitiful gag reflex wasn't being quite as active. It didn't take long for Felix to flip the covers from over me. I lifted my head, casting him a small scowl.

"Li, you're fine... I'm not gonna stare at you," he breathed, laughing lightly. "Keep going; it feels really good." I continued to stare at him until he laid back, then I kept going. This time I began touching myself as I went, finding it quite erotic.

My jaw was beginning to feel tight, but I was determined to go until he came. From the way he was breathing, I didn't think it was going to be long. _God damn, he's so sexy..._ It was difficult to focus completely when I was feeling so much pleasure myself. 

"Fuck," he breathed, his hand gripping onto my hair. I couldn't help but smile as he did so, and I tried not to scrape him with my teeth. I contained myself quickly, finding great arousal in his grip on the back of my head. I shut my eyes tightly as I came into my boxers. "Holy shit.." Warm jiz filled my mouth, catching me off guard. I pulled back, swallowing immediately, and glanced down as more jiz ran down his dick.

"Sorry...," I murmured sheepishly.

"For what?" he panted, his brown eyes locking with mine.

"For pulling away before you were done," I explained, wiping my mouth.

"Well you could always lick it up," he suggested without hesitation, a devious smile on his face once more. I laughed and glanced down. Without giving it a second thought I did as told, causing him to shudder. Cum had an indescribable taste... bitter? A weird vegetable? Whatever it tasted like, it was gross. Once I was done, I sat back and grinned at him. He smiled and sat up as well, pressing his lips passionately against mine. He slid his tongue into my mouth, biting my bottom lip as he pulled away. "That was really fucking hot," he breathed, giving my cheek a gentle kiss before pulling away.

"Good," I said quietly. He let himself fall back down against my bed with a deep sigh. I stood up and slid my dirty boxers off. I decided against redressing and simply moved to turn my light off. I walked back over to my bed, my room glowing from the strand of Christmas lights I had hanging at my window, and laid down next to him. I scooted closer to him to find that he had taken his boxers off as well. I laid in the crook of his arm, my hand resting on his chest. He kissed my head, squeezing onto me momentarily.

"You're amazing," he whispered, causing me to smile.

"So are you," I said softly. We were laying for a few minutes in silence. "Are you gonna come along tomorrow?" I asked, nearly forgetting. There was a few moments of silence before he spoke again.

"I don't know...," he muttered. "Do you want me to?" he asked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure," I admitted. "I would love you to, but I don't know if I'm ready to tell my family..." I sighed.

"Well, I could always go as your friend..." He shrugged. I laughed at the thought. "Your poor little minority friend who has no family," he said playfully.

"Alright...," I agreed. "Why don't you come along, then?" I snuggled up against him the best I could, my face buried in his neck.

"Sounds like a plan," he sighed, letting his hand rest on the crook of my neck. His thumb gently rubbed over my skin, causing me to immediately feel relaxed.

"Now I'm tired...," I said groggily.

"I'm not surprised," he snickered. "Let's go to sleep." I nodded and held onto him tightly. There was nowhere I would have rather been that night than right by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all my years writing gay fiction, I've never written my main character giving head... I don't like to go into too much detail, though. I'm not a good erotic writer. That type of stuff makes me cringe a bit.


	17. January 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter! It takes me back to my teenage years of getting fucked up at stupid little punk parties... kinda of makes me sad now hahaha. Oh, and can you tell I love writing drunk vomit scenes? ;)

New Years Eve. The date where seemingly everybody in Lancaster County was out getting fucked up. To me, it was just an excuse to get out of the house for a bigger occasion than just a weekend get together at Brody's house. We all looked forward to it. We always had a good time. On top of that, the first of January was Brody's birthday.

This year, shit was going to be a bit different for me... I was looking forward to it, but at the same time, I was feeling stupidly nervous. We still hadn't come out to Brody, which made me feel slightly guilty. He was the only one who didn't know... but sometimes I wondered if he wasn't suspicious- or if somebody else hadn't told him the truth. It didn't matter. I knew he wouldn't care.

At this point in the night, we'd already been there for about two hours. It was ten at night. It was so fucking hot in the basement, it was almost too hard to handle. My face felt extremely flushed, which probably made me look more drunk than I actually was. "Liam!" I heard Jayla yell from behind me and I turned in time to see her stumbling forward, a cup of something in her hand. She laughed and threw an arm haphazardly around me, her drink spilling over onto the floor. "What's up!" She was clearly intoxicated.

"I was going to go do something, but now I can't remember...," I told her honestly. Was I going to go get another drink? "Ah, I was gonna go look for Felix!" I told her.

There were quite a few people cramped in the house, some of which I didn't even really know. They were Brody's friends, people who had probably gone to Manheim Central with him and Felix. They were the only two who seemed to know them well. They all seemed relatively nice and easy to get along with, at least. But somehow, I'd managed to lose track of my boyfriend's location.

"I saw that bitch in the kitchen, yo!" she spat happily and then went into a fit of laughter before taking a sip of her drink. I laughed too, realizing I was much too sober for her level.

"Are you having fun?" I asked above the music. We had Local H playing on the stereo currently. She nodded.

"Hell yeah! You look like you're not have enough fun, though, dude!" She shoved her cup into my hands. "Drink it!" she demanded. I did as told and took a large sip of whatever was in her cup. It wasn't too bad... Definitely some spiced rum in it. I handed it back with a nod, the familiar warmth running down my chest. "The secret ingredient is bacon grease!"

"Shut up!" I rolled my eyes with a smile. "I'm gonna go get my own drink," I told her before heading off towards the stairs. I walked up them quickly and turned into the kitchen. There were a couple people standing around chatting, but not Felix. Where had everybody gone? I didn't know where Brody and Rhett were, either.. I sighed and settled on a beer, some strong but disgusting IPA, before heading back down the stairs to the basement. I glanced around until my eyes finally rested on Felix. How had I missed him? Maybe they'd been in the garage or something. He was sitting on the couch, a cup in his hand, talking to some good looking girl with purple hair that I'd only seen a few times before. She was staring at him intently as he spoke, leaning a bit too close for my comfort. Annoyance shot through me and I walked over, sitting down heavily next to him. He looked over, a wide smile on his face.

"Hey!" he greeted me, sounding clearly drunk. "You know Josie, right?" he asked, pointing to the purple haired girl sitting on the opposite side of him.

"Um- I dunno... I don't think I've ever really formally met her," I said with a shrug. She smiled at me.

"I'm sure we have, but one of us was probably too drunk to really remember!" she laughed. That was, sadly, probably true. I grinned and took a sip of my beer. It was so bitter and disgusting.. I should have just gotten liquor. "Damn, Felix! Are all of your friends as hot as you?" Josie laughed. I was a bit taken aback by her statement, though I tried not to let it show on my face. What a skank.. Felix shot me an awkward glance.

"This is Liam. He's Jayla's little brother," he explained before taking a sip of his drink as well.

"Oooh, shit! I can see the resemblance!" Her eyes widened in realization. I got that a lot. We did look kinda similar, but I think what was most apparent was the way we accented our words. We sounded exactly the same with how we spoke, except we had different tones obviously. "How did you two meet?" she asked.

"Oh, well.. We met when I was seeing Jay," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked like he was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"That was before us, right?" she snickered, and I didn't miss her hand resting on his knee for a brief second. I had to fight to keep my lip from curling in disgust. _Oh..._ I understood why he suddenly looked so tense. I forced a smile and took a large sip of my beer.

"Yup, sure was...," he said awkwardly. I grit my teeth together as I continued to grin, my eyes flickering to him. He wasn't looking at me, his eyes staring at the floor. He took another sip of his drink. It probably wasn't fair, seeing as what I put him through before we were together, but I was jealous.

"Oh?" I asked, the alcohol in my system pushing me towards being a dick. "So you two were a couple?" I asked, attempting to force the most genuine looking smile I could muster. Josie stifled laughter, leaning closer to me as we spoke.

"Well, I don't know if I would have called us a couple..." She waved her hand. "Best fuck I've ever had!" she added, sounding amused, before giving his arm a squeeze. I wanted to smack her fucking hand off of him.

"Yeah, so I've heard!" I laughed. He had an awkward smile on his face, and I knew he wanted to run from the situation. "But when you've been around the block as many times as him, would you really expect anything less?" I added somewhat bitterly. Felix shot me a scowl, his eyes narrowing. I simply smiled at him, feeling quite pleased with myself.

"Ooooh!" Josie exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand as she laughed. "He got you there, dude!"

"He's just jealous he can't get any more ass since his girl left him," Felix snorted, grinning over at her. I was jealous, but not in the way he'd intended her to think.

"Aw!" She gave me a sympathetic look. "How could your girlfriend leave such a handsome face?" Could she get any more desperate? I was about to open my mouth to speak, but Felix did instead.

"He can be an asshole, Josie. Be careful!" he sneered. "He was cheating on her." I gaped incredulously at him. He leaned towards me to pull his cigarette pack out of his pocket. As he lit one, he flashed me another annoyed glance.

"Hey!" I snapped.

"Oh, don't feel bad, Liam," Josie snorted, waving her hand. "I've done my fair share of cheating!" Somehow, I wasn't surprised. "Everybody had their reasons. I don't think you would ever cheat on someone if you didn't have a good reason." I sighed and shook my head slowly, keeping a fake grin on my face. She didn't even know me. "Right, Felix?" He simply shrugged a shoulder dismissively. "Besides- I bet you have all sorts of ladies clambering over you every day."

"Oh, yeah... _Tons_ ," I muttered sarcastically. I peered over to see her leg was resting against his, her foot rubbing his shin slowly. God, it made me sick. I understood that he didn't want people to know he was gay, but I felt like her behavior was unacceptable; and him allowing it was even worse. I glanced up to see Rhett standing in the corner of the room with Lillian, a joint between his fingers, giving us a confused look.

"I'll be right back," I told them over the music before standing up, desperately needing to escape the tense situation. I made my way over to my friends, feeling the affects of the beer I'd been drinking. "Hey!" I greeted them. Rhett leaned in closer to speak.

"What's going on over there, dude?" he asked, sounding amused. I shrugged.

"I don't even fucking know," I growled.

"She's been hanging over him all fucking night!" Lillian added before taking a puff of her joint. "She must be really fucking desperate!" she laughed.

"It's pissing me off..." I took a sip of my dwindling beer.

"W-well, in his defense, he hasn't really been doing anything to lead her on," she added quickly once she realized how annoyed I was. "Josie is the type of girl that when she wants a dick, she's gonna get a dick."

"Well that makes me feel better, Lil, thanks!" I laughed, shaking my head.

"Dude, you have nothing to worry about," Rhett murmured.

"Really? 'Cause as far as she's concerned, he still has a thing for her!" I growled. He shook his head, and Lillian jumped in.

"Yeah, but as far as _he's_ concerned, he has a thing for _you_...," she insisted.

"You're prolly right.. but it's still fucking annoying." I sighed. She laughed, offering me the joint. I shook my head, deciding to keep it to only alcohol for the night. "I'm gonna go get another drink," I told them before turning and heading for the stairs. I took the last sip of my beer before looking at the different liquor to choose from. I decided to settle for a rum and coke.

When I returned back downstairs, I decided to suck it up and sit next to my boyfriend. He had finished his drink, his empty cup sitting on the coffee table in front of us. I could tell he was going to get pretty intoxicated before the night was through.

"Ah, you came back!" Josie laughed. I nodded, taking a sip of my rather strong rum and coke. "I'm gonna go get more to drink.. do you want something, Fel?" She asked as she stood, my stomach twisting at the use of a nickname for him.

"Uh, yeah... get me some whiskey or something," he said, reaching forward to hand her his cup. She nodded and took it before walking away. I felt awkward sitting there next to him. Without hesitation, he leaned over close to me, his face practically touching mine as he spoke into my ear.

"What are you doing...?" he asked, his tone still unamused.

"I could ask you the same question!" I retorted, my brow furrowing.

"I'm not doing _anything_ , Liam," he snapped. "I don't know why you're getting all pissy and jealous. You're the one who was emotionally involved with your girlfriend for the first fucking four months of our relationship!" he hissed. I wanted to back away from him, but I refrained. I was surprised he sounded so mad..

"How do you expect me to feel with her hanging all over you?" I growled in a hushed tone. He snorted with laughter and sat back.

"Yeah... how do you think I felt all those times I had to watch Olive hang all over _you_?" he rebutted. "Fuckin' sucks, right?"

"So if this you trying to get back at me?" I snapped, feeling disgusted.

"No!" he growled. "You really think that's the type of person I am?"

"Well, according to you, I don't even know you at all- sooo..." I knew I probably shouldn't have brought that up, but I was getting more and more mad as the time went by. "How do I even know you weren't fucking people while we were seeing each other, anyways?" I continued to spout shit I would probably end of regretting.. I didn't know why I was arguing with him.. Maybe because I was drunk? He stared at me incredulously.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked, his voice calm yet bitter. He simply shook his head and stood up, heading towards the stairs. God, why was I so dumb...? I took a sip of my drink and glanced around to see that nobody had seemingly been paying attention. I stood up, already feeling a little bit unsteady on my feet, and headed for the front door. I grabbed my sweatshirt and shrugged it onto my shoulders before stepping outside. I took a seat on the front step and pulled out my cigarettes. It was pretty cold, but it felt good compared to the heat from inside.

I lit my cigarette and took a deep drag, peering up at the sky. The stars were out brightly. There was still snow on the ground from the previous snow fall we'd had, the night sky setting a blue glow all around me. It was peaceful.. My peace was quickly broken when my drunk sister came crashing outside.

"Hey!" she said loudly, taking a seat beside me. "What's wrong?" she asked a bit quieter.

"Nothing... why?" I asked in return, taking a puff of my cigarette.

"Because you're out here all by yourself, dumb ass," she snorted matter of factly. I grinned and shook my head.

"It's just hot in there. I wanted to get some fresh air," I explained.

"Yeah, it is.. But shit, it's cold out here!" She rubbed her hands over her bare arms. "Trouble in paradise?" she added. I rolled my eyes.

"No, everything is fine..," I insisted. I didn't feel like talking about it.

"Okay ,whatever mister emo!" she snickered before standing again. "It's too cold out here!" With that she went back inside. Maybe I _was_ being stupid and unfair.. I took a quick sip of my drink.

I finished my cigarette quickly and stood up, glancing once more at the stars before heading back inside. I tossed my sweatshirt onto one of the chairs by the door and glanced over to see Felix wasn't downstairs. He was probably in the kitchen hitting on Josie in secrecy... I shook the thought from my head and took a seat next to Jayla and Brody and some guy I didn't know. I noticed how close they were sitting. Brody and Lexie had finally split- but my sister and he still hadn't made a point to let their relationship show so openly. I don't think they wanted people to think he'd left Lexie for her.

As the night went on, I was determined to ignore my boyfriend. The alcohol kept coming, and everybody was becoming more and more intoxicated. It was soon going to strike twelve, though we never really did a count down. It was more of a 'Hey, it's past twelve!' kinda thing whenever somebody noticed and then everybody would say happy new year.

I stood in the bathroom, finishing up my piss. I was zipping up my fly when the door suddenly burst open, Felix scooting in before quickly shutting it behind him. He leaned back against the door and let out a deep breath, smiling at me. My eyes narrowed.  
"I can't get away from her..," he breathed quietly, slurring slightly. I didn't know what to say to that. His happy expression fell once more. "Oh, come on, Li... you can't seriously _still_ be pissed at me?"

"I'm fine," I grumbled, backing away from the toilet until my back hit the wall. "Are you going to let me out...?" I asked quietly. He shrugged his shoulders, a devious smile forming on his face as he clicked the lock on the doorknob behind him.

"I'm not ready to go out there. Not yet." He shook his head, standing up from the door. He walked the few steps separating us in the small bathroom. "Why do you have to be so stubborn?" he asked, taking a hold of my arm gently.

"I'm not being stubborn," I snorted. He shook his head and pulled me forward so that our bodies were touching.

"I don't want that drunk slut," he murmured, leaning to speak into my ear again. "So stop being such a fucking idiot..." Annoyance burnt into my chest once more, my eye brows furrowing. I gripped onto his arms, digging my nails in. He pulled his arm from me swiftly, a smirk on his face. It must have been rougher than I'd thought. "Oooh, you know I like it rough," he sneered. I scowled at him, unimpressed with his joke. I was surprised when he started laughing. "Why are you so mad?" he asked, shaking his head, amusement in his drunk voice. I knew there was a thin line with him between thinking my jealously was funny and annoying.

"Because!" I snapped, gripping onto the front of his shirt. "I didn't like seeing that. I don't ever wanna fucking see that again," I growled. He still had a cocky smirk on his face, which only caused more frustration to build. "Why are you smiling?" I snapped.

"Because... you're so hypocritical...," he whispered.

"How? I'm not with Olive anymore... and I'm not pretending to hit on some bitch in front of you just to keep up appearances or whatever!" I hissed.

"I'm not hitting on her!" he insisted, his eyes widening. "Jesus fucking Chirst, dude!" he sighed, exasperation returning quickly. "You're driving me crazy." I let my hands fall back to my side and I nodded.

"Yeah... same to you," I spat, leaning back against the wall once more. He stared at me, his eyes narrowing. He snorted with laughter, rolling his eyes.

"You are so fucking annoying... but god damn, you're so hot right now," he growled. I was taken aback by the sudden compliment. I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could his lips collided with mine. He pressed his body against mine, his tongue sliding into my mouth. I could taste the whiskey and cigarettes on him despite how desensitized my taste buds were from all the rum I'd had. I ran my hands down his back until they came to rest on his ass, where I grabbed roughly. Even though I was so annoyed with him, I couldn't deny how sexy he was. He was so damn attractive, and he was mine.. I couldn't handle seeing him next to a girl.

Felix's hands went to either side of my jaw, holding my head in place, as he bit onto my bottom lip. I smirked, running my hands down his pants. I traced along his pant line until I came to the front. He shifted back slightly to give me room to reach down and grip onto his dick. I didn't think we were gonna do anything, though I couldn't deny how horny I was becoming. I just wanted to tease him a little.

He moved down to my neck and began kissing, his teeth grazing over my skin. I closed my eyes, stifling a heavy breath as he bit down rather roughly. I didn't want him to leave anything too obvious on my neck for everybody to see... I moved my hands up to his back again, gripping tightly onto his t-shirt. He pressed his hips into mine and I suppressed a shudder. I knew we were both drunk as shit, and I didn't even think I was capable of getting a full hard on.

"You're mine," Felix breathed, gripping onto the hair on the back of my head. He let his cheek rest against mine as he continued to speak in a hushed tone, close to my ear. "You're my boyfriend... I would _never_ cheat on you... and I fucking love you.." My heart nearly skipped a beat. He pulled back, letting his arms fall to his sides, and looked me in the eyes. He slowly shook his head. "So don't ever fucking say that shit again." I didn't know what to say, I truly felt speechless. Before I had a chance to gather my thoughts, he turned and left the bathroom. I stood against the wall where he left me, my respiration rate elevated, my palms sweating. He _loved_ me? Had he really said that...?

I'd never really thought about it. Love was a strong word... We'd been seeing each other for about seven months, and had been friends for many more before that. I cared deeply for him. It had even gotten to the point where I could say I cared about him more than I had ever cared about Olive. Maybe I did love him.. I shook my thoughts clear and took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. I walked over to the mirror and peered in it. I looked like shit. I tried to fix my hair to make it look like I hadn't just been in the bathroom making out, and then I noticed the bruise he had indeed left on my neck. I groaned and rubbed it, which only left it more red and irritated looking. _Oh well_.

I left the bathroom and glanced around, trying not to look too suspicious. I quickly walked down the stairs, practically falling down the last few steps, and turned to see Felix standing in the corner of the room with Jayla. They were talking, rather loudly I might add, and seeming to be enjoying each other's drunk company. I hesitantly walked over to join them.

"Hey! There he is!" Jayla said happily. Then she suddenly gasped, her eyes switching between the two of us. "What did you do to him?" she asked, accusation and amusement heavy in her voice.

"What?" I asked slowly, my eyes narrowing. Oh, Christ..

"Did you look at your neck?" she asked, a wide smile still on her face. Felix peered over and stifled his laughter.

"That woulda never happened if Liam hadn't been being such a _dumb ass_ ," he laughed, slurring slightly.

"Uh-oh!" Jay snorted.

"He thought I was gonna go behind his back and fuck Josie or something," he blabbed.

"I did not!" I protested.

"Pssh, yes you did!" He waved me off dismissively.

"Can we please stop talking about this!" I pleaded. He raised his eye brows and shrugged.

"Sure, yeah... fine." He took a sip of his drink. Jayla shook her head slowly.

"You guys just need to kiss and make up," she snickered.

"I thought we already did," I sighed. Felix laughed and draped an arm over my shoulders.

"I'm not mad at you, dude...," he said in a low tone. He moved his arm away and gave my back a rough pat, causing me to cough slightly.

"Damn, man!" I complained, lightly punching his arm. He gave me a surprisingly warm smile, which caused my defenses to lower.

"You heard him," Jayla snorted playfully. "Stop being such a little shit!" Felix and I exchanged glances and he cast me a devious smile, nodding in agreement with Jayla. I sighed with a roll of my eyes.

"Fine!" I grumbled. "But you need to stay away from her for the rest of the night!" I gave my boyfriend a hard look.

"Fine by me, dude," he retorted. "I never wanted her dirty ass to begin with!"

"Yeah, man. She's a fuckin' _hoe_!" Jayla burst out. Felix and her began laughing, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile. Maybe I was being a little bit crazy. But he made me crazy. I couldn't contain my unwarranted and crazy emotions when it came to him... I looked fondly over at Felix as he joked around with my sister, and I was reminded of how lucky I was. He was one of the most genuine people I knew. And he was mine.

<<>>

As the night progressed, Felix continued to drink. It was to the point where I knew he wouldn't remember. At one point, I went upstairs to take a piss. Jayla and Brody were awake in the kitchen, talking, but pretty much everybody else was passed out. I made my way back downstairs, and I was shocked when I looked to the couch and Felix was no longer there.

I frowned and decided to check outside. Maybe he'd needed some fresh air. I walked outside just in time to see Felix stumbling towards his car, barely able to keep his balance. I walked over as he leaned against his car and sunk to the ground. "What're you doing?" I asked, slightly amused. He looked up at me, a small smile on his face.

"Iunno...," he muttered. I began snickering, crossing my arms.

"Felix...," I sighed. "You okay? It's cold out." He wasn't wearing anything over his shirt.

"I don' feel good," he slurred, running his fingers through his hair. I wondered where his hat had gotten to.

"Yeah, I thought you might not," I snorted. When it was apparent he wasn't going to stand up, I knelt down next to him. I was really drunk as well, but I think I had somehow managed to spread my drinking out more than he did. He was drinking steadily in the beginning of the night, but then he suddenly began drinking rather quickly.

"Yer the best," he murmured, casting me a grin. I shook my head, reaching over to run my hand across his warm cheek. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before shifting, leaning with one palm to the ground, propping himself up as steadily as he could. He swallowed roughly and shook his head. I stood up, knowing full well what was about to come.

I glanced down at him just in time to see his stomach heave, sending a stream of liquid vomit out of his mouth and to the cold concrete. It was quite interesting to see it steaming in the cool air of the night, but pretty damn disgusting as well. The smell of whiskey overtook my nostrils and I almost had to fight the urge to gag myself. He coughed and gagged quite loudly before more vomit spewed across the steep driveway, slowly making it's way down the hill towards the street. After a dry heave or two, he shook his head and lifted his hand from the ground.

"Yuck, dude...," he breathed before shaking his hand off, vomit dripping from it.

"Ew, Felix!" I whined as he wiped his filthy hand on his pants. "Come on." I took a step closed and leaned down to help him stand. I tried my best to grab onto the clean hand, but of course he ended up grabbing onto me with the dirty one as well. He stood unsteadily, leaning against his car. He cleared his throat and spit onto the ground before wiping his mouth. "You ready to go in?" I asked, still holding onto his arm.

"Yeah," he told me quietly. He walked on his own, but used me to steady himself every now and again. I peered over into the basement to see a lot of people had crashed on the couch and the floor. I was hoping the upstairs bed was free, but I had my doubts. I lead the way upstairs, Felix right behind me, and turned into the kitchen. He made his way to the sink, where he proceeded to wash his hands. Jayla glanced over at me, a knowing smile on her face.

"Hey, guys," Brody greeted us. "Surprised you're still awake." I nodded with a shrug. Felix finished washing his hands and wiped them dry on his dirty shirt before stumbling over to an open chair at the table. He sat down heavily and cleared his throat again.

"He's really drunk," I explained.

"Ha!" Felix let out a single laugh. "Am not..."

"Want some water?" Brody asked him. He shook his head, waving his hand with a 'pshhh'. I rolled my eyes and walked over to the cupboards to grab a cup for each of us.

"Yes, he does," I protested with a snicker. I filled the cups with tap water, not really giving a shit if it tasted heavily of iron. I set the cup down in front of him and he cast me a playful scowl. I took a large swig of my water and moved back to lean against the counter. "Shoulda gone to bed sooner.. then I could sleep somewhere better than the basement floor."

"You could sleep on my floor," Brody said with a shrug. Jayla laughed.

"Instead of the basement floor, here's my floor!" she mocked. "Well, I guess that is better than linoleum." She shrugged. "What do you think, drunky?" Jay nodded to Felix, who was drinking some of his water.

"Huh?" he asked loudly once finished.

"Nothing," she snickered. I moved to the sink and began washing my hands.

"He puked all over your driveway," I told them over my shoulder. Brody and Jayla both began laughing.

"Damn, dude! You really are fucked up!" she mused.

"I've only seen him puke three times since we've been drinking together... and all those times were when he was shit faced," I reminisced. 

"Yeah, he really knows how to hold 'em down, doesn't he?" Brody agreed, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Oh, happy birthday, by the way." I'd nearly forgotten it was officially his birthday.

"Thanks, man," he laughed. "We were just about ready to crash when you guys came up.. what about you?" I nodded, my body undoubtedly feeling fuzzy from exhaustion and alcohol. I peered over at Felix to see his head head hanging forward, eyes closed. "I think he agrees, too...," Brody said, amusement in his voice.

"Felix!" Jayla tapped his arm, causing his eyes to open. He looked at her, his eyes narrowing.

"'Sup?" he slurred.

"We're going to bed," she told him before standing. "Come on." She grabbed onto the sleeve of his shirt and pulled. He grabbed onto the table for balance as he stood.

"Where're we goin'?" he asked as she started leading him towards Brody's room. "If you're tryna take advantage a' me, you know tha's not gonna work." My eyes widened when he said that, though Jay laughed loudly. I could only hear muffled voices after that, the bedroom door cracked, so I have no idea what her rebuttal was. When I turned my eyes towards Brody, he grinned at me and shook his head before following. There was no way he didn't have _some_ idea we were together... I stood there for a couple seconds before deciding it would be best for me to go too. I glanced in the extra bedroom to see quite a few people laying in it, so we definitely wouldn't have been able to.

When I entered Brody's room, Felix was already laying on the ground with a pillow under his head, his eyes closed. Jayla tossed me a blanket from the bed and I placed it over him. 

"Night guys," I said with a small sigh as we all took our places to sleep. I didn't sleep right up against him. I didn't want it to be too obvious. So instead, I slept a few feet away from him on a pile of clothing and sheets. It was actually kind of cozy.. I tried to keep my head as propped up as I could to keep myself from feeling too dizzy. Eventually, I began drifting off into a light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited to post the next chapter! So close!


	18. February 2018

I cupped my hands together, trying to keep them as warm as possible. It was a frigid evening, snow lightly falling on and off. I took a large puff of my cigarette, shoving my free hand in my pocket. The wind blew, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. I loved winter, but _shit_ it was cold. I glanced down the road, expecting to see the familiar black Mazda at any moment. I glanced down at my cigarette and took one last puff before tossing it into the snow to smolder. I blew the smoke out of my lungs before turning and heading back inside. I kicked my shoes off and shrugged my jacket off my shoulders. I suppressed a shiver and walked into the living room to sit on the couch next to Titus, who was laying as curled up as he could be.

I leaned over so that I was basically laying over top of him, his tail flapping against the couch as I did so. "I love you," I said happily to him, looking up to see him lifting his head. His tail wagged harder as he attempted to turn his body so that his face was closer to me. I reached forward and pet him, running one of his ears through my hand.

There was suddenly a knock at the door, and Titus jumped up, a loud bark coming from his mouth as he bounded into the front room. I sighed and stood up, telling him to be quiet as I walked to the door. I opened it to see Felix waiting, his hands shoved into his pockets, his cheeks and nose flushed from the cold.

"Hey," he greeted me before hastily coming inside.

"Hey," I said back warmly, pushing the door shut after him. He pet Titus, who was excited as ever to see him, before turning to me. I grinned and leaned forward to give him a soft kiss. The cold from his face was piercing to my skin as we touched. "God, your nose is like a fucking icicle!" I complained, rubbing the spot on my face where it had touched. "Were you just out taking a hike or something?"

"No, the heat in my car was being fucking stupid," he explained with a small laugh. He shrugged his jacket off, but kept his beanie on, and draped it on an armchair. "My nose ring doesn't help either." He put his hands on his cheeks for a moment, probably trying to warm his face up. "So what's on the agenda today?" he asked, pulling off his thin cloth gloves from his hands. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno. Wanna go upstairs?" I suggested. I hadn't seen him for a few days because of his work and my school schedule, so I was antsy to be alone with him. He grinned and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go." He held his hand out in an 'after you' gesture. I led the way through the living room and up the steps. Jayla was out with Brody- I think having dinner or something like that, but she would be home later in the evening. It was only around six. It felt late since the sun was well set at that time in February. I stepped into my room and turned on the lamp on my night stand. I still had a string of Christmas lights hanging around my window, which I turned on as well. I would probably take them down at the end of the month. As long as it was winter, I didn't see the point in changing them. It was comfortable light, too.

Felix took a seat on my bed and let out a deep breath. "It feels good in here," he said, grinning over at me. As usual, I put something on the TV for noise. I then walked over and plopped down next to him.

"You warming up?" I asked. He nodded, though I noticed he was still hunching as though trying to keep warm. "Why don't we lay under the covers for a little?" I asked.

"Alright," he agreed. "I'm really tired, though. Just warning you." He smirked and we both repositioned under the covers. We huddled up against each other immediately. He did feel cold, which left me wondering if he had actually been outside longer than he'd told me. I knew he had issues with his dad, so sometimes I wondered the extent of his problems at home. He was a very cryptic person, and I felt a little hurt that he didn't want to open up to me about it. I tried to tell myself that he would tell me when he was ready- but we'd been seeing each other for eight months and he still hadn't peeped a word about it. The most he'd said is that his dad was a dick and kinda waved it off.

I think part of the reason it hurt me that he still wasn't willing to open up was because I wanted to help him feel better.. And I didn't think I could do that to the best of my ability unless I understood the whole story. Obviously Felix's life had never been so easy. I knew that simply from his previous heroin addiction. Nobody did heroin, in their right mind, unless they had some deep emotional issues they were trying to shove to the back of their brains.

I ran my fingers through his green hair, brushing it back away from his face. He did look tired.. I couldn't resist leaning forward and kissing his chapped lips. I pulled back and grinned at him. "You alright?" I asked. He nodded, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Yeah," he reassured me brightly. "Why wouldn't I be?" I shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno." I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck, taking a deep breath in. He smelled so good, like he always did. As we laid there, I began to notice the familiar feeling of dull arousal. I always felt like that when he was close to me.. and it was especially bad since we hadn't been seeing each other as much as we were used to.

I'd been thinking a lot about Felix and I having sex. Was I ready? I wasn't so sure... but would it ever jump out at me clearly? As time went on with him I found myself wanting to explore further. I would often be sitting in class, day dreaming about him. It wasn't the most intelligent thing to be doing, since I was a teenage boy and all... but I couldn't help myself.

I hesitated before shifting away from him just enough that I could put my lips on his once more. I let my hand rest on his waist, gripping lightly onto his shirt. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, pressing my body into his more. Even if I decided against fucking, we could do something else... Felix took a deep breath in through his nose as I pulled back, his bottom lip between my teeth. I felt the clank of his lip ring on my teeth as I pressed back into him for a deep kiss. Our front teeth hit together briefly, causing both of us to smile. I ran my hand up until it came to rest at the nape of his neck. I then gripped onto his hair, pulling slightly. He pulled back and took a deep, sharp breath in, before pushing his hips into mine. I could feel his hard on pressing against me through our pants.

"What's gotten into you?" he breathed through kisses. I couldn't help but snicker.

"I missed you," I replied before moving down to kiss his neck with the same intensity I'd given his mouth. His hands slid down my back, down my pants, until they came to rest on my ass. He gripped on tightly and I heard him suppress a moan.

"Oh my god...," he breathed, and I couldn't help but smirk. I had him right where I wanted him. I reached down and took a hold of his dick through his pants. 

"I want you to fuck me," I whispered.

"R-really?" Felix stuttered. I smiled and pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Yes...," I told him before I had a chance to change my mind. I wanted to get closer to him. I wanted to know what it felt like to have him inside me. I wanted him so bad. He smirked and leaned forward to kiss me once more.

I swiftly slipped my pants off, keeping my boxers on for the time being, and began undoing his as well. He pulled back briefly to slip his shirt over his head, and I did the same. We tossed them to the side, our hands immediately tracing over each other's skin. I ran my fingers across his chest, aware of the goosebumps I could feel rising over him. I was pretty sure this time it wasn't from the cold.

I pulled back, casting him a smile. "Let's do it," I said softly, looking over his handsome body once more before sitting up. He was quick to follow.

"Alright... so, I guess let's just do it on the bed?" he asked. I didn't fucking know! I'd never done it up the ass before.

"Yeah, sure." I nodded. He looked like he had something on his mind, but I decided to ignore it. I reached forward and took his head in my hands, kissing his lips gentler than before. We moved away from each other again to take the remaining clothes off of our bodies. He then moved me into position in the corner of my bed, against the wall. We were both on our knees; since we were about the same height I figured things would match nicely down there or whatever... I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. I wanted this... I had to keep telling myself that.

"Ready?" he asked quietly. I nodded, preparing myself. I closed my eyes as I felt him penetrating me, a small amount of pain radiating through my ass. Mostly it was uncomfortable, though.

"Is that it?" I asked, feeling slightly confused. I hoped my ass wasn't that loose.

"That's my finger...," he said quietly, sounding amused. God dammit! I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.

"Oh, Jesus Christ," I snorted. I felt him kiss the back of my neck lightly, and shortly after that, I felt a terrible, burning pain where his finger had just been. I nearly gasped at the feeling. I grit my teeth together and tried not to say anything, but my asshole felt like it was on fire. My dick instantly began going down. "I hope that's more than just a finger," I breathed.

" _That's_ my dick," he snickered. "You okay?" he asked. I nodded, though my forehead was beginning to sweat. Things only got worse when he started to move. I grit my teeth together once more, the pain radiating through my ass and almost to what felt like my stomach. The amount of pressure and pain I felt was more intense than I had imagined it would be. Was it even in the whole way...? I couldn't tell. I let my forehead rest against the cool wall and I shut my eyes, resisting the urge to complain. I was the one who asked for it, after all...

Although the pain was great, I couldn't deny the fact that I was enjoying having Felix's body so close to mine. I could feel his warm breath flowing down my back, his forehead resting against the nape of my neck. He wasn't being rough at all.. I was just being a pussy.

I inhaled sharply through my grit teeth as he thrust into me, my body immediately tensing as a new surge of pain rippled through me. I knew tensing only made things worse, but I couldn't help it.

"What?" Felix asked softly. I shook my head, not wanting to admit how bad it hurt.

"Nothing," I murmured. "It just hurts a little." He stopped moving, and I wasn't sure if I was happy or dismayed about it.

"Well, do you want me to stop?" he asked. I swallowed, unsure of what to say.

"I guess not..." I don't think I sounded too convincing, because as soon as I spoke he snorted with laughter.

"You guess not?" he repeated. "Liam, that isn't exactly the type of thing that gets me going...," he said patiently, slight amusement in his voice. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked again, running his hand down my arm to entwine our fingers.

"No," I insisted. "I want you to come in me," I murmured, holding onto his hand tightly. I was so conflicted.. It hurt like shit, but at the same time, I wanted to feel that connection with him. I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him so bad.

"Alright," he muttered softly and began moving once more. The break from thrusting hadn't seemed to do anything but make it worse; and as the time went on, it didn't feel any better. If anything, it just felt worse. On top of the pain, it was uncomfortable. Every movement out made it feel like I needed to take a shit, and every movement in literally felt like the inside of my asshole was being rubbed raw.

I was a bit surprised it took Felix so long to come, but eventually he did. The best part of the whole experience for me was when he came... I could feel his dick pulsing inside of me, which was quite erotic.. something I'd never experienced before. If I hadn't been in so much pain, it probably would have given me a boner. I could feel a burning sensation different from what I was feeling before, and I could only assume it was from his jiz inside me. Did it always feel like that? He pulled out and got off my bed to go and clean himself off. I stayed with my forehead resting against the wall for a few moments before I found the strength to move. I sat down on my bed, immediately aware of an uncomfortable pressure that I felt needed to be taken care of. I stood up and rigidly began dressing myself.

"I'll be right back," I told him awkwardly before leaving my bedroom. I walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I then proceeded to shit _god knows_ what into the toilet. I was aware of the heavy burning sensation as I did so and I wondered how people had anal sex regularly. I felt like my ass would be out of commission for at least a month! When I wiped, I wasn't surprised to see blood left behind on the toilet paper. "Fuck...," I grumbled. I let out a deep sigh and flushed the toilet before washing my hands. I left the bathroom, still feeling uncomfortable, and headed back to my room.

Felix was sitting on my bed, his pants back on, but still shirtless. He had an unlit cigarette between his thumb and pointer finger. He raised his eye brows at me as I walked in, a devious smile creeping on his face. "You okay..?" he asked. I nodded with a small sigh before taking a seat next to him.

"Yeah." I ran my fingers through my slightly damp hair, feeling a bit dazed. I couldn't believe we had actually fucked. It felt surreal.

"We're gonna use lube next time," he stated matter of factly. "I would have brought some, but honestly.." He snorted with laughter, a smile stuck on his face. "I never thought that was gonna happen.. spit doesn't cut it- clearly," he snickered. I crinkled my nose slightly at the thought of spit being used. Lube? For whatever reason, the idea had never crossed my mind.

"Sounds good to me... You made me bleed," I admitted sheepishly. Felix laughed softly and shook his head.

"Gotta toughen that asshole up," he jeered playfully, patting my knee. "I know it's cold out...," he began with a slight groan. "But do you wanna go have a cigarette with me?" I nodded.

"Yeah.. Prolly gonna make it quick, though," I snickered. I stood up and grabbed my pack from my nightstand, turning to watch him as he put his shirt back over his head. He then grabbed his beanie, which had been on the ground as well, and put it securely on his head. Once he was dressed, we headed downstairs. We walked into the front room and grabbed our jackets. I glanced out the window before we walked to the back of the house. It looked fucking cold outside... my suspicions were confirmed as I opened the backdoor and took a step out. We huddled on the bench together, leaning in so our bodies were touching. We lit our cigarettes and began our smoke. 

I took a deep drag and peered over at my boyfriend. He was so fucking handsome. My stomach warmed as I reminded myself how lucky I was. Despite how painful the sex had been, I was glad we did it. It was something passionate and intimate that we shared, that nobody else would ever understand.

"It'll get better, right...?" I asked, a sudden wave of panic rising in my chest. What if it never felt good? Felix raised an eye brow at me.

"Well I would imagine so." He took a deep drag of his cigarette and grinned at me. "We just need to do it more, I guess." I nodded, hoping he was right. I was so attracted to him. I wanted him to fuck me and both of us enjoy it. "So...," he began in a low tone. "Did you want me to suck you off when we go back in?" My stomach jumped at his words and I swear I practically had a semi-hard on at the thought.

"That would be amazing...," I breathed. I had, after all, had a lot of pent up sexual frustration from earlier that had never been released. He let out a small laugh.

"Thought you might say that." He looked over at me, his expression soft. "It did feel really good. I honestly would have jizzed faster if I hadn't been worried about you being in pain." That made me feel pretty bad.

"I'm sorry," I murmured before taking a drag.

"Don't apologize, dumb ass," Felix snorted. I huddled closer to him, suppressing a shiver, and took another drag. I was almost done with my cigarette, and so was he. The wind was blowing harder than before, causing the fluffy snow that had fallen throughout the day to fly around us. It was like we were in a really pathetic blizzard. I suddenly felt his head resting against mine, and I couldn't help but grin.

Once we were done with out cigarettes, we rushed inside and took off our jackets. I glanced at the clock to see it was going on seven thirty. I didn't want him to leave... It was a Wednesday night, so I had school the following day.

"You work tomorrow?" I asked as we headed up the stairs.

"Nope. Why?" he asked from behind me.

"Because..," I began, walking into my room. "Do you wanna stay over?" I asked. He raised his eye brows, a smirk forming on his face.

"Oh, yeah? Don't you have school, though?" he asked, shutting the door behind us. I nodded with a sigh before sitting down on my bed.

"Yeah, I do... but I don't want you to leave...," I admitted with a small smile. I watched as he knelt down in front of me. I'd nearly forgotten about his offer from earlier.

"Ahh...," he snickered, moving to undo my pants. "I think I might just be able to stay..." He undid my fly and looked up at me. "Or you could just ditch class and hang out with me." He smiled and pulled down my pants the best he could. I shifted to help him do so. That did indeed sound like a good offer...

I let myself relax as he began sucking me off. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to fall back, my eyes closing. He was so amazing.. It always blew my mind how he could be so much better at sucking dick than Olive had been. I gripped onto the sheets, the immense pleasure over taking me. I bit my bottom lip, knowing it wasn't going to take long. I jizzed into his mouth quickly, my breathing increased from the pleasure.

Once I was done, I sat up and pulled my pants up. I moved to lay down, closer to the wall. Felix was quick to move right next to me. I took a deep breath in, allowing the indescribable feeling of bliss take over my body.

"How was that?" Felix asked quietly. A grin pulled at the corner of my lips and I nodded.

"Really good," I replied before opening my eyes. It had almost been good enough to make me forget about my painful ass. I rolled over to my side towards him, my stomach twisting as I looked into his eyes. He was so fucking perfect. He smiled at me, running his fingers through my messy hair. "I think I love you...," I breathed before I could stop myself. My cheeks immediately felt hot. His eye brows raised in surprise, but he continued to smile.

"Why is it always 'I think' with you?" he asked playfully, his smile not faltering. I didn't miss his failure to say it back, though... sure, he'd said he loved me before. But he was fucking drunk the time he did.

"I-I don't know," I stuttered out, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Liam," he said light heartedly. I looked him in his brown eyes again. "Do you love me?" He asked. Did I? I'd never been so crazy over somebody like I was him. He made my chest want to explode every time I looked at him, he made it hard to catch my breath, he made my body feel things I'd never thought possible when we were intimate; I felt like I could hardly breath when I had a bad day and he wasn't right next to me...

"I do," I answered with certainty after a few moments. I swallowed roughly, aware that my eyes were beginning to burn. God, what a sad sap I was. "I'm so damn happy with you."

"Do you know how long I've loved you?" he whispered, running the back of his hand over my cheek. "Shit.. I think I loved you even before I admitted my feelings to you," he snickered. I grinning, blinking away what little moisture had formed in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry for everything I did to you...," I said quietly, leaning forward to rest my forehead against his.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"With Olive... all that bullshit," I sighed.

"Li, it's fine... really. I have no resentment about any of that," he reassured me, reaching to grab onto my hand. I nodded, grinning. It didn't make me feel any less guilty. "Soo... I'll stay tonight. I can either take you to school, or you can stay home with me." I couldn't help but laugh that he was bringing it up again. I pulled back to smile at him.

"Can I decide tomorrow?" I asked, though I knew what I would prefer to do.

"Fiiiiine," he grumbled playfully. I rolled over so that I was facing the wall and backed up until I was pressed against him. He wrapped his arms securely around me and kissed my cheek. "I love you so much..." I smiled and let out a content sigh. As far as I could see, I didn't ever want to be with anybody else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tee heee heee heeee. Oh the first sex scene, how awkward I love to make you... Over half way through the story!


	19. March 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, we're having a crazy cold snap here in PA! In the teens already. The Sims 4 Pets came out yesterday, and I know these notes are entirely unrelated to this chapter but I don't care. I'm going to go immerse myself in the lovely world of the Sims now... I may or may no have made all of my characters from this story ;)

"We really don't have to do this... it's not a big deal," Felix sighed. I shook my head, shoving my hands into my sweatshirt pocket.

"Two years is a big deal, Felix," I protested.

"Two years isn't a big deal when you think I still have the rest of my life... I guess that's how I'm looking at it," he explained, his tone quite despondent compared to what I was used to. I snorted with laughter and turned to look at him.

"Okay, Debbie Downer!" I snickered. "How you _should_ look at it is two years with many more to come." We were walking about a block down from my house to Appalachian Brewing Company, a restaurant down the street. Felix was two years sober, and I was determined to buy him dinner. I'd never done anything for him... so I felt like it was the least I could do. "After we eat, we can go look at the fucking ducks! Wouldn't that at least be fun?" I nudged his side with my elbow. He rolled his eyes, but a smile was creeping onto his face.

"Well, I _do_ like the ducks..." He put his hands in his pockets, keeping his eyes ahead as we walked. It only took a couple minutes to walk there, and soon enough we were walking through the parking lot. We entered the restaurant, Felix still seeming reluctant, and we were seated. I was going to make it seem as little like a date as possible... I'd asked Jayla to come along, but she declined unfortunately. I knew part of the reason he was uncomfortable was because it was only the two of us. It didn't bother me that he would feel that way.. I completely understood. But I didn't think anybody would look as us and assume we were a couple... we didn't sound gay when we talked, we didn't look gay, and we didn't act gay. How would anybody know?

"So..," Felix began once we ordered ourselves some water. "How's school going?" My least favorite question anybody could ask.

"It's fine," I told him with a small sigh.

"Is everybody over the beginning of the year news?" he asked, raising an eye brow with a small grin on his face. I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh, you know... I still get the occasional jeer here and there. I never confirmed it with the people who asked, so.. I think for the most part people are still unsure. Unless Olive's been running her big fat mouth." I shook my head at the thought, but he laughed.

"I wouldn't have ever thought she would do something like that. 'Big fat mouth' isn't how I ever thought of her," he snickered.

"Yeah, well... You didn't know her like I did. She's a really jealous and vindictive person when it comes down to it," I explained. Our waters came and we took our orders. He ordered some spicy burger, and I ordered their black bean burger. It wasn't my favorite thing, but I decided to give it another try. I continued talking when our waitress left. "You're jealous, too," I said quietly. "But in a more attractive way than she was..."

"Aww, I'm honored," he said sarcastically with a smirk. "Honestly, I always fucking hated her. I was just nice to her for your sake."

"I kind of figured... but you were really good at pretending," I snickered. He nodded.

"Yeah, I've gotten pretty good at hiding my true feelings throughout the years," he sighed, looking lost in thought briefly. My brow furrowed at his remark, but I quickly assumed he meant about being gay. "Do you still see her at school?"

"Of course I do," I snorted. "I have two classes with her this semester." It was quite awkward, but luckily we didn't sit near each other in either of the classes.

"I don't think I would be able to keep myself from acting smug if I ever saw her again," he admitted. I laughed.

"Well, that wouldn't be anything new, you know." I began playing with the trash from my straw.

"Hey!" he protested. "You're making me sound like a shitty person!" He grabbed the trash from my hands, crumpled it into a little ball, and threw it at me.

"Am not!" I retorted, a smirk on my face.

"Jealous and smug?" he repeated from earlier.

"Well, when you say it like _that_...," I snickered.

It didn't take long for our food to come. After I took my first bite, I was reminded of why I never got the damn black bean burger. In the past, it was delicious- but then I think they changed how they made it. It wasn't very good. I didn't eat at Appalachian Brewing Company that often, so I always seemed to forget why I stopped ordering it. I tried to force down as much as I could, stopping when I ate half of it.

"You done?" Felix asked, almost finished with his burger. He ate very quickly. I shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess.. I don't like it very much," I admitted. He raised an eye brow, casting me an incredulous look.

"Haven't you had it before?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, but they changed how they make it or something. It's not as good as it used to be," I explained. He laughed and shook his head.

"I'll eat it," he said before going back to his own food. For as thin as he was, he sure could eat a lot. I grinned and pushed my plate towards him before taking a sip of my water. Sure enough, as soon as he was done with his burger, he moved on to mine. "Eh," he remarked unimpressively after his first bite.

"I told you," I snorted. I picked at the remaining fries on my plate as he finished my meal, unsure if I was turned on or disgusted with the amount of food he had shoveled into his mouth in less than fifteen minutes. "Do you always eat so fast?" I asked, knowing he did. I just felt like picking on him.

"Iunno, why?" he asked. "You ate faster than me just now," he retorted before taking the last bite. I laughed.

"Yeah, because I was trying to eat it fast before I became too disgusted!" I explained. He sat back in his seat with a large sigh.

"I'm fucking full," he announced.

"Yeah, no shit!" I snickered. It didn't take long before the waitress came with the check, and I paid quickly. I noticed Felix looking at her, a slightly annoyed look on his face. I wasn't sure if he knew her, or if he just felt weird about me paying for us both. I decided not to ask.

"Thanks," he murmured once she was away from the table. I gave him a crooked grin and nodded.

"Not a problem...," I replied, waiting patiently for her to come back with my change. It didn't take long, and we were soon heading out of the building.

"Are we really gonna go see the ducks?" Felix asked once we were in the parking lot, pulling out cigarettes. I laughed and nodded.

"Sure... Not like they're far." There were a lot of ducks in Lititz. Across the train tracks, down the road a little from the restaurant there was a stream where they liked to swim. We turned down the road and began walking towards our destination. We walked off the road into the grass and peered down into the water. Sure enough, there was a big group of them swimming together. A few of them were on the opposite bank from us, laying down in the sun.

"They're so annoyingly cute," Felix admitted with a laugh. I nodded in agreement. There were black and white ones, which I always thought were pretty cool. As we were just finishing up our cigarettes, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I frowned slightly and pulled it out, looking to see it was my mom.

"Hello?" I answered my phone. I noticed Felix looking out of the corner of my eye.

"Liam!" My mom's voice sounded from the other side of the line, her tone very distraught. My heart immediately began pounding.

"What is it?" I asked, trying not to sound too panicked. I hardly ever heard her sound so upset. I glanced at Felix to see he looked slightly concerned as well.

"It's-" she sobbed. "Titus has GDV." _Fuck..._ My stomach dropped.

"What..?" I wasn't sure what to say. "W-where is he?" I asked, panic rising in me.

"I have him at work. We tried to put a gastric tube down, but it wouldn't pass, so now he's going into surgery," she explained, keeping her composure enough to finish her sentence. My mom was extremely level headed with this type of thing, she had to be for her line of work... so hearing her so upset, I only assumed it didn't look very good.

"Jesus Christ!" I breathed. "I-I don't get it. I just saw him earlier today, and he was fine!" I hadn't seen him for a few hours... he'd been taking a nap with my mom in her room. She let out another sob.

"I know. I woke up and noticed something was wrong. I don't know how long it's been, but fuck...," she cried. "I know Great Danes don't have a long life expectancy, but shit.. I'm not ready for him to go yet."

"Mom!" I snapped. "Don't say that! He's gonna be fine!"

"Yeah.. yeah, you're right," she said quietly, but I don't think either of us were convinced. "I'll call you when he's out of surgery, okay?"

"Yeah, please do. I wanna come see him," I told her.

"Alright, sweetie. I gotta go." With that, she hung up. I took a deep breath and put my phone back in my pocket. Felix was looking at me, seeming hesitant to say anything. I flicked the butt of my cigarette, which had burnt out, onto the road.

"Soooo...," Felix began awkwardly. "You okay?" he asked.

"Titus has GDV and he's going into surgery now," I sighed. He looked slightly confused.

"What's GDV?" he asked. I sat down heavily on the grass.

"It's when their fuckin' stomachs flip over itself, and then it fills with gas and shit... it's bad stuff... We even got his stomach tacked when he was neutered, but it still fucking happened..." I shook my head, staring ahead at the ducks. He was soon seated next to me.

"I'm sorry, Liam..," he said quietly.

"I don't want him to die," I breathed.

"What makes you think he will?" he asked.

"The panic in my mom's voice... She's been a vet tech for a long time. She knows when something is bad." I swallowed, urging myself not to cry. I didn't want to cry when there was still a chance he would be okay. He nodded, taking a deep breath as well. I was surprised when I felt his hand on the back of my neck. He ran his hand down my back briefly before returning it back to his side.

"You wanna go back home?" he asked. "You're gonna go see him, right?"

"Yeah.. Mom's gonna call when he's out of surgery," I told him before standing. He followed suit and we began walking back towards my house. Everything felt surreal now. I couldn't believe it was happening to us... We'd always done everything we could to help prevent it, and we certainly knew the signs. Yet it still happened.

I walked inside the house, Felix behind me, and stared into the empty living room. What would it be like without Titus running to greet us every time we came through the door? As soon as we were inside, Felix wrapped his arms tightly around me. I did the same in return and closed my eyes, burying my face in his neck. I knew he liked my dog, so he was probably concerned as well.

"It'll be okay," He said softly. I nodded, unsure of what to say. I hoped he was right...

<<>>

Time went unbearably slow. I told Jayla the news, and she was upset as well. We all waited downstairs on the couch, and after about forty five minutes my phone rang. "Mom?" I answered quickly.

"Hey," she said back, her voice sounding very drained. "He's out. You wanna come see him?" she asked. I noticed that her voice was very tight, slightly strained. Was she trying not to cry?

"Yeah. Is he alright?" I asked, my heart pounding out of my chest.

"Just get here, Liam..," my mom sighed. My stomach immediately dropped. Something was wrong.

"Alright. We'll be there." I didn't even wait for her to respond before hanging up. "He's out. We need to go see him..," I told Jayla and Felix.

"Did he do alright?" Jayla asked as we stood.

"I don't know, she just said we need to come see him," I sighed. I felt a hand on my shoulder as we walked and glanced over to see it was Felix. He had a dismal expression, and I had a feeling we all knew the prognosis.

Felix drove us to the city. It didn't take too long, but it sure felt like it did. Eventually we pulled into the small parking lot of the emergency center. We parked and got out, walking swiftly to the door. We entered the building, a couple people sitting in the waiting room, worried expressions on their faces. They were probably going through a similar situation. I always hated going to my mom's work. Seeing the pets and the people was always hard.

"Hey guys," Shelby, one of the receptionists, greeted sympathetically. "You can go right back." We nodded and headed to the back of the hospital. When we entered, I immediately headed for the runs, where the large dogs were kept. I looked in anticipation to see Titus laying on the ground in a run, bundled in a blanket the best he could be. He had IV fluids running, and I also noticed he was attached to an ECG machine. He was breathing slowly, his eyes open but staring ahead blankly. My mom stood up from her seat in front of him as soon as she saw us.

"Hey, guys," she greeted sadly, her eyes red and puffy from crying. I looked back down at my dog, my heart wrenching just looking at him. I knelt down and pet his head. He feebly looked up at me, but did not move. Not even a tail wag. "He had some buprenex- plus the ketamine and valium... so he's pretty out of it," she explained. I nodded, swallowing hard.

"So what's going on, Mom?" Jayla asked quietly. My mom sighed loudly, and when I looked up, she was staring at the heart monitor.

"He's having arrhythmia," she explained. "We did everything we could. So now.. we just wait," she told us. I nodded slowly, leaning down to wrap my arms around Titus the best I could. I scooted so that he had his head in my lap, and Jayla moved to kneel next to him. "It's not looking good.." I heard her mutter to Felix. "I feel so fucking guilty. What kind of CVT am I?" she snorted.

"You can't think like that..," Felix said softly. "I know it's hard- trust me... but you can't." 

"He arrested on the table.. We already gave him some epi, and we've even had him on a lidocaine drip.. but it's not helping very much," she sighed. As I listened to her speak, I knew it was going to be the last time I saw my dog. I had a bad feeling about it. I think we all knew it.

I wrapped my arms around Titus's head and let my forehead rest again his. I closed my burning eyes and took a deep breath in. "I love you so much, buddy," I whispered before giving him a kiss. I wasn't ready to say good bye. But I don't think anybody is ever really ready to say good bye to their furry friends. A few moments after, Felix sat down beside me, reaching forward to pet him.

We stayed for about a half an hour, but I could tell my mom was getting antsy. I wasn't sure if his arrhythmias were getting more frequent or what, but she kept looking at it, listening to his heart with her stethoscope, and she just seemed more on edge the longer we were there.

All three of us said good bye, none of us happy to do so. I walked out of the run, glancing behind me once more, fully aware that it would probably be the last time I set eyes on Titus. My throat felt tight at the thought. I blinked away the moisture building in my eyes, and we turned to leave.

We drove home silently. I glanced over at Felix at one point, feeling kind of bad he had to be stuck in the middle of it. I didn't think he minded, but I still felt kinda bad. I sighed and reached over to take his hand briefly when we were at a stop light. He grinned and gave it a quick squeeze before letting go to shift out of first gear as the light turned green.

We were almost home when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I almost didn't want to get it. I took a deep breath and looked to see mom had texted me. My heart began beating faster. I opened the text message, knowing what was going to be said before I even saw it.

'Titus is gone.' That was it. That was all that needed to be said. I bit my bottom lip, my brow furrowing. I didn't tell them. I didn't want to talk about it in the car. I knew it was okay to cry, but I for whatever reason I didn't want to in front of both of them. I stared out the window, wiping away a tear forming in the corner of my eye, and tried not to think about it.

Once we were parked, I got out of the car immediately. I walked across the street and unlocked the front door before going inside. That's when it hit me. He would never come running up to greet me again.. I took a deep, shaky breath, my eyes watering. I glanced over my shoulder as Jayla and Felix walked in.

"He's dead," I murmured. "Mom texted me.." I shook my head and turned to walk towards the living room. I quickly went upstairs and turned into my room. I left the door open, knowing Felix would come in, and laid down on my bed. I finally allowed myself to cry. I buried my face in my hands and cried. I couldn't fucking believe it. He'd been fine that morning. Nothing wrong in the least. Now he was dead.

I heard my door shut from behind me, and shortly after I felt the weight of somebody sitting down. I turned to see Felix sitting, looking very solemn. I sat up and scooted closer, immediately wrapping my arms around him. I buried my face in his neck and let out a sob.

"I'm so sorry, Liam...," he said softly, holding onto me tightly. I didn't know what to say. I didn't really want to talk about it.. that would only make me more upset. So, instead, I cried into the crook of his neck for a while. I could feel how wet his shirt was becoming from my continuous tears.

Eventually, I got a hold of myself and pulled back, wiping my eyes. "I hate crying in front of people..," I said dully. "Makes me feel like a pussy." He shook his head, rubbing my back lightly.

"You have every right to cry over this," he assured me. I nodded and leaned into him once more.

"I'm gonna miss him so much," I whispered, taking in a shaky breath.

"Yeah... I'll miss him too, and he wasn't even my dog," he agreed.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?" I asked quickly, the realization that he was probably going to go home soon hitting me.

"Yeah." He sounded a bit taken aback, but not upset. "Of course I will.. I just have to leave for work tomorrow." He kissed the top of my head.

"Thanks," I breathed.

"For what?" he asked lightly.

"For staying..," I whispered. "I don't wanna be alone tonight."

"I'll always be here when you need me to be...," he said softly, gripping on tightly to me. My aching heart warmed to the best of it's ability at his statement. I was lucky to have him. I was beginning to wonder what I would do with myself if he weren't in my life..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a Certified Veterinary Technician, and we see stuff like what happened to Titus a good bit and other tragedies. It's very sad, and I hate it, but I wanted to add it to the story because it is a very real possibility when owning a Dane. I love them, they're one of my favorite breeds, but they have a lot of issues and it breaks my heart (Damn my love with Giant/Large breed dogs!)


	20. April 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going through a lot of personal bullshit (*cough cough* relationship issues) and it sucks! My sweet little boys help me feel better when I realize their teenage problems are worse than mine.. hahaha. Speaking of which, somebody from my class that I used to go to high school with just overdosed. Crazy shit.  
> I wanted to add a sex scene where they're comfortable with each other (And there will be more to come, so I hope you don't mind too much...) I don't like to go crazy with the sex, but they're 2 teenage dude, of course they're gonna want to fuck ;)

"Guess who can buy their own cigarettes now!" Felix snickered playfully.

"Mee!" I responded in a sing song voice. I was finally eighteen. An age I was pretty damn excited for. I could buy the dear nicotine I loved so much, and I was finally going to get my permit. I'd ended up waiting so long to go take the test that I decided to just wait until I was eighteen so that I could go take my license test whenever I was ready. No six month bullshit, or logging your hours driving or whatever the hell it was. Two weeks of having my permit and I could go get my license whenever.

"Happy birthday." He tossed me a new pack of Parliments that he'd had in his pocket. I laughed lightly and nodded, slipping them into my front pocket.

"Thanks." We weren't much of the gift giving people.. at least not thus far in our relationship. We always got each other little stupid shit, but that was about it.

"So," Felix began as we walked down the street, slowly getting closer to my house. It was nice out, so we'd decided to walk around a little. "What did you wanna do when we get back?" he asked. A small smile crept onto my face. I stepped over, lightly bumping our shoulders together.

"You know what I was thinkin'...?" I asked suggestively. He snickered and peered over at me.

"What?" he asked quietly.

"Are you really gonna make me say it?" I groaned, hooking my thumbs in my pockets. Since our first time having sex, we'd been kinda trying to ease into it for my sake. After the first time I hadn't been able to do anything that had to do with my ass until the end of the month... I think I was more nervous than anything, though. So, after that we eased into it... I was slowly becoming more comfortable with it.

"You know me," he teased.

"I'll tell you when we're not out in public," I snorted as we turned onto my street, next to a small park.

"Yeah, 'cause there's _so_ many people around!" he laughed sarcastically, jabbing at my side playfully. I scooted out of the way, disliking when he did that. I hated being tickled...

"Do you know how traumatizing that could be for a small child's wandering ears?" I snickered. Felix laughed.

"If that's traumatizing to them, I feel bad..." He shook his head, a crooked smile still on his face.

It didn't take long before we were outside my house. I opened the door and stepped in, a small pinch in my chest at how empty it was. Titus's death was still a fresh wound in my heart. Every time I stepped inside, without thinking, I was expecting him to be there. But he never was.. and he never would be again. It had been less than a month- I wasn't expecting the pain to lessen for a while yet.

I sighed and moved through the front room to the living room. As usual, my mom let me stay home from school, so we were the only ones in the house besides my sleeping mom. I peered over at Felix and grinned. "You wanna go to my room?" I asked.

"Sure," he replied brightly, moving his hand to touch the small of my back briefly. "Or-" He moved in front of me to lightly push me against the stair way. I narrowed my eyes and smirked as he pressed his body against mine, moving forward to kiss my lips. "We could just stay here..." I smiled, sliding my tongue into his mouth briefly before pulling back.

"I don't think so," I whispered. I grabbed onto his crotch for a moment before pushing him away enough to sneak past him. I walked up the stairs, knowing he would be close behind, and made my way into my room. Once he was inside, I shut the door and gripped tightly onto his jacket. I pulled him forward, my back against the door, until he was pressed against me once more. "You're so fucking sexy." He was wearing his dark red combat boots, which almost instantly gave me a boner every time I saw him wearing them, some black jeans, and his usual green jacket. All the makings to drive me crazy. He smiled and raised an eye brow.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked suggestively. I nodded, leaning forward until our mouths met. I reached up and gripped onto the hair on the back of his head. I felt his hands slip under my shirt onto my bare back, his finger nails dragging across my skin. I felt the familiar burn left behind, which only added to my arousal. I was beginning to realize, the more we fooled around, exactly what I liked. I liked the pain. I liked being bitten and scratched; I liked being held down and pushed against the wall. I wasn't vocal about it; I wasn't quite comfortable with telling him what I wanted him to do.. but for the most part, he did it without me having to ask.

Felix, on the other hand, was quite vocal with how he liked things. He was afraid to do some dirty talking, and he was quite good at it. He had a way with his words. I'd always known he was a very sexual person; and he was willing to do anything if I asked... not that I had been too adventurous at that point.

I felt Felix grind his hips into mine, his hard on apparent through his pants. It didn't take much to get him going; it never did. I smirked through our kisses, moving my hands down to his ass. I gripped on tightly, pulling him into me more. He reached his hands down and grabbed onto my wrists, forcing them against the door with a loud knock. I bit onto his bottom lip roughly, pulling back to look in his dark eyes.

"You gonna tell me what you want now?" he asked, a crooked smirk spreading over his handsome face.

"Fuck me," I said quietly, balling my hands into fists. This made his smirk widen. He let go of one of my wrists, pulling the other one to lead me to my bed. Somehow, in an impressively fluent manner, we ended up on my bed with him over top of me. He began taking his jacket off, and I grabbed onto his hand. "I want you to fuck me with your clothes on," I breathed.

"Really...?" he asked slowly, his eyes narrowing. I laughed and nodded. "Even my shoes?"

"Yes, especially your shoes..." He gave me a confused stare, a crooked grin on his face. "Just do it," I ordered. I always thought it was so hot to do it only partially undressed, only pants pulled down as much as they needed to be.

"Say no more...," he whispered, leaning down to kiss my neck. My breath caught in my throat as his teeth grazed over my skin. With that, he moved from over top of me so that he was behind me. He reached forward and began undoing my pants, pulling them down just past my ass. I bit my bottom lip, grinning, as he pulled his own pants down just enough to expose his dick.

As previously stated, we'd gotten much more used to each other since the first time we'd done it. We used lube- which I realized was very important, had more foreplay, and I was more relaxed.

I laid there on my side, gripping onto the sheets in anticipation, his fingers inside me. I was beginning to feel like he was teasing me, his lips pressing against my neck, his body close to mine. I could feel his warmth radiating onto me, and it was driving me crazy.

"Stick it in," I murmured through grit teeth. I was slightly surprised when he didn't give me any sort of witty comment. Without any hesitation, he did as told. I felt the pain that I was beginning to become accustomed to. I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, my palms beginning to sweat. Through the pain, I also felt pleasure. I willed myself to relax my muscles, though it was still difficult in the beginning, knowing full well that it would feel better if I did. I reached my hand back to grip onto his jeans, my stomach twisting as the overwhelming realization that he was inside me hit. It felt so surreal, so intimate.. It still took my breath away when I thought about it.

Felix's hand brushed forward, over my hips, until it came to my dick. His hand slid over it as he thrust into me, and I couldn't help but shudder. Goosebumps rose over my skin from the feeling. The pain was slowly dulling, being replaced with a more 'full' feeling that I quite enjoyed. It wasn't going to take much longer- not with him touching me like he was. I felt his forehead resting against the nape of my neck, his respiration becoming increased.

I ground my teeth together, the familiar feeling of climax over taking my body. I was going to come. I was enjoying it so thoroughly I almost didn't want to. I slid my hand up a bit to grab onto as much of his ass cheek as I could, digging my nails in.  
"I love you," he breathed, and that was enough for me. I took a sharp breath in as I jizzed onto the sheets in front of me. He continued thrusting in me, his hand in motion as well, as I came. It was almost too intense, but I held back any vocalization, as I always did. It wasn't much longer until Felix came as well. After a few moments of us gathering ourselves, he moved off the bed to clean himself up as usual. I took a deep breath and rolled over onto my back, aware of my shirt clinging uncomfortably to my sweaty body.

I glanced over to see Felix had pulled up his pants, and he was shrugging his jacket off. His shirt quickly followed, and I wasn't surprised for how hot I'd become. I grinned and forced myself to sit up. I stood and pulled my pants up. One thing that still hadn't changed, and was quite unsexy, was the feeling of needing to shit after we did it. I wasn't sure if I did actually have to, or if it was just from the penetration. I excused myself awkwardly to the bathroom as I so often did.

Once I was finished, I made my way back to my room. Felix was sitting on my bed, an unlit cigarette between his fingers. I grinned and picked up a dirty shirt from my floor. I walked over to my bed and began wiping up the jiz spot, though rather in vain. I gave up after a few seconds and tossed the shirt onto the floor.

"How was that?" he asked me as I took a seat. He scooted back so that his legs were on my bed and turned so we were facing each other.

"How do you think?" I asked, reaching back to grab my pack of cigarettes and ash tray from my nightstand. He snickered and shrugged.

"You tell me," he insisted. I rolled my eyes and lit my cigarette, tossing the lighter to him.

"It was good," I told him quickly. He raised an eye brow.

"Just _good_?" he whispered skeptically. I shook my head, slowly blowing my drag out.

"No..." He continued to stare as if he expected more. "What do you want me to say?" I laughed. He lit his cigarette before speaking.

"Hmm... how about- Oh god, Felix, that was the best sex I've ever fucking had. God damn, you're so sexy and amazing and wonderful," he spouted out quickly, exaggerated excitement in his voice.

"Yeah. That." I laughed and took a drag of my cigarette. He smirked, his brown eyes burning into mine.

"How about an 'I love you too'?" he asked quietly. I grinned softly at him and leaned forward until our lips met.

"I love you so much," I whispered, our foreheads resting against each other's briefly. It was true. I was beginning to realize it the more time I spent with him. I had no idea what I would do with myself if he suddenly left me- not that that would happen.

As we sat on my bed smoking our cigarettes, I couldn't help but look him over. He had such a nice body.. He had such a nice _everything_. My eyes switched to look at his pierced nipples. He had bars in them, as he always had, and it looked so sexy. "Did those hurt?" I asked, immediately realizing how vague the question was.

"What?" he asked, his brow furrowing, before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Your nipple piercings," I explained with a smile.

"Oooh," he said quietly and snickered with a shrug. "Not as bad as I thought they would. Can't believe I've had them done for over a year already... They were the easiest piercing I've had to take care of."

"You wanna get anything else done?" I asked, taking a quick drag of my cigarette. He looked lost in thought for a moment.

"My belly button...," he said pensively. I stared at him incredulously.

"Really...?" I asked. That was unattractive on a man in my opinion.

"No," he answered quickly with a smirk. Smart ass... "Nah, I dunno. I haven't really given it much thought of what else I would get. I pretty much have everything done that I've always wanted, so... what about you?" he asked. I shook my head.

"I don't think I would look good with anything else, honestly," I admitted. I felt like my two lip piercings were enough. I didn't think I could pull off my nose like Jayla and Felix could.

"Sure you would! You would look good with your septum, I bet..," he told me with a snicker. 

"No, I have to disagree...," I said quietly, shaking my head.

"What I really want are some damn tattoos.. cover up some of these." He looked down at his arms as he spoke, his brow slightly furrowed. My mind immediately jumped to something that I had been hesitant to bring up for the past couple days. I swallowed and took a drag of my cigarette.

"You know Lexie died, right?" I asked slowly. I glanced up once I was done to see Felix's expression immediately drop.

"Yeah...," he said quietly. "Brody told me a few days ago," he sighed.

"Her mom found her, I think," I mumbled, taking a drag of my cigarette. His brow furrowed. "I can't even imagine that."

"Yeah, me neither.." He shook his head. "She fucking overdosed from heroin," he snorted with disgust. "I told you, all those months ago, that I suspected that." I nodded.

"Yeah, I know." Heroin wasn't necessarily a sensitive subject to Felix, but I guessed somebody overdosing from it would hit him in a different way than the rest of us. "I-I didn't really wanna bring it up, you know?" I shrugged. "I know she was your friend and all..."

"Yeah, I liked her... kinda stopped talking to her after they broke up though. I guess it's good I did, though... I really shouldn't be around people like that." He took a deep drag of his cigarette.

"How's Brody handling it?" I asked. I hadn't talked to him at all about it. I only knew from Jayla.

"I think he feels bad, but obviously they weren't together, so... what can he do?" he sighed, his shoulder slouching slightly. 

"Jayla hasn't really been talking about it much, either," I told him, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Well...," he began softly. "Coming from somebody who was once pretty deep into that shit; even if they'd been together, he couldn't have stopped it."

"Really?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah dude- that shit is awful. I didn't have anybody really trying to get me to stop... but either way, that's something you have to do on your own. Well, not _do_ on your own. But you need to make the decision that you _want_ to stop," he explained. "It sure is crazy though. I wonder what was going on in her life that she even started it." I wasn't sure. It made me feel kind of bad. I'd always looked at Lexie as the bitchy girlfriend nobody really liked- but maybe I shouldn't have. "I don't know why heroin is so popular in Manheim.. But who am I to judge. I fell into the same stupid ass trap as all the other people," he sighed, shaking his head. "Damn... I liked her."

"I'm sorry," I murmured. "Did she know you used to do it?" I asked. His eyes flickered to me as he took a final drag of his cigarette.

"No," he said bluntly, smashing the cherry into the ashtray between us. "As far I know, the only ones who are aware are you, Brody, and Jayla. Brode always made a point not to tell people my business..." He shrugged. "Although, if you paid attention, or looked at my fucked up arms, it really wouldn't be that hard to figure it out. I was still on it when I first met you.." I nodded.

"Y-yeah, I know that now." It felt weird talking about it. The only thing I'd ever been addicted to were cigarettes- so I couldn't even imagine what it felt like. I couldn't imagine feeling the draw to do it, even months after you'd been clean.

"I went to stupid ass groups for a while.. I thought they were pretty pointless, though. They didn't do anything for me, really...," he recollected. "I only went for a month." He snorted with laughter. "My dad was _so_ fucking pissed at me when I stopped..." He shook his head slowly, biting down onto his lip ring. "But look at me now." I scooted closer and leaned in until our lips met, my stomach twisting with the familiar feeling that I felt constantly when we first got together. I felt bad for him... I knew I shouldn't- but I couldn't help it. I pulled back after a moment and cast him a sad grin.

"I wish I could have been there for you," I said quietly. He grinned and shook his head.

"No you don't...," he sighed. "I was a totally different person back then."

"Were you really, though?" I asked doubtfully.

"Yes," he stated bluntly. "I didn't give a shit about anything but getting a fix.. as all junkies do. Honestly," he snorted, "I have a horrible relationship with my dad, and I'm surprised he didn't call the cops on me. I would steal from him, I was manipulative, I was a bad fucking person. If there had been any hope for me and him getting along- that whole year destroyed that." He paused before continuing, "and it would have destroyed us, too, if you'd known me better back then." I wasn't quite sure what to say, so I simply nodded. There was a fairly long moment of silence before he spoke again. "I know that's hard to believe- seeing as I'm such an _awesome_ dude and all...," he snickered playfully, his voice sounding light once more. I smiled and rolled my eyes slightly.

"Yeah, _so_ awesome," I laughed. I reached forward and took his hands in mine. "Really, though.. You're a good person." He grinned, his eyes flickering to the ground, seeming slightly uncomfortable with my compliment. I was kind of surprised to see him acting so bashful. He was always seemingly so confident. "Hey," I changed the subject. He looked back up at me. "You know what next month is?" I asked.

"Hmmm... A meteor shower?" he mused incorrectly, a grin tugging on his lips once more.

"Nooo... Next month with be a year since we first fucked around," I told him.

"Ahhhh," he snickered, his eye brows raising. "When we fucked around," he echoed, sounding amused.

"What? You like got together better?" I asked. "'Cause that is basically when it happened."

"Yes, I do like that better." He nodded, kissing my cheek. I smiled and scooted forward, wrapping my arms securely around him. "I can't believe it's already been that long..."

"Me neither," I said softly, burying my face in his neck.

"Let's hope for many more to come, huh?" he whispered. I wanted nothing more than that to come true.


	21. June 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I apologize for the lack of update (it felt like forever to me, at least...) I decided to leave my boyfriend of 5 and 1/2 years last week, so things have been a little crazy for me in my personal life, but I'm keeping a positive outlook on things. But for now, I don't think I'll be able to update as frequently. I have the next couple chapters written out already, so I can post those, but I'm still working on the ending chapters... not sure when I'll have time to finish those. Crazy shit! Also, I'm planning on going back in this chapter and adding some stuff at some point. :)

"God, what the fuck am I gonna do without you in school with me anymore?" I whined dramatically. Jayla laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

"You'll find a way, dude." She took a sip of her drink. "You're gonna have to get a fuckin' car or walk, though!" I peered over at my boyfriend, who was sitting beside me with an arm around my shoulders.

"What?" he asked, raising an eye brow.

"You'll take me, riiiight...?" I asked hopefully. He exchanged glances with Brody and both of them began laughing. Jayla had graduated, which meant I was no longer going to be in high school with my sister, and it also meant my ride was gone. Jay, Brody, Felix and I were all sitting around in his basement having a drink together in small celebration.

"Well," Felix began with a small sigh. "I can take you on nights that I stay over... but not when I work early, obviously." I gave a small pout before taking a sip of my drink. "Learn how to drive and get a car." I'd gotten my permit and I had been driving quite a bit.

"I know how to drive! Jesus Christ, this sucks!" I groaned. "Not only do I lose my ride, and my sister... but I'm not gonna be in class with my best fucking friend anymore, either!" Rhett had graduated as well, which was pretty upsetting to me. No more enjoyable gym classes with him.

"Oh, get over it. You'll see me at home!" Jayla snickered.

"I wasn't talking about _you_!" I retorted.

"Hey!" she snapped.

"I'm gonna miss Rhett...," I sighed. I was definitely feeling the affects of my drink. My body felt heavy, and my eye lids slightly droopy. I felt good, though. "Seriously, though. I don't have _any_ friends in school anymore," I huffed. Ever since Evie and I stopped talking, I wasn't good friends with anybody in my grade.

"But you have Olive!" Brody reminded me sarcastically.

"Ha ha, very funny!" I snickered. "She fucking hates me, and the feeling is somewhat mutual."

"What about that girl- Holly?" Jay asked. I shrugged my shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess...," I sighed, taking another swig of my drink. I'd settled on whiskey for the night, and I was quiet enjoying it.

"Is that the one who had a crush on you?" Felix snickered. I nodded, casting him a playful scowl.

"Yeah, she did. But can you really blame her?" I snorted, which caused everybody to laugh.

"Liam, are you drunk?" Brody asked, amusement heavy in his voice.

"No!" I blurted out quickly. I was, though... I was drunk. I leaned against Felix more, resting my head back on his shoulder. I noticed him glance down at me with a small grin. "You're not drunk enough...," I whispered.

"I'm driving you home," he reminded me with a laugh.

"Oh, yeah!" I snorted. "I forgot!" My mind felt jumbled, my surroundings hazy. God, how much had I had to drink? "When're we doin' that?" I asked.

"I dunno. When you're done with that drink?" he asked.

"Sure!" I took another sip of my dwindling whiskey. "Then will you drink?" I asked.

"Whatever makes you happy," he snickered.

"Are you staying?" I heard Brody ask Jayla. I looked to see her smiling warmly at him and she nodded before leaning back to rest against him, as I was doing with Felix. They were officially together, and Brody knew Felix and I were officially together as well. As expected, he didn't have any sort of problem with it. He actually had a feeling before Felix told him, which I also kind of expected.

After about fifteen more minutes or so, I took the last sip of my drink and we decided to make our leave. We said our goodbyes and headed outside for his car. We got in and he pulled out of the drive way.

"That was fun," I said happily. He nodded with a grin. "What's wrong?" I asked. He glanced at me with a raised eye brow.

"Nothing's wrong. Why do you always ask me that?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I dunno. You seem a little sad," I explained. "Would road head make you feel better?" I asked. He laughed loudly.

"Liam, I drive a stick!" he snickered.

"So?" I snorted.

"Soooo- that would never work. You would be in the way of me shifting," he explained, amusement heavy in his voice.

"Oooh, fine!" I waved him off and sat forward in my seat. It didn't take long before we were pulling into the church parking lot. We both got out and headed across the street, my feet dragging slightly. I was pretty damn drunk... but not too drunk that I was blacked out. I was just finding certain things difficult to remember. Everything was kinda blurry.

We entered my house and I looked to see my mom sitting on the couch. She looked our way and raised her eye brows. I smiled widely at her as we walked into the living room.

"Hey, guys," she greeted us with a yawn. What fucking time was it? I glanced at the clock to see it was twelve in the morning already.

"Hi! I said back happily before practically skipping into the kitchen. I faintly remember hearing my boyfriend and her talking, but I don't know what they said to each other. I decided against waiting for him to join me, so I headed upstairs.

Eventually he came up to my room with the remainder of the bottle he'd had. After a little while of us drinking, him more than me, I was beginning to feel very hot. We'd yet to put the window unit air conditioners in, and it was extremely stuffy in the house. I felt the need to go out for some fresh air to smoke a cigarette.

As we walked downstairs, I was aware of how dark it was. My mom must have gone to bed. I was careful not to trip on anything as I headed to the back of the house.

"Oh my god, it feels so much better out here!" I blurted as I practically fell through the back screen door leading to my back yard. Felix snickered and shushed me as he pulled out his cigarettes. I was about to spit out a retort, but he spoke first.

"You want one, darling?" he asked, still laughing slightly. I straightened myself up and smiled at my boyfriend. How could I make a witty comeback at that?

" _Darling_?" I asked and took the cigarette from his fingers, placing it in my mouth. He put the lighter up the end and lit it for me.

"Mmm hmmm," he replied, grabbing onto my hip gently. I couldn't help but stare at him as he lit his own cigarette and took a puff in. I watched as smoke slowly flowed out of his nostrils. He was so good looking... He turned to look at me, his eyes lighting up slightly. "What's up, drunky?" he asked. I shook my head and released smoke from my lungs.

"Nothin'." I leaned closer to his ear to continue speaking. "You're so fucking sexy...," I whispered. Despite how drunk I was, I was extremely horny. I'd been thinking about him the entire time we were at Brody's.

"So are you," he said back quietly before leaning in to gently kiss my lips. I took the opportunity to the fullest and immediately gripped onto his hair with my free hand, biting onto his lip ring. Felix stifled his laughed and pulled back the best he could. "Calm down, I'm not going anywhere." I laughed, shaking my head.

"I know that!" I barked. _Silly Felix..._ I watched as he took a couple steps forward to sit on the bench. I took a drag of my cigarette and moved to sit next to him. "What did you wanna do later?" I asked somewhat suggestively.

"What do you think...?" he asked, casting me a smirk. I grinned and raised an eye brow. _Oh, hell yeah... I'm totally gettin' some ass tonight._

"I think that can be arranged," I replied before taking a drag of my cigarette. My smoke couldn't end fast enough. I felt about ready to explode. I glanced over at him, unable to keep my eyes to myself. I gave my cigarette one last glance before deciding to cut it short. He'd smoked his quicker than me, and ended up putting it out as well. Without hesitation, I moved to straddle Felix at the hips in his seat on the bench.

"What're you doin'?" he asked, a smile on his face. He ran his fingers over my cheek, which caused me to smile as well. I shrugged my shoulders, truly unsure what I was thinking, before leaning down to kiss him. I slid my tongue into his mouth immediately, wanting to get as close to him as possible. I pulled back and moved right down to his neck. I felt his dick beginning to harden against me, and I couldn't help but feel accomplished by that. I didn't even give a shit at the time that my neighbors could look out and see us. It was kind of sexy, actually..

I bit down onto his neck before pulling back to kiss his lips once more. I felt his teeth graze over my bottom lip, leaving me with a stinging feeling. I reached my hands down the back of his shirt, wanting to touch his bare skin. His hands gripped tightly onto my ass, pulling my hips into his. I was so hard, it kind of hurt. I was done with the teasing.

"Felix, I want you to fuck me," I breathed into his ear.

"Let's go upstairs," he whispered. I shook my head without a second thought.

"No, I want it here. _Now_." I gripped onto his hair and began kissing his neck roughly again. I felt goosebumps rising over his skin. Thinking back on it, it was such a stupid fucking thing to say... but at the time, the thought of anybody being able to come outside and catch us only made me hornier.

"Turn around and pull your pants down," he ordered me. I suppressed a shiver at his demand and pulled back, a smile on my face, before giving him a kiss.

"I love you," I breathed happily before standing. I pulled down my pants just past my ass, deciding it best to keep my dick in my boxers, as Felix rushed to pull his down as well. We didn't have lube, I hadn't even thought of that, so he spit on his dick. I didn't feel any apprehension from that this time, however. I didn't fucking care at all in my drunken state! He grabbed onto my hips and turned me around, pulling me down until he was inside me. I let a sharp breath escape from my lungs as he began grinding into me. It felt amazing. I wasn't sure if it was because the alcohol was letting my muscles relax and easing the pain, but it felt so damn good. It felt better than any times before. I couldn't help myself from letting out soft moans as we continued, which was extremely out of character for me. I wasn't sure what had taken me over, but I could hardly handle the pleasure.

"Does that feel good, baby?" Felix asked quietly.

"Yes," I panted, leaning back into him more. I slipped my hand down my boxers and began jerking myself off, feeling his hot forehead resting against my back. His nails dug into my hips and he began thrusting harder. I had to move a little with him as well, since he was sitting down, but that only made things feel ever better.

It didn't take long before the familiar feeling hit me, my breathing becoming heavier. "I'm coming, Felix," I breathed, my voice catching in my throat. I was surprised when he flipped me over quickly. I grabbed onto the back of the bench with my free hand and leaned into it. He began thrusting harder as I jizzed into my boxers, the feeling quiet intense. It only took a few seconds before he came as well. He pulled out once finished and we both pulled our pants up. 

I turned around to see Felix sitting on the ground, looking up at me with a smile planted on his face as he caught his breath. I grinned and moved to sit down next to him. I wrapped my arms tightly around him. "That felt really fucking good," I said quietly.

"I could tell," he said with laughter in his voice. "I thought it felt good, too.." He kissed my cheek, causing me to smile, and ran his fingers through my hair. "Did you wanna go inside now?" he asked. I nodded, peering up at the night sky.

"Yeah," I began, standing on unsteady feet once more. "I wanna lay with you. I want another cigarette first, though."

"Yeah, have to after that!" he laughed and we began pulling out cigarettes. I took a seat tenderly back on the bench, while he stayed on the ground. Damn, my legs and ass felt bruised already... I peered at my boyfriend as we smoked. He looked quite pleased with himself; like he'd accomplished a great feat... but he pretty much had, so could I really blame him? I couldn't believe I'd allowed that to happen now that it was over. It was so unlike me.. I snorted and shook my head, taking a long drag in. 

Soon enough we were finished with our cigarettes. We entered the house quietly and headed back upstairs. I took a detour to the bathroom and relieved myself. Once done with that I stumbled into my room, already in the process of peeling off my clothing. Felix cast me an amused smile as I slid my boxers off, nearly tripping as I stepped out of them, and laid down in bed with a large sigh. I looked in his direction to see he was undressing as well. As soon as he was laying in bed with me, I couldn't resist letting my hand travel over his chest.

"I like when you get like that," he told me softly after a minutes or two of silence. He reached up and brushed the pieces of my hair falling forward out of my eyes.

"Like what?" I asked, reaching to take a hold of his hand. He smirked.

"When you get... _vocal_ ," he explained, nearly causing me to cringe. I laughed awkwardly and averted my eyes from his. God it was so embarrassing! How did I let myself go like that? I never _moaned_... Fuck, even the word makes me wanna curl into a ball! And outside! In my back yard! What the fuck!

"I'll remember that for next time," I told him dismissively. He leaned forward and kissed my lips softly. I couldn't deny, from all the alcohol and excitement, my eye lids were becoming more and more heavy.

"I love you so much, Li." I couldn't help but grin. Even though we'd been together for over a year, it still make my stomach jump and fill with butterflies when he told me he loved me.

"I love you, too," I whispered. Felix gave me one last, warm look before pulling me close to his chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, his wonderful scent filling my nostrils. Laying there like that- I definitely felt like I was in my happy place...

<<>>

My eyes fluttered open, and I had to squint against the light. I could immediately feel familiar pressure in my bladder. I had to piss so bad it felt like I could have wet the bed. I groaned to myself and sat up, a rush going to my head. I rubbed my eyes briefly before standing on unsteady feet. I blinked, trying to get my vision to stop being so fuzzy, as I looked for my boxers. I really needed to take my contacts out.

"What're you doing?" I suddenly heard Felix ask from the bed, his voice heavy with sleep. I glanced over at him.

"Looking for my boxers." My voice was surprisingly hoarse. All those cigarettes, I guess. I cleared my throat, and spotted them at the edge of my room. I grabbed them and slipped them on. "I have to take a piss." I turned and headed out the door. I was glad I didn't feel nauseous, and the dizziness I'd felt as soon as I woke up was subsiding. I walked into the bathroom and took a much needed piss. I then headed back into my room and laid back down next to my boyfriend. I smirked to myself and leaned in close, quickly giving his ass a smack.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed and I raised an eye brow.

"Oh, come on, pussy. I didn't smack you that hard!" I laughed.

"No, it's not that...," he said, his eye narrowing, before sitting up. "Can you look at my ass?" _Oh, I would love to..._ "It feels like I got bit or some shit." He stood up and turned, exposing his lovely bottom. Even without me looking close, I could see a large splinter in his skin. I immediately began laughing.

"What the fuck. You have a splinter!" I snickered. I leaned in, looking at the angry flesh surrounding it. How did he sleep the whole night with that in? "It's pretty big, too."

"Can you get it?" he asked.

"Mmmmm... okay," I replied, not so sure if I could get it all with my fingers. I grabbed onto it the best I could and gave a quick tug. I looked at the piece of wood between my fingers, realizing I'd left a small piece still in his skin. "I got most of it. Look." I held my hand out, and Felix peered back at it. He looked slightly disgusted, and I couldn't help but grin. The whole situation was pretty funny.

"There's still some in there?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah, just a little though. I have tweezers; I can get it out. Let's go to the bathroom for better light." I shrugged. He sighed and walked over to grab his boxers from the floor, slipping them on. "How did you even do that?" I asked.

" _Well_ ," he began dramatically. "A certain _someone_ wanted to have sex on the wooden bench outside." I could feel my expression fall as I was reminded of our adventurous time the prior evening. Jesus Christ....

"I can't believe we did that...," I whispered, lightly putting my hand over my mouth. Felix laughed loudly.

"You wanted it, and who was I to say no?" He smirked, walking over to me. He put his hand on my shoulder, giving it was quick squeeze. I rolled my eyes, smiling.

"In that instance, you should have said no!" I snickered, standing up. I grabbed a shirt from the floor and slipped it over my head. "Come on." I grabbed his wrist and led him out of my bedroom. We walked past Jayla's open door, glancing in as we went to see her confused face looking back at us. I walked into the bathroom, immediately digging around our supplies. After a bit of searching, I finally found a pair of tweezers. "Ah ha!" I turned towards Felix and smirked. "Alright, show me dat ass." He laughed and shook his head as he turned, leaning against the sink counter top. I pulled one side of his boxers up, wedging the fabric between his ass cheeks to keep it out of the way. "Okay...." I looked at it closely, determined to get all the pieces out.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" Jayla's voice sounded through the bathroom. Felix jumped slightly, and I turned my head to smile at my sister. She already looked amused, and she didn't even know the hilarity of the situation.  
"Felix got a splinter," I told her blunty, causing her to burst into laughter.

"A splinter?" she asked, talking a step closer. She leaned down to look. "Damn! How big was the splinter?" she asked, exchanging glances with me.

"It was pretty big!" I snickered and began picking at the remaining pieces of wood I could see.

"How the fuck did you do that?" she asked. I didn't know what to say. I swallowed, my brow furrowing slightly. I would tell Jayla... but not in front of Felix. I didn't want him boasting about it.

"I'm not sure," I murmured dismissively. "We were drunk last night, obviously, so it could have been from anything." She laughed and shook her head. I looked up to meet her eyes and mouthed 'I'll tell you later.' She widened her eyes and nodded, a smirk forming on her face. I had to fight back a laugh from escaping from my mouth, so instead I bit my bottom lip and smiled. I pulled one final splinter piece out and decided that was the best it was going to get. "Okay, I think I got it all, Fel."

"Good! Does it look bad?" he asked as I gathered ointment and gauze. I glanced at the spot. It was really red, almost bruised looking, and it was bleeding a little.

"Eh." I shrugged. I ran over the spot with a soapy piece of gauze, and he immediately tensed. "I'm gonna clean it real quick, and put some ointment on," I explained.

"Thank you," he sighed, leaning against the counter top more. "So what are you up to today, hoe?" He turned his attention towards my sister.

"Not too sure. What about you guys?" she asked. I didn't think we had anything planned. I wiped the wound dry the best I could.

"I guess I was gonna go home?" Felix glanced over his shoulder at me the best he could. "Right?" he asked after a moment of silence as I wiped ointment on the gash.

"What? Oh. I don't care. You can stay again if you want." I looked over the area briefly before pulling his boxer leg down and standing. I put my supplies back quickly as he continued to speak.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, sounding hopeful. I smiled and nodded. I wasn't ready for him to leave.

"Yeah," I replied, grabbing onto his arm affectionately. He grinned at me and then we both peered back at my sister. She was watching us, a soft expression on her face.

"You guys are so cute...," she muttered quickly before changing the subject. "Well, did you wanna do something? Go get Rita's or some shit?" I snorted with laughter at her suggestion.

"Oh!" Felix suddenly spoke, sounding excited. "We could mix it with liquor!" I couldn't help but laugh.

"What kind of liquor?" I asked, feeling doubtful anything we had would be good.

"I dunno." He shrugged.

"I have some coconut rum!" Jayla told us brightly. "That would be fucking good!"

"Yeah it would be!" Felix agreed. "Especially with how hot it is out." I was surprised he suggested we drank after our prior night. I wasn't hungover enough to not want to drink again, though. "What do you think, Li?" He moved his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I nodded.

"I think that sounds like fun. Just us?" I asked.

"Well, we could invite Brody or Rhett or something, too," Jayla said.

"Sounds like a plan," Felix sighed. "When?" Jayla smirked.

"Whenever the fuck we want."

<<>>

We ended up going to Rita's to get a bucket of mango italian ice, much to Jayla's dismay. She said it was too boring. She wanted the Swedish Fish flavor.

"Who the fuck wants to mix Swedish Fish and _coconut_?" Felix scoffed in disgust. Jayla's jaw dropped and she cast him an offended scowl.

"Me! That's who!" she retorted. He looked over at me and I nodded knowingly. We were both on the same page.

"Fuck it's hot out," he grumbled, shielding his eyes from the sun as we stood in the long line.

"Maybe if you would invest in some sun glasses, your retinas wouldn't be burning away right now," Jayla snickered, smacking his arm playfully. He snorted and shook his head.

"I have sun glasses...," he mumbled. I glanced around to see families sitting at the various tables surrounding the small italian ice shack, enjoying their frozen treats. I could feel eyes on us... a lot of people were staring. That wasn't uncommon when we went anywhere in public, though. People were very judgmental and didn't like the way we looked, I got that. But it still sucked.

Eventually we were up in line and Jayla ordered a bucket of mango, and a bucket of Swedish Fish italian ice. Once we got our order, we headed back to Felix's car. We all filed in and he immediately turned in his seat to face my sister.

"That shit is all you!" he laughed.

"Come on, guys! It's probably going to be delicious!" she tried to convince us.

"Yeah, well you can let us know," I snickered.

"Fine! I will!" she huffed, and I heard a lid peel open.

"Are you mixing it now?" Felix asked.

"Ummm, no! I'm eating some to make room for the rum! Duh!" she said incredulously. He smiled and shook his head before starting the engine of his car. With that, we drove off in the direction of Rhett's house.

It didn't take long before we were pulling into his driveway. Felix stopped the car and proceeded to beep multiple times, causing Jayla and I to laugh. I was suddenly hit with a strong smell of coconut. I glanced over my shoulder to see she was pouring the rum into the mango italian ice.

"You better be a decent driver today, Felix," she told him deviously. He smirked.

"Do you really ever need to worry about that?" he snickered smugly. I glanced towards the front door of the house just as Rhett stepped outside. Felix immediately blew the horn once more. I could see Rhett laughing, his head shaking, as he walked swiftly towards us. He got in the back seat behind Felix and we all greeted him.

"Hey, guys!" he said happily back. "You're lucky my parents aren't home. They woulda been pissed!" he laughed. Felix simply shrugged and put his car in reverse. He backed out onto the street and headed off to pick up Brody.

"Here, Rhett!" I turned in my seat to watch them behind me. She handed him the mango bucket and kept the vile Swedish Fish for herself.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Coconut rum and Rita's!" I told him.

"Fuckin' right! I thought it smelled like coconut rum in here!" he laughed.

"Wonderful! I guess I _will_ be driving my best!" Felix sighed. At that point, we were sitting at a red light.

" _Eeeeew_!" Jayla suddenly exclaimed after taking a small sip of her italian ice mixture. I stifled my laughter into the back of my hand.

"Oh, what's wrong Jay!" Felix teased. "That Swedish Fish bullshit not tastin' so good?"

" _No_! It's fucking gross!" she snapped, sounding highly disappointed. Felix began laughing, and the car suddenly jutted forward slightly.

"What was that?" I asked as he began turning the ignition again. He had a sheepish grin on his face as we began driving once more.

"I stalled...," he admitted. I had never been in the car with Felix when he stalled out.

"Come on!" Jayla snapped playfully. "What happened to you driving your best, huh?"

"Hey, I never woulda stalled in the first place if you hadn't distracted me with your horrid tastes!" he retorted.

"I thought you knew how to drive stick, Felix, come on!" she snickered.

"I've been driving stick since I was just under fuckin' seventeen!" he protested.

"Yeah, yeah... Here, Rhett!" I glanced over my shoulder just in time to see Jayla shoving the red italian ice into my friend's hands.

"What? I don't want this shit!" he protested.

"Just try it! Go on!" She peeled open the mango ice and began pouring rum into that one.

"Not fair!" I snapped playfully. "You should have to live with your poor life choices, Jay!" Felix laughed and nodded his head in agreement.

I have so many fond memories of hot summer evenings, driving around in Felix's car, windows down, blasting different music, singing our heads off very poorly. One of our favorites, for whatever reason, was to sing Hollywood by Grouplove to eachother. It didn't matter who was in the car; everybody was having fun. There were a lot of back country roads around our houses, and we would drive on them until it was well past dark, smoking cigarettes, enjoying ourselves. That night was no different. That is something I will always look back on and cherish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wrote the majority of this chapter in Felix's point of view first, so I will also be posting that as a little bonus soon! :)


	22. Extra- Felix's POV June 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I moved into my new home yesterday, away from my ex. I am relieved this morning, though I feel bad because my poor kitties are adjusting (but they'll get used to it soon enough). I still have a shit ton of unpacking and everything to do, so I should be back into the swing of things next week. I intend to add more to this extra at some time, sorry it ends to abruptly. Also, I have the next couple chapters written out I just need to proof read them, and then I will begin posting! :) Cheers to happiness, even if the road to get there isn't always so easy.

"Oh my god, it feels so much better out here!" Liam blurted out as he burst through the back screen door. I snickered and shushed him as I pulled out my cigarettes. He was pretty drunk, but I thought it was really endearing.

"You want one, darling?" I asked, still laughing slightly. He stood up a little taller and smiled.

" _Darling_ , eh?" he asked as he took the cigarette from my fingers and put it in his mouth. I put my lighter up to it and lit it for him.

"Mmm hmm," I replied, gently grabbing onto his hip. We, or rather he, was being loud. I didn't want to wake his neighbors, but I didn't really care too much. I lit my cigarette as well and gazed up at the stars. They were out brightly, but it was still fairly dark due to the new moon. I took a drag of my cigarette and turned to see my boyfriend staring at me. "What's up, drunky?" I asked. He shook his head and released smoke from his nostrils.

"Nothing." He leaned closer to my ear. "You're so fucking sexy..." My mouth twitched into a grin. I was definitely getting some ass when we went back inside.

"So are you," I whispered back before leaning into the gently kiss his lips. I was surprised when he immediately grabbed onto my hair with his free hand and bit onto my lip ring. I couldn't help but stifle my laughter. "Calm down, I'm not going anywhere." I pulled back and he was laughing as well, shaking his head.

"I know that!" he barked. Liam had no restraint when he drank. He'd always been like that since I knew him. He was a happy, bubbly drunk. It was very refreshing, since I definitely knew people who became angry and confrontational. Even when he was belligerent, he was still happy. I sighed and took a few steps forward to sit on the little bench in front of where we were standing. "What do you wanna do later?" he asked me as he took a seat next to me, which I had expected him to do.

"What do you think..?" I asked suggestively, casting him a smirk. He grinned back and raised an eye brow.

"I think that can be arranged," he replied before taking a drag of his cigarette.

It wasn't long before both of us were finished with our cigarettes. I was about to stand when Liam suddenly straddled me. "Whatcha doin?" I asked, running my fingers over his cheek. He smiled and shrugged before leaning down to kiss me. It was still intense, but he didn't jump right into biting me this time. His tongue slid into my mouth quickly before he pulled back and began kissing my neck. I couldn't deny that I was turned on. I let a deep breath out as I felt his tongue glide over my skin. I didn't even care that his neighbors could look out their window and see us. It almost made it better.

Liam pulled back, his teeth gripping roughly onto my skin as he did so, and began kissing my lips once more. He tasted like whiskey and cigarettes, but I was sure I did as well. He was definitely more drunk than me, however. I grazed my teeth over his bottom lip, feeling the cling of metal from his lip rings as I did. I was aware of his hot hands running down the back of my shirt, probably stretching the collar of my shirt. I didn't care. I gripped roughly onto his ass before pulling his hips into mine. I could feel his hard on pressing against me through his pants, and I felt myself become even more aroused.

"Felix, I want you to fuck me," he breathed into my ear. I knew it was coming...

"Let's go upstairs," I whispered back. To my surprise he shook his head.

"No, I want it here. _Now_." He gripped onto my hair and began kissing my neck again. I shivered, though I wasn't cold, and goosebumps rose on my skin. God damn, his words ran right through me to my dick.

"Turn around and pull your pants down," I ordered him, ready to get going. My heart was racing. This was so exciting! Anyone could come out of their house and see us doing it, including his mom. I knew Liam would never have opted to do it outside if he weren't so drunk, but I didn't even give a shit. He pulled back with a huge smile on his face before giving me a kiss.

"I love you," he told me happily before standing up and pulled his pants down just past his ass. I did the same thing and remained sitting, quickly spitting into my hand and wiping it over my exposed dick. He turned around and I grabbed onto his hips, pulling him back down until I was inside him. He let out a breath as I gently began grinding him into me. It felt really good, I wasn't going to lie. My adrenaline was running, and he was so damn tight. I was surprised when he actually began letting out soft groans as we continued to do it. I couldn't help but snicker slightly.

"Does that feel good, baby?" I asked quietly, obviously knowing it did.

"Yes," he breathed, leaning his back into me more. I let my forehead rest against him and closed my eyes. I dug my nails into his hips and began thrusting harder. It was difficult with me sitting on a wooden bench, but we were moving in unison, which made it easier on me. I was aware of a small, pricking pain on my ass cheek, but I wasn't about to allow it to ruin this amazing moment.

It didn't take very long before Liam's breathing became heavier and I knew what was about to happen. "I'm coming, Felix," he breathed, his voice catching in his throat a little. I grinned to myself and flipped him over the best I could so that I was on my feet and he was leaning against the bench. I began thrusting harder, which was easy since I was no longer sitting, and it wasn't long before I came into him. I pulled out once I was done and pulled my pants up, feeling slightly out of breath. I sunk down so that I was sitting on the cool ground and watched as Liam pulled his pants up as well.

After a couple moments he got down on the ground next to me, smiling happily. He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "That felt really fucking good," he said quietly into my ear.

"I could tell," I said with laughter in my voice. "I thought it felt good too." I kissed his cheek and ran my fingers through his hair as he sat back. "Do you wanna go inside now?" I asked, enjoying the cool concrete beneath me.

"Yeah. I wanna lay with you," he told me before standing. "I want a cigarette first, though."

"Yeah, have to after that!" I laughed loudly and pulled out my cigarettes.

Once we were finished with that, we headed back inside and upstairs to his bedroom. He immediately began to take off his clothes, tossing them haphazardly to the side. He slid his boxers off and laid in bed, watching me as I began to undress as well. Soon I was laying next to him, facing him, feeling truly blissful.

"I like it when you get like that," I told him softly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. He grinned.

"Like what?" he asked, reaching forward to grab my hand.

"When you get... _vocal_ ," I explained, smirking at the thought. It was so sexy, I could feel myself getting a chub just thinking about it. I couldn't help but feel accomplished. Liam was surprisingly private and reserved about his sexual side, so I was really surprised he'd let me fuck him outside. He laughed and averted my gaze. God dammit, I'd fucked the drunk out of him and he was getting sheepish about it...

"I'll remember that for next time," he told me. Yeah, right.. I leaned forward and kissed him gently.

"I love you so much, Li." I really did. I often thought about what I would do if he left me, and I really didn't know. I knew we were both young, so realistically we probably wouldn't stay together... but in that moment, it really felt like if he left me I would die. My life would be over.

"I love you too," he said back with a smile. He was beginning to look tired, so I pulled him close to me and began gently running my fingers up and down his back. It didn't take long before his breathing slowed, and his fingers began twitching. I kissed the top of his head and allowed my eyes to close.

<<>>

I opened my eyes to see Liam standing in the middle of the room, an extremely groggy look on his face, searching the ground for something. "What are you doing?" I asked sleepily.

"Looking for my boxers," he replied, his voice slightly hoarse. Almost as soon as he said that, he found them and slipped them on. "I have to piss." I let my head fall back down on the pillow as he exited the room. I let out a deep breath and rubbed my eyes, aware of the heat radiating through the room. Fuck I hated summer.. and it was only the beginning. Eventually he came back and got into bed. He leaned closer to me and jokingly smacked my ass. I was surprised when surge of pain shot from my butt cheek where his hand had hit.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed in surprise, frowning.

"Oh, come on, pussy. I didn't smack you that hard!" Liam laughed.

"No, it's not that..." I told him before sitting up. I could even feel it when I was sitting. What the hell? "Can you look at my ass? It feels like something bit it!" I stood up and Liam leaned close. He then began laughing.

"What the fuck. You have a splinter!" he told me. A splinter? Oh, Jesus Christ... I'd nearly forgotten about our adventurous sex the night before. I'd felt a prick on my ass in the middle of it. "It's pretty big, too."

"Can you get it?" I asked.

"Mmm... okay," he replied, sounding slightly unsure. Pain shot as I guessed he pulled it out. "I got most of it. Look." He held his hand out and in it lay a small piece of wood. Damn, I'd really gotten a good one. I must have been more drunk than I thought to forget about that.

"There's still some in there?" I asked incredulously. He nodded. "Do you have tweezers or some shit?" I asked.

"Yeah. Let's go to the bathroom. We should probably clean it up, too. It's bleeding a bit now." I sighed and walked over to where my boxers were laying. I slipped them on, careful not to bump the tender area. How embarrassing... "How did you even do that?" he asked, snickering.

" _Welll_....," I began dramatically. "A certain _someone_ wanted to have sex on the wooden bench outside." A knowing look fell over him and he shook his head.

"I can't believe we did that...," he whispered. I laughed loudly.

"You wanted it, and who was I to say no?" I smirked, wandering back over to my boyfriend. I put my hand on his bare shoulder. He rolled his eyes slightly, but there was a smile on his face.

"In that instance, you should have said no!" he snickered. "Come on." He grabbed my wrist and stood up before leading me out of his room. To my surprise, Jayla's bedroom door was open. I didn't look in as we passed, but I heard music playing from her stereo. I walked into the bathroom, feeling surprisingly exposed in the bright sun, only having boxers on. Liam dug around for a minute or two, grumbling to himself, until he finally pulled out a pair of red tweezers. "Ah ha!" He turned towards me. "Alright, show me dat ass." I laughed and shook my head before turning around. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, noticing how tired I looked immediately. I felt him push up one side of my boxers, giving me an uncomfortable wedgy. "Okay..." he said slowly, sounding like he was concentrating.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" Jayla's voice sounded through the bathroom. I jumped slightly and turned my head to see her standing in the doorway, an amused look on her face.

"Felix got a splinter in his ass," Liam blurted out and she burst into laughter.

"A splinter?" She walked closer and leaned over to investigate. I really didn't care... not like she had never seen my ass before. "Damn! How big was the splinter?" she asked. I was beginning to wonder how bad the puncture looked.

"It was pretty big!" Liam told her, and I began feeling little pricks in that area as he attempted to pull more of the wood out.

"How the fuck did you do that?" she asked, and I knew it was coming. There was awkward silence.

"I'm not sure," Liam answered dismissively. "We were drinking last night, obviously, so it could have been from anything." She laughed and shook her head. I had no doubt in my mind that Liam would tell her later about our exciting evening. Shit, I was pretty proud myself... "Okay, I think I got it all, Fel." Thank god.

"Good! Does it look bad?" I asked, glancing back at him to see he was gathering different supplies now.

"Eh." He shrugged. I glanced at Jayla and she waved her hand as a so-so signal. What the fuck did that mean? I sighed and felt something cold on my skin suddenly. "I'm gonna clean it real quick and put some ointment on it."

"Thank you," I said, leaning against the counter top with a sigh. "So what are you up to today, hoe?" I asked Jay. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Not too sure. What about you guys?" she asked. I didn't want to think about it..

"I guess I was gonna go home?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder the best I could. "Right?" I asked when he didn't answer.

"What? Oh. I don't care. You can stay again if you want." Liam pulled my boxer leg down and stood up before setting the shit he was holding down. I hated going home.. but I didn't want to be too clingy, either.  
"Do you want me to?" I asked, hoping he would say yes but not wanting to sound desperate. He smiled at me and nodded.

"Yeah," he answered happily, grabbing onto my arm. Jayla was smiling at us when I looked back at her, an unusually soft expression on her face that I wasn't used to seeing.

"You guys are so cute...," she muttered quickly before continuing to speak. "Well did you wanna do something? Go get fucking Rita's or something?" That sounded fun.

"Oh!" An idea came to my mind. "We could mix it with liquor!"

"What kind of liquor?" Liam asked doubtfully.

"I dunno.." I shrugged, not really thinking that part through.

"I have some coconut rum!" Jayla told us brightly. "That would be fucking good!"

"Yeah it would!" I agreed, feeling excited. That would taste so good with the hot weather. I hadn't had too much to drink the night before that the thought of drinking made me wanna puke, either. "What do you think, Li?" I asked, moving so that my arm was around his waste. He nodded.

"I think that sounds fun. Just us?" he asked.

"Well, we could invite Brody or Rhett or someone too," Jayla said. We both nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, sorry for the abrupt ending. Will go back later and change that!


	23. July 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I apologize if anybody is still reading this! I think I've finally gotten my shit together haha. This chapter is short, and I only did a quick proof read. I'm so excited for the next couple chapters though!! I think this chapter is a little silly too.

As difficult as it was to lose your furry friends, it was better to lose them than to never have them. Along with the pain, there was plenty of joy and happiness. The feeling you get when you hold your pet in your arms for the first time is indescribable in my opinion. Knowing that they're going to be your best friend and companion for many years to come. They're going to be there for you, no judgment, when nobody else may be. That, to me, is worth all the pain of losing them...

I stared at the thirty pound Shiloh Shepherd puppy in front of me, my stomach bubbling with warmth. He was walking around the living room, sniffing around every corner, searching for anything to put in his mouth. His fur was very fluffy, as many shepherd puppies were, and he was a beautiful sable color. I knew his coloration could change as he grew older, but I was looking forward to seeing it.

" _Why_ did we get a shepherd again?" Jayla whined, causing the puppy's ears to prick towards her. He immediately stopped what he was doing and bounded over to her. I rolled my eyes.

"Why don't you like them?" I asked. She shrugged, but I noticed a smile forming over her lips as he licked her hands.

"They just aren't my cup of tea...," she explained.

The Shiloh Shepherd puppy came to us through my mom's work. A breeder brought him to them, and he was in horrible condition. He was very ill, and she didn't want to spend the money trying to save him. So, instead she opted to put him to sleep. My mom couldn't see that happen. She offered to keep the puppy as opposed to euthanizing him, and the breeder was fine with that. So, after a week of hospitalization, he finally came home to us! In my opinion, I thought we were pretty lucky. Shilohs are quite pricey.

"I think he's fucking cute," I protested.

"Of course he's cute. He's a puppy!" she snorted.

"No, he's gonna be cute when he gets older, too!" I personally really liked shepherds. Somehow I had managed, yet again, to pick the winning name for the puppy. I liked to keep my pets named after video game characters... this time I suggested Prompto, and everybody else liked it. Another Final Fantasy character, I know, but I like their names!

I decided to pull out my phone and text Felix. 'You comin over later to meet the puppy?" I asked. He was working, and I was surprised when he answered rather quickly.

'Hell yeah. Dude, I fucking hate this place! I seriously wish I could just walk the fuck out!' he complained. I smirked to myself.

'What happened?' I asked.

'Nothing out of the ordinary. I just have never hated a job more than I do this. Brody isn't working today, so that always makes it worse...' he replied. I could imagine so.

'I'm sorry.' I really did feel bad that he had such a shitty job. I would never want to work with fast food.

'Don't have to apologize. I'll be over as soon as I'm done, alright?' I read over the text before slipping my phone into my pocket. I wasn't sure what time he got done, but that was alright.

"What're you doing today, Jayla?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Nothin' much. I might go hang out with Brody as I so often do when he has off work," she sighed, continuing to pet Prompto.

"Felix is coming over later to meet the dog," I told her, leaning back with my hands propping me up.

"Good... then you can have somebody to share your love for shepherds with who isn't me!" she snickered.

"How can you even say that?" I teased. "Look at him!" She looked down at the puppy and nodded.

"Yeeeeah... he is pretty cute... I guess." She smirked at me and I simply rolled my eyes. She would get used to him. He was much different than a Great Dane, that's for sure... and that's what everybody in the household was missing. It was going to be an adjustment for all of us.

<<>>

I opened the door and Felix stepped inside, a smile on his face instantly. "Hey!" he greeted me brightly. I immediately noticed he was still wearing his dirty McDonalds uniform, and I was hit by the scent of fried food. I also noticed that his hair was freshly dyed a bright blue, like it was when we'd first started going out.

"Hey... I like your hair." I leaned forward to give him a kiss. "Ugh... you stink!" I complained. He narrowed his eyes and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. He had a sadistic smile on his face as he leaned in close to my ear.

"Don't fight it... you know you love the grease encasing my clothing...," he whispered in the best seductive tone he could muster. He was a very smooth talker... he could probably make anything sound sexy. I snickered and put my hands on his chest, pulling back as much as I could.

"That's fucking gross! I'm a vegetarian!" I reminded him, though I couldn't help but laugh.

"Seriously, I'm so lubed up I could slip my dick into you right n- uuuh..." He suddenly stopped talking and let go of me. I looked over my shoulder to see my mom standing in the living room, an extremely amused look on her face. "Hey!" he greeted her brightly.

"Hello, Felix," she snickered before taking a seat on the couch.

"Mom, where's the puppy?" I asked, trying to shake the awkward vibe off.

"He's upstairs taking a nap. I think he's in your room, actually," she told me as she flipped through channels on the TV. I nodded and turned back to Felix.

"Wanna go see him?" I asked. He grinned and nodded. I turned to begin walking towards the stairs when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, can I have some clothes to wear?" he snickered.

"Of course." I walked to the stairs, Felix right behind me, and headed up. We entered my room and I looked to see Prompto lifting his head from his spot on the floor by my bed. He saw us both and immediately jumped up, looking quite excited.

"Oh my god, he's so small!" Felix sounded ecstatic as he knelt down to smother the puppy with affection.

"Not really. He's only twelve weeks old," I told him as I rooted through my dresser.

" _Ooooh_ ," he said knowingly. "Well then you're a huge little puppy! Small compared to Titus, though." I glanced over my shoulder to see him snuggling Prompto up to his chest. I grinned warmly and went back to pulling out a shirt. I grabbed some of my jeans and turned with both in my arms.

"Here." I tossed them to the floor beside my boyfriend.

"Thanks!" he said happily, running his hands down the puppy's head, causing his large ears to go back against his skull as he did so. "So he's a Shiloh Shepherd?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "They can get over one hundred pounds full grown, so yeah, not as big as Titus, but pretty damn big still," I snickered.

"I don't think I've ever seen one in person!" He had a huge smile on his face as Prompto began trying to lick his face. He leaned away and laughed. "I don't want you lickin' my face, who knows how much shit you've eaten today... but then again." He glanced up at me momentarily as I stood to the side. "Who knows much shit Liam eats and I have his tongue in my mouth sometimes!"

"Hey!" I snickered.

"So what'd you name him?" Felix asked, the puppy wandering off.

"Prompto." I sat down with a sigh, keeping my eyes on him to make sure he didn't piss or eat anything.

"Nice!" He stood up and grabbed the clothing I'd give him. I couldn't help but watch as he slipped his shirt over his head, his back facing me.

"You should just stay like that," I told him quietly and bit my bottom lip. He cast me a smirk.

"Oh, yeah?" He slipped his pants off next. To my dismay, he began dressing himself after that. "You'll get to see plenty of that later," he teased and I gave him a fake pout.

"Alright... I should probably take him out anyways before he shits on my floor. I don't even know why Mom left him alone up here in the first place." I shrugged.

"She has it out for you," Felix laughed. I nodded in agreement and stood up.

"Come on, Prompto!" I said in a very excited tone, causing the pup to look at me. His tongue lolled out of his mouth as he followed us through the hallway and down the steps. He was still getting used to stairs, but he would learn soon enough. We walked out the back door and he immediately dashed towards the back of the yard.

"You glad to have a dog again?" Felix asked me as he pulled out a cigarette. I nodded with a crooked grin.

"I'm very glad... I still miss Titus like hell, though," I sighed. "He was my buddy."

"Yeah, I know.." He gave me a sad grin. I walked over to him and let my head wrapped my arms loosely around his waist, my face buried in his neck. "You alright?" he asked.

"Mmhmm... I just wanted to hug you now that you don't smell like shit as much," I snickered. "Plus, you look damn good in dem jeans... wherever did you get them?" He laughed and shook his head.

"I dunno. I've had them for so long I seem to have forgotten," he played along. I gently kissed the skin on his neck. I smirked and lifted my head so my mouth was close to his ear.

"I'm gonna rip those clothes off of you when we go back in," I whispered as seductively as I could.

"Are you trying to give me a boner?" he laughed. It was so much fun to fuck with him. He was probably the horniest person I knew.

"It's not my fault it's so easy..." I slid my hands down to his pant line, running them to the front of his body. I heard him let out a shallow breath and I reached down to grab onto his crotch. He, indeed, did have somewhat of a hard on.

"Liam!" he protested halfheartedly, stepping away from me. I laughed and smirked sadistically at him.

"God damn, it really _is_ easy," I snickered. He shrugged and looked at the end of his cigarette. It had smoldered out.

"You're fucking sexy, I can't help it..." He reached in his pocket and pulled out his lighter, relighting his smoke. My stomach burned from his compliment. He took a deep drag, his brown eyes remaining focused on me. "You wanna go do that when I'm done with this?" he asked quietly. I bit my bottom lip and nodded. I walked forward once more, pulling him forward until our hips connected. He took another drag , a smirk seemingly stuck on his face. "Actually...," he began as he blew the smoke out. "I'm gonna cut this short..." I couldn't help but laugh.

"Alright." I stepped back and watched as he leaned down and scraped the cherry off of it. He put the partial cigarette back in the box and walked towards me. He took a hold of the collar of my shirt and pulled me forward.  
"I'm gonna tease the shit out of you now," he murmured into my ear.

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try," I scoffed. "I don't think you'd be capable of doing that without busting in your pants.."

"Oh yeah?" he asked, pulling away to look me in the eyes again.

"Mmmmhmmm," I challenged.

"Says the one who did actually bust in their pants...," he snickered. Damn my poor word choice! I rolled my eyes and looked over at Prompto. He was still sniffing around, seeming to be enjoying himself.

"Come on, Prompto!" I called. His head turned to look at me and he came dashing over. "What a smart little guy!" I was pretty happy with how well he was listening already. With that, we headed inside.

Sex with Felix was always amazing. He was very good with his mouth, he was good with his words, he was good with... everything. I should have known from the start, before we even were together, that he was a very sexual person. I guess I just never realized the extent of it until we became intimate. But he was amazing..

I loved him so much.


	24. August 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely loved writing this chapter, and this was honestly one of the first chapters I wrote as I began this story. I think it gives you a little more insight into Felix's life... posting this quickly since it's been such a long time since I've posted!

I'd spent the past two days pacing around the house, unable to settle, my heart pounding in my chest. I'd hardly eaten anything, hardly slept. I was absolutely miserable. All because of one person... fucking Felix Braun.

It was Thursday afternoon. My phone buzzed and I was quick to grab it and look at who it was from. My shoulders relaxed and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. It was from Felix.. You see, I hadn't heard from my boyfriend since Monday night, or rather early Tuesday morning. He'd texted me good night at one AM on Tuesday morning. It was kind of weird... He'd asked what I was doing, so I assumed he wanted to come over. He said he was just texting me to say good night, which I believed then without much of a second thought... but then when he had failed to answer me by Tuesday evening I knew something was off. At first I thought he was mad at me. But as the time went on, I was worried he had died or something.

'Can you come pick me up?' I stared down at the text, my eyes narrow. Where the fuck was he?

'What?' I replied. I was relieved when I got a quick reply.

'3035 Coral Street, Lancaster City.' What the fuck...?

'I'm not coming to pick you up until you fucking tell me why you've been ignoring me the past two days.' I texted quickly, my hands shaking so bad I could hardly spell the words out. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. Five minutes passed with no reply, and I was becoming worried once more.

'I fucked up.' The text finally came. Panic shot through me. What had he done? Had he cheated on me?

'Felix, what did you do?' I asked. I was determined to be insistent.

'I went on a binge.' he replied after about a minute. A binge...? My heart sunk.

'A binge of what?' I asked, though I felt like I already knew the answer.

'Heroin.' he simply replied. I didn't know what to say... before I had a chance to answer, he texted again. 'Will you please come get me?'

'Okay.' I answered. I stared at my phone for a couple seconds, my respiration increased, before shoving it into my pocket and standing from my bed. "Jayla!" I yelled as I opened my door.

"What!" she called back, worry in her voice. Had I sounded that panicked? She appeared quickly in her doorway, peering down the hall at me as I walked towards her. I scooted past her and shut the door behind me, smacking my hand to my forehead, my mind racing. "What's wrong, Liam?" she asked, her blue eyes wide with concern.

"Felix finally fucking texted me," I replied, my voice shaking.

"Well that's a good thing, right?" she asked, her brow furrowing. I snorted with cold laughter.

"Yeah... but he was fucking using the past two days. That's why he was ignoring me," I spat, finding it difficult to wrap my mind around. My boyfriend, clean for two years, always so insistent that he was _never_ going to use again- went on a two day binge and ignored my texts and calls the entire time. Jayla gasped.

"What? _No_!" she breathed in disbelief. I nodded quickly.

"Yes! He did!" I whined, sinking down to the ground. "God damn, I don't know what to do.."

"Calm down, dude. It'll be alright," she said in a more relaxed tone. I shot her a scowl.

"How?" I snapped. She looked taken aback by my sudden anger. "He wants us to go pick him up... can you drive into Lancaster?" I asked.

"O-oh," she began. "Well, yeah... of course! Let's go!" She stood up, walking over to where she had her low top Vans sitting. She slipped them on as I stood once more. Without saying anything, we walked downstairs, where I put my Converse on, and headed out the door. "So where in Lancaster?" she asked.

"Coral Street," I growled.

"Ooooh... I kinda know where that is," she sighed, unlocking the doors. We got in the car and she began typing in the address into the GPS on her phone. Once that was done, we pulled out of the parking spot.

I was shocked... As we drove, I stared out the window, lost in my thoughts. How could he do that to himself? "I can't fucking believe this shit...," I growled, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah, man... it's nuts," Jayla agreed.

Eventually, we were in the middle of the city. I hated the city- it always sucked when we had to go. This experience was even worse. Soon we pulled down a little street with row homes on either side. It was a glum looking area, pretty dirty, none of the houses kept in the best shape from the outside. Why waste the time keeping your house nice looking on the outside if nobody else in that dump would?

We drove about a block or two down when we pulled off to the side of the street, Jayla parking her car. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted him that we were there. I stared at the door to the house marked '3035'. There was a small concrete stoop with steps leading down to the side walk. The windows had what looked like blankets covering them, and it was dimly lit.

"Hey," Jayla suddenly said. I looked over at her, my brow furrowed. "It'll be okay," she assured me. I nodded, looking down to stare at my phone. I was waiting very impatiently for it to light up and tell me I received a text message. I tapped my foot before letting out a deep sigh and looking at the door to the shitty row home once more.

"God dammit," I hissed, glancing back at my phone.

"Calm down, Liam," Jayla said softly. "We've only been here like two minutes."

"Yeah, but I thought he would be fucking waiting for us to come!" I growled.

"It'll be fine...," she repeated from earlier.

"How!?" I snapped, scowling over at her. Her eyes narrowed and she shook her head. I knew I'd broken her patience, but I didn't care at the time.

"Look," she hissed. "I know it's hard, but you can't attack him as soon as he gets in the car. He knows he fucked up. He wouldn't have texted you if he didn't know that. You love him right?"

"Of course," I replied quickly, glancing back at the door. Where was he? Part of me was concerned he'd taken one last hit and passed out or something.

"Well then be supportive. He's going to need you now. He probably feels like the biggest fuck up ever," Jayla told me before pulling out a cigarette from her pack. "So chill out."

"I haven't done anything yet, Jay. Why are you telling me that?" I growled, feeling defensive.

"Because I know how you are...," she replied with a snort. She was always brutally honest with me, which I was never happy about when it was happening, but in the end I was always thankful for it.

"It just fucking sucks. Where is he!?" I growled, opening my phone screen. Still nothing. As soon as I looked back at the door, Felix came walking out. His eyes were half closed with heavy bags underneath that I could even see from where I was. I looked away quickly and took a deep breath. _Calm down... it will be fine._ It didn't take long before he was in the backseat, reeking of cigarettes more than usual.

"Hey, dude," Jayla greeted lightheartedly. "Want a cigarette?" she immediately offered. He shook his head.

"No, I'm good," he answered, his voice fairly hoarse. She nodded and began driving down the city street. We were right by a bad area, and I was ready to get the hell out of Lancaster city. I couldn't believe why we were even there in the first place... My heart was pounding in my chest as I stared out the window, and my palms were disgustingly sweaty. I was trying to figure out why I was so mad exactly. Maybe because I'd spent the past two days worrying my fucking ass off that something terrible had happened to my boyfriend? Or because he did something that he was so against and so certain he would never do again? Most of all, I thought it was because I no longer felt I could trust him.

"Are you okay, Felix?" Jayla asked, her voice heavy with worry and care. I heard him sigh deeply.

"I'm sorry guys," he apologized, his voice low. He sounded really upset, and I felt a pang of guilt. "I'm so fucking stupid."

"It's okay! We're just glad you're safe!" Jayla continued to sound supportive, while I sat there mute. I didn't know what to say... yeah, I was glad he was safe.. but that didn't make it okay.

"Thanks for coming to get me, Jay," he said after a moment of silence. She nodded and ashed her cigarette out the window. We were making our way out of the ghetto. I couldn't wait to be out of the city completely.

"So you want dropped off at home?" Jayla asked him after a couple minutes of awkward silence, besides the music playing through her speakers quietly.

"No!" he snapped quickly. "I-I... I don't... want to go home." I frowned to myself, feeling confused with his quick and passionate answer. "Can I please stay at your house for the night?" he asked, his voice cracking towards the end. Was he crying...? I exchanged glances with Jayla, and I don't think I was able to hide the look of misery on my face.

"Well, yeah!" she answered brightly, glancing over her shoulder at him since we were stopped at a red light. She then cast me a hard look, her eye brows furrowed into a scowl.

"I'm such a fuck up...," Felix whimpered before sniffing. _Oh, shit..._ I'd never seen him cry. I'd never heard him cry. I'd never seen him become even remotely emotional like that. It wasn't long before he was sobbing quietly, but uncontrollably, in her back seat. He was becoming hysterical. "I can't fucking believe I did that!"

"Liam!" Jayla snapped at me quietly, giving me a disapproving glare as she nodded back towards him. I sighed, understanding what she was telling me to do. I reluctantly turned around in my seat to face him. He had his face buried in his hands, his body curled so that his forehead was practically resting on his knees. He looked more defeated than I ever imagined he could.

"Felix," I said as softly as I could, despite how irritated I was. "Hey." I reached forward and let my hand rest on the side of his head. He lifted it to look at me, and I was taken aback by the look of remorse and sorrow on his face. Tears were streaming from his bloodshot eyes. They were even more swollen than they had been before. "It's okay," I said quietly, my chest hurting from just looking at him. I moved my hand to his cheek and he immediately grasped onto it, closing his eyes as tears continued to fall. I noticed a fresh track mark on his hand, and my heart jumped. I regained my composure enough to speak. "It's okay," I repeated and he shook his head, opening his eyes.

"No.. It's not," he whispered at an almost inaudible level. My brow furrowed and I sighed sadly, not knowing what to say or do to help him feel better. "You hate me now." I couldn't deny that him saying that and looking so small and defeated made my heart ache, my chest tight.

"I love you," I assured him. "This doesn't change that." I looked him in the eyes as I spoke, wanting nothing more than for him to know it was the truth. He averted my gaze and let his hand fall back into his lap. I moved my hand back as well and watched him for a couple more seconds before sitting forward in my seat again. I sighed, rubbing my temples and closing my eyes. I needed a fuckin' cigarette. I pulled one out and lit it without hesitation.

The drive home felt like it took forever, and none of us said another word. I was relieved when Jayla finally pulled into the church parking lot. We all filed out of the car and walked across the street, Felix's feet dragging as he went. Once inside, we stood rather awkwardly around the door.

"Come on." I let my hand rest briefly on Felix's lower back before I led the way upstairs. I shut the door behind us once we were in my room and he immediately laid on my face, burying his face in my pillow. I sat down next to him and ran my fingers through his messy, blue hair. I could tell by the way it felt that he hadn't showered in a little while. His body was shaking as he took a deep breath in, and I knew he was crying again. Something wasn't right... It was like he was broken. Had something been going on with him all this time and I'd just been too blind to realize it? "Felix, what's wrong?" I asked, feeling almost desperate. He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "Please, tell me." I leaned down and kissed his head. He rolled over and looked at me, fresh tears coming from his eyes.

"I just feel so fucking stupid for doing that, Liam," he began, his voice tense. "What was I thinking?" He shook his head again. "And the worst part of it.. I... I fucking liked it. I _loved_ it." He wiped his eyes only for new tears to follow. My heart jumped when he admitted that to me. The last thing I wanted was for him to get back into heroin. "I spent the last four years of my fucking life trying to learn how to be okay with the person I am... and I just fucked that all away," he growled.

"Why did you do it?" I asked calmly. I wanted to know what the fuck was going on.

"Because. My old stupid fucking friend kept texting me, saying we needed to hang out. Then... finally, I decided I would. I knew he would have the shit. He always does," he snapped, sounding very bitter. I nodded, unsure of what to say. He sighed and shook his head. "I know I fucked up. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. I just want to sleep..." I nodded in understanding before reaching my hand over to run my fingers through his hair once more.

"I love you," I said softly.

"I love you too," he replied, a small smile on his sad face. I hesitated before speaking again.

"Just so you know.. if you do it again.. I'm not going to stick around." I forced the words out of my mouth. I felt it needed to be said. "I'm serious." I glanced at him to see a fresh layer of hurt on his face. He nodded.

"I'm not going to do it again," he breathed as he turned so that his back was facing me. He gripped onto my blanket and held it tightly against his body, bringing his knees up closer to his chest. I sighed deeply and rubbed my eyes, feeling drained.

"Just get some rest," I told him before running my hand up and down his back once. "Do you need anything?" I asked. He shook his head.

"I don't want you to go," he murmured. "Why would you wanna be with someone as pathetic as me, though?" Jesus Christ.

"Felix!" I growled, leaning down to him once more. "I want to be with you, and you know that! I'm not going anywhere!" I hissed, reaching over to grab onto his shoulder. He sighed but didn't say anything, and he remained turned towards the wall. I reluctantly laid down next to him, scooting closer. I ran my hand down his arm until it came to his hand, where I entwined our fingers. I laid there with him, feeling lost in my own insecure thoughts, for a while before I noticed his breathing slowed. Relief washed over me as I realized he'd fallen asleep. It was for the best. He needed rest.. and I needed a cigarette.

I carefully moved my hand off of him and sat up, watching him as I did so. To my relief, his breathing still remained the same. I stood up and quietly made my way to my door. I opened it and stepped out, gently pulling it shut behind me. I let my back rest against the door and let out a deep sigh, closing my eyes momentarily. My head hurt from all the stress of the past few days.

I made my way downstairs, and as I was expecting, Jayla and my mom were staring at me from the kitchen table. Mom gave me a sad smile and Jayla stood up to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. "Is he okay?" she asked quietly. I sighed and gestured for both of them to follow me before heading to the front room of the house. Noise from downstairs seemed to amplify in my room from the kitchen. I didn't want him to hear us talking.

"He's asleep. But something is wrong with him and I don't know what it is," I blurted out as soon as we were all in the room together. I sunk to the floor while the two of them sat down on our spare couch. Prompto came padding over to me happily and laid down next to me.

"Well, I think he's a shamed of himself!" Jayla said, a concerned look on her face.

"Well, yeah. But I think there's more to it," I explained, shaking my head. "I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling something else is going on that he's been hiding..." My stomach twisted at the thought. He couldn't be cheating on me, could he? No! That's ridiculous... but what if he was? He was acting so guilty.

"So what exactly happened?" Mom asked, snapping me from my thoughts, her brow furrowing. I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed again.

"Well, you know he hadn't been answering my texts for almost two days, right?" She nodded. "He finally texted me today around three. That's when we rushed out like we did...," I explained, rubbing the back of my neck. "Apparently an old junkie friend of his had been texting him incessantly for a while now... and I don't even know why, but he finally decided to hang out. He knew that this guy would wanna do some smack, that was the whole point of hanging out and shit."

"Damn, Liam...," my mom sighed, a sympathetic look falling over her face.

"He texted me, asking for us to come get him and gave the address. Obviously I got pissed off," I snorted, rolling my eyes at the thought. "I told him we wouldn't until he explained what he had been doing and why he hadn't answered me... so he told me he went on a two day heroin binge." It sounded so awful when I laid it out like that.

"He's lucky he didn't overdose," Mom said quietly. Jay and I nodded in agreement. _I know... that's what is so terrifying._ "Did he shoot it?" she asked.

"Yeah, he did... I saw a new track mark on his hand." I knew that was dangerous as well- to shoot heroin again after you'd been off of it for so long. I wondered if he'd started the binge snorting it. There was a moment of silence.

"Are _you_ okay, Li?" Mom asked me gently. I shrugged a shoulder.

"I dunno... I'm just hurt. I never thought he would do this..." I stared blankly ahead as I spoke. "What if he does it again?" I asked desperately, panic striking me at the thought. Jayla shook her head.

"That's why I said you need to be there for him, Liam," she insisted. "If anyone can keep him from going back to that shit, it's you!" My panic was replaced with annoyance. I scowled ahead.

"Yeah, but I don't want him to be dependent of me!" I snapped. "I want him to be able to stand on his own two feet, without me!" I shook my head. Her blue eyes narrowed.

"Liam, how fucking long has he been standing on his own two feet when it comes to this shit?" she snapped. "He got clean by himself, nobody was there to help. And relying on one another is just part of being in a fucking relationship!" I didn't want to admit it, but she was right. "You can be pretty cold sometimes. But in this case, I don't think it's gonna work." I rolled my eyes, frustrated with how much sense she was making.

"I just feel so damn betrayed." I let my face into into my hands, my shoulders drooping.

"It's okay, honey," my mom spoke once more. "This isn't going to be easy for either of you... and it's certainly not going to fix itself over night. But if you can stick together, I'm sure things will work themselves out."

"You really think so?" I asked, looking back up at her. I didn't _want_ to leave Felix. I cared about him deeply. She smiled and nodded.

"They always do. Nowhere to go but up now, right?" She gave a small laugh and I couldn't help but smile. I guess that was true. It didn't take long for my smile to falter.

"I know I'm young... but I love him so much. I guess that's why it fucks me up so much to think about." I shook my head. The reality of the situation wasn't truly sinking in. It was so surreal.

"Aww, I know, Liam." Mom stood up and ruffled my hair. "You guys will be okay." She stretched her arms above her head, and I could tell she was tired. "Well, he's free to stay here for a while if he needs to. That's up to you, though." I nodded, appreciating that she was willing to do that. "I need to take a nap before I go to work tonight. I'm exhausted."

"You should go get some rest, Mom. Don't worry about me," I sighed, pulling my knees up to my chest. She laughed.

"I'm not worried about you. You're all smart kids. You'll figure it out," she replied lightly. I couldn't help but smile. She was usually pretty good at helping me feel better. "But if you need anything, wake me up!" I nodded.

"I will, thanks." I grinned up at her and she nodded before walking out of the room and heading upstairs. Jayla and I exchanged looks before she sighed.

"I'm sorry, Liam," she murmured. "This shit really sucks."

"Yeah, I know. I need a cigarette." I stood up and took the pack out of my pocket. I walked out the front door, Jayla following, and sat down on our front step. We both smoked beside each other, neither of us speaking. The sun was still up, but it was beginning to look like evening. It was around six o' clock, but it felt later than that. I was so emotionally drained. "I don't know what to do for him," I breathed, willing myself to not let my emotions get the best of me.

"Just be there for him for now, man," Jayla advised, taking a drag of her cigarette. I nodded, watching the neighborhood kids play in the parking lot across from our house.

"I'm so used to him being a sarcastic, confident asshole," I continued. "It's so fucking weird seeing him so... weak.. and defeated."

"How did it make you feel?" Jayla asked, and I snorted with laughter at the fact that she sounded like a therapist.

"Helpless." Miserable.. out of control.. I stared down at my burning cigarette. It felt like there was a war going on inside my mind. My thoughts were so conflicted and jumbled.

Eventually we both finished our cigarettes and headed back inside. "I'm gonna go check on him," I told Jayla and she nodded before sitting on the couch.

"I might go to Brody's later... are you okay if I do?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course," I assured her. "You deserve to have fun after today!" I laughed. She smiled and nodded.

"Okay... I'm still not sure if I will, though! I might just sit on my ass and watch fuckin', I don't know, Attack on Titan or something," she told me nonchalantly, crossing her arms over her stomach. That sounded like fun.. but I couldn't avoid him all night. I sighed and told her to have fun before heading up the stairs reluctantly. I opened my bedroom door and was surprised when Felix was facing me, still laying on the bed, his eyes focused on me.

"Hey...," I breathed and walked towards my bed. "Did you get a little sleep?" He shrugged a shoulder.

"I guess," he replied dully. I sat down on the edge of my bed and turned so I was facing him more. "I thought maybe you left me for the night. I can't say I would blame you, though..." Annoyance shot through me once more.

"Hey!" I snapped. "Stop saying stupid shit like that." He averted my gaze, but I continued. "I told you- I'm not leaving you. I wanna be with you... so just shut the fuck up," I muttered. It probably wasn't very empathetic of me, but I didn't care. He needed to have it ingrained into his head. After a few seconds of sitting there, I laid down and wrapped my arms around him. "I fucking love you," I said through grit teeth as he clutched tightly onto the back of my shirt, burying his face in my chest.

"I love you, too," he said quietly. It didn't take long for me to realize he was shaking slightly. Was he cold? I frowned, feeling a bit concerned.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He simply replied with a 'Hm?' I rolled my eyes. "You're shaking... are you alright?" He nodded, but didn't say anything. I reached my hand up to the back of his head and held gently onto him. Jayla's words were replaying in my head. He needed support and love.. not anger and resentment. When had I become so cold? Was I always like that? I frowned at the though, staring ahead at _that_ terrible...

I wanted to tell him that I was sorry if I caused him to make his mistake. I wanted to squeeze him and tell him I did love him, even if I was cold and calculating at times. I didn't want to lose him. I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut. No matter how much I wanted to speak, it was important for him to relax and calm down.

I felt Felix's hands slide down my back and then slip under my shirt. His hands were surprisingly cold. He traced his finger nails over my skin and it sent small goosebumps rising over my back. He sighed deeply and wrapped his arms tighter around me once more. Maybe he felt the same as me.. He didn't wanna lose me, I knew that. I kissed the top of his head and took a deep breath in. His hair smelled like stale cigarettes.

It didn't take long before his hands began to twitch and I knew he was falling asleep. I could only imagine that it was uneasy sleep. I decided to stay laying with him, my arms securely around him. I didn't want him to wake up alone again. It was probably only seven, if that, but I was so exhausted. I have no idea when, but I ended up falling asleep as well.

<<>>

I heard my door snap open and I sat up quickly, my heart racing. I looked over to see Felix standing in the doorway, looking over his shoulder at me. It was dark.. What time was it? "Felix?" I croaked, having to clear my throat before I continued. "Where are you going?" I didn't want him to leave, but then I remembered he didn't have his car.

"I'm going to go out and smoke," he told me. "I didn't mean to wake you." I shook my head groggily.

"No, it's okay... I'll come with you." I stood up and staggered over to him. I must have been in a pretty deep sleep. He lead the way downstairs and to the back door. Once we were sitting on the bench next to each other, I realized I'd left my pack inside. "Can I have one?" I asked. "I left mine upstairs.." He nodded and handed me one before lighting his own. He took a deep drag in and tossed the lighter to me, leaning forward with his forearms on his knees. He seemed grouchy. "You okay?" I asked cautiously. He shook his head.

"No... but I will be," he stated bluntly, his voice dull. I took a drag, wondering how things could become so complicated in such a small amount of time. "Liam..." My eyes snapped over to him, but he was still staring forward. "We're okay, right?" he asked, his voice tight with worry once more. _Don't be cold... I only already told you I loved you a bunch of times to assure you.. don't get annoyed, Liam!_ I snorted with light laughter.

"Of course we are." Awkward silence. Why did everything feel so forced? _Why am I even asking myself that? You know why.._ I shook my head to myself and took another drag of my cigarette. "You know I love you, right?" I asked quietly, not wanting the neighbors to hear our conversation. He finally looked over at me and smiled, nodding.

"Obviously," he said lightheartedly all of the sudden.

"I'm serious." I sighed, turning in my seat more so I was facing him. I leaned in closer, reaching my hand up to brush his hair out of his face. "I'm so in love with you, Felix. You make me feel shit I never thought I could." I didn't care how cliche it sounded, it was the truth. His eyes widened a little for a second before he smiled again.

"You're in love with me?" he whispered, the familiar look of confidence falling over his face once again. I smiled back and laughed a little before nodding.

"Obviously...," I mocked, gently nudging his side with my elbow. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, careful not to knock my cigarette out of my hand, and pulled me tight against him.

"I promise I won't do anything to hurt you like that again," he whispered softly into my ear. I wanted to believe him so bad, but I didn't want to be blindsided again. Maybe I should keep my guard up. But is that really how you want to be in a relationship?

We separated, his hand remaining on my thigh, and I took a drag of my cigarette. My eyes peered down at the top of his hand, unable to keep from staring at the dark bruise on his skin. He must have blown his vein... I let out a deep breath and forced my eyes away from it. He made my stomach hurt... The entire night thus far, I had a sickening feeling deep in the pit of my gut.

I looked over to see he was staring at the ground, smoke slowly flowing from his nostrils as his cigarette loosely dangled from his lips. His hair was dirty, and I'm sure he felt disgusting.

"You wanna shower?" I asked, taking a drag of my dwindling cigarette. He turned his head slightly to look at me. He nodded before taking a drag of his cigarette and then gripping it between his fingers once more.

"Yeah, that would be great..." He nodded and released the smoke from his lungs. He removed his hand from my thigh to rub one of his eyes against his palm. "Ugh, you got any Tylenol or someshit? My head hurts like hell..."

"Yeah, I can get you something.." I took a final, small puff of my cigarette before squeezing the cherry off and stepping on it. It didn't take him too much longer before he was finished with his as well and we headed back inside. We walked upstairs and back to my room. I opened my dresser and grabbed a Black Flag t-shirt, a pair of boxers, and some sweat pants. "I dunno if you'll wear this shit to sleep, but here's some clean clothing." He nodded with a weak grin and I led him back into the bathroom. 

I set the clothing down on the toilet and turned to see he was watching me, a very dismal look on his face. I sighed deeply and stepped forward, taking his head in my hands. I let my forehead rest against his, gently rubbing my thumbs over his skin. I felt his hands brush under my shirt, gently gripping on my waist. He pulled me forward so that our hips were connected, causing me to lightly grin. "Everything will be okay, Fel...," I tried to reassure him. He nodded, leaning down so that his forehead was resting against my shoulder. I moved my hand to the back of his neck and sighed again. It was still so strange to see him defeated.

"I love you...," he murmured.

"I love you, too," I whispered and kissed the side of his head. We pulled away from each other after a few seconds and I opened our medicine cabinet to grab some ibuprofen for him. "Here you go." I dropped two tablets into his palm and he nodded. "I can go get you some water."

"Nah, I can get it from the sink if I need it." Right after he spoke, he tossed them in his mouth and swallowed. My eyes widened and I couldn't help but snicker. You could definitely tell that he was well-versed in the world of popping pills. I brushed past him to head from the door when he spoke again. "Hey, you got an extra toothbrush?"

"Oh, yeah," I replied. I hadn't even thought of that.

"Sorry for asking for so much shit," he said sheepishly. I frowned and shook my head.

"So much shit? I don't think a shower, some NSAIDs, and a toothbrush is _so much shit_ ," I snorted, rummaging through out extra bath stuff. It didn't take long before I found one and handed it to him.

"Thanks, Liam... Really." He sighed and ran his fingers through his filthy hair, keeping his eyes averted from mine.

"Of course..." I shrugged. "I'll be in my room, alright?" He nodded and with that, I turned and left. I walked down the hall and entered my room. I shut the door behind me and let out a small sigh of relief. The whole day had been exhausting... mentally exhausting. I decided to put something on my TV, wanting to help myself forget about my current situation. I slipped my shirt over my head and laid down in my bed, propping my pillows up in a more comfortable position to watch the TV.

It didn't take long before Felix came back into my room, dressed in the clothing I'd given him. He shut the door behind him, tossing his dirty clothing to the side, and walked over to my bed. He moved over top of me and laid down, closer to the wall. He scooted close to me, draping an arm over my stomach. I cast him a small grin and leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"Feel better?" I asked lightly.

"Yeah," he said quietly, burying his face in my neck. "I'm cold, though...," he admitted as he pulled my covers up over his shoulders. I also moved my arm around him, pulling him closer. It must have had something to do with the drugs, but I wasn't sure. It was strange to be cold in the middle of August, even if my air conditioner was on.

It didn't take long for Felix to fall asleep, huddled right up against me. I was feeling a little too unsettled to sleep, so I continued to watch TV. I was still shocked with the day's events when I really stopped to think about it all. He fucked up... he fucked up very badly. I was determined to try and not fault him too much for it. I was sure he would beat himself up over it for a long time. Still... I couldn't help but look at him in a different light. That's what hurt the worst.


	25. September 2018

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break!!! Also, I love seeing Felix get frustrated...

I wish I could say that Felix and I grew closer after that day, that we each realized we couldn't live without the other and we had amazing communication... but this is life, and that didn't happen. It had definitely caused a rift between us. I found myself rolling my eyes when I went to check my phone and I saw he had sent me a couple texts. We had been arguing about stupid shit, which we'd never done before. I definitely felt like I understood a new part of him... and it certainly wasn't a good part.

When he left the following day, I'd felt pretty good and optimistic about our relationship. But as the day went on, that slowly faded. I became paranoid when it would take longer than fifteen minutes for him to respond to a text. But Felix had always been that way; I kept trying to tell myself that. Unless we were making plans, or having an in depth conversation through text, it usually took twenty minutes or so for him to answer me. I tried to snap the worry out of my head, but it wasn't working.

It had been two weeks since that fateful day, and I was in a rotten mood as per usual since then. He was texting me, and I was on the verge of ignoring him completely. I had to admit to myself, I was scared to do so. I didn't want him to go off and do heroin again. As much as he was pissing me off, I didn't want to lose him forever.

My phone buzzed on the couch beside me and I let out an audible groan before grabbing it. Felix, of course. 'What the fuck is your problem?' I tossed it to the side without answering him. I would respond in a few minutes. He hadn't even said anything particularly annoying... he wanted to come over, but I told him I didn't feel like having anybody over. It was the truth. I was in a shitty mood, so I knew in turn it would only make him mad to be around. We had only seen each other a handful of times in the past two weeks. I'd started school, but Felix lost his job from his binge, so we had plenty of opportunity to see one another. I just didn't want to...

Jayla cast me a disgruntled look. "What's wrong with you?" she asked. God, not her too. I shrugged my shoulder and continued to stare at the TV screen.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Why are you being so distant with your boyfriend?" she pressed, crossing her legs, keeping her eyes on me. I had been talking a little bit with her about my feelings towards him, and of course she noticed the lack of his presence at the house.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I feel like there's something wrong with me," I grumbled, picking at a small hole forming on my pant leg.

"What the fuck does that mean?" she snorted.

"I feel like he broke me!" I snapped, scowling at her. "I don't know why, but ever since he left, I've wanted nothing to do with him!"

"You're fucking stupid. If ever a time for you to be distant from him, it sure as shit isn't now... so break up with him," she snapped, looking ahead at the TV. The thought of leaving him made my chest hurt. But was I just comfortable? Like when I didn't want to leave Olive...?

"Yeah, maybe...," I mumbled, glancing at my phone as it went off once more. "But. I don't want him to be gone forever," I told her. "I think I just want some space!"

"Well, ignoring him won't help that." Jayla nodded towards my phone. "Have you told him that?" I shook my head.

"No," I admitted, running my fingers through my hair.

"You could start there...," she suggested, her tone thick with annoyance.

"Yeah, I guess," I grumbled and grabbed my phone. I stood up before Jay could say another word and headed towards the back of the house. I stepped out the back door and sat on my usual bench. God, it was fucking hot... I pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag in. I looked down at my phone finally to see what he had said. 'I miss you. I just wanna see you.' I groaned again, feeling like a horrible person. I decided I should probably be straightforward.

'Come over.' I paused for a moment before hitting send. I set my phone down beside me and took another drag. I needed to talk to him in person. My phone buzzed again and I looked down at it to see it was him saying he was on his way. Great. That meant I only had about fifteen minutes or less to prepare myself.

Once I was finished, I went back inside and took a seat on the couch. I was slightly surprised when Jayla didn't say anything else. I think she could feel the tension. I sighed and glanced at the clock. What was I even going to say to him...?

Felix wasn't the only reason I'd been in a shitty mood. A couple days after he left my house, we'd gotten a call from my grandmother letting us know my dad only had a few days to live. Apparently his liver had been failing for a little while, from drinking I assumed, and he was on death's door. He ended up dying the next day. I can't say I was upset he was dead- that would be a lie. I was more upset about the situation. We tried, Jayla and I, when we were younger, to keep in contact with him and have a relationship. He didn't want that enough, though. I guess the drinking became all he cared about. Sometimes I wondered if he ever cared about us at all. So with my conflicted feelings about my father's death and my boyfriend's awful fuck up, it was almost too much to handle.

It didn't take long for Felix to arrive, as I'd guessed. Soon the front door was opening and he walked forward until he was standing in the archway to the living room. My stomach twisted as I looked at him. God damn, he was sexy. He was wearing his usual clothes; some shorts, a Clutch t-shirt, and the dark red combat boots I loved so much. His hair looked fairly clean, his eyes piercing into me. He quickly switched to look at my sister.

"Hey, Jay," he greeted her with a small grin.

"Hey, dude." She waved awkwardly. He turned his brown eyes to me expectantly. I swallowed and stood up, walking over to meet him. I wasn't sure what came over me, but I awkwardly wrapped my arms around him. I hadn't seen him in almost a week. I wasn't surprised when his body was very stiff, and he barely returned the gesture. Did he even have a right to be mad at me, though...?

"Let's go upstairs," I mumbled before turning around to lead the way. As we walked, my heart was pounding. He seemed so mad... Had I taken it too far? I shut the bedroom door behind us and he stood in the middle of the room, staring at me, a displeased look on his face.

"What's going on with you?" he immediately asked, his voice cold.

"W-what do you mean?" I stuttered out, shuffling my hands together awkwardly. He glared at me, shaking his head.

"You've been weird...," he explained, sounding suspicious. "We haven't seen each other in a week. You've been ignoring me. You've been confrontational. You haven't been telling me you love me. What the fuck? I thought I was just imagining it at first, but not anymore!" he snapped, stepping towards me. I leaned back against the wall and sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"I don't know, Felix...," I muttered. "I _do_ love you. I just feel like I need some space."

"Space!?" he growled. "You want to fucking break up or something?" he asked incredulously. I shook my head quickly, looking back up at him with a scowl.

"No! That's not what I want!" I shouted before he could say another word.

"Don't fucking yell at me!" he snarled, moving forward even more until he was right in front of me. I nearly winced back, but I refrained. I was taken aback by how hostile he sounded. "If you wanted to fucking break up after that day, I really with you would have told me then and not waited _two_ fucking weeks!" He slammed his hand into the wall beside my head, causing me to jump.

"I don't want to break up!" I yelled, standing taller. "I just want you to leave me alone!" How ridiculous did I sound. Felix stared at me, a glare on his face.

"What the fuck do you mean?" he asked, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"I, um... like a break?" I spit out. "People do that... they go on breaks. No contact, no seeing each other for a while." He continued to stare, his brown eyes cold, a hard look on his face.

"A fucking break?" he asked in a low tone. I nodded, returning a scowl to him. "What did I do to deserve this?" he asked after a moment of silence. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What did you do?" I snapped. "I don't fucking _trust_ you anymore, Felix!" I was astounded he would ask such a thing. He knew what he did... "What don't you understand!?"

"Well then why the hell didn't you bring this shit up back then!?" he yelled back, slamming his hand down on the wall again.

"Because you were a fucking _mess_!" My voice was rising. "I was scared you were gonna fucking kill yourself or something! You wanted me to tell you that when you were already in such a fucked up, fragile state!?" I snarled, putting my hand on his chest to push him back from me. He stood up straight and shook his head.

"It would be better to open the fucking wound farther than to reopen it," he grumbled, averting his eyes from mine. I sighed, not knowing what to say. He was probably right... But I hadn't had that much time to think about how I really felt then. "So, what. All that shit about you being in love with me or whatever was just bullshit?" he snapped.

"Of course not!" I growled, casting him a scowl. I loved him... I loved him so much.. His face was filled with anger and hurt, and I was the reason for it. "I do love you. I was being honest."

"Well then why do you want to be away from me?" he asked, his voice becoming strained.

"Because I'm fucking mad!" I yelled once again. All of my frustrations seemed to be boiling over. "You fucking hurt me!" I turned my head to look away from him, crossing my arms.

"God dammit, you piss me off...," he mumbled, shaking his head. I looked back at him, well aware of the confliction going on in my mind. He looked so good... That was pissing me off, too. Even as we argued, my desires for him were still in the back of my head. We hadn't fucked in over two weeks, so what did I really expect?

"Yeah, same to you," I retorted. He moved close to me once more, but I did not falter back.

"You really want me to leave?" he asked slowly. "To leave you alone, not talk to you, until you say otherwise?" He was looking intently into my eyes, and I could almost feel the unhappiness radiating from them to me. I swallowed and nodded.

"Yes...," I whispered. He let out a deep sigh, watching me for a few moments longer. What if he didn't want to talk to me anymore if we did this? What if it helped me, but only made him more distant? Those thoughts hit me like a train so suddenly, and panic shot through me. What if I lost him _forever_...?

"Okay, then." Felix took a step back, but I grabbed his wrist. I held tightly and yanked him forward so that our bodies were touching. I grabbed onto the hair on the back of his head and kissed him, keeping out lips connected for a few seconds before slipping my tongue into his mouth. To my surprise, he kissed me back with the same intensity that I gave him. I gripped tighter, moving my other hand down to his ass. He pressed me against the wall, his hands moving to my hips. I didn't want to lose him. I wanted him right there with me.

Our lips parted and I moved to his neck, where I began fervently kissing as well. I was surprised when I felt his hands slide down the back of my pants and boxers, but I was more than accepting. I wanted him... I wanted him bad. I slid one of my hands down his body, to his crotch. My stomach twisted as I felt his hard on through his pants. I grinned to myself and went back to kissing his lips. I bit onto his bottom lip roughly, my tongue sliding over his chapped lips. My breath caught in my throat as I felt one of his fingers slip into my ass. I hadn't been expecting that, but it only got me more aroused.

"I'm going to fuck the shit out of you," Felix breathed, fervently kissing my neck after he was done speaking.

"I missed you so much," I whispered, letting my head fall back against the wall. I couldn't stop myself from saying it. It was true... I was so fucking mad at him, but I missed him. "I want you inside of me." I felt his lips curl into a smile against my skin.

"I'm right here," he replied softly. It wasn't long before we made our way to the bed, our clothing strewn about the room. He sat down on the edge, and I in turn straddled him at the hips. I wrapped my arms tightly around him as we had sex. It felt like so long ago we'd been in that position. I closed my eyes and let the blissful feeling take me over as he kissed my collar bones, his nails lightly grazing my back with just enough sting to feel good. It didn't take long before I jizzed onto his stomach, and he in turn came inside me.

We both laid down on my bed, exposed, sweaty, and out of breath. I stared up at my ceiling, thinking about what had just happened and all the emotions that had just taken over me. I turned my head just in time for him to do the same. He smiled at me.  
"I love you, baby." Baby... he hardly ever called me that. I couldn't help but grin.

"I love you, too." I sat up and ran my hands through my sweaty hair. I glanced over to see my cum clumped in his stomach hair, my nose crinkling in disgust. Fucking nasty... I stood up and grabbed an old, dirty shirt. I tossed it to him, and it landed over top of the nasty spot. "Clean yourself up," I laughed as I slipped on my boxers. It was fucking hot in my room. I sat down on the edge of my bed and let out a deep breath. Once he was done wiping himself off, he tossed the shirt to the floor.

I glanced over my shoulder to see he was still laying on his back, his hands folded over his stomach, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey, Fel...," I said softly. His brown eyes darted over to meet mine after I spoke. I hesitated before turning so I was facing him completely and scooting over. I leaned over top of him and kissed him. I moved so that I was straddling him, feeling desperate to get close to him. I pulled back, running my fingers over his chest. "I don't want a break," I breathed. I dug my nails into his skin, moving down to kiss him once more. I let my hands rest on his skin, fully aware that I could feel his heart beating through his chest. "Just... don't ever do that to me again..." He shook his head, his brown eyes burning into mine.

"I won't," he breathed. "I promise, I won't..." He sat up until our mouths met, his hand running up to hold onto the back of my head. I knew, in that moment, that I was so fucking in love with him- I didn't know what I would do without him. He needed me to be there for him, to support him.. and I was determined to try my best to do so.


End file.
